The Meaning of Living
If every human represented a unique form, there would be millions of different forms, none of them overlapping. This means that no matter how hard you try to become who you want to be, you can't escape what you already are. Blending what you are with what you want to be… knowing when to let go and when to fight for change—that's the real challenge.
All around me, everything is white.
My body feels weightless, like a speck floating in the spring breeze. I try to focus on my senses, to feel my surroundings, but as I look up, I recognize this place instantly.
My door.
Ever since I began using magic, I designed a specific form for my door: a circuit.
I chose that shape because a circuit can adapt to different elements, each simulating a specific process. Magic in this world is born from imagination; it's the power to visualize and feel that transforms what's around you. But imagination can't exist without knowledge.
Knowledge and reason. Knowing the rules of this world, understanding what surrounds you, allows you to imagine beyond what you see or can reason. That's why imagination depends on how much you know about yourself and what's around you.
That's how all inventions come to be.
And yet, despite having all the tools to move forward, this world hasn't advanced as it should. People got stuck in magic and haven't explored what's right in front of them, what truly exists beyond their imagination.
They're not looking to see reality or understand it as they should.
My door takes the shape of a circuit, though it looks burned and broken, as if it had suffered a short circuit.
But despite the damage, I notice it's repairing itself quickly.
And the reason for that is right here, close to me.
"Marco, what you did could be considered suicide."
That voice… there's no doubt. Right at my feet, there's Puck. His big aqua-colored eyes look at me with a mix of anger and something else, something I hadn't seen in him before. Though he stands tall and seems confident, I notice a shadow of melancholy on his face.
My heart skips a beat; his presence, after all this time, stirs up a mix of emotions that are hard to classify.
'It's been a while.'
I admire him, but there's also a remnant of fear and guilt in me, a tangle of feelings that burns in my chest.
"I'm sorry… because of me, you… again," I murmur, unable to find words that do justice to the gratitude I feel. Puck had saved me in the past, and here he is again, at my side.
Puck shakes his head, his long ears moving with the gesture, and he speaks with a casualness that downplays what he's done.
"My daughter wouldn't like it if you died," he says, winking with a smile. "Besides, you're my pupil. It's fine."
I lower my gaze, touched by his words.
But I feel like I need to say something more, to go beyond this superficial routine we've always shared.
I need to open up, to express what I've kept inside for so long.
"I know you don't see me that way," I murmur, each word feeling heavy. "I don't know what contract you made with Echidna, or the history you carry with you… and I don't need to know… unless you want to tell me."
Puck watches me, tilting his head, his expression turning curious as if he's evaluating my sincerity.
I take a deep breath, trying to organize my thoughts.
"I want to know more about my master, about what he feels, about what he wants to do. I want to know how to help you."
Puck's eyes widen a bit, and although I don't know what expression I have on my face, I'm sure my words come from the depths of me. There's a flash of surprise in his gaze, and for an instant, he seems to see something in me he hadn't noticed before.
"What the hell happened all this time?" he finally asks, with a mix of bewilderment and curiosity, as if he's talking to a stranger.
I let out a sigh and smile.
"Lots of things… too many to tell right now."
Our relationship had always been shallow, full of reservations. I'd feared Puck, seeing him as a ticking time bomb capable of destroying everything. The distance I kept reflected that fear. But now, in this empty space, here in his presence, those walls crumble, and I feel it's time to genuinely reach out to him, to be real.
"Why did you decide to come out now?" I ask, curious. Though I've been in far more dangerous situations, this time feels different, inexplicably peaceful.
And the strangest thing is, for the first time, I don't feel fear.
Puck is silent for a few seconds, looking into the void as if searching for an answer. Then he raises a paw, pointing to the sky with his characteristic enigmatic smile.
"It was your fault," he says, and my confusion must be obvious because he laughs. "I hid in a glintstone crystal Betty had prepared. My core was damaged, and thanks to the magic matrix she left in your office, I was able to stabilize it. When you stole the mana from the cat-boy and Roswaal, that allowed me to take the form needed to help you survive."
