His eyes darted to Mei Su's face, and his heart slowed.
Her beauty was striking, her features refined, bearing a resemblance to Qing as if carved from the same mold. Her cheeks were like polished jade, her delicate nose and arched brows evoking the charm of southern rivers. Her eyes held a mature grace, blending virtue with regal authority, unforgettable.
What shocked Elder Mu most was her ageless beauty. Despite being the mother of eighteen-year-old Qing and sixteen-year-old Li, Mei Su's face bore no wrinkles, her skin as smooth as a young girl's. Without her commanding presence, one might mistake her for a maiden.
Standing beside Qing, they seemed more like sisters than mother and daughter.
"Hm?"
Sensing Elder Mu's glance, Mei Su turned slightly, her phoenix-like eyes meeting his.
Her gaze felt like a thousand-pound weight, pressing down until he could barely breathe. Panicked, he lowered his head, not daring to look again.
"Why would Qing specifically request such an old, ugly eunuch?" Mei Su wondered.
And... was it her imagination, or was there something off about his gaze? Beyond fear, there seemed to be a raw desire.
A blatant, lustful craving, as if he longed to ravish her.
It reminded her of the emperor's gaze in their younger days, during their intimate moments...
No, what am I thinking?
There are no other men in the palace besides His Majesty!
Yet the eunuch's look unsettled her. Why had Qing insisted on this particular one? Was it mere kindness?
As the mistress of the palace, Mei Su oversaw all personnel matters. She knew Qing had declined the maids and eunuchs she and the emperor had arranged, instead choosing an aging eunuch from Yong Row, long past the age to leave the palace. Mei Su had noted it.
She shook her head inwardly.
Her daughter was a cultivator; she must have her reasons.
"Mother."
Snapping back, Qing turned and offered a slight bow, her voice soft.
"If you had business, you could have sent someone. Why brave the snow to climb the mountain?"
"I'm not so old that I can't walk a few steps," Mei Su replied with a smile, her eyes warm. She tugged at Qing's sleeve, chiding gently, "But you, dressed so lightly in this cold..."
"I hear you, Mother," Qing said, lowering her head. As a cultivator, immune to heat or cold, even the iciest northern plains couldn't touch her. But this was her mother's care, and she couldn't brush it off.
"You and your sister never let me rest easy," Mei Su sighed, dropping the matter. She wasn't ignorant of her daughter's abilities. Pulling Qing to a pavilion, they sat.
The maids and eunuchs swiftly covered the stone benches and table with cotton cloths, setting out pastries, fruits, and tea. Charcoal braziers warmed the chilly pavilion, creating a cozy space for Mei Su and Qing to chat.
Elder Mu, unsure of his place, shuffled in and stood awkwardly to the side.
"Lately, your sister's been impossible," Mei Su said, sighing about Li. "Always running around the palace or locking herself away, doing who-knows-what..."
It was more than that.
Li kept sneaking out of the palace with Mei Su's pass...
To find Feng.
The thought stirred unease in Qing.
"Li, she..." Qing began, then paused.
"Ahem!"
Rui, Mei Su's trusted maid of twenty years, coughed lightly, giving Qing a pointed look.
"She's probably just in a bad mood," Qing finished, understanding dawning.
No wonder Li could slip out so often. Rui, who managed palace affairs, knew but turned a blind eye, likely won over by Li's charm.
Like Lord Tai, Rui was privy to many palace secrets but kept them buried. If Li's outings were exposed by a servant, it was one thing, perhaps a few months' confinement. But if the emperor grew suspicious or Li held a grudge, whispering against someone like Lord Tai, they'd face ruin.
Rui faced the same risk. If the guards caught Li, it was their fault. But if the palace staff or Mei Su reported it, the fallout would be severe.
"Is that so?" Mei Su replied, unaware her darling daughter was sneaking out. Like the emperor, she couldn't imagine it. She chatted with Qing a bit more, then leaned in conspiratorially. "Qing, guess who's in the palace today?"
Feng.
Qing knew instantly, her cultivation letting her sense his unique aura the moment he entered. But she played along. "Who?"
"Feng!" Mei Su said, smiling.
Back at Prince Ren's mansion, Mei Su had tested Feng. He was tied to her daughter, after all.
He wasn't perfect, brash, a bit reckless, but his kindness shone through. His flaws were many, but Mei Su was content. She didn't need him to be brilliant or dashing, only sincere in his care for Qing.
And Feng had shown that sincerity, his feelings for Qing genuine.
That was enough. Perfection was fragile, like a bubble bursting at a touch. Flaws made love real, something both could see and accept, building a life together.
Born to royalty, Mei Su knew her daughters' lives weren't their own, not even their marriages. She wanted them to choose love, not be bound to political matches devoid of affection.
