The Hidden Reality.
When I open my eyes, I'm amazed once again by the magnificent view before me. The blue sky stretches like an infinite canvas, as vast as an entire world in itself. The clouds float majestically, reminding me that another challenge awaits.
At the top of a hill, I see her, a fake smile on her face. I know she hates me, but honestly, I don't feel the same towards her. Even so, I don't worry about it. After all, she's the one missing out.
"You arrived quickly," Echidna comments, her gaze fixed on the horizon while her back is turned to me. It seems she is also ready for what's about to happen.
However, there's something that intrigues me, something I need to ask.
"Aren't you afraid?" I inquire, observing her profile.
Echidna reacts to my question, turning to face me directly.
"Afraid of what?" she responds in a neutral voice, extending her hand toward me. "Make no mistake, this doesn't represent any danger. In fact..."
Echidna gives a wide smile that I find somewhat disturbing.
"...being with the candidate for sage will be quite interesting. Since I know his world, I'm curious to see how much he can transform ours." Her hands light up, and the world around us begins to crumble. "These two trials may not pose a real challenge for you, but if you think that being with you will make me your ally, you're very mistaken."
It's true. I still don't quite understand why Echidna holds so much resentment towards me. Maybe Marco has some clue about it, so I'll have to ask him. But I'm sure that, one way or another, it all relates to Satella.
My heart trembles for a moment, but then I remember the comforting warmth of his embrace wrapping around me completely. My fingers touch my lips, forming a smile that refuses to disappear. I can still feel it, his warmth still clinging to my skin. My hands cover my cheeks, unable to contain the surge of happiness that overwhelms me.
Echidna watches me with a look of surprise and bewilderment, but right now, none of that matters to me in the slightest.
"That's disgusting."
Suddenly, my vision blurs and the sensations in my body begin to fade. I feel as if I'm floating in a void, with no control whatsoever. Instead of feeling nervous, I think about all of them. They are fighting to move forward, and I must do the same. A buzzing invades my ears, and a voice that seems to come from nowhere begins to resonate in my mind.
"See the unimaginable present," says a timid voice, like that of a young teenager. I am bathed in sunlight. Once again, the blue sky stretches above me. Although I can see it, I don't feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. The murmur of people and the clatter of carriages make me think of Irlam.
'Marco told me the trial is about presents that never happened, so I just have to watch it and wait for it to end.'
When I turn my body, I find myself on high ground. It's an impressive view, something I had never witnessed before. The capital of Lugunica is displayed in all its splendor.
I marvel at this magnificent view; I never imagined seeing it this way. The capital is truly vast; hundreds of thousands of people live here. Hundreds of thousands of lives, each with their own stories and dreams.
I clench my hands with determination, aware that what I have before me is also a goal I must protect. When I become queen, I won't settle for simply achieving my objectives.
'I'm sure I can achieve much more.'
Even though I can't move as I wish, it seems unnecessary. My body begins to move on its own, crossing the plaza until it reaches a place I know very well: that alley where I saw him for the first time.
Once inside, I stay waiting for his arrival. From here I can see everything except the entrance. I can't turn my head an inch, as if the trial wants me to remain here, anchored in this moment.
Then, I hear footsteps, and my heart softens instantly. It must be at that moment when he arrived at this place. I wait for a few minutes until the footsteps grow louder and, seeing the person who sits down, I frown in confusion.
I can't understand what's happening. He is wearing strange clothes, typical of Marco's world. The person before me is not Marco. His plastic bag confirms that he comes from the same world as him, plus that old cell phone looks like Marco's father's.
"Some chips, instant ramen, and my cell phone," the person begins to shout. "At least give me a damn Excalibur sacred sword!"
'Sacred Excalibur sword?' I can't comprehend the intentions of this trial, if it was supposed to be a probable present, then... 'Who is this person?'
I suppose I can only keep watching.
After a fight with the bandits, this person is completely devastated, just like Marco. Felt also passes by, carrying my insignia with her. Unable to do more, it seems they are going to beat him until he's unconscious.
"Stop, villains!" I hear my voice, and then I realize that, certainly, Marco does not exist in this world.
'If only someone else had come to this world!' Marco's words become a reality here. Somehow, someone else has arrived in this world. I reject that idea in my mind; after all, it makes no sense to see something that never happened.
'With him, I'm fine, I don't need anyone else.'
Just imagining a world without Marco now makes my tears want to flow. I can't, I just can't imagine it right now. A feeling of loss embraces me just by imagining it.
"Don't look at me too much, guys..." my beloved father, my second father, whom I love so much. His cheerful attitude and smile fill my soul with warmth. "You make me blush."
