[Page 46]
[Item #: AO-058]
[Object Name: The Dark Heart]
[Object Class: KETER]
"The Dao that can be spoken is not the eternal Dao."
Containment Breach Protocol
Do not engage in philosophical debate
Do not listen for more than 30 consecutive minutes
Do pretend you understand its four-character verses
Anomalous Properties
"The greatest sound seems silent."
The blackened heart of Laozi's divine ox pulses with corrupted dao. Its speech follows three immutable rules:
Always in four-character verses
Never makes logical sense
Invariably sounds profound
Current manifestation: A 200kg spectral husky chewing through reinforced concrete.
Critical Insight
The danger isn't what it says—it's how it says it.
Each recited verse:
Thins local reality (Hume -0.003/line)
Induces compulsive meter-matching
Contains exactly 37% meaningless profundity
Memetic Hazard Note:
Five researchers have spontaneously attained enlightenment while cleaning its containment. Four immediately quit the Foundation to become street poets.
Active Containment Procedures
Feed three haikus daily (5-7-5 syllable structure disrupts its rhythm)
Play audiobook of Tao Te Ching backward during maintenance
Allow 1hr/day "destruction time" (reduces reality erosion by 62%)
Researcher Note
"It claims to be the 'heart of cosmic truth.' Then why does it keep peeing on the dimensional stabilizers?"
Dr. █████
[Containment Status: STABLE]
[Next Haiku Feeding: 23m 17s]
Addendum: The Luoshu Method
When standard protocols failed, Researcher Luoshu:
Recognized the pattern (four-character reality erosion)
Countered with 5-7-5 memetic structure
Tricked it into friendship via:
Forced haiku exchange
Strategic ego-stroking ("Oh wise Dark Heart...")
Offering a chew toy (SCP-5000-J "Indestructible Bone")
Result: AO-058 now wags its tail during inspections.
"The barking gives me headaches, but it's better than existential collapse."
Site Director ██
[O: x2] [Milestones: 1/3 Unlocked]