In the Heart of Marco
I gently stretch my arms, feeling as if time slows down around me. With a slight yawn that barely escapes my lips, I begin my walk, absorbed in every detail of the path unfolding before me while I gaze at the imposing structure of the sanctuary.
I stand before a tomb of enormous dimensions, a dwelling too large to house someone as tiny as Echidna. A playful giggle escapes my lips as I recognize the wickedness of my thoughts.
Echidna, in her essence, is as small and vulnerable as her abode.
However, I am overwhelmed by a subtle feeling of compassion for her, as if her fragility resonates with mine in some way. But I quickly brush those thoughts aside, aware that I shouldn't be so harsh with someone who is simply being themselves.
"Yes, just as she is, it's fine. It's Echidna after all." I squint my eyes, hoping she heard me.
Marco's parents, on the other hand, leave a different impression on me. Their love and union are palpable, and I feel a sudden longing to know them more, to discover the stories and experiences that have led them to become a couple.
'It's a shame, but I suppose Marco knows.'
Each step I take seems to strengthen my determination, and the air imbued with mana fills me with revitalizing energy. I feel as if the spirits themselves are guiding me on my path, encouraging me to move forward.
As I leave the tomb and behold the beauty of the night, I feel filled with gratitude and determination. I look up at the starry sky, letting myself be enveloped by the warmth of the night. The moon, radiant in its fullness, illuminates the path with its silvery light, and a sense of serenity washes over me.
A tender smile forms on my lips as I remember Marco and his unwavering faith that our loved ones watch over us from the sky. Though it may be just a comforting illusion, I can't help but feel consoled by the idea that they are there, watching over us.
'I don't need it to be true; I just need to believe in it.'
The night shows it's majestic, with the trees whispering secrets to the wind and the starry sky stretching to infinity.
"How did it go?" a voice startles me, revealing Crusch by the entrance. Arms crossed, she looks at me, resting her back against the wall.
My heart pounds in my chest, driven by an emotion I can't describe. I close my eyes for a moment and place my hand over my chest. After a sigh, I manage a smile.
"You scared me!" I pout, prompting a smile from her. "I was so focused that I didn't even see you coming."
With a playful smile on my lips and my heart full of hope, I walk towards Crusch, ready to share my thoughts and emotions with her.
There's no need for words; it's obvious that I've passed the test. Crusch places her hand on my shoulder, and although her slight tension indicates problems, everything around me seems brighter, more vivid.
"We don't have much time; the situation in Irlam is critical. I know you should rest, but it's best to finish the test as soon as possible." Her gaze is filled with concern, but I return a radiant smile.
Just as I was taught, I pounce on Crusch. She stiffens in surprise, her arms extended, while I hug her firmly, feeling her warmth that comforts me.
I hadn't done this before, but it really feels good. She places her hand on my back while I hold her tightly.
Nothing is going to stop me.
"Then, let's save the person who will solve this." My words are full of determination. "We'll figure it out when we get out of here; all of us together."
She nods, and that gesture is enough to fill me with confidence as we embark on our journey together.
As we walk down the dirt path, the atmosphere seems imbued with a magical and serene aura. The majestic moon rises high, casting its silvery light on us, illuminating our way with a soft, calming glow.
I feel my mana at its peak; I feel capable of achieving anything. I smile at the moon, to tell her that everything will be fine. I look at that constellation, recognizing its value.
'I will fulfill my purpose, Pucky.'
"I don't know what you saw, but it must have helped you a lot." Crusch looks ahead with a smile. Her expression, though smiling, also seems worried. The responsibility she carries, the consequences of the war.
We all have a heavy burden on our shoulders, and for her, there seems to be more than just the situation in Irlam.
I shake my head, recalling what I saw, but now everything seems clearer, more understandable.
"What I saw was Marco's past, a past full of pain and bad decisions." A smile forms on my face as I remember it, a sigh of longing escapes my chest as I remember his parents. I clench my hands, acknowledging my strength. "But now I can accept it, to understand that his past doesn't have to define him. The past can condition him, but it doesn't define him."
Besides something I was able to live, something that will be etched in my heart for the eternity of my existence.
"How do you plan to convince Marco?" Her question is natural, and I already have the answer.
"I don't know." I look up at the sky before continuing. "I'll show him everything I am, bare my heart and show it to Marco. If that doesn't work, I'll have to come up with a different plan."
I intertwine my fingers, trying to sound confident, although perhaps my words aren't the most suitable. I close my eyes for a few seconds, as we both continue walking through this beautiful forest.
Then I turn my face to her and open my eyes with joy.
"It's going to work, no doubt about it," I assure, looking at her with determination. "I'm ve~~ry prepared."
Crusch opens her eyes in surprise at my words, probably not understanding what I have in mind. Then, with a majestic gesture, she raises her hand to the sky, and a gust of wind spirals upwards towards the stars.
Under the silvery glow of the moon filtering through the tree branches, and the comforting murmur of the wind caressing the leaves, we delve deeper into the forest with determination and palpable hope in our hearts.
Each step we take seems to resonate with the promise of an uncertain but full of possibilities future.
"I can't guarantee it will work, but if anyone can do it, it's you." Crusch's gaze pierces me with an intensity I can't ignore, as several fireflies begin to dance around us, like little beacons of light in the darkness.
I shake my head again, recognizing the lie and the truth in her words, feeling a deeper connection with her and with the purpose we share.
"You also have Marco deeply rooted in you, just as he has you in his heart. Although I'm new to this, I think we both love him in some way; although what you feel might just be a hunch of mine." It's a truth that resonates deep within me, a certainty I can't deny, but it won't discourage me. I turn, looking at her and winking, then say, "Even so, I won't give him to you."
I don't know what's between them, and perhaps in some way, they are more compatible with each other since they can both engage at a similar intellectual level. Maybe, at some point, if I hadn't appeared and at that moment the one helping Marco was Crusch...
Crusch smiles slightly, as if her thoughts were immersed in a distant world, while the glow of the fireflies illuminates her face with golden flashes.
"Not me; I have many responsibilities before considering love, but I certainly appreciate him enough to care." Her words sound full of determination, though her gaze gets lost in the soft flickering of the fireflies that start leading us to a place, like little shooting stars in the forest's darkness. "Love is something I shouldn't think about if I want to fulfill my objectives."
It's likely that same thought is on Marco's mind.
