Nothing but Routine
In the past two weeks, my workload has increased, and he has also had to work hard, with his worries growing over time. His dark circles are deep, as if he hasn't slept in days. I'm in my office, and he's on the couch reading history books.
I lent him books to familiarize himself with the main parts of this world; now that he's going to live here, he needs to adapt. I'm not going to let someone under my command be a misfit.
"Living dead..." Marco scratches his head, closing his eyes. "I don't remember this."
I smile, seeing that his supposed foresight doesn't allow him to know everything. I keep writing, and somehow, I can feel that we're both working. At least I can acknowledge his worth; he's been working tirelessly.
In this office, Felix usually accompanies me, but his diplomatic skills are really poor. He's a knight, after all; he doesn't need to work on that, he really just does it to help me.
I haven't given Marco any important tasks; I'll never trust him, but his proposals are well-explained and well-founded.
"Statistics... When you explained it to me, I thought it was useless, but it's really surprising." I still don't know anything about his world, and he seems really worried about the information on his phone. These statistics really can make numbers clearer.
I can think more logically knowing the percentages and their uses, although I only know the basics of everything, since the arithmetic needed becomes more and more complex.
'Even so, he has taught me with patience and interest.' I watch him jotting down notes in the books I gave him; his intense focus on them unsettles me.
'When the battery dies, I won't be able to access it.' He's been copying all the information desperately; if his battery dies, we'll lose that information for an indefinite time.
Since it's so much, he only brings the important parts, but it's still taking too much of his time, so he shortened his sleep in response. He's dedicated and focused on his goals. He's the kind of person I like the most.
'So why does he bother me so much?'
"How much have you slept these days?" My question makes him stop reading, taking his phone and looking at it intently.
'I didn't want him to think about that.' He's really endangering his health. No matter how much Felix heals his physical and mental state, the body needs rest.
He gets up and heads towards the door, his tired look really getting on my nerves.
"It's not important." He closes the door, leaving me alone in the office. Although my solitude ends quickly, as Wilhelm enters, looking at me with a worried expression.
He keeps the door open while watching Marco leave.
"He's a hardworking man," Wilhelm's statement comes with respect, as well as some concern. "I see him training his body in the mornings and practicing magic at night. Besides, he keeps working all the time, considers his possibilities well, and is always correcting himself to be more efficient."
I thought staying focused was the best, but I don't think I could ever go to such an extreme. Preparations involve several creations, as well as the creation of a new type of weapon.
"He's ruining his health." I shake my head; that kind of work won't help you accomplish anything. Although deep down, I know I'm being hypocritical. He takes it to the limit.
It's different; self-care is important to achieve your goals.
"I don't know him very well, but I can understand his effort; focusing on his goal so obsessively and maintaining a good mental state is usually difficult." Wilhelm looks me in the eyes, and I understand he wants me to do something. "He's endured all these months the same way, but it's taking a toll on him."
Wilhelm closes the door, then serves a cup of tea that was on the table in front of the couch. He hands me one, and I accept it politely. Wilhelm is a man I admire; he has great character, but he also cares for those he appreciates.
It seems he greatly appreciates Marco's excessive work.
"Lady Crusch, as you know, I am someone who has lived through many experiences." He takes a sip of his tea, then looks at me intently. "I admire your great sense of duty; it reminds me a lot of my youth."
I accept his appreciation, though I don't understand where he's going with this.
"What makes the difference between being a child and an adult is how you experience your life, what happens and how you face it." He places the cup on the floor, frowning slightly. "I can usually understand a person just by looking into their eyes."
I see... it seems he's really worried about Marco. Somehow, I feel everyone is starting to trust him. He's helped around the mansion even if not asked, talks to the guards and everyone working here.
"There are people who, to survive, choose to become emotionless beings." Wilhelm's gaze is heavy, deeply concerned. "That man, Marco Luz, has seen death more than once; the horror in his eyes is endless."
I open my eyes a bit, surprised by his words. I know Marco doesn't seem open despite appearing so. His attitude is just a facade to manipulate people.
"His look is that of someone who can't connect with reality," Wilhelm asserts, looking towards the window. "It's a shame that someone so young has that look; it's not something anyone deserves."
I close my eyes for a second, thinking about the weeks he's been here. I've seen him socialize with everyone, even prepare meals with the maids' help, or desserts to give to everyone.
He's really cheerful, yet a hard worker. Although I don't buy that lie, as I know he's just a swindler.
But if Wilhelm says this...