'Puck!' My heart longs to see him again, I miss him so much, I want to talk to him, stroll together. Marco told me that after helping him using his odo, he might have taken refuge somewhere, that we will really have to search high and low to find him. Puck needs a lot of mana to sustain himself, so if he's somewhere, we won't be able to hear or see him.
But I know I'll be able to find him.
'Even his angry face looks so adorable,' thinks that person, his thought resonating above before fainting.
'What do you mean adorable?' I reject that idea, although maybe I do look like that. Even when angry, I don't seem the least bit upset.
'That's why Marco and Puck always teased me when I got angry.'
Then I see him lying on Puck's paws while I wait for him to wake up. When he finally does, a perverted smile is the only thing I see.
After rejecting his insistence to accompany me, these individual keeps trying. He really doesn't look like someone trustworthy. Although, despite his intimidating appearance, he doesn't seem evil.
"That's right! My goal is to do at least one good deed a day," he declares with determination.
I remember that Marco had mentioned he could find out where my insignia was, based on a feeling he had with him. At that moment, I was so worried about the insignia that I didn't pay much attention. That's why I never delved into the matter.
Instead, this person seems disoriented, not knowing where he is or to whom he is talking.
I accept his proposal, and everything goes dark.
"My name is Natsuki Subaru!" the light returns, and my self is once again in front of this person. They are on top of a building, it seems both have searched for a considerable time. His posture is peculiar, but somehow it feels familiar. I can't remember where I know him from, my memory doesn't reach beyond.
"If there's some kind of place where those kinds of people gather, maybe it would be appropriate to search there," he opines, looking for a logical solution to the situation.
'Why couldn't I think of it before?' If I had, perhaps I wouldn't have accepted Marco's offer, nor allowed him to accompany me...
'I'm glad I didn't think of it,' I thank my past self internally.
"My name is... Satella."
Upon pronouncing that name, I see the confused expression on Subaru's face as he sees how the atmosphere changes, as well as the disappointment reflected on Puck's face. It's evident he doesn't know who I am, or who Satella is either. Back then, I just wanted to keep him away to avoid danger.
But they both decided to joke about it.
They keep walking without a clear direction. After failing to cheer up the lost girl, Subaru manages to do it perfectly. And with that, everything converges, the man gives us information immediately.
Although his gaze might seem intimidating, his cheerful and jovial demeanor infects me with a sense of joy. "He's so different from Marco," I reflect. While Marco tends to exude calm and peace, Subaru radiates a different energy, more cheerful and infectious.
Even so, to me, Marco is still superior.
After a long time, night falls upon us. We realize we've taken quite a while to get anywhere.
Then, everything goes dark.
The moonlight illuminates the landscape, allowing me to see again. I observe a destroyed bazaar, with everyone standing. Reinhard is holding a sword that starts to disintegrate on its own.
It seems that, in this reality, it was Reinhard who ended the battle.
That Emilia is distracted, seeing that everything is over. Relieved, she looks around, searching for Felt. Everyone is talking, congratulating Subaru, until—
At that moment, Elsa emerges from the rubble with a determined look to finish me off.
'Why did she want to kill me?' 'How did she know I had that insignia?' Questions flood my mind as I observe her face for some answer. An answer my heart doesn't want to accept.
But just when the situation seems desperate, Subaru appears in front of me. Quickly, he grabs Rom's mace and uses it as a shield to protect me from Elsa's attack. His brave act leaves me breathless, and in that instant, I know he saved my life without a doubt.
He looks weak, really not as muscular, or skilled as Marco at that moment. Despite everything, he was able to do it without a second's hesitation. In a matter of moments, he took the mace and saved me, probably without even thinking it through.
After that heroic act, it's clear that I feel an overwhelming need to do something for him. After all, he rescued me from a potentially deadly situation.
But his attitude surprises me.
"I want you to tell me your name," he asks, with a confident look, as if he had achieved a great feat by doing so.
'Is that all?' I look at him, thinking about how my other self in this reality will react.
"Is that all?" she asks, making me smile for guessing it. Then, after revealing my name, everything seems to calm down.
However, when Reinhard takes the weapon and sees that it was cut, at that very moment, Subaru's stomach opens up and he falls to the ground, expelling a large amount of blood. I can't help but worry, but I doubt that's the end.
Suddenly, everything goes dark, and I find myself transported back to the mansion.
I suppose I brought him with me, after all, he saved my life at that moment of danger. I wouldn't leave him alone having sacrificed his life for me, regardless of who he is.
'Hmpf! Marco could walk on his own.'
Although this person saved me too. 'I know my other self in that reality will thank him properly.'
When Subaru wakes up, he finds himself surrounded by everyone, taken to talk with Roswaal to decide what to do with him.