I listen in silence as Puck's words settle in my mind, tangled up with a feeling of guilt and understanding growing in my chest. Without realizing it, I was the one who, in my desperation to cling to life, trapped him in that crystal.
'I was the one who kept Puck from seeing Emilia again.'
Puck watches me with a gentle smile. He seems to sense my thoughts because, instead of reproaching me, he speaks calmly.
"In a way, it was necessary for me," he says, as if trying to reassure me. "The mana needed to summon me is immense, and it can't be stored for just anyone to summon me; it has to come from the body that truly wants me. Every time Emilia uses more of her magic to heal and fight; gathering as much mana as she did when she was frozen would be impossible."
"We'd need a much larger matrix," I conclude, and he nods, agreeing with me. "But we could work on that little by little. You're one of the most powerful spirits, giving your odo to someone with such a short life... seems crazy."
Even though he saved me, I still don't understand his reason for doing it.
Not just once, but twice.
No, it was three times.
"That's because you don't understand... you don't understand how a spirit perceives things." He looks at me, a smile forming on his face as I watch my door continue healing. "Marco, in some way, you made me break that contract ahead of time. There were certain conditions that had to be met."
"I know," I reply, remembering. "Even if Emilia were to die, you wouldn't intervene... you'd only destroy the world." My words provoke a flash of surprise in his eyes, which soon narrow, turning more menacing.
"Sorry... I didn't mean to hide the fact that I already knew."
"You won't tell me how you know, will you?"
My silence seems to frustrate him a little, and he sighs.
As much as I'd like to tell him about my power and the changes I've noticed in this world, I don't know what the consequences would be.
I can't risk dying.
"Fu~. What can we do; you've always been like this," Puck mutters, scratching his head with a little paw. "That condition had a motive, a reason. I couldn't interfere because my own contract prevented me."
"Did I make you change your mind?"
His words intrigue me.
If I connect his current words with those he said before disappearing in the battle against the Archbishop of Sloth, I feel something start to make sense; those words he said to Emilia in his letter.
"In a way." Puck leaps toward me and settles on my head, comfortable. "My memories were altered when I broke the contract, but I can say with certainty that you, Marco Luz, were the one who made me look beyond my own limits."
With unexpected gentleness, Puck scratches my head, and his gesture both confuses and soothes me.
"Spirits usually form strong bonds with their contractors, but that doesn't mean we feel the same way you do." Gently, he slides off my head, and I hold him in my hands, looking at him closely. "We have predefined emotions, something we can't avoid."
But what he says contradicts something I've believed since I saw my daughter.
"Betty is different, special," he remarks, with a nostalgic smile. "Even I, being a strong spirit, fall into the limitations of being what I am. For us, it's incredibly difficult to change... especially for someone like me."
I know little about Puck's history, and his words make me think that his memories are sealed, or maybe erased.
I'm not sure if I should dig deeper or leave it alone.
"I only have vague memories of when I betrayed my creator, breaking my contract for the first time. Then I made another contract... one I also broke before forming a new one with Emilia."
That was the moment when he saved Emilia.
Puck moves through the air, as if each step helps him summon the memories.
"It was just her and me at first," he begins, his voice softening, as if those memories still hurt. "I was able to see the sides of Emilia that others overlooked. I watched her become more withdrawn, more afraid of certain things... though, of course, all that fear vanished if someone needed help."
Puck floats out of my hands and hovers in front of me, looking at me with a mix of nostalgia and something else.
"I was like a father to her, although, honestly, that title didn't quite fit me." He pauses, and I can see a hint of sadness in his eyes. "My words were empty. I didn't want her to get hurt, so I clung to that protection which, over time, made her weaker."
His sigh seems to carry the weight of past regrets.
"No one dared say what they truly thought, especially when she was with Roswaal. Everyone had to show her respect... no matter how they really felt."
"And that bastard wanted Emilia to be submissive and dimmed." I clench my teeth, remembering moments from the past, but I smile because it's just that—the past. "Though, of course, that was never her, not when someone was in danger."
Puck and I nod at the same time, sharing a brief laugh that eases the tension a little. But then Puck sighs, his mood turning melancholic.