"It's not my place to help him, but if we really want to use his full potential..." Wilhelm cuts his words, coughing slightly. "Sorry, better not take more of your valuable time."
Wilhelm stands up, bows, and leaves the room. All I can hear is the reigning silence. The silence I'm totally used to, the silence that comes from pursuing my goal.
'You should personalize your office a bit more.' I look at the potted plant beside me, a plant I often see in the garden. He's an intruder, as well as a swindler trying to manipulate you.
He's the kind of person I detest the most.
"Connecting with reality." I stare at the plant, thinking about Wilhelm's words. His behavior feels odd, too fake to be true. When he tells me something with a smile, the wind tells me he's feeling something else.
He doesn't show what he really feels, but I don't think that's a bad quality.
He comes from another world, left completely alone; his only way to survive is by gaining our support, giving us economic benefits while earning the trust of another faction. He has to find a way to avoid various problems and judge his decisions correctly. If he hadn't told me all this, I wouldn't really know why he behaves this way.
I stay finishing my paperwork until nightfall.
I get up and leave my office as usual. 'I'm a bit sleepy; I guess I should go to bed.' As I almost reach my room, I see Felix ahead of me. His ears twitch, and he bows to me with a smile.
"Aren't you going to sleep, Lady Crusch?" Felix looks at me, wearing a nightgown. I look at him for a few seconds. Then, involuntarily, my head tilts, rejecting him.
He tilts his head curiously, coming closer.
"You've been more relaxed lately." Felix smiles, while I can only look out the window.
'Have I really been calmer?' I close my eyes for a few seconds, then take a long breath. I suppose my load has increased and decreased at the same time. Now that I see a safer path to the throne, I know where to act.
I was worried about Anastasia Hoshin, but with future plans, we can put up a great fight. I know I start with an advantage thanks to my family, but I won't leave loose ends.
'I guess so, I have felt calmer.'
"I'll be back in a few minutes; you can go to bed if you want." I turn around and start walking.
I don't know why I'm heading to that place if I'm so tired. I must prioritize being well to continue with my goal. There's no way doing this will benefit me.
Then I start to jog.
I may be in a bad state, but it's the only way for him to fulfill his duty. There's nothing I should do to interfere, and he doesn't want me to. He doesn't care about us; he only cares about fulfilling his purpose.
I don't understand what's changed inside me; maybe I just feel sorry for him.
I feel the urgency, my body tingling, urging me to hurry. I really don't understand, it doesn't matter seeing him like that. He's doing his duty, just as I must do mine.
Then I start to run.
His traumas are not my problem. No matter what Wilhelm has told me, he himself has told me he doesn't want to talk about his past. He tells me his past must be forgotten.
So, I have no reason to interfere.
'Why am I doing this?' I quickly cross the garden, and when I arrive, I see him; looking at me surprised with a fireball in his hand. His tired face is illuminated by the glow of his magic, but he really looks downcast.
His eyes lack sparkle and emotion. The only time I've seen a gleam in his eyes is when he talks about the inventions of his world. Only in those moments, I don't know what has happened in his life, but as Wilhelm says, it must be full of suffering.
We all suffer, yes, we all suffer and move on.
"Did something happen?" he asks, then extinguishes the fireball in his hand. "I was seeing if I could create a more compact and dangerous fireball, and I want to see how to modify the fire for the steam engine. I'm afraid the boiler won't manage it."
Yes, he is always working.
I gasp slightly and feel a pressure in my chest. A burning sensation urges me to do something. This person drives me crazy; he only knows how to cause problems and nothing else. I don't understand, I can't wrap my head around why I want to help him this way. I don't understand, but I guess I shouldn't try to figure it out either.
"It's nothing." I turn around and start to walk away slowly, feeling stupid for coming to this place.
It's not my place, it's not my duty. I must continue towards my goal. I can't interfere with his decision, and I don't want too either. He is who he is, fulfills his duty, and doesn't seem interested in anything else.
He is a con artist capable of showing a smile regardless of adversity, but it's just a fake smile, a smile that seeks to hide everything inside.
"I'll give you a report on the steam engine tomorrow," his words are dry, not caring if I came here or not. "Have a good night."
I turn around, drawing my sword and lunging at Marco. He looks surprised as I lunge at him, raising his arms, smiling timidly as I place my sword near his neck.
"Did I say something wrong?" he jokes, laughing lightly. "I apologize if I offended you, Lady Crusch."