His youthful and energetic attitude doesn't bother me at all; on the contrary, I think someone like him would have made me happy back then when I felt so lonely. At that time, he would have been great company.
And even now, he would be a great friend; I'm sure Marco would like him too.
'He looks a bit like Otto, but much more innocent.'
Days pass, and I notice that Subaru acts with so much energy that he starts to look bad. He seems worried about something but can't find a solution. His gaze starts to drift, acting with fear, an irrational fear he hides inside.
'At this rate, he's going to have a burnout,' I think, seeing that everyone notices something strange about him.
I remember how Marco was also worried back then, although he didn't show it in the same way. Maybe Subaru feels the same, but his emotional transparency makes it more evident.
That Emilia notices his attitude and intervenes immediately.
'Hehe, I'm not as clueless as Marco says.' If I could move, I would strike a proud pose, although I feel like my nose is growing.
I see the other version of myself kneeling, telling Subaru to rest on my lap. He looks at me for a few seconds, but I realize that my gaze is only one of maternal concern; apparently, what he needs. It's evident he's interested in me; I can see it clearly now.
His eyes can't lie.
The way Subaru behaves is undoubtedly curious to me; I see him as a child who needs to be pampered. It's like when I'm with Petra, his demeanor is similar to hers too.
I'm not sure if he did, but, if he told me he comes from another world, then even more reason, I wouldn't leave someone alone, especially if they are feeling bad.
"It's been tough, hasn't it?" After those words, Subaru begins to cry uncontrollably while I watch him carefully.
I didn't expect this reaction, I must admit. In similar situations, I was the one who cried, but now I'm seeing the opposite. What took so long with Marco, I'm experiencing so quickly with him.
Then, the scene changes. I see Subaru running with Rem in his arms, while Ram accompanies them. They flee at full speed with Mabeasts chasing them. Finally, Subaru hands Rem over and turns decisively.
Determination is in his eyes, but his legs tremble slightly. After talking to Rem, who blames herself for wanting to harm him, he charges at the Mabeasts.
I suppose he must have some plan: "probably did something with Puck like Marco, or he must be strong enough to face them alone." He runs and just as he's in front of the great Mabeasts, he shouts with all his might:
"Shamack!" A dense black cloud spreads across the area. Subaru delves into his spell and stabs the broken sword into the Mabeast's neck.
"It won't be enough!" I watch as the Mabeast recovers, growling fiercely. That person doesn't seem skilled with magic or physically, although he shows impressive bravery.
When it seems there's no escape, Roswaal appears. He finishes off the Mabeast, and Subaru ends up fainting in Rem's arms.
I sigh in relief, seeing that everything ended well.
I suppose I was healing everyone in the village with Betty.
Then, I see another scene, this time in the village. Subaru is alone, but seeing the village, I can't help but want to cry. My gaze stays fixed on the entire village.
'There was no fire, no deaths.'
I even see him, the person who died because of my mistake. The person I took from this world due to my arrogance. Everyone in the village is smiling, everyone seems happy practicing exercises with Subaru.
Natsuki Subaru seems to be the hero who saved the village.
Only, without any casualties, without any destruction. Leaving everything unchanged.
'Why is our reality so different?'
I see that the other me and Subaru become close. Likewise with Rem, they spend most of their time together. In contrast, I keep studying and studying, although he always comes to spend time with me, trying to brighten my day.
I'm not saying it's bad, but now I see that I was doing everything wrong.
If it weren't for Marco, I would never have tried the experience itself.
Everything seems to continue over time, everyone happy and full of life.
Then, I'm transported to the top of the Flugel Tree. My gaze marvels at the incredible landscape around me. However, my sight is directed downwards, where I see a group gathered under the tree.
They seem to be knights, many of them. Crusch is present, but I can't hear what they're saying, I suppose she's helping Subaru along with Ferris, who must be at the border. Then, I'm taken to another part of the tree, where I see Rem and Subaru together.
They are both observing the organization of the knights, everyone forming, preparing for battle. I also see other types of people.
My eyes widen in surprise, unable to believe what I see.
Anastasia's mercenaries, dressed differently from Ferris's knights, are present. The large magic cannons are being set up, but I don't see the Irlam army anywhere.
In fact, I can't find myself anywhere.
'Where could I be at such an important moment?' I wonder, with a certain annoyance in my gaze.
Both seem quite affectionate, both Rem and Subaru showing great chemistry. Rem's gaze is so sweet, something I haven't seen in her for a long time.
Although, I think that, before they left, I saw it again.
"The Witch's Cult will head towards the village, attacking everyone?" Rem asks to which Subaru nods.
'So, they managed to find out in time.' I sigh in relief, seeing that they won't suffer the same fate as us, they will protect everyone in time.