"Hehe." I laugh, breathing deeply to fill my lungs with the rich air. I've never felt like this; so light, full of energy and power. I feel like everything is under control, I feel that, even if problems arise, I'll be able to face them.
'So, this is the power of affection.'
The power to overcome everything, and maybe not necessarily because of Marco. I feel that affection is also with me, with what I see. I never thought realizing my feelings would make me see the world so differently.
'Now I understand the loneliness experienced without love.'
Love life, enjoy everything.
I smile, looking at Crusch. I take her hands, making her direct her gaze at me. Then, I calmly say:
"You told me that affection is the source of strength, that love is the ultimate expression of affection." The fireflies guide us with their twinkling light, and Crusch, as if hypnotized by their glow, looks at me intently. "You should allow love to be part of your goals too."
The fireflies are starting to form a line, so Otto must be guiding us. Crusch looks at me intently but then smiles, turning to move forward.
We walk through the forest, each step immersed in a silence full of meaning, while the fireflies lead us with their soft and comforting glow. The forest, illuminated by the silver light of the moon and the golden flicker of our tiny guides, takes on a mystical beauty that seems straight out of a fairy tale.
Even the darkness of the night seems to come alive, its shadows dancing in harmony with the light of the fireflies, creating a landscape that seems to guide us to a good path. It's a divine blessing, an experience that transcends words and becomes pure emotion.
"I've heard that duty comes first and then love." I shake my head, challenging that deeply rooted belief in our society. After all, I saw it, how both fulfilled their duty and loved each other at the same time. "But I think both can coexist in harmony, duty giving love meaning, and love infusing energy into duty."
Crusch opens her eyes wide in surprise at my words, as if she had never considered that possibility.
"Loving someone doesn't necessarily mean depending on them. It's about appreciating, understanding what you're experiencing, accepting your life, and moving forward."
Then, an idea comes to my mind.
"Imagine, if people are happy fulfilling their dreams, now imagine being happy during the journey as well." My words resonate in the night air, filled with hope and determination. "Love doesn't have to be an obstacle in the pursuit of our dreams; it can be our travel companion, providing strength and support with every step."
Perhaps I am too young and inexperienced to speak of love with such conviction. Maybe I'm just repeating words I've heard in stories and legends. Just like the times my friends tried to explain it to me.
But in the end, I feel that every word I say comes from the depths of my heart.
We all change over time, and with each change, our understanding of love and life changes too. Accepting these changes and adapting to them is part of growing and maturing as individuals.
I will keep moving forward, with my heart open to new experiences and with the hope that love will always be my guide on this journey called life.
"As I see it, love brings us closer to our dreams; it doesn't take us away from them." My words resonate in the night air, charged with emotion and conviction, as I lean slightly towards Crusch, seeking to convey my strength and determination through my gaze. "And if you ever doubt that I'll be here to remind you."
A smile forms on my lips, filling me with a sense of peace and fulfillment that only love can bring.
'I never thought I could say something like that, hehe.'
Crusch stops for a moment, her emerald hair shining with the faint glow of the fireflies dancing around us, like tiny shooting stars in the night.
"You've matured a lot in just one night," Crusch comments, her voice filled with admiration and surprise.
I direct my gaze forward, contemplating the forest stretching out before us, marveling at the beauty within.
"It was the course of many years and experiences that brought me here," I respond, remembering everything I've lived and overcome to reach this moment.
Crusch smiles, and together we resume our walk through the forest. I can feel we are close, as Marco's aura becomes more intense as we advance.
"I'll take your words into account, but now let's focus on what's to come," Crusch says, her voice firm and determined.
I nod, focusing my attention on the goal ahead of us.
"Yes, it's time to rescue him," I affirm, feeling a mix of determination and nervousness course through my body.
Finally, we arrive at a clearing in the forest, where a wooden cabin stands illuminated by the soft light of the moon. At that moment, I hear Otto shouting from outside the cabin, indicating that Marco must be inside.
Marco must be fighting the power of Father Guise right now, as well as the miasma collar that holds Betty.
"You have to go see her!" Otto exclaims, trying to get Marco out of the cabin.
We remain hidden behind a tree, although at this moment that seems to have little value. Marco has probably already regained all his memories, both those that were erased and those that remained hidden.
"Luan must be distracting Garfield with Ram. Otto tried to take him to the sanctuary for privacy, but it seems it didn't work," Crusch comments, preparing to act.
I place my hand on her shoulder, looking at her with determination.
"I'll take care of Marco, you go find Garfield," I say, trying to convey confidence in my words. "Frederica told me her brother is very strong, and I'm worried about them. If you go, I'll feel more at ease."
Crusch looks at me for a few seconds before nodding.
"I'll hold him off. He's likely headed this way, so I'll stop him so you can talk to Marco."
With a gesture of complicity, we say goodbye, and Crusch walks away, leaving me alone with my thoughts and the growing agitation in my heart.
'I'm nervous,' I acknowledge to myself as I prepare to face what's coming.
I start by walking towards where Otto is. Upon hearing my steps, he turns with a worried look that transforms into a full smile upon seeing me. He doesn't even bother to ask if I've passed the test; he just approaches me with joy.
"He's being stubborn and won't come out," Otto says, shrugging and sighing in exhaustion. "Garfield is fighting, seems pretty strong, the animals don't dare to come near. Maybe I should go help."
I can see Otto's legs trembling slightly, indicating he's nervous. Despite his weakness in terms of magic or strength, his wit and determination make him strong.
"Do you have any plan?" I ask to which Otto just smiles.
"I was thinking of using firecrackers, but I don't want him to think we're trying to harm him, after all, he's not our enemy," Otto replies, pulling small bags of gunpowder from his pocket. "Cats don't like loud noises, right? Maybe I can use that to our advantage. We'll see what we can do on the way."
Although I worry about sending him alone, I know Ram, Luan, and Crusch are nearby, so there shouldn't be any problems in stopping Garfield if necessary.
'If he harms them, I'll have to take action,' I think, clenching my fist as I consider that possibility.
"Besides, I think I know how to get Garfield on our side, I just need to go," Otto adds before starting to run, quickly disappearing into the forest.
I'm left alone under the intense glow of the moon. I turn to head towards the cabin, but before I can move forward, I encounter Ryuzu, a small-bodied woman with purple hair, dressed in a black suit.
