The Day Before Leaving
Today is one of those days. My energy seems to have drained even before the day began. I long to rest and recharge for tomorrow, but duty calls.
As I eat breakfast, I watch everyone around me going about their day as if nothing's wrong, while I, trying to hide it, can't help but feel irritated. It always puts me in a bad mood to be in this situation.
'Ugh, sometimes I wish I were a man and didn't have to suffer through this.'
After a quick visit to the bathroom, I head to my office; today I need to prepare some important documents for the congress that will take place the day after the Royal Selection, along with the public presentation of each candidate.
In addition, we have a meeting with the Marquis to formalize an alliance, which will allow us to act directly. Although it's possible the plan might need adjustments. The steam machine is ready for its demonstration, and soon we'll have an updated version in use.
As I open the door to my office, I'm surprised to see Felix sitting on the sofa, surrounded by papers. It's unusual to see him so immersed in work.
He picks up a document and looks towards my desk.
"Should I classify this as a contract or pending?" Felix asks, pointing at the desk. To my surprise, Marco Luz is sitting there, organizing documents while drafting reports, and his genuine and serene smile is puzzling.
"Contract, leave it to sign later," Marco says, taking a sip of tea before turning to me. Felix, upon seeing me, stands up, and Marco smiles with complicity.
I've never seen them collaborate without arguing. Although they don't dislike each other, Felix is usually jealous, and Marco enjoys teasing him.
However, today it seems both have set aside their act.
Felix looks at me intently, his smile suggesting they're up to something.
"Lady Crusch, please rest here, nya!" Felix says, taking my arm and settling me on the sofa, placing a pillow so I can lean back. Then he gives Marco a knowing look and hurriedly exits the room.
Without words, I can only stare at the ceiling. It's clear my current state hasn't gone unnoticed, even though I usually hide these things, as I don't like feeling vulnerable.
I'm surprised that Marco, who is almost my age, noticed my situation.
"How did you find out?" I ask, closing my eyes and sighing with some irritation.
"Well, you're like an open book to me," he responds with a smile, dodging a small gust of wind I directed at him in a burst of frustration.
'Already bothering me so early.'
All women go through this, but men rarely understand. Wilhelm was the only one of the three who seemed to get it, thanks to his experience. Marco, on the other hand, is a charming but inexperienced fraud.
The housekeepers of the mansion also usually bring me things when this happens, but I didn't expect this scammer to notice.
'I guess they have more knowledge about it over there.'
He approaches me carefully and, kneeling, takes my hand gently.
"There's nothing wrong with being on these days. I know you're strong, but you also have needs. Let us take care of you." He holds my hand, playing with my fingers while I look away.
'Now he's trying to be all charming,' I think, although his words comfort me more than I want to admit.
"Do you have pains?" he asks, pointing to my abdomen. At first, I don't understand what he's referring to, but then I grasp the meaning and my eyes widen in surprise.
It's embarrassing that he noticed, but at the same time, the tea in my hand and the feeling of being cared for is comforting. Although I want to be angry, I can't find a reason to be.
Still, I can't control it.
"Hmpf!" I press my lips together, trying to contain my annoyance. "Go work better."
It always affects me to be in this situation; my mood becomes more sensitive, and everything seems harder than usual.
Marco looks at me, surprised, but his expression quickly softens into a smile. He squints and leaves a book on the table, standing up and heading to the desk.
"This book is interesting; I haven't finished it yet, but you can start it if you want." He winks at me and nods as he sits down. "Just don't read while lying down; it's bad for your eyes."
Seated in silence, taking the book and feeling a mix of emotions. Though I try to maintain my facade of self-sufficiency, I can't deny that his attention makes me feel cared for, even if it's uncomfortable.
I could get up and continue, but honestly, this doesn't feel bad.
Maybe Marco has dealt with someone in my situation before; he's quite mature for his age. 'Why am I thinking about that?' I wonder, covering my eyes with my arm as the pain in my abdomen persists.
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Marco watching me, his gaze meeting mine before he returns to his documents, as if he wants to say something but is afraid of bothering me.
"Crusch?" he calls out.
"Yes?" I respond, ready for anything.
"Does it hurt a lot?" he asks, genuine concern in his eyes.
"Not too much," I murmur, though the truth is it hurts more than I admit. Marco seems to want to help, but I know this is something that has to run its course.
He gets up and sits on the floor in front of me, taking my hand again.
"Would you like me to help?" His question astonishes me. Although Félix can alleviate pains and discomforts, this isn't caused by a problem but is rather a natural bodily function.
"Did you have fun?" I shoot him an annoyed glance, and he just smiles in response. He gently let go of my hand and suggests I sit.
As he moves away, I feel a strange mix of relief and frustration. Despite my efforts to stay strong, he doesn't want me to keep working as usual.