That path was too painful.
She hoped they'd avoid her own mistakes. Her love with the emperor, once sweet, now left only sorrow and loneliness.
At least, she wished for Qing and Li to find true love.
"He'll come see you later," Mei Su said softly.
"Is that so?" Qing replied, lowering her head.
To Mei Su, it was shyness.
But Qing's downcast eyes hid confusion and doubt, her focus wavering.
"Brother Feng..."
"Big Brother Feng..."
"Feng and I... we've done everything..."
"So you're really going to fight me for him?"
Those voices echoed in Qing's mind, her thoughts a tangled mess.
"Alright, once he's done speaking with your father, he'll likely come to you."
I hope you both find happiness... It's all I have left to wish for.
Qing, I hope you and Feng have a good ending.
Mei Su, unaware of Qing's inner turmoil, patted her daughter's hand, thinking only of her hopes.
Of course, if she knew both her daughters cared for Feng, and that his life was tangled with multiple romantic entanglements, she might not be so kind to him.
Elder Mu, standing quietly, heard every word. The man's name was Feng.
Feng, Feng, Feng...
His heart roared with envy, wishing he could take Feng's place, yet powerless to do so.
He glanced at his hands, yellowed nails, skeletal fingers, skin blotched with age spots, his arm a withered husk, like a dying branch.
And Feng?
How remarkable must he be, to earn Mei Su's approval, to capture Qing's heart?
How young, how dashing, his eyes bright with confidence, his strength unmatched, able to stand beside Qing, discussing philosophy, watching the world's tides together.
Like divine lovers, free and unfettered, observing life's ebb and flow, perhaps even ascending together, seeking the Dao as partners.
And as cultivators, their lives would span centuries of such bliss...
No! No!
The thought tore at Elder Mu's heart. If that came to pass, it would be worse than death.
As Mei Su and Qing talked, Mei Su eventually rose. "It's getting late. He'll come soon, so I won't disturb you. Prepare yourself."
"Alright," Qing said, standing to see her off.
"No need," Mei Su teased. "I'm not so old I need escorting." She turned to leave.
But before going, she cast another glance at Elder Mu, perhaps unintentional, perhaps deliberate.
Elder Mu was neither tall nor imposing. Age, hunger, and illness had bent him further, making him seem even smaller. Barely over five feet, he was shorter than even Li, the smallest of the three women. His frame was frail, his thick clothes unable to hide his skeletal form. Though he'd gained some weight under Qing's care, he still looked like a man half in the grave.
His face, though once decently proportioned, was now a map of wrinkles and blemishes, his sparse hair adding to his decay. He seemed on the verge of collapse, repulsive to behold.
His eyes darted nervously, carrying the submissive air of one long oppressed, like a creature cowering in the dirt.
Could such a man truly harbor that kind of gaze?
It must be my imagination, Mei Su thought, mocking herself.
Oh, Su, are you so desperate for a man?
Since her bond with the emperor frayed, their intimacy had dwindled to nearly nothing, especially during the recent power struggles. Even after Prince Ren's triumph and ascension, Mei Su had hoped for a return to their past.
But it was self-deception.
They say thirty is a wolf, forty a tiger.
I'm at that wolfish age, she thought, a wry smile crossing her face, hidden from her daughter.
Still, the charade of a loving marriage had to continue, for her daughters, for the empire.
Look how devoted the emperor and empress are! A model for all!
Hah... laughable.
Mei Su left, carrying hopes for her daughter and a quiet grief for herself.
Her entourage of maids and eunuchs followed, leaving the platform empty once more, save for Qing and Elder Mu.
The air grew heavy with silence, thicker than before.
Elder Mu kept his head down, his eyes flickering with jealousy and resentment.
Qing, lost in thought, grappled with her chaotic heart. Could she and Feng truly find happiness, as her mother hoped?
But she had made a vow.
Was she regretting it? She didn't know.
Yet she wanted to see Feng.
To ask him, and herself.
If... if there was a chance...
Would you want it?
Qing didn't know, but she yearned to find out.
"Let's go," she said at last, standing and turning to leave.
"Princess..." Elder Mu ventured hesitantly, as if summoning courage.
"Yes?" Her cool voice rang out.
His newfound bravery deflated, like a wilting plant. "N-nothing," he mumbled.
Qing walked ahead, her steps light. A breeze carried her faint fragrance to Elder Mu, but unlike before, when it would have driven him wild, he followed dejectedly, head bowed.
"Could you... not see him?"
The words stuck in his throat, unsaid.
A toad in the mud, yearning for a swan soaring in the heavens.
A foolish dream, fit only for laughter.