My heart was heavy. I felt as if a relentless onslaught of a thousand razor-sharp blades were mercilessly piercing my very heart. I was heartbroken and utterly devastated. The world around me had blurred into a hushed backdrop.
My steps, guided by a sense of lost direction, led me through the familiar streets of the neighborhood with uncertainty weighing upon my every step. I roamed around for hours on end. No destination in mind.
My thoughts spun into chaos as I wandered aimlessly, and before I knew it, I had unwittingly retraced my steps back to the familiar grounds of our school.
It stood in complete darkness, a stark contrast to the vibrant hubbub it had been during the day. The realization that all the students had gone home and the school grounds were deserted didn't deter me; I needed some alone time to confront my overwhelming emotions.
My steps led me inexorably upward, ascending the stairs to the rooftop of the school building. The moment I reached the top, I let out a barely audible sob, as though the weight of my grief could no longer be contained within. Tears flowed freely down my cheeks, their salty tracks leaving behind a testament to my pain.
My legs gradually lost their strength until I could no longer support myself. I sank down onto my knees, collapsing to the ground in a state of emotional exhaustion.
In that moment, memories of Alek replayed in my mind like a haunting film reel. His weary expression, etched with fatigue, haunted me. I could see it in his eyes. It resonated deep within my soul.
The sight of him struggling under the weight of those heavy boxes, his strength waning, left me paralyzed. I longed to extend a helping hand, to share in his load, but my own strength had deserted me, and I teetered on the brink of falling. It was then that Issa and May sensed my vulnerability and held me steady.
Poor Alek.
My poor, lovely brother.
Tears continued to stream down my face, unchecked. The emotional weight of my realization about his struggles bore down on me, making me cry even louder.
Amidst the blur of my teary vision, I heard someone calling my name, and I turned to see who it was. My eyes were still clouded, making it hard to identify the person immediately.
"What are you doing here? Are you okay?" the voice asked.
As my tears continued to fall, they began to clear, revealing that it was Kai standing beside me. I was too overwhelmed to inquire why he was at school at such a late hour or to respond to his questions. I simply continued to cry.
He didn't press for answers; instead, he silently sat down beside me and allowed me to cry my heart out. Kai then handed me a handkerchief to dry my persistent tears.
The night enveloped us in a serene stillness, with the stars overhead shining brilliantly in the clear sky. The chorus of crickets filled the air, their soothing cries providing a backdrop to my emotional release.
Gradually, I noticed that Kai had moved closer, offering his shoulder for comfort. I was lost in my sea of tears and I hadn't noticed when he'd bridged the distance between us. I was grateful for his compassionate gesture and presence.
After several minutes, my sobs finally subsided, leaving me emotionally drained but somewhat relieved. I could sense Kai's gaze upon me, his unspoken questions hanging in the air, waiting for the right moment to be asked. I unexpectedly broke the silence, my voice trembling with residual emotion. "Do you have siblings?"
"No," he replied simply.
Taking a deep breath, I continued, my voice quivering as fresh tears welled up in my eyes. "I only have Alek, and I can't even be a good sister to him." The tears began to stream down my face once more. "He's been working tirelessly, taking on two part-time jobs just to support us."
As I spoke, I noticed Kai's well-intentioned but awkward attempts to comfort me falter.
"Earlier this week," I continued, my voice filled with remorse, "I complained about the moisturizer he got me because it was of a different brand. I'm only now realizing that he chose it because it was cheaper." I cried, sniffling the now-soggy handkerchief. "Do you know what he did? He didn't get angry at me, he instead smiled and promised to get me the bigger one." After a long pause that involved tears and sniffing, I continued. "I found it on my bed last Saturday."
As I concluded my confession, I felt Kai move closer, his actions conveying a depth of empathy that words couldn't express. With a gentle embrace, he enveloped me in his warmth, and my sobs intensified. I cried until there were no tears left to shed.
Later, Kai walked me home, ensuring my safety before returning to his own place.
****
My arrival at school was marked by an unusual silence. I took my seat, folded my arm on the desk, and rested my head upon them. The previous night had been far from ordinary. I returned home much later than usual, and it was there that I encountered Alek, perched on a living room chair, his expression laced with worry. He tried to question me about my whereabouts at such an hour and began scolding me, but I couldn't bear to meet his eyes, so I walked straight to my room.
As I lay on my bed, I sensed him gently covering me with a warm blanket. In hushed tones, he inquired about what was troubling me, asking if I was okay, but I feigned sleep.
This morning marked a first for me—I woke up earlier than Alek. While on my way to school, my thoughts were consumed by him and the burdens he bore silently. Determination surged within me, and I made a silent promise to myself—to find a job and contribute to our expenses.
I had been quietly sitting at my desk for nearly an hour, lost in thought, hardly noticing that Marina was absent from school. Then, out of the blue, Kai approached me, crouching down near my desk.
"You're here early today," he remarked, trying to initiate a conversation. My response was a mere nod. "How are you feeling?"
Instead of addressing his question, I gently reached out to touch the fresh bruise on his forehead. My fingers gently grazed the discolored area, but before I could react, Kai winced and muttered, "Ouch!"