"When you told her everything she was doing wrong, when you showed her the unvarnished truth..." He pauses, showing a chilling smile, revealing his fangs. "I almost killed you."
The joke makes me laugh nervously, and he relaxes too.
"Since that day, I could see how she changed, how each fall made her stronger, braver. It was like with every problem, she would take two steps back just to climb ten."
"Emilia has always had talent." I nod, feeling proud of her, of what she's achieved, and how much she's grown. "She just needed a little push, like all of us."
"We were a duo, but... I wasn't really helping her." He stares at me, looking at me with irony. "Someone who barely knew her was helping her much more than I was, her protective spirit. Doesn't that sound stupid?"
I close my eyes for a second, thinking deeply.
"As an outsider, I could see things neither of you could. I've told you before. Your support is an anchor Emilia has never forgotten, and the love she feels for you continues to fuel her." I look at him doubtfully. "Can I ask you something?"
I've been noticing it for a while, the way Puck talks about Emilia—with such deep respect, almost reverence.
"Why don't you call her Lia?" I ask, curious.
Puck looks away, and in his eyes, I sense a sadness that doesn't need words.
'He doesn't feel worthy.'
"I was willing to let her die to fulfill my contract," he admits, his voice faints. "And that… hurt."
For Puck, Emilia was the most important thing.
But, if someone is willing to let what matters most die, can they honestly say it matters to them?
'I think I've thought this before,' I reflect silently.
"It might sound foolish now, but when Emilia started to change, she began to talk to me a lot more. In the weeks since you arrived, I've learned more about her than in all the time we were together."
He closes his eyes and takes my fingers in his small paws, as if that contact gives him the strength to continue.
"Then I realized that, instead of protecting her, I was holding her growth back. And more than because of my past or my duties, I understood that deep down, I wanted to see her grow, to see her become stronger." Puck smiles faintly, casting a glance at my door, almost fixed. "Deep in my existence, I wished to be a father to Emilia. Maybe that's one of the reasons I decided to help you... I'm truly grateful to you."
His gaze turns profound, filled with so many emotions that I feel overwhelmed. I never thought someone like Puck could show such an expression, nor that his eyes could say so much.
"Seeing that Emilia needed to grow was one thing but seeing that she wanted to do it was something completely different."
Puck smiles gently, his gaze drifting toward the ceiling of my door.
"She moved forward because she wanted to, but me... I was falling behind."
Suddenly, an image forms before me: it's Emilia, crying on my chest while she hugs me tightly.
"Marco, I know I can't say much, but your life is so valuable. From whom you were to who you are now, everything you've done has had an impact on my daughter and sister." Puck looks at me, his words sinking deep into me. "Your words and actions reflect who you are and what others will become. I don't want the person my daughter loves to die in a deplorable way. Plus, there's my little sister, who I'm sure is waiting to see you as soon as possible."
I understand what he's trying to tell me, I sense it in the depth of his gaze.
"Also, you're my disciple, and I can't let someone I've trained die because of a curse." He smiles with a hint of humor. "If you're my disciple, you have to carry the name of your master with pride, right?"
Ah, my master's teachings...
"You have the power to influence others; everyone does, but you're aware of it." Puck scratches his head, looking a bit embarrassed. "Haha, I guess I've gotten a little emotional."
I bow my head in respect and look at him intently, letting my eyes speak what my words cannot.
I know it's not easy to recognize the power of words, the impact that actions can have. It's been a long road learning what my actions and words cause.
Even now, I'm still learning, especially now when I need words the most.
Puck has always been playful and teasing, his apparent carefree attitude hides an indifference toward those around him. I don't know what happened in his past to make him this way, but today, he seems to have broken free from those chains.
"Thank you for your teachings, master."
My words come out with respect and gratitude. Although we haven't spent much time together, it was Puck who helped me in the beginning, without hesitation. He was the one who stayed by Emilia's side when she needed him most, the one who stayed with her when I couldn't.
Thanks to him, Emilia now shines like a star.
Puck puffs out his chest with pride, reflecting a bit of the solemnity he usually hides.
"With pleasure, my disciple," he responds, swelling with pride.
