Money is really a great thing. With money, you can get a lot.
For example, sleeping with the school beauty. Before, I only dared to think about it in my dreams, but now it's actually happening.
My name is Chen Feng, and I'm a corpse carrier. This job is inauspicious and strange. They even check if you have a strong enough constitution when recruiting, but the pay is really high.
I've only been doing this job for two years, and I've already bought a car and a house in the provincial capital. I finally have the confidence to attend the class reunions that I never used to go to.
Attending a class reunion always means showing off a bit, which makes a bunch of old classmates envious and jealous.
Of course, I didn't say I'm a corpse carrier. That's too embarrassing. I just vaguely said I work in a public institution in the provincial capital.
This isn't really telling a lie. The funeral parlor is indeed a public institution, it's just that we corpse carriers are non - staff members.
When the reunion was over, the school beauty looked at me affectionately and asked me to send her home. Halfway there, she said she had a terrible headache and wanted to find a hotel to rest.
The hint was so obvious. If I still didn't get it, I might as well just bang my head against a wall (equivalent to finding a block of tofu and smashing my head against it in Chinese slang).
Naturally, we then checked into a hotel and had a wild night together.
I thought this was just a game that adults understand. After a night of passion, we'd go our separate ways at dawn. But unexpectedly, I got into trouble.
After the night together, Jiang Lixin actually said she wanted to marry me.
You've got to be kidding me!
Just because we had a one - night stand at the class reunion after drinking, and now she wants to get married? How can it be so rash?
I seriously suspect that Jiang Lixin is pregnant with someone else's child and wants to make me the fall - guy.
But Jiang Lixin said she had liked me since high school and she was serious. If I didn't believe her, she could go for a pre - marriage check to prove her innocence.
Hearing her say that, I was a bit unsure. We did have a little thing for each other in high school, but we were too shy to confess.
She also said she would take my birth date and time to a fortune - teller to set the wedding date.
When she mentioned the birth date and time, I suddenly got a shock.
Because my grandfather specifically told me that my fate is special and I must never give my birth date and time to anyone.
If I really can't avoid it, I can use my cousin's birth date and time, so that others won't suspect.
Jiang Lixin was in a hurry. Afraid that she would really cause a scene, I had to write down my cousin's birth date and time and give it to her.
Jiang Lixin put the note in her bag and immediately turned from angry to happy. She hugged me tightly and kissed me passionately to shut me up.
We went crazy until after two o'clock in the morning. Completely exhausted, we finally fell asleep.
When I woke up again, it was already after ten o'clock in the morning. Jiang Lixin left a note saying she went home to discuss the marriage with her family.
Discuss my foot! No normal person would agree to this. I didn't really take it to heart.
I wanted to get up and take a shower, but I felt like I had done heavy physical work for several days. I was sore all over, my steps were wobbly, and I almost couldn't stand up.
No wonder they say lust is a bone - scraping knife. I really felt it this time.
The 'field' wasn't 'plowed' well, and she left early. I, this poor 'ox', still felt half - dead tired after sleeping for so long. I really don't know who got the better of the deal.
I dragged myself to drive back to my place in the provincial capital. After entering the house, I fell into bed and went to sleep.
At around six o'clock in the evening, I was woken up by the ringing of my phone.
"Chen Zi, why aren't you here yet? If you don't come, you'll lose this month's bonus."
I jolted up from the bed: "I'll be right there."
I rushed to the funeral parlor in a hurry. Huang Po, who was waiting at the office door, saw me and asked, "How many times did you hook up with Jiang Lixin last night, you kid? I called you a dozen times in a row just now before you woke up. Why weren't you fucked to death, you brat?"
"Holy shit! How the hell did you know?"
"Did you really get together with her? The boys' group in our class has gone crazy. You're showing off big time this time. You even got Jiang Lixin in your grasp."
"Did you spill the beans about me?" I was a bit worried. I came to the funeral parlor to work as a corpse carrier because Huang Po introduced me. If he told others, I'd make a complete fool of myself by showing off.
