What should I do? Fei Qian quickly pondered in his heart.
In this era where lineage and status are highly valued, once branded with certain labels, it's incredibly difficult to erase them. Think about Lü Bu, whose martial prowess was unmatched, yet he was infamously dubbed the "Three-Surnamed Slave" by Zhang Fei's loud mouth. This nickname stuck with him until his death, and he could never shake it off.
Join Dong Zhuo's army?
After much consideration, Fei Qian realized it wasn't a good choice.
But to outright refuse was also a difficult matter. If the other party took offense, they might not hesitate to execute him on the spot!
Fei Qian clasped his hands in a respectful gesture and said, "I have a question, and I humbly ask for the Chief Secretary's guidance."
"Is it about why I offered you an official position?" Li Ru said. "Twenty years ago, your father did me a great favor. At that time, I promised to repay him someday. Unfortunately, your father passed away, and fate has played a cruel trick."
After hearing Li Ru's explanation, Fei Qian's anxious heart finally settled a bit. Initially, he thought that, according to modern sensibilities, such an unexpected windfall was usually either a scam or a trap. Now, hearing that Li Ru was acting out of gratitude, although he wasn't clear on how his late father had earned this favor, at least there was a reason behind it.
"I thank the Chief Secretary for your kindness. My father taught me from a young age to act with a clear conscience and not to seek rewards. If my father were still alive, he would surely not dare to accept this. Please forgive my audacity, but I must ask the Chief Secretary to rescind the appointment." After saying this, Fei Qian bowed to the ground.
Li Ru remained silent for a moment, then allowed Fei Qian to rise. "If that's the case, so be it. Do you have any wishes? Feel free to speak boldly, otherwise, I will feel uneasy." — You don't have to take the official position, but you must give me a way to repay the favor. I don't want to owe any more debts.
Fei Qian bowed again. "I feel deeply inadequate and only wish to travel and study in Jing and Xiang regions. I have already received permission from my family head." — In any era, those who are willing to learn are generally well-regarded, so this reason should be sufficient.
"Very well," Li Ru nodded. Since Fei Qian didn't want to be an official but only wished to study, he would help in that regard. However, Li Ru didn't specify what kind of help he would provide, instead signaling that the conversation was over and Fei Qian could leave.
Fei Qian understood and bid farewell to Li Ru with a clasped hand. Just as he took two steps out, Li Ru suddenly called him back.
Li Ru wanted to hear Fei Qian's opinion as an outsider about the path ahead. He said, "There are two paths, both filled with thorns and easy to lose one's way. One is initially easy but becomes difficult later, while the other is difficult at first but easier later. If you were to move forward, which would you choose?"
Fei Qian thought for a moment and replied, "The road ahead is long, and the only way is to strive forward. Both paths are the right way." — Clearly a dilemma. Choosing either would be wrong, so he chose neither.
Li Ru nodded calmly and said nothing more, allowing Fei Qian to leave.
Jia Xu emerged from behind the screen at the back of the hall and said, "So this is the son of the family that took you in on that snowy night twenty years ago?"
Li Ru looked up as if lost in memories, grunted in acknowledgment, and after a long while said, "Twenty years ago, on the hundredth day of this child's birth, his father held a feast for the villagers. Seeing my father and me in dire straits..."
Li Ru shook his head, unwilling to continue. Clearly, the memory wasn't a pleasant one.
Jia Xu made a sound of understanding. Seeing Li Ru lost in sad memories, he changed the subject. "Alright, it's just the two of us. No need for formalities. It's exhausting. By the way, you offered him an official position, but he refused. Does he not have faith in us?" When it came to reading people, Jia Xu was second to none. Think about the people Jia Xu had served in history—many had died or been wiped out, but Jia Xu always managed to escape unscathed, thanks to his extraordinary skills.
Fei Qian thought he had hidden his thoughts well, but Jia Xu still noticed some clues.
Li Ru neither confirmed nor denied it. "It's probably half and half. Our lord's humble origins make it normal for people to doubt him. However, I remember his father was a man who thirsted for knowledge. Under his father's influence, Fei Qian's desire to study is likely not entirely an excuse. Nowadays, those who can truly be called learned scholars..."
Li Ru pondered the famous scholars of the time. Although Wang Yun, the Minister of Education, was the top official in charge of education nationwide, he might not be the most learned. The scholarly families like the Xun and Chen families mostly taught their own descendants and rarely shared their knowledge with outsiders. As for the other renowned scholars... Ah, perhaps there was one who, although a bit pedantic, could still be called a gentleman and was exceptionally knowledgeable. Maybe he would be the right person...
Jia Xu, seeing Li Ru deep in thought, said directly, "Most of the prominent figures today are Confucian scholars, but I don't think they're all that impressive. This young man seems quite intelligent. Why not take him as your disciple? Our teachings are no worse than those of the Confucians."
Li Ru shook his head. "I have no mind to take on disciples now. I'll just recommend him to someone and consider the matter settled. By the way, Wenhe, could I ask you for a favor?"
Jia Xu was startled. "What favor do you need?"
"Before coming to Luoyang, I sealed my family's secret teachings in a cellar at home. Now I'm worried they might get damaged by dampness. Could you go back and help me store them properly?"
After hearing Li Ru's request, Jia Xu straightened his expression. "Don't joke around. If they're properly sealed, they won't get damp so easily. Are you trying to send me away... Have you made your decision?"
Li Ru nodded slightly and repeated Fei Qian's earlier words: "The road ahead is long, and the only way is to strive forward. Both paths are the right way. We must do our best, and only then can we defy fate!"
"Then you definitely shouldn't send me away. How could I just stand by and watch such an interesting event unfold?"
"I'm not sending you away. If both of us stay here and fail, who will carry on our legacy? Do you have a better idea? Feel free to share it."
"We could have someone else carry on our teachings, like... like... um..." Jia Xu counted on his fingers but couldn't come up with a name. This was the downside of esoteric knowledge—it didn't have as many followers as mainstream teachings.
"Death is a small matter, but losing our legacy is a great one. Each of us has our role to play. Let's fight against fate!" Li Ru suddenly seemed to shed all his burdens. He patted Jia Xu's shoulder and smiled. "Wenhe, there's no time to waste. You should set off now. I won't see you off. If all goes well, I believe we'll meet again soon."
"...Senior brother, no matter what, you must leave yourself a way out. Remember, your family has too many books. I can't move them all by myself. If I accidentally lose a volume or two, don't blame me. And—don't make me go without meat in the future. Your family's meat is especially delicious. I can't stand the meat from other families..."
"Alright, I get it," Li Ru waved his hand and walked towards the back hall, clearly not planning to see Jia Xu off.
Jia Xu stood silently for a while, then bowed in the direction Li Ru had gone before resolutely turning and leaving.
Behind the window in the back hall, Li Ru also bowed solemnly in Jia Xu's direction, standing straight only after a long while.