I lower my head, letting my hair cover the expression on my face. I don't understand; I thought he was similar to Anastasia, but somehow it feels completely different. He cares a lot about the good, just as he likes to think about the future of society. Even so, his way of being is so hypocritical.
"Let's fight!" I exclaim, clutching my chest with my hand. I want to get rid of this horrible feeling that's distracting me.
The effect of his poison.
"Huh?" he says, with a startled tone. I lift my head, seeing that now I've genuinely surprised him. He pushes my sword away with a gentle gesture of his hand, then places his hand on the back of his head. "I've only been here a few months, and you're much stronger than me."
I sheathe my sword, and without realizing it, I throw a punch directly at his face. I can't understand it, I can't understand what is driving me to do this. He is just a con artist, he has fulfilled his duty, so it shouldn't matter to me.
He dodges my punch, then tries to grab my hand. I pull it away quickly and spin, bending backward to deliver a high kick. He blocks it with his arms but is sent flying, rolling across the grass.
"Hey! Wait!" He extends his arms, and his gaze still seems confused about what's happening. But honestly, I don't understand either. If Wilhelm hadn't told me that, I wouldn't have come. I wouldn't be here fighting him. He annoys me, his presence bothers me.
"Stop dodging and fight back!" I throw a punch at his face, he tilts his forehead to meet the punch, but at that moment I withdraw my arm, tackling him and throwing him to the ground.
As we are about to fall, I feel a gust of wind coming from the ground.
"Fura!" A gust of wind separates me from him; I land on my feet, and without a break, he lunges at me.
'He has talent, I have to admit.' Furious, I look at him, getting closer and closer.
"Why are you doing this?" He throws a punch directly at my stomach, but I use the wind to redirect his attack, slightly changing the pressure. His knowledge about the wind is easy to apply, although I don't understand it all, I can apply basic things.
Thanks to my divine blessing, the wind is something I can control with ease, but with Marco's few explanations, I've understood how to do it much better.
I land a kick to his stomach, making him recoil with a grimace of pain.
"You drive me crazy." I look at him in annoyance, recognizing that this isn't me. Then I throw my fist, landing it on his face. He stretches his arms and takes a few steps back, stops, and looks me in the eyes.
Even with his nose bleeding and broken, he doesn't take those eyes full of pain off me.
'Why am I doing this?' I look at my knuckles, seeing the blood staining my white gloves.
"I don't want to fight." He looks away, then puts his finger in his nostril and blows out all the blood with a great puff. "I'm doing what I have to do; I don't understand why you want to do this."
I clench my teeth, looking at him intently. I thought we were alike; somehow I felt a connection with his way of doing things. We both think similarly and have similar goals. We both share a destiny we must destroy, as well as a destiny we must build.
He hasn't done anything wrong on a large scale, but even so, I feel a need to do something.
"You're an idiot!" I look him in the eyes, but he doesn't stop smiling slightly. Since he came back from Roswaal L. Mathers' mansion, he's been acting strange, out of himself. "Do you think it's okay to destroy yourself like that?"
I thought that's how it should be, that if you didn't act that way, it was because you were weak. Marco Luz has pushed himself, cutting his sleep hours to the limit, maintaining everything he has to do, and even socializing with the people in the mansion. It's too strange, just as it's strange to me that no one else can see it.
He sighs, looking at his hands and then at the ground, defeated.
"I have to do it, there's not much time." He clenches his hands, looking at the sky with a look of pure anger. "I also want to rest, to be happy, but until the future is discovered..."
"I'm here!" I exclaim, and he looks me directly in the eyes. The infinite darkness that doesn't seem to be illuminated by any light. "I'm also in that future, and I also know we have to change it."
He removes my hands, turning his back on me.
"It's not the same, you don't have the same burden as I do." I walk towards him, placing my firsthand on his back and pushing him hard. I bite my lips, watching him fall face-first into the grass.
I look at the moon for a second, thinking about what I should do next. I really acted impulsively, something that's not like me. For some reason, this man drives me crazy; his way of acting bothers me a lot.
But even so, I feel the need to do something. This man thinks everything revolves around him, thinks he's the only one who has to suffer.
"I am Duchess Crusch Karsten; my burden will always be greater than yours." He turns to me in surprise. "Still, I'm willing to increase it for the sake of my companions."
I place my hand on my chest, furrowing my brows and staring intently at him. I have a duty, and I also have the duty to care for those under my command.
"You don't know! Do you think you know about me?" His face contorts, spitting out an immutable truth.
It's true that I don't know about him, but that's not important right now.