"We need to protect them all, that's why we need to finish off this monster first." Subaru looks at the sky, making my gaze and his meet. "To protect Emilia too."
'Protect me? Could something has happened to me?'
Then, the battle erupts before us. I watch as he, without any notable magical power or exceptional physical strength, dives into the fray. Yet, his brave attitude manages to inspire everyone present and give them strength.
In contrast, I get frustrated; it bothers me to see that I'm doing nothing in such a situation.
After the fight, he makes a completely risky plan. Now, he stands in front of the great white whale. On its horn, he stares at it without fear. I can only watch in amazement, seeing that even without the ability to fly, he has done something so dangerous.
His hands tremble, his lips too. It's evident that fear is stalking him, but his determination is unshakable.
"From this distance, you look horrible." Subaru throws himself into the void, but just as he's about to speak, a deafening buzz fills my ears. I close my eyes, and when I open them again, I find the Mabeast chasing them.
BOOM!
Giant explosions sweep through the Flugel tree, completely toppling it. I can't believe they resorted to something so drastic to destroy the great whale. I don't know how many casualties there have been, but it seems numerous. When they both return, the healers are busy tending to the wounded.
'Why am I not helping? Where is Betty in all this?'
Then, they confront the cult with the help of both camps. It's a splendid idea, but it feels strange that they're helping us. Who knows what they might have asked for in return.
Subaru uses my outfit to hide his identity and head to the mansion.
I'm surprised that so many things are happening around me, and I'm not aware of them. It enrages and saddens me to see that they don't trust me.
From what I've seen, it seems like Subaru and my counterpart in that reality are at odds.
I don't know the reason, but Subaru is blaming himself.
Upon returning to the village, I notice that everything remains the same, without apparent changes. It seems Subaru has earned the trust of the villagers, and then, after a speech, everyone ends up following him.
"It's the half-devil in the mansion's fault." I hadn't heard those words in a long time, but well, I can't blame them.
Ignorance hurts, but if I let it affect me, I'll be as ignorant as they are. Besides, in my world, it's no longer like that; everyone loves and appreciates me for who I am.
Everyone is worried as they board the carriages. The knights organize the people and set up guards to move forward. The plan is made when Subaru explains the entire procedure to follow.
Julius and Subaru head to the mansion to see me.
'And what am I doing?'
I've seen him go through a considerable number of critical moments, but in none of them am I present. I haven't seen myself healing people, nor helping during the whale attack, much less now.
When they arrive at the mansion, I hear my own complaints, wanting to contribute. Subaru, using my outfit to hide his identity, prevents me from recognizing him. At the same time, I see my face, but I know my desire to help would be greater than anything.
'Even if the guilt is eating me from the inside.'
I look at my face of worry and guilt, but still, I don't dare to do anything. A fire starts to travel from my stomach to my heart.
'Do something!' I scream internally. 'Go fight, help!'
Then, I'm asked to stay in the carriage, with the excuse that someone is needed to protect the children. It's valid, and I consider it necessary to protect the children's carriage above the others.
'But I don't see the need to send the children outside; they should have gone to the sanctuary if that's what they wanted to do.' It bothers me, it bothers me to see how they risk the children's lives by exposing them to such an avoidable situation.
The children's protection with me isn't completely safe. It doesn't make sense, and I don't see the logic in sending multiple people through the battlefield. If they were installed inside the mansion's passages, if they all entered the forbidden library, that would be easier.
They could have taken advantage of the union of knights and mercenaries to make a better defense plan.
'Besides, as I can see, Roswaal…'
The carriage moves smoothly along the path, but I feel the weight of disappointment crushing my shoulders. They could have assigned more knights to the carriage; they could have included me in the main group, but once again, I feel sidelined, as if my worth is being overlooked.
'Why doesn't anyone ask me to help?' I murmur to myself, the frustration palpable in my words. 'Why does everyone treat me like I'm made of glass?'
I'm not fragile, not at all. I can be useful; I can fight and help reduce the casualties. However, it seems no one recognizes my capability, my desire to be an active part of the fight.
'And my other self, unable to assert herself, just stays quiet, waiting to be rescued.'
Then, everything goes dark again. I find myself in the carriage, surrounded by scared children. My gaze fills with concern as I see people fighting outside. I know it's my moment to intervene, to do something to help.
"No! We won't let you get out!" the children shout, clinging to me with fear in their eyes.
It's a terrible experience for them, one I know all too well from the fear the children felt during the cult attack in Irlam. I can imagine their pain, their anguish at having to flee their homes due to a possible attack, having to hear the cannons and bullets.
"Subaru told us not to let you out!" the children look at me with fear, while Petra looks upset, though as cute as ever.
