Far Away
It hasn't stopped raining today. Ever since I woke up, it's been pouring down across the entire state of Karsten. This mansion could be considered the main hub, but in reality, it's lifeless. The center, rather, is empty.
The lands surrounding us are vast, but that's for privacy purposes.
Although, lately, I've been longing for the city's proximity. It's a bit sad how we're so isolated from the rest of the population, considering it takes quite a while to travel to the city by carriage.
I look out, watching the rain fall over the vast green fields; the thunder and lightning reverberate in my ears, while calmness is the last thing I feel. We don't know when the attack will come, and the prepared group may not be enough.
"Lady Crusch..."
Somehow, she has managed to overcome the problems flawlessly. I don't know if it's luck or if she's hiding something from me.
I place my hand on the window, where the cold glass transmits its chill to my skin, just as the trembling wind synchronizes with the tremor in my heart. With the upcoming election meeting, I need to start forming better alliances and figuring out who is allied with evil.
It won't be difficult; I just need to use my divine blessing correctly.
"Lady Crusch..."
The promise I made was to avoid the contract with the dragon, but I admit I was blind to say it that way. For the people of Lugunica, the sense of security the dragon provides is undeniable. Whether it truly protects or not isn't really important. It's that faith they feel in their hearts.
That's why I decided to take better steps: the first is to create a society that realizes how advanced they can become. An educated society that recognizes they can protect themselves. That's how I'll prove the dragon isn't necessary. '
I won't change my goal, but I'll adapt it to be more realistic and less selfish.' I smile, seeing my goal becoming clearer with each passing moment.
"Lady Crusch!" Felix exclaims, making me turn quickly. He looks slightly annoyed, with his hands tightly clenched.
"Were you thinking about Marco, Lady Crusch?" Felix asks, his expression shifting to a playful smile, eyes half-closed and ears twitching back and forth. He approaches me, blinking rapidly.
'He only thinks about that; his head is full of useless things.' I look away, ignoring his expression and crossing my arms.
"I'm worried about his stay; after all, you had to come quickly." I look at him seriously, and he looks out the window.
"Nya. They called me from the capital to help with a mission; it was really spontaneous and strange." Felix looks toward the horizon, but then a lightning bolt creates a loud crash, causing him to jump into my chest, hugging me tightly.
"Nya! The sky is falling!" I cover my mouth, laughing lightly at Felix's carefree nature. I'll let him be today, as I won't see him for a while.
Felix will go to the capital on his own since I can't interfere with his missions as a royal knight, and it's best if they don't find out about the connection to the Mathers domain. "Be very careful, don't trust anyone, and try not to be alone with anyone." Felix isn't weak, nor is he foolish.
Still, I can't help but worry about him; he's a friend, and I want to see him again.
Felix smiles, wagging his tail back and forth. He opens his eyes and hugs me, and I respond, returning his embrace. I don't usually do this, as I don't find it necessary. 'But this warm feeling is comforting on such a cold day.'
"I'll take care of myself, I promise, nya!" Felix gives a military salute and leaves the room. I can't believe he's doing that thing Marco teaches his soldiers. Wilhelm is with Marco, and Felix is gone.
'I guess I'll be alone today.' Marco helped me reduce my workload; his methods of organization and document management surprised me in some ways. Not everything he did was useful, but I was able to adapt to it perfectly.
The statistics were the most important part, but the rest shouldn't be overlooked either.
My father asked me to introduce him, but I really don't want to show him as an otherworldly scammer.
'Who knows what he might come up with.'
I sit down and begin to draft the reports. After a while, I notice that the rain has stopped; at the same time, I've finished my work. I look ahead; the sun lights up the vast field, and the carriages start gathering gradually.
A lot of things are going to happen, and it's best to be prepared for it all.
'I have several hours free...' I think about what I could do and decide to read one of Helena's books.
The title is The Arrival of the Rich. In this story, a man arrives in a small village with the desire to write a book, so he decides to leave his world of wealth in search of a different kind of excitement.
He moves to a village, not poor, but one that requires arduous work to live a decent life. He buys a house, sets up a garden, and dedicates himself to living there.
As I continue reading, I start to envy that life a little. I'm a duchess, and no matter how much I want to, there are few who will treat me the same. Even as a child, I was taught to treat those with a higher rank than mine differently.
Marco and Emilia's ideals are quite similar.
"All people who follow the path of good deserve the same respect, regardless of social status." This man, rich and truly wealthy, realizes that he is mentally poor.
The people in the village are warm, and unlike in his home, they treat him for who he is. Everyone treats him warmly, and he begins to enjoy his new life.
"In the world, you have to fit in to survive, but to be happy, you have to find a place to belong," I read aloud, reflecting on everything I've had to live through. I am a duchess, that rank will not be taken from me, but have I lived my life fitting in or belonging where I am?
That question makes me look up at the ceiling, with the book in hand and the delightful aroma of tea on the table.
'Where do I belong?' I've known for a long time; Fourier would ask me more or less the same question. When he was alive, he always tried to get me out of the shape I had created for myself to fit in, to serve my title of duchess.
'My parents never really forced me; I just felt it was what I had to do.'
I keep reading and observe how the man begins to fall in love with a girl. He tries to impress her by buying her several beautiful gifts, and although she thanks him, she doesn't really feel satisfied.
She is blind and does not value material things in the same way he does.
To get closer to her, he lies, telling her that he is poor and is trying to write a book to become famous. She, excited, confesses that she loves books but cannot read them herself.
So, he dedicates himself to reading her his own books.
At first, the girl doesn't know several words, as she is not a sophisticated person. The man starts to realize the reality, the benefits he gained from being born into a wealthy family.
