When I arrive at the address, it's... a gym?
The building is rectangular with a glass exterior and wooden panels surrounding the frame. As though an ad, a group of runner jog past me, sweating as though they were on their 10th mile.
The glass doors slide open with a pleasant chime as I make my way inside.
I'm not obese by any means, a very average build, working out 5 times a month. But it's hard not to feel inferior around these people; their bodies are chiseled like Greek heroes, and they hold themselves as though they are CEOs of Fortune 500 companies.
My jaw dropped flabbergasting, is interrupted by a hyper voice. "Hello there, sir! Are you looking to sign up for a membership?"
Shaking my attention back to reality, I turn. "Uh... No, sorry, I was just looking for someone."
"Oh? A trainer?"
"I am not sure. Is there a Moxie Maine that works here?"
The woman's eyes widen with excitement. "You know Moxie?"
"I mean, not re-"
"I'll go get her!"
"There's no ne-
I didn't think this through, it's about to be awkward.
"Is this your boyfriend? Oooh, here I was thinking you were just a manipulative girl boss, turns out you do have a heart somewhere behind those boobs."
Standing before me is a woman with short blue hair that is spiky and has a cute X-shaped hairpin on either side. My eyes fail to avert from the mole on her chest as her large breasts overflow the tight purple sports bra.
With her hands on her hips, she stands before me. "Who is this guy?"
"? He said he was looking for you. Do you not know him?"
My voice fails me. "Uh... I- you-"
They both just stand there raising their eyebrow.
"Why don't you give him a tour?"
Her eyes widen, followed by a smirk. "Yes, that's a great idea, Julia."
She approaches me with a smile. Despite her attempts to hide it, I can tell it's a fake smile, the type a snake would have.
Giving me a close-eyed grin, she tilts her head. "You seem to know my name, so it would only be fair to know yours."
She isn't concerned about the fact that a stranger knows her name? "...my name is Graves."
"Well, nice to meet you, Graves. I can tell you're new to exercise, so why don't I give you a tour?"
Damn, that wasn't a nice jab at my ego.
"Well, I don't re-"
"Cmon, you look like the motivated type, don't you want to show off to all your friends and all the ladies?"
Grabbing my wrist, she leads me towards the treadmills.
I am amazed that cardio hasn't been added to the Geneva Convention, nor the fact that some people actually enjoy doing this shit.
Panting for air, I grasp onto the side bars.
Without even huffing, she's running backwards with a smile, her breasts bouncing like two milk-filled water balloons. "You're doing great!"
But in too busy trying not to pass out to fully enjoy it.
"Once you get your second wind, you'll be out running me."
After 10 minutes of hell, "Now that you've gotten a taste of cardio, let's move onto something a little more challenging."
What could possibly be tougher than that?
Standing in front of the mirror, she grabs a kettlebell.
"Alright, squats can be a little difficult for some people, so I'll go first, pay attention so you can see what you're supposed to do."
Flapping my hoodie, I regret not changing into actual gym clothes caus-
"1...2..."
Like a Looney Tunes character, my eyes feel like they're popping out of their sockets as she does a squat.
The mesh of her blue leggings is screaming out as they threaten to tear. With each squat, the outline of her underwear violently pressed against the elastic fiber.
She turns, raising her eyebrow. "Is something wrong, Graves?"
"Ass- I would like to ask you a question."
"Yes?"
Can you sit on my face? "Can we skip this one?"
"Oh, well, if you don't feel comfortable." Returning the kettlebell, she resumes her cheery act. "Why don't you try the bench press? I can spot you."
The bench press has to be the scariest workout, you are literally pushing hundreds of pounds upwards to prevent it from crushing your chest.
Getting onto the bench, I position myself under the bar.
She places 45 pounds on each side. "We'll start easy."
"135 pounds, easy...right."
Lifting the bar up, my triceps strain, yet I am able to at least hold the bar up.
Lowering it, she cheers me on as though a consolation prize.
"That's one, let's see another one!"
After 7 more, I can feel my arms start to tremble, straining to lift the bar to the latch. I hold my breath.
Looking up at my spotter, her breasts cover her vision of me.
I can't lift the bar, and now my blood is traveling downward when I need it most. I need to look somewhere else.
Looking directly behind me, her cameltoe is practically in my face.
Oh shit... I can feel the blood traveling down to my dick!
Where do you think you're going, blood?!
I need you in my arms!
I fear looking downwards, I know I'm rock hard, and there's nothing I can do about it, everyone can see and there's nothing I can do about it till I lift this stupid bar!
They say adrenaline allows for superhuman strength, well, I think my fear of becoming an exhibitionist let me push the bar.
Gasping for air, I lunge up, attempting to cover my crotch as discreetly as possible.
Looking at Moxie, she gives me a friendly smile.
But I know for a fact she saw.
"Nice job!"
(;_;) I wanna go home.
My wish is granted as she walks me over to the reception desk.
"You did a great job today, Graves, so what do you say? Want to become a member?"
"Well..."
Bending over, she squeezes her hands between her large thighs. Tilting her head, she winks. "You know, I like strong guys, and I'm starting to see your muscles take shape..."
While most guys would be flustered and jump at the chance to sell their soul for a moment of this woman's attention, I worked sales for 5 years of my life, and we con artists can easily recognize one another.
"The thing is... I already have a gym at my apartment."
Her seductive smile drops, and her eyes flatten.
She momentarily doesn't say anything, I can hear her click her tongue under her breath.
Her voice has gone monotone, losing any of that playful tone it had previously. "Then why are you still here?"
"Curiosity."
"Curiosity?" Her annoyance is almost palpable.
She begins to turn away.
"I appreciate your help-" Wait, this could be an opportunity... "Moxie, you said that you were looking for an apartment, right?"
"... yes?" Her voice now sharp.
I'll beat her at her own game. "What area do you live in now?"
"... I live over on the north side."
"North side, so that must be quite the hike to get here."
"Yes, it does take me 40 minutes to get to work."
"Well, today seems to be your lucky day. I own a few rooms in the Garden of Eden. I could give you a discount, and it's only a 5-minute walk here."
Her eyes widen. "Really?!" She coughs. "I mean, that's very kind of you, but I must ask why you'd do that for me."
"Well, the moment I walked in, you were so kind to me, even sacrificing your precious time teaching me. If I'm being honest, the thought of someone as pretty as you being forced to live so far away feels unjust. It's not always about the money, and the other people on the floor would be blessed to have such a kind neighbor."
She pauses, looking down.
"Well, when I visited, they were a little out of my price range-"
"Would a 40% discount suffice as an incentive?"
Her eyes widen. "4...0...%?"
This is a shitty deal on my end, but its either unoccupied or making me a bit of side money.
She hesitates, moving unnecessarily close as she has her hands on my chest. "As generous as that is, and I know it's very selfish of a girl like me, but this month has been a little rough... do you think you could give me a... 50% discount?"
Her breasts press against me as her blue eyes glisten with desperate hope.
Nice try, but when it comes to business my brain trumps my dick. "I'm sorry, as kind as you are, I still have to make a profit; the highest I can go is a 45% discount."
She hesitates.
With a sigh, I begin to walk away. "But, I totally understand if that's too expensive, there was another person who was willing to giv-"
"Wait!"
I slowly turn. "Yes?"
"47%?"
With an expression of pity, I continue my initial trek out.
"OK! OK! 45%!"
Turning back towards her, I give her a close-eyed smile, reaching my hand out. "It seems your intelligence matches your beauty."
She matches my smile with an equally deceptive one.
"And it seems you aren't just a handsome face."