I have long since forgotten what happiness was. Terror, despair, and envy were more appropriate descriptions of the emotions that plagued me daily. At some point, my mind decided rather than break it would wander, roam, and explore different realities, but my body was eternally trapped in this cursed plane of existence that only death could offer me a reprieve from. As I walked down the stairs that day, something felt different, like there was a palpable distaste in the air that I couldn't quite put my finger on. It was as if there was a weight pressing down on me so that each step felt like a chore I had to endure. I considered returning to bed, but I knew Sunshine would not afford me that privilege.
As soon as I reached the landing, I saw one of the demons that plagued my existence. For a second, all I wanted to do was pinch myself and have him disappear, wishing with all I had that he was nothing more than a manifestation of a twisted mind. His eyes, those cold dark eyes, which held no hint of light in them, were like a splash of ice water on my face. I could feel a panic attack claw its way to my throat, wanting nothing more than to reduce me to rubble, but I refused to cower in the presence of my oppressor.
"Why are you just staring at me like that? Come say hello to your father, we brought you up better than that."
Without my consent, a sound exited my mouth, a cross between a strangled laugh and a suppressed scream. He looked taken aback, I was sure I had a similar expression on my face. This man was the one responsible for my existence and never failed to remind me at every time. It was only right that I blamed him for everything that went wrong in my life. It was his indifference and his sense of entitlement over my life that had led to the day my world broke. Even after he found me there, hopelessly broken and utterly defeated, all he had done was order me to pull myself together. He had not said it then, but the words had been silently uttered, muffled by the disdain he had shown me when I was at my lowest. 'It's your fault, ' I heard the unspoken reprimand. 'You deserve it, ' his cold eyes had screamed at me.
I stood rooted to the spot, my body immobilized with repressed fear while my mind itched to go elsewhere. I had no idea why he took it upon himself to intrude in my sanctuary; I only knew I wanted him gone. The sooner I interacted with him, the sooner he would leave, but no words came to mind. I was out from under his thumb, no longer in his care, and yet my master had trained his slave too well; even now, when I owed him nothing, I still cowered in his presence. On the other hand, he seemed at ease as if he owned the air that surrounded him. He sat on the sofa next to him, ran his fingers across the table, and inspected it for dust.
It would be so easy to end him now. He was old and weak; all I had to do was hit him a few times on his head with the candelabra next to him, and he would be a goner. I would enjoy it too, watching his whole face crumple as he took hit after hit until there was nothing left but a bloodied pile of trash. I saw the hesitation in his eyes as if he had glimpsed my fantasy. I wondered what expression I had on my face that would make the heartless bastard pause. It was only for a second, though, before he settled back into my seat.
"Come home, your relatives and friends will be there. Everyone is worried about you, and if you ever cared about any of them, you would come. With the company's election coming up, this would be a good chance for me to gain some votes from the pity you will get. Pack a bag, you are coming with me."
No, the candelabra would be too merciful a death for this thing that soiled my peace. He was proudly talking about how he was going to use my trauma to his advantage, trying to profit off my wounds that he was the architect of. Death was too merciful a punishment for him, he deserved to live in a world where everything he cherished was forcefully taken away from him. I wish I could go to his house and leave after ensuring that nobody in their right conscious would ever want to associate with him. He had, however, done a great job of beating any inkling of rebellion from me.
I wanted to scream at him, to wail out my dissatisfaction at his very presence, but I couldn't. Every time I saw him, all my misery and pain caused by this unfair world crawled from the pits of my stomach and settled in my throat. It made it hard to breathe, talk, or think. I wanted to scream, but this monster that I had fed with my inaction and helplessness held me down and kept me there, suffocating me under the crushing weight of my existence.
This house, secluded from the world, was the only place I had an iota of control, and even here an iota seemed too generous a portion. Just how much control could I ever hope to have when my very mind often eluded me, plunging me into a new world as a means of escape. I could not say no to him, but thank Christ I did not have to. I walked away as I had done several times before. Pulled out a chair in front of a meal that Sunshine had taken the trouble to prepare and poured me hot tea as I took a seat. Never again.
Our panic room had everything we could ever need to survive, for at least a month. He had bought every type of medicine we could require, but somehow had forgotten to buy anesthesia. I lay him on his back, giving me access to his wound. He had a bullet graze on his shoulder and an embedded one in his back. Thankfully, no major organs had been hit, and with the bullet still in him, he was not going to bleed out. I took out the thread and needle, choosing to treat the graze that had left an open wound on his shoulder. A tear fell without me noticing, quickly followed by another until a tiny river of regret flowed from my face and onto the scarred back of my savior. Another scar he had gotten on my behalf.
