The next couple of days were rough for Zesai and Amara. Neither knew how to bring up that night on the couch. Both were mortified, but there was more to it, something electric buzzing in the air, a tension they couldn't pin down.
Finally, over dinner, Amara cracked the silence. She knew their quick chat the other morning had dodged the real mess. Truth was, she'd let her son watch a porno with her and worse, she'd masturbate right next to him.
"Zesai, can we talk about the other night?" she asked, poking at her food.
"I thought we already talked about that, Mom," Zesai muttered, eyes glued to his plate, dreading where this was headed. He was terrified she'd caught him spying while she rubbed herself out on the sofa.
"We're both adults now, so I think we can discuss this like adults. I should've stopped the video the second it started. It wasn't right for us to watch that. It was someone else's personal stuff."
Zesai looked up and sighed. "Mom, I thought you said we could discuss the other night like adults?"
"We are!"
"No, we're not. Listen, Mom, I was embarrassed as much as you about what happened. But let's be honest, I enjoyed watching the movie, and so did you. That's the adult way to talk about this," Zesai said, watching her cheeks flare red. "Mom, you're an attractive woman, and I'm not too young to get that you still have needs and desires. I also know your boyfriends lately have been a bunch of jerks. I'm sorry about that. And me? I'm a kid with raging hormones," he added with a grin, then stood, walked around the table, and knelt beside her. He looked up and saw tears pooling in her eyes.
"God, I've been a terrible mother," Amara sobbed.
"You have not," Zesai said, grabbing her hand. "You're a wonderful mother, and I love you." Then, quieter, almost to himself, he muttered, "More than you can know. I'd like to be friends with you, Mom, and that means being honest. Mom… uh… this is hard to say, but… God… you're the most desirable woman on earth to me. I have a confession to make." He took a deep breath. "Mom, I've been peeking in on you for years. I've also been stealing your panties. There, I've said it," he exhaled, like a weight had crashed off his chest.
Amara stared at him, seeing tears well up in his eyes. "I know, Zesai. I found the panties, and of course I've seen you peeping at me. But it's not right, you know. You're my son. Still, I'm not sure you're that unusual. I think lots of boys have a crush on their mothers."
"It's more than a crush, Mom. I… I… I love you."
"Zesai, I think you just need to date some nice girls and have some fun," Amara said, thrown by his words but trying to keep cool.
"I've tried that, but girls my age seem so silly and…" He paused, deciding not to mention his breakup. "And they're not you."
"Alright, Zesai, I admit I've had feelings for you that… that a mother shouldn't have for her son. But we have to control them. It's not right. We've got to live close together in this house for a few more months until you head to college. Promise me you'll try to control yourself."
Zesai's heart leapt. She'd admitted it. There was something more there. He was sharp enough not to push. "I know we have to control it, Mom, and I promise I'll try," he said, smiling now. "I'll stop peeping on you."
Amara cracked a smile too. "And what about my panties?"
"Ah, come on, Mom, I can't," Zesai said with a playful, little-boy grin, his blue eyes twinkling.
"Well, I guess I'm gonna have to go buy some more, I'm running short," Amara chuckled, her laugh shaky but relieved they'd laid it all out.
"Mom, there's something else," Zesai said.
Amara tilted her head, a question creasing her brow.
"I, uh… I peeped on you and Tony the other night. I saw you having sex in the foyer," Zesai lied, testing her reaction.
"Oh my God," she gasped, clearly rattled.
"It's okay, Mom. I told you I know you're still a young woman with needs. But I'm glad you dropped that jerk," Zesai said.
Amara's head spun. She went quiet for a long stretch. "Alright, Zesai, since we're being honest, I didn't take the movie back right away. I watched it again," she admitted, her face burning red.
Zesai almost blurted that he knew, he'd seen her. But he figured too much truth might blow it, so he zipped it.
"I guess we're even, huh?"
"Even," Amara said, leaning down to hug him, still flustered about what he'd supposedly seen in the foyer.