Concerned, I withdrew my hand. "What happened to your forehead?" I asked.
He managed a small, rueful smile and replied, "I bumped into a pole last night. I think I should get myself some glasses; I can't see properly in the dark."
Before I could reply, Zane interjected, inquiring about Marina's absence and whether she was ill. It was then that I lifted my head and cast my gaze towards her vacant seat. "She was complaining of stomach pain yesterday. I think it might have worsened. We should visit her after school," I suggested.
"Yeah, let's do that," Kai agreed.
"I really hope she'll be okay."
"Are you sure that's it?" Daniella, our class president, who had been discreetly eavesdropping on our conversation, chimed in. We used to be very close until middle school, when I discovered her disdain for my favourite actor, Dustin Beaver.
Daniella leaned in, her voice lowered, and she spilled the unsettling details. "She had a distressing encounter in the bathroom with Masha and her friends. I overheard everything that happened while I was in one of the stalls."
Zane's brow furrowed. "Did they bully her again?" he asked, his concern deepening. But before Daniella could respond, I was already storming out of the classroom, anger propelling me towards Masha's class.
The corridors seemed to stretch endlessly, and anger coursed through my veins, fueling my steps. My bad mood from the morning had only served to intensify the fiery emotion, creating a mix that threatened to boil over at any moment.
The mere thought of Marina being subjected to bullying by Masha and her clique ignited a fiery rage within me.
Masha's disdain for Marina was not a sudden development; it had been festering for years. She perceived her as an easy target, someone she could effortlessly manipulate and dominate.
The origins of her hatred could be traced back to the very inception of my friendship with Marina. It was Masha's antagonistic behavior towards her that initially brought Marina and me together. I had stepped in to defend her from Masha's relentless harassment and our shared adversity solidified our bond.
Her animosity toward Marina was multi-faceted. It extended beyond mere rivalry; it was a palpable desire to possess everything Marina had, both material and relational.
I vividly recall how, upon seeing Marina with something new, Masha would pester her guardians to acquire the same item, despite their evident financial limitations.
I had never explicitly disclosed this to my brother, but it was apparent that she had strategically insinuated herself into his life, knowing of Marina's affection for him.
I marched towards Masha's classroom, the furious storm within me showing no signs of abating. Kai and Zane, who had followed me in concern, tried desperately to stop me from what they knew would end terribly. However, my anger was too overwhelming to heed their pleas, and I pushed forward.
On entering the class, I saw Masha engaging in animated chatter and laughter with her friends, oblivious to my presence. My clenched fist was trembling with turbulent energy. Without a moment's hesitation, I unleashed my pent-up fury. I pounded on her shoulder, threw punches, and yanked her hair.
Masha screamed, her surprise quickly turning into retaliation. She threw a few punches of her own and grabbed my shirt. The scuffle between us intensified. Chairs and desks around us became collateral damage in our showdown.
Kai and Zane swiftly sprang into action, pulling us apart with considerable effort. Their combined strength managed to separate the two of us, but not without a few final shouts and threats thrown in each other's direction.
By this point, the entire class was fixated on the spectacle unfolding before their eyes, with whispers and gasps rippling through the room. The tense atmosphere hung heavy.
It wasn't long until Mr. Tantrum arrived. He swiftly assessed the situation and, with a furrowed brow, ordered both Masha and I to be brought to the staffroom.
Once inside the staffroom, my eyes immediately fell upon Alek, who had been delivering class assignments to the geography teacher. His concerned gaze met mine and he seemed to attempt to mouth something to me but I deliberately avoided his gaze. I couldn't bear to face him after what had just transpired.
Mr. Tantrum's furrowed brow made it evident that he wasn't pleased with our disruption.
We were reprimanded by the vice principal for causing such a disruption. After a stern lecture on the importance of maintaining discipline, we were handed a joint punishment—cleaning the gymnasium together for the entire term and being dismissed for the day. It was a consequence we both knew we deserved, but the silent tension between us remained solid.
♡♡♡
I know I am not the luckiest person alive, but I count the day I met Marina, the luckiest I have ever been.
Many people can never truly say that they believe their friends would give up their lives for them. They can never truly grasp the depth of that selfless loyalty until they're faced with a situation that reveals the unwavering bond between them.
I was lucky to find that type of friendship in Marina, and God was kind enough to give it to me as a little girl.
When I had my first period, Marina was there. When my mother passed away, she never left my side. When I was sick, she helped Alek nurse me back to health. When Alek was sick, she helped me take care of him. Our bond extended beyond the superficial; we shared our most profound secrets with each other.
The thought of her getting hurt breaks my heart. She can be very shy, quiet, and reserved. Not around us, though. She once opened up to me about her insecurities. All the things I found beautiful about her, she hated. I wish she knew how beautiful and charming she was and still is.
I just want her to be happy. Is that too much to ask for?
What is luck? Luck is being loved back by the one you love. It is finding purpose in unexpected failures. It's in the awe-inspiring beauty of witnessing a natural phenomenon. Luck is the serendipity of finding that one friend with whom you can conquer the tallest mountains, weather any storm, cross the deepest rivers, and still share unwavering loyalty, dedication, and love.
Luck.