'Why am I listening to him?' I wonder, questioning my own exhaustion. My workload has increased, along with my worries, but I've also gained a valuable ally. I admit Marco Luz has surprising potential as an administrator.
I would normally be working as usual, but…
He stretches his arms and looks at me with a relaxed smile.
"Let me give you a massage with my new magical skills," Marco says enthusiastically.
I hold his gaze, still a bit reluctant, but I end up nodding with a sigh. Marco positions himself behind the sofa as I remove my jacket, leaving me in just my shirt. His warm, firm hands begin to massage my shoulders, and I feel immediate relief.
"The preparations are ready. We have enough weaponry to attack the Great Whale, and we'll get the crystals by contacting Anastasia after the elections," Marco says, his voice calm and assured, as if his massage were part of the strategic plan. "She will help us without a doubt, there's no need to worry, everything is under control."
As his hands work on my tense shoulders, I feel my pain easing slightly. His touch is soothing, almost hypnotic, making me feel more relaxed.
"I heard there's a group of marginalized blacksmiths in the capital. We could meet with them and get them to join our project," he continues, his voice soft, as if speaking more to me than to himself. "They would work alongside ours, giving us better labor and allowing us to finish our initial projects. No need to worry, everything will turn out fine, we'll make it happen."
His words fill the space with a strange peace, a sense of care I wasn't expecting.
"The weapon improvements are also going well. To advertise, we might need a good show. Hold on! you have something here." Marco presses, and I feel a knot in my neck release.
His touch is skillful, moving with precision and warmth, and for a moment, I allow myself to close my eyes and enjoy the moment.
"Did I tell you Helena might join us?" he asks, his tone becoming more animated. I shake my head, feeling a slight tingle when his fingers press a sensitive spot. "Yes, I asked Félix for a favor, and he improved her grandfather's health. Apparently, there was some sort of mass growing, but the body hadn't recognized it yet. He'll live several more years, so she's thinking more about it."
Marco keeps talking, his voice a soothing murmur, sharing plans and strategies. I feel cared for in a way that goes beyond words, a kind of care that makes me feel less alone.
'That, even though I'm being weak, makes me feel strong.'
"Félix has changed too. I had no idea his powers were so vast, but now he's on a completely different level. It seems that knowledge of the body helped expand the range of his powers."
Things like iron in our blood, or hormones causing certain reactions in the body, or how our brain essentially works on electricity. Those details Félix didn't know changed his abilities completely. Even though I don't fully understand, Félix talks about it with such enthusiasm that I can't help but memorize it.
I'm concerned about Félix; at some point, I noticed he didn't really value relationships with others much.
'Maybe, by distancing myself from him a bit, he began to see things from a different perspective.'
Marco has also contributed to this change, intentionally, I think.
He always tries to distract him, showing interest in something. Félix didn't enjoy healing magic as I had hoped, but now he seems to have a different perspective. I want his life to expand, for him to show interest in others and develop a new outlook.
"He's grown a lot. I'm sure he'll be able to overcome his past someday," he adds softly.
As he continues working on my shoulders, I feel a tingle spread through my body. A gentle warmth expands from my chest, making me involuntarily shrug my shoulders.
Even though the pain hasn't lessened, I somehow feel like it will, which is somewhat reassuring.
"Emilia prepared a speech for the ceremony," he adds, almost as if speaking to himself, but his voice reaches me clearly and gently. "She's changed a bit. She's a mix of shy and outgoing. I quite enjoy talking to her."
I close my eyes again, savoring the sensation of being cared for. It's rare to feel this kind of connection—this care that isn't intrusive, but genuinely considerate.
'I suppose sometimes it's good to let someone else take care of me, even if just for a moment.'
"Would you like me to tell you about my past?" His voice becomes more serious, but still gentle.
I open my eyes and turn my head to look at him. His words surprise me, but his tone is soothing. It's not a demand, but a sincere offer.
"If you don't want to, you don't have to," I respond softly, as our eyes meet.
Marco looks at me for a moment, and I see in his eyes a mix of vulnerability and strength that touches me deeply. I reach out, gently touching a scar on his neck—a silent reminder of the battles he's faced.
In that moment, I feel that even though it's hard for me to show weakness, there's something comforting in letting someone get close. Marco, with his words, makes me feel that it's okay to accept help and care.
'He must have gone through a lot during the battle against the cult.'
He smiles, tilting his head slightly as his eyes meet mine. We stay like that for a few seconds, wordlessly communicating as if the silence itself was enough. As I start to feel a slight pain in my neck, I shift slightly, and he responds by applying a bit more pressure on my back, relieving the tension.
"I want to do this," he says, with a cheerful seriousness I haven't seen before. I don't say anything, just listen as he prepares to speak. "I don't remember all the details; it's as if my brain blocked them out. But I'll tell you what happened."