He clears his throat as if he had a physical body. He watches me with uncommon seriousness, his eyes, usually so lively, now sharp.
"I'm not going to ask how you know certain things about my past, but I'll take this moment to tell you something important." His eyes seem to sharpen as he speaks. "You need to go to Gusteko, specifically to Pardochia."
"Hermod?" I ask, recalling that name.
"That man... only he knows the way to the one who can help Betty."
My eyes widen, and the gratitude turns into a weight pressing in my chest. I clench my fists, feeling the responsibility and affection I have for Beatrice.
"Thank you, Master."
"Hey!" he says, crossing his arms with a teasing grin. "I'm doing it for my little sister." He pauses, and his expression softens. "Thanks to what you've done, I've broken many chains... I can't wait to sign a contract with my daughter."
"Though you'll be weaker."
Puck sighs and places one of his tiny paws on my chest.
"The curse they put on you was too strong, and it seemed to get stronger the deeper it rooted into your body." He looks at me with a mix of determination and concern, then puts his paw on my head. "I couldn't remove the curse from your brain, but I inhibited it. Now, you can deal with what's left."
I clench my lips, feeling a lump in my throat that seems impossible to untangle.
Once again, Puck has given a part of his Od, the essence of his soul, his life. For a spirit, Od is everything; using it means not only weakening yourself but risking your very life.
"At least, this will make the contract with me easier," he says, trying to lighten the situation.
"I'm sorry... really," I say, looking down.
I felt his sacrifice the moment I was on the brink of death.
A surge through my door, a sort of energy replacement, a complete change within me. If what happened with Beatrice was an adjustment of my senses, what Puck did was a transformation of my essence.
I feel pure, icy energy, a torrent running through every vein in my body, filling me with a strength that isn't mine. At the same time, I can feel the overwhelming amount of energy it contains.
"Now you have a door that's half spirit and half human. It's curious that your body has accepted something like this," Puck comments, with the wisdom of someone who's seen more than they can share.
'The power of a sage.'
You can't be a sage without experiencing things. You can't have a body that can't bear all the knowledge. In that order, a sage's body is special by nature.
My thoughts swirl, realizing the true weight of what he has given me. What he did didn't just change the nature of my door; his sacrifice is an indelible mark, a connection that goes beyond the bond between teacher and pupil.
The power of a sage, a power capable of containing everything in a single body.
And I, as long as I'm strong enough, have the potential to turn it into something good, something that benefits those around me.
"Thank you," I murmur, bowing in respect, knowing those words will never be enough.
I press my lips together, feeling the weight of guilt instead of achievement. I took part of my teacher's life, from Puck.
"Look, Marco Luz," Puck sighs, locking his gaze with mine. With his tiny paws, he grabs my cheeks and squeezes them tightly, forcing me not to look away. "Fight, you must fight. I've put you under my daughter's care, so I need you to be strong to fight alongside her."
He begins to fade, his silhouette becoming faint, as if time were running out for him.
"I must calm my Od," he says softly, "so I'll go into hibernation. When you reach Pardochia, we'll meet again. Remember to leave me in the fountain; you'll understand when you're there."
Puck smiles, and his grin is as wide and bright as the constellation that bears his name.
"Thanks to you, I was able to see my daughter become someone completely different. She's now someone who doesn't rely on my power, so it doesn't matter if I'm strong or weak. I'm sure one day she'll surpass everything I did as the Beast of the End."
A spark of hope ignites inside me, and I extend my fist toward him.
"I'll get stronger too, strong enough to bring my daughter back." I raise my fist, determined. "We'll have a great vacation, all four of us."
Puck smiles, that unique shine in his eyes, and nods.
"Yes!"
Pam.
The sound of our fists colliding rings like a promise, a pact sealed in this shared moment.
I slowly open my eyes, feeling a warm weight on my chest. Silvery strands, soft and glowing, fall over me, and I notice the familiar scent that fills the air. Emilia is there, her hair swirling around me.
I can feel renewed energy coursing through every fiber of my being; it's as if my mana has gone through another change.