'He told them that I couldn't go out?, Why doesn't he want me to help?' I wonder with some annoyance, realizing he's the one who has been hiding things from me. 'If all this time he never asked for help, then he must not care enough about me.'
The carriage stops abruptly, and I'm left perplexed at seeing who's entering. Subaru joins us in the carriage, and our eyes meet, communicating so much without words.
Subaru takes out some planks and a bag full of fire lagmite crystals. I can't help but recognize the distinctive reddish tone.
"Subaru." My other self-places her hands on her chest, looking at him with concern. "Why are you doing this?"
Subaru gets out of the carriage and places the bag on the whale's body.
Boom!
Everything goes dark, then I see Subaru and myself on a hill. He rests on my lap, surrounded by the expectant gazes of many people. He seems to have earned the respect of everyone, even the most distinguished like Wilhelm, Felix, and Julius.
I'm not sure what he's done, but everyone looks at him with camaraderie and respect. It's similar to my reality, but I don't see Frey anywhere.
It seems Subaru and I are distant, but after his apology, my other self-breaks down completely.
I'm still upset, but I must admit I don't fully understand what's going on.
After talking and expressing their feelings, I can understand. I can feel the emotion beating in the heart of that version of myself. Admiration, affection, respect. Everything is clearly reflected in her eyes as she looks at Subaru.
But I don't like it, not at all.
I see the crystal on her neck, which means Puck is with her at that moment too.
'It seems that version of me is feeling things for Subaru, but she hasn't realized it.'
My world darkens again, then slowly brightens. I immediately recognize the place; we're inside the sanctuary. I look haggard, as if I haven't been able to sleep.
'It reminds me of when they came to my room.'
Even so, Subaru looks at me with eyes as bright as the sun itself, as if he's seeing the most beautiful woman in the universe.
The darkness in my vision is similar to the darkness I saw in Marco. The brightness in Subaru is similar to the brightness I wanted to give to Marco. The roles seem different; in this world, I do nothing but cry and complain.
I can see it; She hasn't changed at all.
"Why did you break your promise?" my other version asks, and I immediately understand where this is all going.
Rage bubbles inside her, emerging like a torrent of hurtful words that crash against Subaru. Every insult, every self-loathing word she hurls reflects the confusion and frustration she feels deep inside.
"I'm useless! I never do anything when I'm needed." She cries inconsolably while I keep insulting myself.
She repeats to herself that she's useless, that she isn't worth anything for not having intervened.
'How can they expect her to do anything if no one tells her what the problems are?' I scream in a fit of desperation, trying to let go of my anguish.
But he starts shouting too, admitting that uncomfortable truth with his own words filled with venom and sweetness. Each insult of his hits like a slap, and she can't help but respond with more sharp words.
'He has no right to say those things. Anyone else might have that right without knowing the situation, but Subaru knew and never asked for help.' I watch the situation with annoyance because I certainly wouldn't notice these things.
I don't understand how he expects her to act if they never give her the chance to do so. It's clear she will feel useless if they don't let her take the reins if they don't let her learn from her own mistakes.
"How am I supposed to learn to take control if they never give it to me?" I mutter through gritted teeth, feeling the weight of guilt closing in on me. "Is it that hard to communicate?"
I know my past self-had many problems, but even back then, I wasn't a porcelain piece to be admired or a doll to be played with.
'I wanted to take off, for someone to give me the chance to strive even if it was against my will.'
"Why do you always take risks alone without telling me?" I finally ask, waiting for his response. "Why don't you show me when you're hurting?"
"I love you, and I always want to look great for you, to protect you from all harm." His response baffles me, and then I understand the main difference, my frustration.
'We have different concepts of love.'
The fight reaches its peak, and I feel like I can't take it anymore. That Emilia's eyes fill with tears, probably wondering why she's still by his side if everything is so complicated.
"Why are you with me then?" Her voice trembles with pain, aware that the contract with Puck is also broken, leaving her in darkness.
Subaru looks at her tenderly, his eyes reflecting a deep and sincere love that shakes me.
"Because I love you."
His words make my heart race, mixing anger with happiness.
'Despite everything, he can see me and still love me,' I think as I try to process his words.
I can see that he genuinely loves me in his peculiar and unique way. Still, doubt persists in my mind, uncertainty about what I'm seeing. I can understand that we have different concepts of love, but at the same time, I know that it's not enough for me.
Even back then, I always saw love as based on helping each other.
'Father Guise and Mother Fortuna always showed me that.' Even when I sneaked away, and both were in bad shape, they supported each other. 'But certainly, it's something beautiful, especially for that Emilia who must feel lonely and abandoned.'
Subaru's love must be overwhelming enough to make her wake up.