'I didn't notice her presence until this moment.' She extends her arms, indicating that I cannot proceed.
"I must stop you, Miss Emilia," she says with determination in her eyes, although she seems to be worried about something.
I squat down calmly, thinking about how to convince her. I could just ignore her and move forward, but that's not the path I choose to take. Her nervous gaze also seems resigned.
"Did Marco ask you for something?" I ask, and she immediately nods.
With her eyes fixed on the night sky, she slowly begins to speak.
"He promised to give me the location of Garfield's mother," she says quietly, revealing information that takes me by surprise. Until now, my knowledge about Garfield is limited to what Frederica has told me, but it seems Marco has gotten ahead in the search for his mother.
With a serene gesture, I place my hand on her head.
"I can provide you with that information too," I assure her with a slight smile, trying to convey calm and confidence.
When I get Marco out of there, he'll surely be willing to fulfill his promise and reveal the location of Garfield's mother. We can arrange the necessary transportation and pay for a trip if she wishes to reunite with her.
Everything seems to resolve easily.
I clench my hands, feeling a growing emotion within me as I look at her. She returns my gaze with an intensity that seems to pierce the soul.
"I am Ryuzu Shima, one of Ryuzu Meyer's copies," she introduces herself, her tone of voice attempting to be imposing, but faced with my lack of intimidation, she sighs in defeat. "There are many things that can be done, but it seems you won't understand."
I look around, surprised by the presence of several Ryuzu copies in front of me. Some are beside me, others above me, and even a few on the ground. Despite this, none of them seem to pose a threat.
They don't weigh anything, so they won't be able to knock me down even if they all come.
"Absolutely!" I reply with determination, with no intention of causing them harm. Marco would trust me to find a peaceful solution.
I don't need to resort to violence; I just need to use the right words.
"Marco has no plans to reveal that information to you; he's up to something else," I warn, worried about the possibility that Marco might try to escape. "I've already passed one of the trials!"
My statement seems to surprise her, as she looks at her hands with evident nervousness. However, she seems to have decided.
Ryuzu Shima takes the other Ryuzu copies with determination before pointing towards the cabin with a serious gesture. It seems she's realized there's no way to stop me from going, neither with magic nor force.
"I may be an old woman, but I'm not easy to deceive," she asserts firmly, revealing a determination that intrigues me.
I have to admit something worries her beyond Marco's mere presence. I'm sure there's more at stake in her relationship with him.
"When I get back, you'll tell me everything, okay?" I say with a reassuring smile. "I'll be here to help you with anything you need."
Even though her eyes seem lifeless, reflecting the loss of hope, her concern is clearly visible. Though the spark of hope hasn't yet ignited in them, at least I can offer her help with what she has asked of me.
"I'll punish Marco if he doesn't keep his promise, humph!" I clench my hands, showing her, I mean it.
"I'll look forward to it," she responds, and her reply brings a smile to my lips. "To be honest, I didn't have much hope either. The Marco I imagined seems to be absent."
"Did you know him?" I ask, but she surprises me by taking something out of her clothes.
A newspaper, where Marco is mentioned as the hero who defeated the cult and also made a great achievement in the battle against the whale.
"Garfield was always excited about the news, he wanted to know him more than anyone." She smiles slightly, making me smile back. "So: bring him to light."
After her words, I feel my heart calm. The anxiety that once gripped me seems to dissipate. Each step I take is filled with determination. I get closer and closer to the cabin, and a strange sensation runs through me.
'Could it be Marco's power?'
I climb the steps, feeling the wood creak under my feet. It's sad to see Shima has distanced herself so much from the village; she clearly needs our help as soon as possible.
I stop in front of the door and raise my hand to knock, but suddenly I realize no one will come to open it.
'He doesn't want to see me...' I think at first, letting doubt take over. But I quickly try to overcome that idea.
Maybe, just maybe, he wants to see someone else.
His parents.
Betty.
I close my eyes, letting my thoughts wander.
Maria.
With a slight tremor in my hands, I approach the wooden cabin door. The rough wood under my fingers reminds me of the days in Elior Forest.
I close my eyes for a moment, trying to calm my heart pounding in my chest. The mere idea of facing Marco after so long fills me with both nervousness and excitement.
I slowly turn the handle, letting the door open with a slight creak. The aroma of freshly made tea and cigarette smoke fills my senses, enveloping me in an atmosphere both familiar and unknown.
Marco is there, sitting at the table, lost in his thoughts. His figure is silhouetted against the dim light filtering through the half-open curtains, and for a moment, I watch him in silence.
His eyes, deep and dark as the night, meet mine when he looks up. A flicker of surprise crosses his face before he manages to hide it behind a mask of indifference. But I can see beyond that facade; I can see the storm of emotions raging inside him.
'I can't think of anything to say.'
"Hi..." My voice sounds weaker than I expected, but it's enough to break the tense silence between us.
'Stupid Emilia!'
I tried to say something, but I've already ruined it.
'Stupid, stupid!'
Marco raises an eyebrow, his lips curving into a slight but no less captivating smile.
"What are you doing here?" His tone is somewhat brusque, as if trying to hide something behind his words.
"I passed the trial," I say, trying to maintain my composure despite the lump in my throat.
Marco seems genuinely surprised by my gesture, his eyes widening briefly and his lips forming a look of astonishment. However, that surprise quickly disappears, replaced by an expression of indifference that hides his true feelings.
His face transforms into an impassive mask, as if trying to avoid showing any emotion that might reveal his vulnerability.
"Congratulations," he responds, though his voice lacks the enthusiasm I expected to hear.
I swallow, feeling the nerves starting to take over. This isn't the reaction I expected, and suddenly I feel lost, not knowing what to say or do to break the ice between us.
'The only thing I know is that we must be strong.' I remember those words, as vivid as if I were living it again.
I decide to slowly approach the table, feeling the warmth of the tea emanating from the cup in front of Marco. The sweet and comforting aroma of the brew reassures me, making me feel a bit more confident.
I stare at the cigarette; then, I extend my hand and instantly freeze it. Marco watches it fall but says nothing.
I didn't expect any response from him, but at least I feel he's being sincere. This cabin, though a common place for me, holds special value for Ryuzu and others.
Just as his words hold important meaning for me.
The bored expression on Marco's face doesn't go unnoticed. His gaze seems lost, as if searching for something in the void.