"No, I don't know anything about you." I look at him angrily, holding back my urge to act. "Just as you don't know anything about me."
He smiles, looking into my eyes and slowly approaching.
"You forgot that I have information about you." He smiles, looking at me as if I weren't real, as if he sees only what's written.
'He hasn't accepted this world.'
"The Crusch of that future is not the same Crusch you're seeing now." I place my hand on my chest, looking at him firmly. He opens his eyes wide and steps back; the wind grows stronger, shaking the trees and plants like a metaphor for the tension we both feel at this moment.
He uses his arms to half-rise, looking at me with pure doubt on his face. His brows are furrowed, his lips slightly pursed.
"It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter at all, I've been working hard." Marco extends his hand forcefully, pointing at me in confusion. "What's your problem with me?"
I open my eyes, seriously pondering his words. I don't like that he lies, but everyone does. He's a swindler, but that's not the real reason I feel this way.
"You and I are similar; it bothers me to see you in that state." I sigh, trying to calm the turmoil within me.
"Why?" he asks, and I don't know what to say. "You know it, I'm using you. We're not friends, we're just two acquaintances caught in destiny. I'm not interested in your friendship or your compassion."
I open my eyes, feeling that fire burning inside me. His words are true; it really shouldn't matter to me as long as he does his duty. I should just leave him here.
My duty as a ruler is to help, but this man doesn't need help to fulfill his duty.
It's true that from the beginning he only sought to trap me, make me believe I should do what he says. Make me trust him to achieve his goal.
'We're not friends.' It's a truth, a truth accompanied by a lie. He's an idiot, probably hasn't even realized his own emotions. He's closed off so much that he's confused.
It's clear that something is causing him pain, but it's not my place to heal him.
"I am Crusch Karsten!" I exclaim, placing my hand firmly on my chest. "You can't deceive me, Marco Luz."
Unlike the people I've known, Marco Luz is similar to me, but something prevents him from showing his potential.
"I think I understand what I couldn't see in you. The person you are is shown through your lies." Unlike the rest, this person genuinely thinks he should be alone, that it's best not to connect with anyone.
That's why he said those words to me.
Since I was the one who confronted him, he thinks that by saying hurtful things, he can push me away. But the lie reveals itself, showing me his true colors.
No matter how much he wants, he has no power over me. I know his words are just sweet poison. The same poison he uses to get what he wants, to make allies, he also uses to make enemies.
But I don't see the need for him to use it.
When he's honest with himself, he's more brilliant than when he just acts as he should.
"I'll use you, and you'll use me." I point to the sky, watching his brown eyes shine in the moonlight. "We don't have to be friends; we just have to lighten our load. We both know we must change the future to be free, and for that, we must work together. If you don't rest, you'll only prolong the work."
He keeps looking at me while I feel my heart pounding hard. His expression changes slightly, and his defeated smile comes with a long sigh that seems to release his sorrows.
"I think I've never in my life told someone that I was using them, and to make it worse, that person told me to use each other." He lightly covers his mouth, chuckling while looking at the sky. "Using each other doesn't sound bad."
I nod, and he gets up from the ground.
"I'm going to sleep. I'd like you to help me draft the reports; I want to concentrate on writing all the information from my phone before it dies." I nod, and he scratches his cheek. "There's a girl who wants to be my assistant, but she's also trapped in the same way. Although I don't want to go back to the mansion, the day will come when I have to, and then, I'll free her from her confinement."
I need to ask him what happened so I can understand him a little, but now is not the time.
In the letters, I could tell he wasn't well treated, but after saving the townspeople, he easily gained their trust. Even so, he said the only person worth anything was the great spirit trapped in the library, as well as Emilia.
"You're a swindler; it shouldn't be impossible for you." At my words, he tilts his head, denying it with a smile.
"This time I don't want her to do my bidding; I just want her to be free." He walks away from the kiosk. "I don't know when I'll be able to do it, but she's also trapped by destiny."
Another one like us. I think most of the great nobles know of her existence: the librarian of the Mathers mansion. Marco says the reason she rejects everyone is because of her abandonment trauma.
"Then, I hope you can achieve your goal," I reply, and in response, he just raises his arm, waving goodbye to me.
He's strange, a very strange person. Sometimes very insightful, other times very impulsive. He doesn't show his emotions and is able to fake them precisely. He works harder than anyone, and seems to be carrying an unknown amount of pain.
He's different from Fourier, who was able to be himself, which was his strength.
I don't like his attitude, but I don't dislike him at all.