In the past, when I trained my own mana, I felt it was strong but controlled; with Beatrice, it became light and fast. But now… now it feels different. It's like my whole body has undergone exhausting training.
I feel the mana flowing with explosive force, tempering it with each breath.
I lift my arm and wrap it around her back, holding her gently, grateful to be alive.
"My queen, don't cry," I whisper with a smile, feeling deep and genuine relief.
On the edge between life and death, I realized how much I want to stay here, how important this life is to me and the people I love. Now that I'm alive, I can only thank the world for giving me another chance.
The chance to save my daughter, to feel Emilia's affection.
"Marco?" Emilia lifts her head, her face swollen and covered in tears and traces of crying. She's not the image of a princess, but in her vulnerability, her tenderness makes my heart race.
'So cute.'
She sits up off my chest and moves back a little, while I do the same. I watch her silently, seeing her silver hair fall, partially hiding her beautiful face.
'Is she upset?'
"Why do you always have to put yourself in danger?" she asks, not looking me in the eye.
I know I could tell her the truth, and she'd probably be the only one to believe me.
But, sadly, I can't reveal it to her.
Still, it doesn't matter.
After all, everyone lives only one life, and I'm just beginning to discover what mine has in store, just as she's still discovering hers.
"To me, this feels like payment for the sins I've committed," I murmur, looking at my hands, tightly gripping each other. "I want to keep helping those I can, especially those I care about deeply."
For a moment, I think of Rem, her sacrifice, and the emotions I once judged as foolish.
While I don't share all her views, I now understand that drive.
To give your life for those you love.
"But I won't die," I add firmly. "I won't give my life. I'll fight with every last breath for the happiness of others and, of course, for my own."
Emilia lifts her head, glaring at me with an angry expression. Her tears keep flowing, and even though her face is contorted with rage and pain, that defiant look remains fixed on me.
'I've made her cry again.'
I know I deserve reproach.
"You're an idiot, did you know that?"
"Yeah, that's why you should stay with me." I wink, smiling at her. "So, I don't do anything stupid."
In a sudden move, she rushes toward me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders in a hug filled with affection.
"Puck... I could hear it. He told me you were okay..." She starts sobbing, her tears soaking my chest. Her crying is so loud that it fills the room's silence.
I look up and see Reinhard behind Emilia, watching me with a calm smile, and Crusch, who is also awake and observing us in silence.
But right now, none of that matters.
Gently, I stroke Emilia's back, listening to her struggle to breathe between her sobs and broken words.
"I... Ugh! I almost thought I'd lost you. Your heart... stopped beating... I..." Emilia tightens her grip, her body shaking with each sob. "Ugh! Haaa!"
Emilia lets it all out in my arms, and I feel her tears are mine.
Her cries push away my own fears and pain. She, the one holding my life in her hands, has given me back my freedom, and I will do whatever I can to see her smile more often.
I gently hold her cheeks, looking at her closely.
With my handkerchief, I wipe her tear-soaked face, still not looking away from her eyes.
"Thank you for being here, Emilia," I say, letting my words carry the weight of what I feel.
Carefully, while she continues to sob, I take a deep breath and look at her, hoping to find the right words.
"Puck told me he was proud of me, of who I am. He said I'd grown and that he wanted to see me again." Emilia sighs, settling on my lap, and looks at me with a tenderness that disarms me. "I was so scared, Marco; for a moment, I felt like my own heart had stopped."
I put my hands on her head, pulling her close to kiss her on the forehead.
"I'm sorry... that must've been horrible."
She nods, and I can see her ears redden with embarrassment.
"I don't want to feel that way again."
Her words pierce me. I can't lie to her, I couldn't even if I wanted to. Promises are sacred to Emilia; they mean a commitment she takes very seriously. And even though I know I should lie to calm her fears, I choose the truth.
"I'll keep trying. Like I told you back in that cabin, I'll take care of my life as much as I can."
Now that I no longer have death's return, I feel I can be completely honest.
I hug her tightly, trying to gather my thoughts for what's to come. We stay like that for a while, enjoying each other's warmth, before I decide it's time to join Reinhard and Crusch.
'It's time to start making history in this kingdom.'