I could recite a prepared speech or try to persuade him with emotional words, as I've been taught. There are so many strategies I could use, but the only thing that really matters to me is addressing the situation in a way that feels authentic and true to me.
The way I want to do this must have my signature.
"Is there anything I can do to help you?" My voice sounds weak, almost like a whisper, but I know Marco can hear me.
He looks at me intently, his dark eyes searching mine for something I can't identify. For a moment, there's a spark of something in his gaze, a flicker of emotion that fades as quickly as it appeared.
"No, Emilia. There's nothing you can do," he responds, his voice harsher than I expected.
I feel disheartened by his response, but I decide not to give up so easily. I know something is wrong with Marco, and I'm not going to leave him alone in his internal struggle.
Marco, with his usual confidence, always seems to find a way to support others; for him, it's easy to see people's emotions. Unlike him, it's a challenge for me, but I'm determined to do everything I can to help him.
However, 'how do you help someone who has committed such horrible acts?' When I pose this question, Marco looks at me with an arrogant smile, as if he's reading my thoughts.
"Why should I answer that? In the end, it doesn't matter," Marco responds, looking away towards some distant point in the dim cabin.
I shake my head resignedly, aware that Marco isn't interested in discussing his past. Nevertheless, I feel the need to continue.
"I've already passed the first trial; I'm sure I can pass the other two," I inform him, trying to maintain hope.
However, instead of receiving an encouraging response, Marco stands up abruptly, his eyes flashing with fury as they meet mine. Faced with my persistence, he looks away and turns his back to me.
"Stop taking nonsense. Everything I've done is part of me. The monster inside me has always been present," Marco declares, heading towards the window as if seeking answers in the horizon. "My past is clear; someone like me doesn't deserve redemption."
I quickly step closer to him, and without thinking, I place my hand on his shoulder in an attempt to console him. I look at him with concern, but he doesn't meet my gaze.
"That could have changed. Even if you made mistakes in the past, it doesn't define who you are now..."
Slap!
Marco's sudden strike knocks my hand away forcefully, his defeated expression trying to destabilize me.
Despite the pain and disappointment, I remain firm, determined to move forward.
"I did all that!" Marco exclaims, clutching his head before showing me his open palms. "With my own hands! I did it!"
Despite his harsh words, I know there's pain behind them. I try to find the right words to make him understand.
"You were being manipulated. I know you can recognize that," I respond, looking at him with compassion. "You had no control over your actions, no control over your feelings."
Marco holds the necklace, a symbol of his past that surely brings him painful memories.
He sighs, as if torn between regret and resignation. Then, he looks at the necklace, as if trying to find solace in it.
"You might be right, but that doesn't change the fact that..." Marco starts but stops before finishing the sentence.
"You don't have to carry all that alone, Marco. I'm here for you, to help you overcome it together," I assure him, placing a hand on his shoulder in a gesture of solidarity.
Marco seems surprised by my assertion. His eyes meet mine, searching for something he might not yet be able to express with words.
Marco steps back, walking towards the table in the center of the room.
"I can't accept it, Emilia. I'm a monster, and I can't expect you..." His words fade, filled with sadness and self-rejection.
He's not the same, that's clear. I don't know what darkness he might harbor within, but I'm sure they have the same origin.
"You know it, Marco. Someone else has been manipulating you, your actions weren't entirely under your control," I affirm, seeking his gaze, but he looks away angrily. I place my hand on my chest, looking at him with some sadness as I recall his past. "What you did wasn't under the power of the Marco standing before me. What you did wasn't something the Marco I know would do."
Marco looks towards the table, the steaming cup of tea waiting to be consumed.
"How can you be so sure?" Marco responds bitterly, his hands clenched tightly. "What do you know about the monster that dwells within me?"
His words hit me like a punch in the stomach. I swallow hard, struggling to find the right words.
"In the end, I know a lot."
"I saw it, Marco, which is why I know you're not solely responsible. It was hard for me to understand, hard to accept, but I know that's not why you have to be miserable. After all, that wasn't you."
I couldn't see it before; I didn't understand what was really happening inside him. Now, with the revelations from his parents, everything makes sense. Marco's fear, his fatalistic view of himself.
"You can't comprehend it, Emilia. You can't understand the pain I've caused, not knowing what's inside me," Marco murmurs, his voice laden with despair. "I always thought it was me; I always thought those kinds of words were just for stupid people who wanted to escape their problems."
Marco points at me, looking at me with hatred.
"You just don't understand."
"I understand, and that's why I can be here for you, to help you face that monster," I insist, approaching cautiously. "You don't have to fight alone, Marco. I'm here, with you."
I look into his eyes, trying to convey my determination.
His eyes, full of turmoil, meet mine for a moment before abruptly looking away. Marco pushes me away, clenching his hands tightly.
"NO, Emilia! You don't understand! No one can understand!" Marco shouts, his voice filled with bitterness and despair. "I'm a monster, and I always will be. Just like a cultist, just like any murderer. I'm no longer a human being." Marco takes a step back, looking at the floor defeatedly. "I can't be after remembering all that..."
Every word of his is like a knife stabbing into my heart, but I can't give up.
"But you can be, Marco. You can choose to be different; you can choose to fight against that darkness," I say with a trembling voice, fighting to hold back the tears threatening to spill.
Then he looks at me, with a guilty smile, with disappointment. He extends his hand, trying to show me what he feels.
"And what if I don't want to fight? And what if I prefer to give in to the darkness within me?" Marco responds with resignation, his eyes filled with pain and self-loathing. "Fighting that darkness only made everyone die, fighting it; believing I was doing good, only made Beatrice die."
I feel a lump in my throat at hearing his words. I can't let him give up; I can't let the darkness win.
"Because you're stronger than that, Marco. You're more than your mistakes, more than your past," I say firmly, moving a bit closer. "And I'll be here to help you remember that, even if you can't see it right now."
His eyes, filled with pain and confusion, meet mine for a moment before looking away again, this time with resignation.
"I'm sorry, Emilia. But I can't accept your help. I can't accept anything from anyone, not even from you," Marco murmurs, his voice filled with sadness and despair. "I'm a monster, and it's time I start acting like one."
'It's almost like we're in my room, when I was in his situation.'
My heart tightens at hearing his words, but I know I can't give up. I can't leave him alone in his darkness, not when I know there's still a spark of light within him.