An hour later, I was done treating his two major wounds and other minor scratches, and thankfully, he had remained unconscious throughout the entire process. I guess this level of pain had become tolerable to him, and that thought released the floods that had subsided. He had every opportunity and an infinite number of reasons to leave me, and yet, despite all the pain he had to endure, he fought to stay by my side. I should have gathered the courage to remove myself, but the one time I had done that nearly ended up with both of us dying. I was not brave enough to try running away again, and he would rather die than let me go. So there we were, stuck in a hell of our choosing, hanging onto nothing but the solace we found in each other.
Without meaning to, I fell asleep holding his hand as he rested. Hands running through my hair woke me up. I found myself staring into his intense eyes that comforted and reassured me, a far cry from the first time we met. I will never forget that bloody face as a result of hacking down all my bodyguards. He had been sent after me by my father's business partner, I was the final thread that could topple their empires. Maybe it was love at first sight, or maybe he knew he had found a ticket out of his grim life, a lifeboat so to speak.
He had spared me and taken me to hide, and I used the vast resources at my disposal to give us the life of comfort we lived. This house was one of many my father owned, and in exchange, he kept me safe. That's how it started, but he had been shot at and sliced too many times for it to be just about money. I saw the way he looked at me, his eyes, previously icy, had slowly thawed to the point of lighting up when I was in the room. We were stuck with each other, it seemed, for him it was love, but for me, I had nowhere else to go. He tried to get up, but that little movement caused him pain, I could tell by the way he briefly closed his eyes, refusing to truly acknowledge his discomfort out loud. I held out my hands to stop him, but he easily discarded them as he fought through the pain and got to his feet.
"We need to leave right now. How long have I been out?" He was already throwing things in a bag he had picked up and only paused when I remained silent.
"Get back to bed, I have already set things up for use in a new safe house. I am waiting for a call from our extractor."
I had not merely idled away while he recovered; we had been down this road enough times for me to be prepared. If he took it upon himself to keep me safe, then I would pull my weight and ensure we never lacked; it was the least I could do. Before he could get another word in, my phone blared into the silence of the panic room. I went to the monitors that relayed the videos from the CCTV outside, and sure enough, there was a cleaning van out front.
"That's our cue," but he was already headed for the exit, dragging me with him.
I took a final look at what had been our home for the past five months before following him into the cleaning van. The van drove us to an airstrip, and soon enough we were on a private plane headed to a different country. As always, I prayed to God that this would be our final destination. I also knew without being told they no matter where I went they would always come after me. The reason we were able to enjoy such luxury was due to the trillions of dollars that I had to my name, the sole heir to the biggest oil and aerospace company in the world. The billion-dollar business was a front to an organized crime syndicate that my father had helmed until his inevitable death. He had had the foresight to transfer everything to my name, yet I could not help but wonder if he had done it out of love or self-preservation.
"We have run away for as long as we can. We need to gain the arsenal to fight back and defend ourselves." He said, staring out the window, it was not the first time he had brought it up.
"Of course, tell me what you need to make it happen."
Despite having asked, there was visible shock painted on his face, rightfully so. He had asked me several times before, but I had shot the idea down. I wanted nothing to do with the world my father had built, the same world that had succeeded in destroying him. If there was another way I wanted to take it, but he was right, we ran further each time, and without fail, they would always find us and upend our lives. It was time to fight fire with fire.
My phone rang the shrill tune, dragging me back to the present. I stole a glance behind me, and much to my relief, the animal that sired me was no longer there. I picked up my phone, and for the second time that morning, my heart dropped to my stomach. With trembling hands, I fumbled as I dragged the call icon across the screen, succeeding after the third try.
"Hello is this Mrs. Melisa Nanjira?"
"Yes, this is her."
"Ma'am, I am calling you as per your request to inform you that the final court date has been set for tomorrow."
"Thank you," I replied, hanging up the call feeling nothing close to gratitude for that piece of news. The weight on my chest tripled.
I fell to the floor, doing nothing to stop the onslaught of emotions that were crashing into me. Just like clockwork, sunshine was by my side, soothing and caressing while she held me in her tight embrace. I desperately clung to her, my entire body shivering like a leaf. As my heartbeat slowed down and my vision gradually cleared, I couldn't help but notice how small I was held against Sunshine's body. Even more profound was the fact that acknowledging my physical disadvantage did not make me feel scared. I released my death grip on her and sank into her arms, grateful for the reprieve she had offered. More surprising still was the rose, vanilla, and strawberry scents that made up her perfume.