(A/N: If you read this, then you're not dreaming. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm writing another Douluo Dalu Fanfic!)
(Let's see how far I can get this story going!)
"You're in for a treat" -Nine_Clouds
--- Chapter 1 ---
I have been floating in the void for years now.
Honestly, the feeling of getting yourself hit by a speeding truck isn't very nice. But hey? Thanks to Truck-kun, I somehow ended up in this god-forsaken realm of existence, waiting to be reborn.
EVERY WEEBS' DREAM, except being hit by a truck part.
I mean, come on, this is your typical Isekai Trope!
Anyway, back to me.
My name is Kevin Sanjaya.
I was a freshman at my local university on good old Earth, though I'll keep its name private for personal reasons. I was about to reach the peak of my life. I'm not narcissistic or anything, but I have everything I need to live well until I'm ninety.
I have a comfortable home in a suburb, a few good plots of land, and a business I inherited from my late parents, which I can rent out for farming and shits. I also have health insurance that can last for decades, along with a "massive" dowry prepared for my future wife.
Heh, future wife.
I thought I would meet a nice girl who was not too beautiful, emotional, or silly.
Yes, a "life" partner who could accompany me in my single life.
But nope!
One step into the zebra cross, and a white-red truck slammed into my handsome face.
God, you're doing me dirty.
I demand full compensation!
WHERE IS MY CHEAT, DAMN IT!
AND WHEN I'M GOING TO GET REINCARNATED?
Come on, at least give me a better life this time.
Well, it's not like my previous life was horrible.
If I had a word to describe my life, it was uneventful.
Of course, I'm grateful for my Mom and Pop.
They are giving me a good life.
Thank you, Mom and Pop!
Sigh, I don't know how to feel about this situation of mine. I have asked this question countless times.
I started becoming delusional, imagining myself in another world of wonder.
Living in anime, comics, novels, dramas, and shows would be fantastic.
I watched and read quite a lot of them.
Some worlds aren't friendly, so I hope I don't get reincarnated there.
Beserk? Nah, fam, I'm good.
Warhammer? I don't feel like dying a second time.
Naruto? It's good, if not for Boruto, that little-!
MCU is also not bad, though some "cheat-like" powers are needed.
As for novels, I have been reading brain rot cultivation novels before getting sent to the void.
I don't know why these novels have a "weird" charm. They are full of nonsense, moral-questioning plots, jokes, and face-slapping.
A lot of face-slapping.
Oh, you want to fight this young master over this woman? How dare a frog want to swan's meat?
Die!
Refuse a toast only to be forced to drink a forfeit.
Die!
This young master is the holy son of shit-holy land! My background is better than yours, bow and lick my ass every time you meet me.
Or else, Die!
Cough, cough!
I got too invested in these "trashy" characters for a moment.
Of course, I also knew not all protagonists are better people than these "young master" characters.
Perhaps the most controversial and memorable one is Tang San from the Douluo Dalu series.
At first, I didn't have a problem with this guy because I read the story from his "righteous" perspective.
Then, the sequel and other series appeared.
As the Douluo Dalu series continued, I became somewhat doubtful about Tang San's characters and decisions.
He killed the only organization that was benevolent enough to serve the "common" people. At least, make a new one to improve the living conditions there.
You're the supreme god at the time. No one could fight you over it.
Then, he destroyed the only prison of evils, allowing evil cultivators to roam freely and grow rapidly until the sequel.
In the sequel, this man also sacrificed his daughter, literally splitting her into three before shoving one piece into a beast.
Are you sure she's your daughter and not your nemesis?
He also tortured his son-in-law for no reason.
Do you call that character building? Nah, that's more like taming a puppy to me.
Yes, you heard that, right?
I WANT JUSTICE FOR HUO YUHAO!
Then, this man also threatened a woman and her child.
And many other things.
In the third book, this man is playing around with cosmic entities, allowing an alien invasion to happen on his own turf while his father (planet) and mother (planet's core) watch things go to shit.
Huff! Huff!
I felt angry now.
Why did I even start ranting about Tang San?
It's not like I'm going to Douluo Dalu, right?
Suddenly, I felt a tug in my chest.
My face froze, though I don't know if I had a face or not now.
The surrounding darkness brightened as a violent black and golden light entered my vision.
"Brother Hao, take care of Tang San for me." A resolute yet loving voice brushed my ears.
"NO, AH YIN!" A man roared in pain.
"Damn it!" Someone cursed in disbelief. "The 100,000-year-old Beast is sacrificing herself to Tang Hao!"
I was dumbfounded.
Even though my senses are blurry, I can still understand some of the words spoken by these people.
Ah Yin.
100,000-year-old Beast.
Tang Hao.
Damn! I really got reincarnated to Douluo Dalu!
I was excited, and some memory fragments entered my head. It was a faint memory of me during Ah Yin's pregnancy, making me feel her warm care.
As for Tang Hao, this guy is as dense as a rock!
Why did you slap your unborn child?
What if there are complications?
Calm down, calm down.
Although Tang Hao is not the best man, he's still my father in this second life.
Be good, New Dad. I will make your life better when I grow up.
After my new mother's painful sacrifice, I saw Tang Hao with nine halos behind him. The last halo, gleaming with crimson light, made me sad.
Then, I focused my attention on Tang Hao. He looked like a god of war, wielding the Clear Sky Hammer as he fought the Pope of Spirit Hall, Qian Xunji.
"You will pay for that, QIAN XUNJI!"
"GREAT SUMERU HAMMER!" After exploding six of his spirit rings, Tang Hao swung his Clear Sky Hammer at the angel-like Qian Xunji, sending him flying with tremendous power and explosion.
I felt my body shake violently, and pain riddled my mind.
I cried loudly.
A bloody, crimson light entered my vision, wrapping around Tang Hao and making him look menacing.
'This is... Asura God, right?' My thoughts got cut short. I lost sensation in my newborn's body.
My "invisible" soul seemed to float out of my body.
Tang Hao's eyes filled with madness as he exploded another spirit ring and attacked Qian Xunji again.
I was shocked.
What happened to me?
Why did my soul go out of my body?
"DIE, YOU DAMNED SPIRIT HALL!" Tang Hao roared in madness.
"Protect the Pope!" A few figures appeared on Tang Hao's path. They underestimated the power behind this attack and turned into corpses after taking Clear Sky Hammer straight ahead.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!
I was speechless.
Tang Hao, you dumb fuck!
Why don't you run?!
No, Tang Hao was influenced by someone.
I looked up and saw a crimson sword shining dimly.
The crimson sword gave me an "eerie" vibe, and under my gaze, it sent an "unknown soul" into my soulless body.
This "unknown soul" looks familiar.
Wait, it's TANG SAN!
D-Did someone just steal my body?
My eyes widened in shock, anger, and incredulity.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOOO!!
MY NEW BODY?
MY NEW LIFE!
HOW DARE YOU!
My vision went black, but I was still able to utter my last words.
FUCK YOU, ASURA!