"Marco, you know that's not true. You know the miasma can't be an excuse to justify your actions; you're contradicting yourself," I respond firmly, my eyes seeking his with determination. He looks at me, surprised by my words, probably not expecting me to know his secret. "Your mistake was aligning with evil; that was your real mistake. Though it was a hasty choice, I know you had no other option at that moment. But that doesn't make you a monster."
The tension in the room is palpable as our gazes lock. Marco seems to be struggling internally, his hands clenched tightly at his sides. Fighting oneself is harder than fighting anyone else.
"ENOUGH!" Suddenly, Marco advances towards me, his hands gripping my shoulders tightly.
The weight of his gaze, filled with hatred and despair, feels like a burden on my shoulders.
"I KNOW IT!" I exclaim, pushing him with all my strength, making him fall to the ground with a dull thud. His expression of surprise makes me realize the impact of my words. "I know it, Marco! I know everything you've suffered!"
Silence falls over us as our ragged breaths fill the room. I can see the torment in Marco's eyes, the internal struggle he's waging with himself.
"Marco, wake up!" I throw myself at him, gripping his jacket with determination. "Stop running from your emotions, stop escaping from your reality!"
His eyes, once filled with pain and despair, now widen, unable to articulate any words. I feel like I'm finally reaching him, breaking down that barrier he's built around himself.
"It's okay to suffer, Marco!" I say with a voice full of strength and determination. "Stop thinking you're the only one who can't make mistakes! Stop thinking you have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders! Stop thinking you have to be a monster!"
The room echoes with my words, and for a moment, I see a spark of hope shining in Marco's eyes.
Although it is quickly dispelled by his tormented soul.
Marco looks at me with an intensity that cuts through the air between us. His eyes, dark and stormy, reflect the turmoil within his soul. Every line of his face is marked by tension, and his clenched fists reveal the internal struggle he's fighting.
"I'm useless!" The words burst from his lips with a mixture of fury and despair, his trembling voice barely containing the torrent of emotions threatening to overflow. "No matter how hard I try, my mere existence leads to the death of humans. I wanted to stay strong, to show hope, but the memories of my past emerge, undoing all the strength in me."
I can see how his hands grasp at anything within reach, as if desperately searching for something to hold on to so he doesn't completely fall apart.
"What's the point of building a city, what's the point of having money." Marco pounds his chest forcefully. "What's the point of promising a good future if all I am is a damn monster. What's the point of acting like I can do everything if, in the end, I'm the one who has failed the most."
Every tense muscle in his body seems on the verge of breaking, and his labored breathing struggles to find a steady rhythm.
"There's no way," he continues, his voice now barely a whisper laden with pain. Marco paces back and forth, picking up objects and putting them back, looking everywhere, closing some curtains. "No matter how hard I try, I can't escape what I was." He places his hands on his face, then runs them through his hair in desperation. "The weight of my actions, the echo of my mistakes, they all drag me down. Because of me, many people who should be alive died."
Marco staggers slightly, as if the weight of his words is too much to bear. I can see how he struggles to stay upright, how his legs tremble under the weight of his own suffering.
He leans against the wall, looks out the window, walks around the house. I don't know what he's looking for, but soon I'll help him find it.
I want to run to him, to wrap him in my arms and offer comfort, but I know that won't be enough to heal the wounds consuming him.
"I'm a mistake. This shouldn't have happened," he whispers, his words barely audible over the roar of the wind that seems to have picked up around us. "I'm a 'what if' that should never have existed. If only things had been different, if only I hadn't come into this world. Everything would have been different; it would have ended well, one way or another."
His words fade into the air, but his pain resonates in every corner of the room.
I want to tell him he's wrong, that his actions don't define who he is, but I know it's useless. At this moment, Marco is trapped in the whirlwind of his own suffering, and I'm unable to rescue him.
As he speaks, his fists pound furiously against the nearby wall, leaving marks on the surface.
The room seems to vibrate with the force of his anger, and the sound echoes in my ears like a reflection of his inner torment. I'm paralyzed by the magnitude of his pain, unable to do anything but watch helplessly as he consumes himself before my eyes.
Or so it would be if I were my old self.
"ENOUGH!" I shout again, my voice resonating in the room with a strength I didn't know I possessed. "You are not a mistake, Marco. You are a human being, with all your virtues and flaws. You can't change your past, but you can choose how to face your future."
Even if it's a faint light in the darkness, I must try. Because if there's one thing I've learned, it's that even in the darkest moments, there's always a spark of hope that can ignite a fire capable of illuminating even the darkest night.
"If you hadn't come into this world, Irlam would never have been saved from the mabeasts attack, we would never have managed to defeat the white whale," my voice resonates with determination, trying to convey the importance of his existence in this world.
He turns his gaze to me. His eyes convey a guilt, a pain that I still don't understand. Something I can't comprehend, they convey emotions so strong that, for a moment, I feel like I'm back in that cold movie theater.
Marco clenches his fists so tightly that his knuckles turn white, and a dull thud reverberates through the room as he strikes the nearby table with a brusque gesture, as if he wants to release all his frustration in that simple act.
"If I hadn't come, if they had brought someone else! That person would have prevented everyone's deaths, and with that, nothing bad would have happened," his words burst out, laden with bitterness, while his eyes flash with a mix of rage and despair. He walks towards the wooden table, his gaze fixed on his clenched hands. Then, he extends them to give the table a powerful slap. "If only I hadn't existed!"
I rush towards him, grabbing his arm with determination and forcing him to face me, hoping with all my might that he can sense the love and hope emanating from my gaze.
"'The would have' does not exist," my voice is firm but gentle, determined to break the chains of his self-loathing. "What's important to me is that you're here, that I met you, that we've been through so many problems that it would be hard to list them all, but we've also shared moments of happiness that are worth more than all the suffering in the world."
I close my eyes for a moment, letting the memory of Betty and Puck flood my mind.
I smile wistfully at the memories of the happy times we shared, and I know that it's for them that I must keep going, that I must find the strength to help Marco overcome this dark moment.
"Marco, Betty is alive, you know that" I whisper, filled with hope, but he shakes his head despondently, as if he can't allow himself to believe in that possibility.
"I can't anymore," he bites his lip, his voice a muted murmur, and his lost gaze reflects the resignation he feels in his heart, as if he has already accepted his fate. "I'm already dead."