I close my eyes, letting his words and the gentle massage envelop me. I decide not to question whether what he says is true; if he's ready to share his story, I'll respect his decision.
'I don't need to know what the wind tells me; I'll just listen to what he has to say.'
"I was born…"
As he tells his story, time seems to stop. It's a painful story, full of unexpected twists and difficult situations for any child. A story of a child forced to face the worst of the world without any guidance. A child who saw goodness turn to darkness. A child who was forced to become someone else so everyone could survive.
"So, that year was erased…" I repeat, feeling a deep sense of helplessness. His story, though starting innocently, soon turns dark and tragic.
"Are you saying you were shot and then appeared here without the wound?" I ask, trying to understand what he's telling me. He nods, confirming my suspicions that he was brought to this world by some higher force.
Maybe, as he suggests, by the Envy Witch. Somehow, his arrival in this world saved him from dying.
I can understand why he's kept this to himself for so long. He's always had to be the anchor, the leader, even when he wasn't sure what to do.
'He must have also borne the consequences of being the leader,' I think, as his words echo in my mind.
"I don't remember well, but I pulled the trigger." Hearing this, I close my eyes, trying to process what it means. "I did it without thinking clearly, with only hatred in my heart."
'So, Marco loved someone...' I think, feeling his hand reaching for mine. He leans into me, and I clasp his hand in response, wanting him to know he's not alone.
"Do you think you're a monster?" I ask softly, opening my eyes to look at him. In his gaze, I see a massive weight, a burden of pain and guilt that seems to crush him.
"I feel like life is punishing me," he replies, with an honesty that disarms me. Despite his good intentions, the damage he caused in his world is significant. "If my fate is to suffer, maybe I should isolate myself to avoid causing more harm. But I also know that I can do a lot of good and bring happiness to many people. It's not about redeeming myself; it's more about preventing others from suffering and going through what I did."
It's hard not to feel compassion for him. Despite everything he's been through, he keeps moving forward, trying to make the world a better place. Yet, his suffering is clear, and it pains me to see him like this.
"Where does your happiness fit into all this?" I ask, wanting to know where he stands in all of this. Marco holds my hand firmly.
I watch him, his eyes lit by the sun, gazing intently at me. His hand feels warm, and his smile is genuine and peaceful.
"It's right here, in my hands," he says, his voice full of sincerity. I feel a warmth in my chest, a sense of connection that surprises me.
Then he starts to laugh.
'He's such a clown,' I think, but I can't help but smile slightly.
He wipes the tears of laughter from his eyes as I watch him, feeling a comforting warmth.
"You're just trying to scam me," I say, trying to sound annoyed, but I know my tone is softer than I intended. He looks at me with a mischievous smile, as if he knows I'm trying to hide my true feelings.
"You're very smart; that makes me try harder," he responds, closing his eyes with a calm expression. When I open my eyes, I feel his hand close to my abdomen.
I open my eyes wide, surprised.
"What are you doing?" I ask, but before I can say anything more, I feel a soothing warmth starting to ease the pain.
'Is the pain lessening?' I wonder, amazed. I let him continue, and noticing that I'm not rejecting him, he sighs in relief.
"I'm sorry; I did it without realizing. That pain is caused by a change within you; your body is renewing itself and shedding the old layer of... you know," Marco says, seeming a bit embarrassed, but his tone is so calm that I can't help but feel more relaxed.
'First he calls me smart, and then he takes advantage of me,' I think, feeling a mix of frustration and gratitude. His knowledge and care, though unexpected, are comforting.
"So, heat will help relax your muscles a bit, but not just any temperature and pressure will do," he continues, his fingers moving gently over my shirt. Though my face feels warmer than what his magic is doing, the sense of relief is undeniable.
It's incredible how his words and actions have the power to calm me, to make me feel cared for and safe. I stay like this, not looking at him, allowing the warmth in my abdomen and his close presence to bring me peace.
I accept the silence, while the noise in my heart doesn't cease.
Then, the door opens, and I see Félix come in, looking at us with surprise.
"Nya! Marco is taking advantage of Lady Crusch!" Félix exclaims, pointing at Marco, who releases my hand and turns toward him.
Marco sticks out his tongue and stands up.
"Jealous?" he asks, sitting at the desk. As Félix watches him, I notice what he's holding in his arms.
A cup full of something frozen, white and creamy in appearance. I can see the frosty steam coming from the cup and the spoon stuck in it.
"Why did you take so long?" Marco asks, but Félix ignores him, turning his head to avoid looking at him. Félix hands me the cup, and I feel the cold in my hands.
Félix then points to the cup, taking me by the shoulders and whispering in my ear.