"If you don't want to, step back," she says in a trembling voice, watching as he grabs her shoulders with determination.
Their eyes meet in a moment filled with conflicting emotions. That nervous look of mine reassures me, their lips meeting in a kiss full of passion and love.
"Are you with me because you love me?" she asks, her eyes shining with hope and love.
"That's right," he replies, his gaze reflecting the same tenderness I see in mine.
They look at each other, seeing a reflection of the other.
I can't help but smile.
'I feel like I can conclude something I didn't know was in me.'
At that moment, I understand that this present, although it never happened, is one where I am truly happy. And even, it could be that, on the way to this destination, I found even greater happiness.
As I leave the sanctuary, I see an unusual scene. A dense snowfall covers the entire landscape, as if winter had arrived suddenly. In front of me, the villagers welcome us with warm smiles and proud looks.
It seems I have passed the tests, and Subaru is by my side, his presence comforting like a ray of sunshine in the cold.
My heart swells with joy seeing Betty, her face radiant with happiness. Subaru has managed to help her, and that fills me with admiration for him.
It's truly incredible how he has resolved everything without losing anyone along the way.
'He's a hero in the true sense of the word, though it seems Puck is no longer with me.'
Then, I see how finally that me joins the fight, how they face one of the imposing mabeasts with Betty's help. Later, after a chat with everyone, even after seeing Roswaal and Ram are fine after fighting.
'Will that mabeasts attack too?' Theoretically speaking, this is the future, a future I will not witness. The actions we took have changed everything, so I can't really know if this will happen.
Subaru and I are alone on the cold sanctuary stairs.
"The baby in my womb!" That little detail makes me blush with joy and nervousness.
'That Annerose…,' I think, remembering the embarrassment I felt when Marco explained everything about babies to me.
Later, everyone is gathered at a feast, with Roswaal, Ram, and the others. It's evident they have overcome all adversities, no one has been hurt. Everyone radiates happiness and unity, even Garfield and his sister are together, sharing laughs and fun moments.
'I know deep down that this feast is not going to happen.' We can't have a party, and I don't want to have one either.
Even Otto, with his two intact hands, is part of the celebration. The village brims with life and joy, as if tragedy had never occurred.
I don't see Luan or Crusch, nor the blacksmiths...
I don't see the people we rescued from the slums, nor Helena, or some ministers. I can't see so many people I know that I somehow understand. Many will continue with their lives without our intervention.
'The blacksmiths locked up in the capital…' Nothing has changed because nothing has been done to change it.
The situation with Roswaal seems resolved, and Rem is present, gracefully wearing her maid outfit, 'though she seems to have fallen asleep.'
They have achieved all that without losing anything along the way. Natsuki Subaru, that extraordinary person, has accomplished everything without suffering any loss. His bravery and determination have led them to this moment of triumph and happiness.
My vision plunges into darkness and, upon reopening my eyes, I find myself back in my own body. I scan the surroundings, expecting to see Echidna, but instead, I spot a completely different figure.
I approach her, perceiving the anxiety on her face as I advance. Her eyes are like two rubies, contrasting with the softness of her pink hair that falls in delicate waves to her waist. Her face, with delicate features, exudes a tenderness that deeply moves me. Her limbs, slender and delicate, seem to belong to a noble princess.
Despite her youthful appearance, I detect an inner light emanating from her being, though I don't give it much importance at this moment.
I stop in front of her, and her lips start to move hesitantly.
"You…," she tightly grips the fabric of her skirt while looking at me timidly. "What do you think? Do you still love him?"
The question catches me by surprise, and my eyebrows arch involuntarily, while a smile forms on my lips. Before I can respond, I see Echidna appear by my side, watching me with an expectant expression.
"What did you think?" Echidna smiles, her eyes shining with complicity. "You looked happy. They love you just as you are, with all your flaws. A perfect world, right?"
I close my eyes, absorbing her words with calm and acceptance.
"It was a beautiful story," I reply, turning my gaze to Carmilla, who watches Echidna intently but says nothing.
My response comes from the deepest part of my being; there is no need to question something that never happened.
When I look, I find Echidna still smiling at me, and I feel a wave of gratitude towards her for allowing me to experience that world. Although I believe that the one who tested me was that girl beside me.
"You were happy. Happy most of the time. No one suffered irreparable losses, there was no anguish around you. Everyone radiated happiness and supported each other. Even if they weren't the same people as in your world, their hearts beat with a purer and more sincere joy," Echidna approaches, noticing my serenity at her words. "And I'll tell you more. That person is capable of making everything work, of avoiding tragedies and conflicts. They get everyone to accept each other as they are, without reservations or judgments. They don't force them to change, nor do they see it as necessary."