"You've come back from death!" My voice is stronger now, filled with determination and compassion. His gaze fixes on me, so deep, his surprise seems so great that it's as if he were delving into a great secret within his heart. "Your father told me, the whole story. He trusts you, and so do I. You have the strength to overcome this, Marco, I know it."
Quickly, I tell him what I know, watching as his surprise reflects in his eyes. It seems he had completely blocked those memories, but now is the time to face them and accept them.
Marco lowers his gaze, sighing with resignation, as if the weight of his past is too great for him.
"I can't anymore. I've been a monster, all this time," his words are a whisper filled with self-loathing, and his voice trembles slightly. "I'm nothing but a despicable being that causes everything around him to wither. All I have in my hands is the blood of the people I love, so the only thing I deserve is death."
Without thinking, unable to contain myself any longer, I slap him hard and grab his jacket with determination, wanting to shake him and make him understand. I let out my pent-up rage, let out Marco's frustration through my words.
"I won't allow you to say those words again!" My voice trembles, but it's filled with determination and love. I look him straight in the eye, and, exasperated, I shout, "Don't you dare talk like that about the Marco I love! You are so much more than your mistakes; you are a valuable and worthy person of love."
I lower my head, hiding my flushed face. After a few seconds, I look at him again, determined to show him everything.
My heart pounds in my chest as I lock eyes with him, feeling a change happening inside me.
I can't let Marco give up; I can't let his self-loathing consume him. I'm determined to help him find the light within the darkness that surrounds him, because I know that together we can overcome any obstacle and find the happiness we so deserve.
Marco averts his gaze, and I feel a wall rise between us, separating us more than ever.
Then, I'll break it right now.
"Look me in the eyes when I talk to you!" I exclaim vehemently, though my voice trembles with the avalanche of emotions that overwhelm me. I'm angry, sad, desperate, but above all, filled with a love that refuses to be overshadowed by the darkness that surrounds him. "I want you to look me in the eyes and dare to say it to my face."
Marco's eyes seek refuge in some indeterminate point on the horizon, but they remain fixed on mine. The darkness in them, which seems so turbulent that nothing can be seen beyond.
"You are Marco Luz, the beacon that guides everyone when they are lost in the darkness, the solace of the helpless, everyone has their hope fixed on you being able to move forward," my words flow with an intensity that comes from the heart, my tears drawing a path down my cheeks. "Every act of kindness you've done has been like a little star that has illuminated the darkest night in someone's life."
The memories of all the lives he has touched with his kindness flood my mind, creating a sea of emotions that threatens to drown me.
"The love you've given has left an indelible mark on the heart of every person you've touched, even if you yourself haven't perceived it," my voice now sounds like a whisper filled with tenderness and understanding. "Every smile you've given, every gesture of kindness has been like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day."
Everyone treats him with respect and affection. Everyone attends his classes in his spare time. If he's on the street, he always receives smiles, and sometimes he's even invited to dinner in their homes.
Marco has always received the love of the village, and that's something that makes me very happy.
"All the doors in Irlam are open to you."
I know he's fighting his own demons, but I also know there's a part of him that long for the light.
"I already know, Marco Luz," I say softly, moving a little closer to him. "I know your wounds, your scars, but I also know your capacity to heal and to radiate love and compassion."
I know everything you've had to endure to do the right thing. I know I've been part of your suffering.
"You don't have to be exceptional to be extraordinary. You don't need to be strong to be a knight. You just have to be Marco Luz, that's all."
A single tear slides down his cheek, carrying the weight of all his emotions. It's a tear that bears the tragedy of his past, the burden of being Marco Luz in a dark and hostile world.
It's a tear that reflects pain but also the hope that still beats deep within him. It's a tear that symbolizes his internal struggle, his constant battle against his own demons. And in that tear, in that tiny glimmer of light amidst the darkness, I see his entire being, his essence as a human.
"Marco, there's no greater intelligence than the heart, and you taught me that," I say sincerely, placing my hand over his chest, feeling his strong heartbeat. "Your heart is so big and luminous it can light up even the deepest darkness."
Our hearts beat in unison, like two stars shining in the blackness of the universe, reminding me that love always prevails over darkness.
"Your determination, your sacrifice for others, are part of what makes you unique," my voice trembles slightly, but I hold his gaze with determination as my heart beats strongly, trying to convey all my love and understanding. "I've also fought my own monsters, but I know it's not necessary to stay trapped in that darkness."
Then I remember, once, a long time ago. 'Being an adult doesn't make you insensitive to these situations.' I smile, feeling that I can finally understand.
Marco looks away for a moment, but then he meets my gaze again, his eyes reflecting a sea of emotions. At last, there's not just darkness.
"Every time I see you, every time I feel your presence, I sense that pain you carry inside, that desire to be accepted and loved," my voice breaks slightly, but I continue speaking sincerely. "But you already have that, Marco. You have Betty's love, the affection of the people of Irlam, the appreciation of your friends, and also..." I blush, feeling my face burning, but I say it anyway, "you have my love."
Even though the idea of not being reciprocated hurts me deeply, I force myself to keep talking. My heart races, my hands tremble, my ears burn; I can barely control my breathing.
"Marco, I don't pretend to be very smart," I admit humbly. "I don't have your ability to see deep into people; sometimes I can't even see what's right in front of my eyes. But all I can do is listen and try to help."
A tear escapes my eyes, but I don't stop.
"Stop thinking you're a monster, because you're not. You're a human being who has gone through difficult times, but that doesn't define you," my voice fills with determination.
A child forced to grow up quickly, who experienced things no one should. Who became a man believing that being a monster was the only way to survive.
"You're a brave, compassionate, and loving man, and you deserve to recognize that in yourself."
I move a little closer, feeling my heart resonate with each word.
"You are the person who saved me, who showed me true kindness and unconditional love," my voice breaks a bit more, but I continue. "You are one of the reasons I keep going every day, a light in my life that gives me hope and strength to keep fighting."
Marco squeezes his hands so tightly his knuckles turn white, as if he's trying to contain the torrent of emotions overwhelming him. He lets out a deep sigh, as if he's releasing part of the weight on his shoulders.
"I'm not a good person. If someone damages me, I seek to return it doubly. I've thought about killing as if it were normal. I've normalized negative emotions so much that I feel something horrible is hiding within me," Marco confesses, his voice laden with anguish and self-condemnation. "I didn't cry at my parents' death; I didn't cry when I killed Maria."