"That's ice cream, I made it myself, nyan, Marco had nothing to do with it." The wind of deceit blows across my knight's shameless forehead. I look at him with disappointed eyes, then smile, seeing that Félix has also changed.
Marco watches us, leaning in to see if he can hear our conversation.
I'll tease him a bit.
"That's my knight." I pat Félix's smiling head as Marco looks away.
"Hmpf! I work myself to death and get not even a caress..." Marco crosses his arms, and I smile, seeing how he's acting like a fool.
"Lady Crusch only loves Félix!" Félix looks at Marco, who only responds with a few words.
"Tell me that when you go on a date with her," Marco sighs, smiling as he sees Félix's tail lift.
Félix clenches his fists and walks over to the desk, putting his hands on it and facing Marco directly.
"Nya! Félix is the one lady Crusch has gone out with the most!" he exclaims, but Marco keeps laughing.
"Going out and dating are different things, or else..." Marco leans in to look at me, winking. "Ask our dear Duchess."
I can't understand how he can be both so serious and a fool at the same time.
Félix is also a clown, but he's always like that. Wilhelm, on the other hand, always remains calm, a result of his experiences.
But somehow, I can't picture Marco like that.
'I'm sure that when we're old, he'll still be a clown along with Félix.'
I start to laugh, holding the cold cup in my hand. I can't believe that these two are among the closest people to me. One is a cat who follows me wherever I go, and the other is a con artist with issues in his head.
I chase after seriousness, and the world blesses me with two clowns.
"What is it?" I ask, looking at Marco.
Félix lowers his head in embarrassment, clearly knowing that I've caught on to his lie. Marco smiles pleasantly, enjoying Félix's embarrassment.
"Ice cream. It's a dessert made from milk and fruit. You're going to like it." Marco then goes back to writing. I look at the cup with the "ice cream" in it. I sniff it a little and catch the aroma of milk along with the sweetness of the strawberries.
I take a spoonful and bring it to my mouth. Along with the cold, I feel a tingle all over my body. It tastes a bit like milk, but not entirely. It also tastes like strawberries.
It's a little thick but really sweet and cold; it makes me feel at peace inside. I'm not a huge fan of sweets, but this is genuinely delicious. I glance at Marco, who is still focused on his writing.
He made it especially for this moment. He's a con artist, always trying to please me.
"It's delicious." I keep eating, feeling the refreshing sensation with each bite. Félix watches me intently, his eyes so wide they seem like they might pop out.
I sigh, taking another spoonful and offering it to him.
"Here." Félix leaps with joy at the sight, diving in to eat directly from my spoon. After eating, he looks at Marco and starts laughing.
"You'll never beat Félix! Nya ha-ha-ha!" he exclaims, and Marco just clicks his teeth and continues writing.
"Don't you want any?" I ask, and he simply tells me he's already eaten with his teeth clenched.
'He doesn't want to take my ice cream away.' I smile, seeing that he also has some awareness.
'I guess I'll have to eat this every time I get it.' I'm sure he'll make it for me whenever he notices. It annoys me how effective he is, but it wouldn't be fair to him if I didn't enjoy his culinary delights.
I finish eating and feel that the ice cream has opened my appetite. Just then, as I feel that urge to keep eating, I see a servant enter, carrying several dishes.
I watch in surprise as the servant organizes everything on the table in front of the sofa.
I see a strange dish, along with several sweet and savory items. It doesn't look very healthy, but somehow it looks so delicious. My stomach growls with anticipation.
I glance at Marco, and he smiles at me.
"In my world, these kinds of moments usually create cravings for various things, so I made an effort to get a variety of flavors. Do you remember the cheesecake I mentioned?" I look at the cheesecake, and it really looks delicious.
'I can't believe this.'
"Your knight helped! Nya!" Félix pounds his chest, looking at me with pride.
"Yeah, yeah, let's eat," I reply, laughing. I can't believe these two are competing like this.
I look at Marco, and he immediately understands. He gets up and sits next to Félix on the other side of the sofa. I watch him, realizing he's not that smart; after all, he's still a man.
'I guess he didn't quite get it.'
Time passes quickly, and I forget about the pain. In the blink of an eye, I find myself lying in bed. Félix has just gone to his room, and now it's time for me to sleep.
For some reason, my cheeks hurt a bit; I touch my lips, seeing that they're curved into a smile.
'This day passed as quickly as a sigh.'
Today, I experienced something new. A day I thought would be a torment turned into one filled with joy. I position my hands to sleep and let myself drift away. I guess sometimes it's better to simply embrace everything you have in the present.
'I forgot my duty for a day.' Even though the future will come, I feel that enjoying today will allow me to embrace tomorrow. I close my eyes, letting myself be carried away by the warm feeling in my heart.
"Thank you..."