June 1, 2010 that was the day I first saw him, after June 2006. Zyran Adams . He was the most threatening thing I could ever witness.
Threatening in a way that shakes me to the pit of the abyss he created in my heart. It wasn't that I was scared by his presence. I was simply intrigued by an urge to fix him. Fix his psychotic little treasure box of filthy ideas as to how punish someone, why and when.
Again, he was threatening in a way that it was needed to back off because his reality scared me. It was because I was scared that I could fall for him and ironically not even after knowing who he was because I knew why he was so.
You almost give that apologetic look of pity to someone when they say life has been harsh on them but what my hobi went through was sick to its rotten ends.
The urge to throw up would twist and turn your stomach in every angle to somehow just vomit out the past of his that you just heard.
I met him that day. On the road beside our university. The one through the forest area almost deserted with literally not even a cat around. It was the second day of our university. I had missed it the day before. Yet, again, because of him.
I sighed as I looked at the sky . It's dull and dry like my soul. The sun up shining like it rules the sky which it practically does but didn't did justice enough as it is partly covered by clouds. Summer is on its peak, soon it will be humid and summer isn't my thing.
I am a rain person.
It just excites me as hell. I can never defy the raindrops pouring on my skin as I watch it slide down to the ground due to gravity. The way they would never stay in my palm when I lay it flat to feel it. Their impatient need to leave makes me chuckle. Rain too knows that they can't stay forever.
Nobody stays forever especially humans just like that cooling sensation of rain. Rain drops tend to leave to fall down and humans leave to push you down and make you fall.
Nothing stays forever except one thing, memories. People leave but memories don't. I vote memories to be the most loyal of all. I smile remembering my mom. She would treasure me everywhere. In parks, roads, markets and sometimes sneaked into my kindergarten to check up on me. That women seriously.
She cared for me too much that she couldn't have the time to think about herself too.
But I refuse, refuse to beleive it's her mistake. It wasn't. It was me again. The pot of bad luck that I serve everyone as a welcome drink to people who pity my loneliness and tries to fix me.
The man walking to the opposite side of the road was one of the victims. He had dealt with the same bad luck that follows after engulfing me into your arms.
He doesn't turns around to look at me neither do I raise my eyes to look at him. I know he knows and feels me around him. I know he feels the tension, yet, again.
The tension that has been there since we turned 10. There would be something dark lingering in the air when we are somewhere around each other. There is this weird yet silent yet scary aura wrapping around us, which feels so comfortable and safe that we never want to leave each other's side, yet again, which is really sick and scary.
I can feel him, I know he does too. I know he doesn't have the guts to confront me after what happened, can't blame him, I do not too. We walk not looking anywhere else but the road. My eyes are teary but I don't know about him. Is he crying too?? Does he miss me too?
I know if I get a glimpse of his face I would run into his arms sobbing like a child. Sadly, I can't. I shan't. We shan't and he knows.
I realise this very moment that I cannot stand the same roof with him. I almost wince as his name crosses my mind. Oh how forbidden it feels to call him Zayn again . I think I need to cry my eyeballs out on the dean's feet washing his shoes with my tears fucking pleading to him to bless me with a trasfer.
I repeat, I cannot bear to be under the same roof as his. I would make up some serious shit like having a scary stalker probably a potential rapist that makes me shift to the next town or something. Maybe I can play the pity card, being girl sometimes has its own advantage.
But what if being a girl kicks me back in the ass?? What if the dean asks me to lick his dick? As funny as it sounds I quickly shudder at the idea, disgusting. I see our university and it's almost as if I was hallucinating him, he amusingly disappeared. Okay, that's creepy.
I shake my head and look around. This building infront of me looks like will do wonders to my future. I sigh, I know he was here. I can always sense him. It's almost unbelievable but is true. I can feel his presence and he can mine.