I shake my head sadly, understanding the depth of his torment.
"You haven't cried, but you don't need tears to grieve their loss; that single tear is enough." I approach him, feeling the warmth of his presence in the quiet night and the soft glow of the light filtering through the window. I gently place my hand on his forehead, then stroke his head a little. I hold his gaze, remembering that book. "Besides, you were a crybaby."
I smile, trying to make him smile to lighten the load of his confession. I know the situation is much more serious than I can express in words, but that's how Marco's parents would have wanted it. And that's how I want to do it too.
Marco smiles faintly, probably imagining the situation.
"You've said so many comforting words, helped so many people feel good. You give so much advice, but you also need to apply them to yourself," I say sincerely, trying to offer him a ray of hope in his darkness. "Marco Luz, you are an ordinary human being. You're warm when you're happy, distant when you're sad. When you're angry, you look for ways to release stress without being seen. When you're nervous, you squeeze your hands to relieve the tension. So much so that many of us have adopted your habits without realizing it."
His influence on all of us is undeniable, but so is his humanity and his own internal struggles.
"You have emotions, like all of us. It's normal to be afraid to show them, but you don't have to face them alone," I say, as I take his cheeks in my hands, seeking to connect with him on a deeper level. "Let us help you, let me help you."
At this moment, it's just him and me, sharing a moment of vulnerability and connection.
"The barrier you had is broken, so let it all out. Let the words flow and release what's inside you," I urge, feeling the connection between us as he takes my hand in his. "Stop believing you're a monster for feeling differently. Stop trying to become what you think others need. Stop thinking you can't be yourself. Stop believing you're just weakness, that strength lies in not connecting with anyone or anything."
Both of us, looking at each other, me trying to convey all my support and love in this shared moment of need, and him, trying to let out what he's hiding inside.
Tonight, under the moon's glow, we both face the same pain, each in our own way. It might not make sense, but maybe it doesn't need to. The only important thing is that we're together, fighting our own battles and finding comfort in each other's presence.
My heart races in my chest as I look at him. I know this is a crucial moment, a turning point in our relationship, and I can't help but feel overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment.
"I'm scared! It's the truth. I can't help overanalyzing every situation, worrying excessively about how to move forward, even questioning the loyalty of those close to me. I couldn't trust you!" Marco looks at me, his voice full of regret and his eyes reflecting his vulnerability, but also his strength in facing his own demons. "I just longed to be someone ordinary, to lead a quiet life. I just wanted to be happy, not witness the death of my former love, my parents, my friends, all because of the decisions I made, the hearts I broke. Even though part of that has been erased, it remains a reality of what I'm capable of."
Marco keeps talking, looking at me intently.
'That's it, don't look away, I won't go anywhere.' Despite Marco telling me about deep pain, despite feeling sad for his emotions, I smile. I keep my cheerful look, showing him that nothing he says will hurt me, that I can accept him and be by his side.
"Without a doubt, I was responsible for Maria's death, I saw my mother leave, I abandoned my father, even my friends came to wish for my death." Marco lowers his head, placing his hands on his legs. "I'm terrified of facing the monster that lives inside me. That's why I have to suppress all that I feel, or I'll become the same monster again."
Without thinking, I wrap my arms around him, holding him with all my strength. Marco is a human being, full of dreams and regrets, and though his words are hard to hear, they are proof of his humanity.
I caress him, to dispel the bad energies from him.
"I passed the trial, Marco. I will never let you become someone you're not," I say with determination, feeling his heartbeat synchronize with mine. I settle in, touching my forehead to his, holding his hands firmly. "Wherever you are, I'll be with you. Let's be strong together, let's be weak together, let's be sad together, let's be happy together."
His surprise is evident in his eyes, but I don't waver. I know what I feel, and I'm willing to fight for our happiness.
"All I want is to see you happy. That's why I'll fight, I'll fight for both our happiness," I assure him, feeling my heart beating strongly in my chest. "You've let out everything that tormented you; now you're free."
My eyes fall on his lips, and a wave of nerves washes over me from head to toe.
'How will he react?'
'Will he be able to reciprocate my feelings?'
I gently take his cheeks, not too firmly, to show him he can pull away. I look at him, and the whole space turns white. All I can see is Marco, all I can see is the person I love.
"Step away if you don't want this," I say firmly, though my heart trembles with fear.
My lips search for his timidly, trembling with anticipation and emotion. I can't help but think of all the possibilities, all the emotions this kiss might unleash.
'It can't be, it can't be, it can't be...'
I stare at his lips intently. My heart pounds, clamoring for what's about to happen. I can't tear my gaze away now that I understand the profound meaning they hold.
'Will he feel the same as I do during this test?' Nervousness overtakes me, my hands trembling as I wonder how he'll react.
'Will he reject me?'
'Are my lips dry?'
My mind races with a thousand thoughts. I move closer slowly, feeling his presence near, knowing he isn't pushing me away.
'Will I know how to do it right?' My nerves intensify as I get closer. Marco just watches me, as if he's waiting for something.
'What if he says I don't know how?' I dismiss the thought immediately, knowing Marco isn't rude.
'Focus, Emilia!'
I focus, trying to push away all distractions and focus on this unique moment.
'What did I eat earlier?'
I look at him, both of us close.
"You once told me we should start from zero, but that will never be true," I whisper, my breath hitching, feeling his presence so nearby. "Our story began when I met you, and nothing can erase that."
Marco says nothing, but his smile says it all. His eyes shine with anticipation, as if eager for what's about to happen. I place a hand on his chest, feeling the gentle beat of his heart beneath my fingertips.
Maybe he hasn't cried rivers, maybe he hasn't felt the same as I did, but now I can understand.
Everyone has their own way of facing pain, of expressing feelings. And at this moment, I can only be happy if things work out, even if it's not exactly as I imagined.
I lean slightly forward, getting even closer. I can feel his warm breath on my face, his presence so close to mine.
'It can't be, it can't be, it can't be,' my mind repeats over and over, but I know this moment is real.
I close my eyes, letting my body move on its own. I feel his breath, hear the beat of his heart.
"We're not starting from zero, we're just moving forward," I whisper, giving in completely to my emotions. "Life keeps moving, and I want to seize every moment with you."
Then...