From my perspective, it's not a terrible thing. Clearly, there will be differences from the moment we are born; whoever brings us into the world defines our initial path, and that will always be the case.
What I share is that it's not a reason to look down on people.
He sends a letter to a close friend, asking for advice on how to court the person he loves. His friend sends him a single phrase: "If your soul and interests attract her, then you courted her. If you act differently to court her, then it wasn't you who courted her."
With that, the protagonist invites her out; she accepts, and after spending some time together, he confesses: "I am a rich man, but I don't really feel rich." With those words, he explains to the girl everything he felt.
In his family, he learned to fit into society to survive.
He began to act as he was told, changing his tastes according to what was ordered. Just like in this village, he left behind his customs to adapt to those of this place; he told himself he was poor so that no one would see him or treat him differently.
"I was rich, but my heart was the poorest of all." With this book, I begin to reflect on that truth: happiness is not something that can be measured.
Proudly, I always thought that fulfilling a purpose was more important than being happy. 'What is my intention in fulfilling my purpose?' Fourier's goal was for me to be Crusch Karsten and to be happy being myself.
My goal is to avenge his death and now escape the clutches of fate.
'Will I be happy if I achieve my goal?'
I keep reading, and after the protagonist confesses, the girl begins to cry. "You lied to me..." Her words deeply hurt the protagonist, who tries to excuse himself. Then, he remembers his friend's words and says he's sorry, that he will stay away from her.
"Wow!"
In a magical moment, she takes his hands. Before I know it, I'm curled up with the book held tightly, my heart racing with excitement. The entire journey, all the words, and all the effort are about to bear fruit.
"I don't like people who lie, and even less those who lie to themselves." I press my lips together, agreeing with her words. People who lie don't deserve consideration. I feel the last few pages of the book under my fingertips, realizing I'm near the end.
"I don't like them, but I also know that sometimes lies are a way for certain people to survive." I open my eyes, feeling immense pressure in them. I take a breath, lay the book in my hands, and look down at my feet.
'Marco...'
Alone, taken out of his world, with a destiny he must fix. Lying seems natural to him, a way of being in itself. He lies to himself, transforming his being to fit in anywhere.
"Now you're free, shapeless, you decide if you want to fit in wherever you want." She takes his cheeks, making him look into her eyes. "Or better yet, stay where you know you belong."
"Oh!" I get excited reading how she pulls him close and kisses the man. The description is so magical that I feel like I'm part of the moment.
"She is blind, but being blind she possesses a wealth that I can't recognize or reach. I am rich, but I was so poor that I had to escape from where I was. Her lips have broken my being, and now I can be anywhere."
Belonging doesn't mean you have to hate everything to which you don't belong.
"I can do it all, I can endure being in a place where I don't belong because I know that when I want to, I can stay where I belong."
'Who is Crusch Karsten?'
I know very well who Duchess Karsten is, but I don't really know if it's me. I have money, power, and great connections. I have people who appreciate and love me, but in the end, I can't say I'm rich.
"I've finally achieved the wealth I wanted."
I'm blessed with the incredible people around me, but I'm poor in the essence of my being. I know my strengths, and I also know I have weaknesses, thanks to the books Marco gave me that showed me things I didn't think were wrong with me.
I sigh, seeing that his words have truly touched my heart. I can't believe she wrote something like this. The book ends with them together, heading to her parents' mansion with the whole village to celebrate. And after celebrating in the mansion, they return to their home, that village where they could find wealth.
That village allowed them to feel rich for the first time.
I get up and look out the window; I hadn't even realized it's already night. I close my eyes for a few seconds, feeling the immense weight of the book resting on my chest. It's a book Marco bought for me, saying I should lend it to him when I finished it. I leave the office, walking through the hallways.
That feeling that embraced me at certain times, even with Felix by my side, even being with the others. The way they treat me is really the way they treat a duchess. Only Felix and Fourier have sought out Crusch Karsten. Though, now there's the conman.
I've really been letting go of being Duchess Karsten, but at the same time, I don't know who I want to become, or what path I'm taking. 'If I forgot everything I've lived, would I find my true self?'
I close my eyes, rejecting those thoughts.
'If I forgot everything, I would stop being myself.' It's true because I am my memories. If there were two of me, each would be Crusch Karsten, but at the same time, each would be a different Crusch Karsten.
Right now, I'm two Crusch Karstens, the duchess, and the one searching for the original.
"Don't worry about who you are, just focus on enjoying the person you are." Fourier's words bring a smile to my face, and my body begins to relax.
"I feel lonely..." I look out the window at the beautiful moon, in the direction where that conman must be.
I want to help him, but at the same time, I don't feel like I can reach him. Marco Luz is even more closed off to the world than I am. Maybe this book will help him see a bit of reality; maybe it can make him feel like he belongs in this world.
'What am I thinking?' I shake my head vigorously, pushing those erroneous thoughts out of my mind. I only had one date with him; my body can't be that weak. I'm Crusch Karsten, I will never fall into the hands of a conman.
In fact, I doubt those are his intentions.
I look ahead, heading to my room. As I walk, I feel that something has changed deep inside me, even if I can't exactly say what it is. I can sense that his arrival has brought wonderful things. Changes to the lives of countless people, as well as the promise of a future where people can build their purposes.
'What will make him happy?' I look at my hand, remembering the feeling of his grip. The feeling I had when he took my hands at that table when I could see the pure reflection in his eyes. When he spoke the truth for the first time.
I open the door, seeing my lonely room.
"When will you come back?" I ask the air, and then I immerse myself in my own solitude.