I interrupt Echidna with a gesture of my hand, causing her to stop, annoyed. Her look is that of someone who has lost, and I can see she knows it too.
"It's true. Maybe what you say is true," I say calmly, lowering my gaze to meet Carmilla's eyes. "They accept me as I am, without asking me to change or give up my essence. They want me to remain the same person I've always been, and that other person loves me for who I am, with my successes and flaws."
That person managed to bring peace and happiness to the people of the village, helped them accept and love each other unconditionally. They haven't suffered losses or failures that lead to many people's deaths.
I glimpse that scene with infinite tenderness, as if it reflected a paradise I'm glad to have seen.
"I think I took this test too late," I confess, letting my words resonate in the air with a touch of melancholy. "If it had been a few months ago, if my life had gone differently, I would have wished that was my present."
I place a hand on my chest, where the longing to reunite with my loved ones beats.
"In that world, my daughter Beatrice is healthy, without any problems." Echidna's look becomes tense, her eyebrows trembling. "Even Puck, he is also fine in his way."
It's true, and it breaks my heart.
I don't know how that person managed to accomplish all that, but I don't have much to say about it. Everything he changed has already happened, and what my Marco can achieve is more than what that person ever will.
'That's what I think, but that's only for my reality.' I see my fingers, smiling slightly at me. 'They have his own reality, so, I just need to move forward just like that reality will.'
From different perspectives, each had their achievements, but unlike Marco, he hasn't been able to save everyone. And including myself, I haven't been able to do it either.
He's not alone; everything that happened in this world is also our fault. Echidna talks as if Marco could change everything, as if he had the potential to be perfect. 'He doesn't need to be I don't want him to be.'
No one is perfect.
"Marco is a human, that's why he makes mistakes and will continue to make them." I look up at the ceiling, wondering if this is okay. "That person, Subaru, loves me for who I am, loves me for how I act and all my flaws."
When I say that name, I feel a different energy. I can see the expression on Carmilla's face change, her eyes shifting from concern and fear to conveying a feeling I can't quite grasp, a feeling that frightens me. In contrast, Echidna shows nothing, as if she already knows something.
I'm taken aback for a second but quickly compose myself.
I smile, feeling grateful for being loved for who I am. Somehow, I always carried the thought that I wouldn't be loved if I didn't change, but it seems I was wrong once again.
I look at Echidna with determination, placing my hand firmly on my chest, showing her who I am.
"I love myself; I love who I've become." It's a truth; what matters is who I am. "I love seeing the things I can improve about myself, I love striving to help, I love seeing that I can overcome situations I couldn't before."
I've changed so much, yet there are things that won't change. I enjoy change, I enjoy the uncertainty that comes with it.
"And despite having changed, there are people who still love me, people who have witnessed all the changes and still don't walk away from me." I look at Carmilla with a smile. "I love Marco Luz deeply. And I also love that my past self-found someone who loves her."
She opens her eyes, and a smile forms on her lips.
"The trial is about accepting the present, not wanting another, but that's unnecessary." I look up at the sky, thinking about everything I've just seen.
Even in Irlam, it's common to hear everyone wishing they could correct their mistakes. Regrets are presents that don't exist. That's normal, and sometimes we can draw strength from them to keep living.
"We all dream of changing things, changing actions, and thinking about what could have been better. In the end, we'll always think about those things, but I want to do it and also accept the reality I have in my hands."
Her world is sweet, overflowing with joy, but devoid of change. In that place, no one suffers or regrets their decisions. There are no wars, no deaths due to excessive ambitions.
'At least from what I saw, surely something worse is happening somewhere else.'
Echidna looks into my eyes, and a smile starts to form on her lips.
"Things can stay the same because no one needs to change, just as no one suffers because that person will protect them. He doesn't have the strength, skills, or intelligence of Marco Luz," she concludes, and I accept her words. "Despite all that, he is capable of overcoming all adversities and moving forward without losing anyone, without anyone else needing to change."
'That's false, I could see it in his eyes when he kissed me.' From the moment he did, that Emilia had no turning back. Echidna talks about that world as if she desires it, as if it were perfect.
The fact that sad things happen when you change doesn't mean everything is bad.
"But what about the people Marco has helped?" I ask, and her lips stop smiling. "I know Marco has made bad decisions, that people have died because of them. Don't think that I don't suffer, or that no one suffers because of it. That world doesn't change, but I don't believe that's everything."
The ambitions of the townspeople, the dreams of each individual. Everything each person desires and strives for. The desires to protect for which they would give their lives; the people who just needed a small opportunity to take off.