I reach to the office to see the pile of schedules laying around at the desk. I huff finding nobody and going through the list myself. After sometime I see it. June Rose Stewart . Fuck the Stewart. Its been the most horrific memory of mine since childhood. As funny as it sounds there is a movie about a fucking rat that has its last name Stewart. Oh fuck rats!!
I was about to leave when I feel it again. He is around me again. It is stronger this time, as if he is so close. My accelerating heartbeat almost hurts. I think I am going dizzy. His thoughts hurt, his smile, his eyes. The eyes that I always wished my kids had. My insides are twirling and my hands are shaking. I can feel my palms getting sweaty and myself frozen on the spot. Alright fine, I think I will even lick the dean's balls too if that's what gets me away from him.
That's when the door opens and I hear an elderly voice echo in the small room. " Thanks a lot son. You can keep the pile on my table." And everything comes to a halt. I hear him. " Sure sir".
My heartbeat comes to a halt. As if not racing but completely shut at this moment. Suddenly my throat feels dry and my knees wobbly as I hear his footsteps behind me. I hold back my tears and the urge to turn around and catch a simple glance of his. " Miss could you please get side?"
And the forced tears fall, miserably. Is that's how he gonna play? Pretend that he doesn't know me?? Faking a new identity, I see. Is that's how it gonna go. Then fine. I can do much better than him. I am strong too. I realise I am blocking his path . I get aside and he keeps a pile of paper and turns to leave. As he turns on his spot his shoulder slightly brushes mine. And yet again I feel like I am getting choke.
It feels as if someone gave a jab to my oesophagus. My complete body shudder and he doesn't even react. Yet, again, I don't have the guts to look him in the eye. I just can't, I know he didn't too. Playing hard I see but why can't you look at me then?? I chuckle inside my head.
Over time, I had lost some memory I guess. I had almost forgotten that we have this weird connection where we can almost read other's mind, both. He had immediately raised his gaze to my face. Oh fuck!! Zyran Adams why??
I felt his gaze sizzling on my cheeks. My inside feel like they are devoured by lava. Oh fuck you Zayn- . That's it, he is getting into my head, again. I didn't look at him despite his gaze still stuck on me. I know he has that stupid smirk on his face which I want to trace with my thumb and on the other hand, want to fucking smack his stupid smirk off with a spatula.
I roll my eyes to the opposite direction and release the breath I didn't knew I was holding almost like for an eternity. Does he not feel anything?
"Oh welcome kid, you must be Miss June Rose Stewart I assume." I smiled at him. Couldn't he interrupt seconds ago?? Fuck you too Dean. "Yes, I apologise for not appearing yesterday. I-it was a family issue. I apologise humbly." Didn't lie though. It was really a family thing.
"It's alright I understand. You may leave for your first class. I don't want you to get detention the first day." I smiled and chuckled lightly. "Sure thing Mr. Rodriguez." I walked out. I had made up my mind. If he's gonna play tough, I ain't the fragile little innocent pinky unicorn too. Fine, he's just Zayn Adams, a student here, for me.
I scoff as I remember how pathetic I am. Really?? Shaking knees and sweaty palms?? What am I?? A crap of a highschool girl? Who gets all 'blushy-blushy' and 'I froze out of nervousness' infront of her crush?
Oh just wait and see Zyran Adams. I'll forget you too. The thing that creates a hole in my heart is, did he really forget me or he doesn't care? Did he pushed away our memories?? The thing we had?? Had he pushed me out of his heart too ?? Again, I lost someone that I love??
I loved him by my heart. Remember anything and everything about him since our childhood. We practically grew up like siblings. Together since we were four. He was a month or two older than me, I don't know what's special about being a month older, he flaunts it like hell.
Still I knew this isn't going to be easy. Seeing him daily and walk away like I don't care. Atleast it is better than crying at nights holding his photo close to my chest wondering if he's alright. The irony, I met him in June again. When the last time I saw him was June four years ago. And today, again. June met her Zayn in June.