In a fleeting instant, the world seems to stop around me as I feel the light brush of his lips. It's as if the entire universe converges in that simple contact, and my body responds instinctively, like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon, spreading its wings at the promise of flight.
A torrent of sensations invades me, every fiber of my being igniting with a burning energy that races across my skin and ignites the fire in my heart.
'I'm burning.'
It's a blazing heat that spreads from the epicenter of my lips to the farthest corners of my being, a flame that consumes all doubt, all fear, leaving only the certainty of this unique moment.
Our fingers intertwine gently, caressing each other tenderly in a silent dance that speaks of our emotions. The ones Marco has decided to release, the ones that were in me until they finally found their courage.
His hand travels around my waist, caressing my back and pulling me closer to him.
I'm giving it to him, keeping my promise to Marco's father.
'I hand over the brush, I hand over the colors.'
"Don't stop holding me," I whisper, looking at him with desire, wanting him to cling to me, wanting to cling to him.
I feel light, as if I could walk on clouds. I don't want him to stop holding me because if he does...
'Maybe I'll fly to the moon.'
Marco smiles, holding me firmly.
When our lips meet again, it's as if time stops and the whole world disappears, leaving us alone in a parallel universe where only we exist.
And in the midst of this whirlwind of emotions, I can feel his essence mingling with mine, like an intoxicating fragrance that takes over my senses.
'Tastes like leaf tea,' I laugh inside. 'My first kiss tastes like leaf tea.'
My hands slide down his back, exploring every inch of his skin with reverent delicacy, as if discovering a hidden treasure.
Tears well up in my eyes, but they aren't tears of sadness; they're tears of pure joy, of gratitude for this moment of shared fulfillment. And when I feel his hand caressing my cheek, accepting this act of surrender and love, my heart overflows with happiness.
I try to go further, but...
'His teeth!'
A deep blush stains my cheeks as I realize my mistake, but instead of pulling away or correcting me, Marco lets me continue, as if he understands that this small stumble is just a part of me.
I know this is where I belong, with him, in this embrace. We are two beings merging into one, two hearts beating in unison in this dance. Like in Irlam, this is the culmination of what we never did.
'I tried to paint on your canvas, but here you are, filling mine with colors.'
Our bodies move in harmony, coming closer and moving apart in perfect choreography, increasing my desire to continue. Every touch, every contact, is a caress that ignites the fire of my passion, a spark that kindles the flame of love burning in my heart.
'I knew nothing about love; I knew nothing, and now I feel like I know everything.'
And when we finally part, I feel as if I've lost a part of myself, as if a piece of my soul has detached and is floating in the air between us.
But amid that emptiness, there's also a sense of fulfillment.
'I feel like I've touched the sky with my hands, and experienced eternity in an instant.'
Our hands intertwine again, seeking comfort and security in each other's touch. And in this moment, I know I'm exactly where I need to be, in his arms, next to his heart, in this corner of the universe we've created together.
"Huh?"
Then I realize I'm panting, the missing air quickly trying to return to my lungs. I put my hand on my chest, trying to catch my breath quickly.
"Sometimes you forget to breathe, and you're as red as a tomato." He holds my shoulders, looking at me intently with a smile.
As I gasp for air and take deep breaths, I can feel laughter bubbling up inside me, a liberating laughter that comes from the depths of my being.
"Whose fault do you think that is?" I reply, sticking my tongue out playfully, then looking back at him with a knowing smile.
We gently bump our foreheads together while holding hands. We both start laughing, letting the euphoria take over. Then, we just look at each other.
We stood there, staring at each other, lost in a silence loaded with emotions. Marco held my gaze with intensity, and I felt my heart pounding, as if it were about to leap out of my chest.
For a moment, I had the urge to run, but also to embrace him tightly.
'Still, I must be firm.'
"There was a time when our lives were intertwined, but I know now is not the right moment for an answer." My lips curved into a smile, though I felt a slight pang in my heart.
I didn't want to pressure him or rush him. I didn't want to put shackles on him; I just wanted to show him what was inside me, what I felt for him.
I love him, but I won't force him. I know he needs time to heal so that when he does, his love will be as pure as it once was.
And even more than that.
"I'm not going anywhere, so I can wait." My words were sincere; there was no reason to rush. Though my desire to keep kissing him and doing things I wouldn't have done before existed, I knew there would be time for that.
When Marco is ready and reciprocates, I know I will be happier than if I forced him now.
'For our love to be mutual, that's what I want most.'
"That's why I'll wait for you to heal." I winked at him, moving closer again. Gently, my finger touched the tip of his nose. "You'll see that I'll delve so deeply into your heart that you won't be able to take your eyes off me."
'I can't believe I said that!' I screamed internally as I looked at him nervously, waiting for his words.
I was happy; I had never felt so many emotions at the same time. But above all, the happiness I felt at that moment was overwhelming.
"I thought love was impossible after what happened with Maria, that I was destined to suffer in solitude." Marco shook his head. "But now I know I was never alone. Back then, I couldn't see it. I realized it in the capital; I sensed your feelings, but I didn't want to even think about it."
I nodded slightly, seeing how Marco had perceived my feelings even before I did.
'He's a devil...'
"Despite everything, you've been brave, and after Beatrice, you're the person I care about the most, though now I'll have to see you differently." I smiled, sharing his sentiment. "I promise you, from now on, I'll start to change, to see things with a new perspective. I can't give you a definitive answer right now because it wouldn't be fair to you since it wouldn't be the right answer."
We hugged again, feeling closer than ever. Although Marco hadn't accepted me yet, he hadn't rejected me either.
"But I can assure you that I will love again, and I know you'll be by my side when that happens."
Sometimes, things don't need to be so clear, and that's okay with me.
"We've both changed." I took his hands, looking into his eyes. "And we'll keep changing together, but we'll still be ourselves."
I gave him one last kiss, to keep the sensation on my lips. To immortalize it in my memory so I could hold on until then. I had no doubts; though a bit sad, there were no doubts in my heart.
"Marco, your father wanted to tell you something, but I'll say it in my words." The words his father wanted to convey with that look. "Embrace uncertainty, welcome it, and allow yourself to live in its company. Because it's precisely in the darkness of uncertainty where the brightest star emerges."
I knew I would keep loving him in the future because the Marco I had in front of me would keep taking everything from me.
Now, together, we would move forward...
Towards a brighter tomorrow.