"Are they really all happy? The people Marco has saved also matter. We've rescued people from extreme poverty, individuals so malnourished their bones were showing, and they were on the brink of death." I stand up, approaching her, and place my finger on her chest. "And what about the miners? Their lives improved with the invention of the steam engine, thanks to the jobs and regulations Marco provides."
It's better to fail after trying hard than to fail without doing anything. Even though it hurts more, you learn from it. 'That Emilia doesn't know anything about the real world yet.' I'm sure at some point it will catch up with her.
'A paper ruler,' as Marco always says. But I'm also sure she'll improve at her own pace.
"See?" I look at her firmly, and I can see her take a few steps back. I can't help but let it out, I can't control myself when she tries to disparage all the effort we've made.
"A world without change, that's why there's no suffering." I shake my head, as that is a half-truth. "Changes always bring problems, and death always hurts."
I never understood why Marco was able to say it that way. Now, I think I get it. Even though there are changes, even though people die, and it hurts, everything will keep changing; that's why we have to keep moving forward for those who still need us.
"There's always something bad in the good, and something good in the bad," I continue, not looking away. "There are things we'll never see, things we don't want to see despite everything around us."
I accept that world, just as I accept mine. I don't have to reject it; there are things I don't like, just as there are things I do.
"Marco may not be perfect, he may make mistakes, and his mistakes can have fatal consequences; that's something he knows very well." I place my hands on my chest, feeling warmth, feeling relief. "He may not be like that person, who seems perfect, but he doesn't need to be."
Echidna says nothing, while I feel my heart at peace. I feel that my past self is pleased with what she has seen. That the little girl inside me has had her great moment.
"Still, I also know that his heart is so, sooo big, capable of helping everyone find the best version of themselves. I know that, if necessary, he'll stop sleeping to fulfill his responsibilities, that if necessary, he'll stand in front of any danger," I add, feeling Carmilla's gaze on me. "I also know that he suffers, I know he gets tired, that when he's very tired, he gets in a bad mood, argues, and sometimes says hurtful things."
'But at least over time, he trusted me more, assigned me tasks trusting I could fulfill them.' Even if he didn't tell me about his pain, he still showed me more trust than the reality I just saw. 'Now he even shares his pain with me without fear of being judged.'
Everything he has within him, and everything that will change.
"Marco isn't perfect, my reality isn't perfect." I look into her eyes, feeling she's trying to tell me something. "He may not be perfect, but he can improve, he will change. I don't know what the future holds, but I'll ensure with my own hands that it's a great future."
'Besides, he doesn't treat me like a glass cup.'
I receive a special treatment that touches the deepest fibers of my being, gently guiding me towards improvement and revealing my flaws with a moving sincerity.
I learn to value each small step I take, and little by little, I begin to desire change with an intensity I didn't know before.
I enjoy the challenge of facing the unknown, talking to the townspeople, going out to eat with my friends. I really enjoy walking through its streets and seeing everyone's lives. I love talking to spirits. I enjoy so many things that I can finally appreciate them for what they are.
Just like I enjoy talking with him, walking with him, playing, and even fighting. These are things I enjoyed but never appreciated; I had never taken the time to do so.
"I love myself, and I love him," my smile shines with the truth of my words as she begins to speak. "I also love my friends and the people of Irlam. Just like my whole reality. No matter how bad and imperfect it is, it's still the world I live in; that's why I have to do my part every time."
She looks at me, Carmilla looks at me as if she were seeing someone she expected to see. Her gaze, soft and warm, seems to penetrate deep into my soul, as if she could read every thought and emotion I harbor within. She is beautiful, with a beauty that goes beyond the physical, truly charming and tender.
"You have passed the test," Carmilla's words resonate in the air, looking at me and Echidna with complicity. "Sorry for intervening in your test, but I needed to see if what I saw at first was true love."
Echidna remains silent, her eyes revealing a mix of emotions hard to decipher.
"Is what I saw real? Is that reality alive?" my voice barely whispers the question, fearful of what I might discover.
Carmilla smiles sweetly, pointing to my heart with a serene gesture.
"Od Lagna is the one who decides what tests to carry out, I have only tried to guide the way a bit," her words are a balm for my soul. "I can't assure you if what you experience is real, but now that you've seen it, it will live in your heart forever."
I nod with gratitude, a radiant smile lighting up my face.
"Yes! I'm excited to know that even my past self can find love, that I can also have someone who loves me unconditionally."
Now I must move forward, leaving the past behind and embracing the future with all its uncertainties and promises. My friends await me with open arms, ready to accompany me in this new chapter of my life.
The next test awaits me, and although I feel a mix of nervousness and excitement, there is also a deep sense of confidence in my heart. I am ready for whatever comes, willing to face each challenge with courage and determination, knowing that every step I take brings me a little closer to the fulfillment and happiness I long for.