"Why would I spill the beans on you? We're in this together, like two people on the same sinking ship. I'm not stupid. Come on, let's go to work first. Tell me all about it later." Huang Po said with a lecherous smile.
"Tell you what?"
"What else? How you two got together and had a good time, whether it was good or not. Just tell me everything."
"Get the hell outta here!"
Huang Po was my deskmate in high school. This guy dropped out in his sophomore year and we lost touch for a while.
Two years ago, we unexpectedly met in a small noodle shop. When he learned that I was still unemployed, he introduced me to work as a corpse carrier at the funeral parlor.
I really had no other options at that time. I just thought I'd do it for a while, save some money, and then change to a more decent job.
As it turned out, the so - called 'it tastes so good' law (referring to the situation where one initially resists something but later becomes fond of it) applied. The salary of a corpse carrier was so high that after doing this job, I couldn't look at those jobs with a monthly salary of just a few thousand yuan. I've been doing this for over two years.
It seems that when you're lucky in love, you'll be unlucky at work. Just as Huang Po and I changed into our work uniforms, we received an outside - duty assignment from the traffic police team.
Hearing it was an outside - duty assignment from the traffic police team, Huang Po and I glanced at each other, both looking depressed.
Ordinary people don't know how tough the outside - duty assignments from the traffic police team are, but we corpse carriers know all too well.
Although we're called corpse carriers, in most cases, we don't really need to carry the corpses on our backs.
For example, when transporting corpses from the hospital, we use stretcher beds. At most, we just need to help lift the body onto the stretcher.
But there are always exceptions. Apart from the bodies of those who died of natural causes, there are also those in a horrible state.
It's okay if it's from the criminal police team. If the forensic doctor isn't too busy, they'll sew up the body a bit just for show, so the body is at least intact.
However, most of the bodies of those who died in car accidents are more troublesome. It's quite normal for some parts to fall off.
If you come across a body that's been squeezed flat like a biscuit by a large vehicle, it's not just about collecting the body. It's completely like cleaning up minced meat. That's the most troublesome and disgusting situation.
In such cases, the funeral parlor will give a little extra money as a consolation, but no one wants to come across such a body just for that little bit of money.
When assigned such a task, we can only admit our bad luck. After all, who wants to lose such a well - paid job?
Since it's a task from the traffic police team, it must be someone who died in a car accident. Even if the situation is a bit better, the body will still be covered in blood and have a broken head.
If we come across a body that's been squeezed flat with the car, we'll have a long and hard night.
"Chen Zi, did you stick your head under Jiang Lixin's skirt last night? Otherwise, why would you be so unlucky?"
In our area, there's a saying that if a man has a woman's skirt over his head, he'll have bad luck. And if he runs into a woman during her period, he'll be extremely unlucky.
I was instantly stunned. Last night, I was really wild with Jiang Lixin. We tried all sorts of things, and I even put my head between her legs.
Huang Po looked helpless. "Get in the car, get in the car. Let me tell you, you have to treat everyone to a meal after work today."
Knowing I was in the wrong, I could only agree.
We drove off in the hearse from the funeral parlor. Half an hour later, we arrived at the compound of the suburban traffic police team where accident vehicles were stored.
Seeing us, the duty officer at the gate said directly, "Hurry up. The huge car accident the day before yesterday. The victims were crushed into patties and fell off the cliff. They were just brought back last night. You guys should handle them quickly. They'll start to stink if you don't."
Huang Po immediately turned to me. "Two meals."
"Two meals it is. Don't mention this again."
Dealing with corpses that were crushed into patties and had been rotting for two days in summer was simply a hellish task.
Huang Po was convinced that it was because I had put my head between a woman's legs that I had broken the rules, and I was really helpless.
The car pulled up at the destination. As soon as I got out, I smelled the peculiar stench of dead bodies, which made me want to vomit.
"Damn it, we're in for a tough night."
Right after I said that, a shrill cry came from the abandoned cars.