Despite the sky being perfectly clear and the air being devoid of a breeze, Louise sat there shivering after being left behind by the Duke.
"I was beautiful enough," she whispered to the gilded hand mirror. "Alice wouldn't lie to me."
Louise had to place down the mirror since her hand was shaking so badly. She worried it would get dropped, and shatter, causing bad luck on her wedding day—even worse than what she was experiencing at that moment.
Her father would be so angry when he discovered that she failed to appeal to the man. It was her only job and she couldn't do it. There would never be another opportunity to marry someone of such standing that would benefit her family so much.
After a few failed business dealings, her father had lost a lot of money in recent years, and Louise's marriage was going to ensure he wouldn't have to go so far as to sell his title. It had been in the Sullivan family for over a century.
Louise was already burdened with being the reason her family lost their standing in society. Her younger brother would have nothing to inherit if they lost their title. She would also not be able to marry well because there would be no political advantage to having her as a wife. As much as she wanted to be loved by whoever she married, she knew that commoners married for love only because they had nothing else.
The repercussions she may face for failing her father would certainly take her out of the public eye, where she received all of her validation. That was what happened the last time she had to heal from bruises when her father lost control.
She was starting to crumble as she leaned her elbows into the table and her posture was as curved as it could be even with the corset straightening her spine. The urge to cry made her eyes burn and her throat feel tight but she managed to hold it all in just in case the Duke returned. He ought to not witness his future wife in such an unbecoming state.
The door opened and Louise sprung up so her back was straight.
"My lady, we must get you into the wedding gown," Alice said. "Only a couple of hours now."
Louise stared in total disbelief. Had he not called off the wedding? He seemed so disappointed in her that she thought he certainly must have gone inside to complain to her father that she wasn't perfect enough.
"Y-yes," she uttered.
She lifted her skirts so she could follow the maid.
"Straighten your posture, my lady," the maid said as she opened the door and turned to the young woman.
It felt like a blur as she followed the maid back to her chambers. Her composure was broken enough that her eyes darted around the hallways. She was waiting for someone to charge at her and yell harsh things about how worthless she was. Yet no one ever came.
Again, she was left in her room and the outer dress was taken off of her while the maid went to receive the seamstress who had brought the light blue gown for Louise to wear. The garment had been in the works from the day she was engaged and she was eagerly waiting for the fine silk and lace it was supposed to be made from. Perhaps once she was in such a beautiful dress, the Duke would look at her more fondly so her father wouldn't be upset with her.
Even though it would be unbecoming to witness, her clammy hands balled up in fists as they disturbed the white fabric of her underskirts.
She couldn't bring herself to calm down. Her anxiety was through the roof as she waited for her fate to be decided. Her father would come to yell at her and cast her out if she failed, or the duke would come and she would have to witness a man be disappointed in the way she looked yet again.
So far, the duke was the first man who didn't admire her when placed before him. His reaction had been a stake in her heart.
She turned to the mirror connected to the vanity she sat in front of.
That's right, she thought. I will just have to prove myself to him.
Her head turned as she made sure all angles of herself were presentable. There were no bruises on her entire body—something her father had made sure of in preparation of getting her married off.
Even if Duke Calvani wasn't fond of her right away, perhaps she could grow on him. She could figure out his likes and dislikes and mold herself into whatever he desired.
Alice returned with the seamstress who always seemed so quiet to Louise. She wore a tight bun in her hair and the smile she offered the girl didn't reach her eyes. It made Louise feel nervous to be around people like that. After all, it was something she experienced each day at home, and it never meant something good.
As Alice helped her into the dress, Louise felt the seamstress' gaze burning into her. Was she judging her? Did she not look up to her standards?
When she was turned around, the seamstress' frown turned into a tight-lipped smile.
"You look beautiful," the seamstress complimented her. "It was just as I was envisioning. A young bride…such a young bride."
After the seamstress adjusted a few more things about Louise's appearance and made sure it was sitting well, she pulled up the front a little more harshly than she handled the rest of it.
"Let's make sure nothing is too exposed," she uttered before stepping away. "Beautiful. Suitable for someone so young."
Before Louise could catch on about what the seamstress was not-so-subtly going on about, Alice rushed the woman out of the room and the bride was left to herself for a few minutes.
Her eyes never seemed to stray from the mirror for very long. Again, she stressed and stressed whether or not her appearance was suitable to be the Duke's wife.
The light blue of her wedding gown signified purity. The straight neckline and the shoulders being covered despite how wide the neckline was had been purposeful. The lace covering her chest and arms was as well.
As a woman no better than a chess piece, her side of the deal was to remain pure for her husband, and, with such little life she had already lived, she was as pure as possible. At least the Duke wouldn't be able to complain about that.
Without so much as another word to her, she was put into the decorated carriage that would take her away to the temple where she was set to be married.
The Duke had requested a small ceremony, but there were subjects of the King who had to be there to witness it and be sure that it went through without a hitch. On the other hand, Louise had always pictured herself having a large, extravagant wedding as she united with someone out of love.
At that moment, she decided to lower her expectations in the hopes that she wouldn't be disappointed anymore.
The carriage arrived at the church and Louise waited patiently for someone to open the door and retrieve her. She had returned to being a doll who only moved when needed.
However, the pleasant smile on her face slowly drooped down and a frown appeared when she realized no one was coming to get her.
Her father always hated when she took things into her own hands but she didn't know what else to do. Would she be ridiculed for being late to her own wedding?
Even though she felt divided, she decided to take action and stood up. She moved towards the carriage door, but her hand stopped on the handle and didn't push it open when she heard the voice of the man she was supposed to marry that day.
"She's a child, Rodrigo," he spoke sharply under his breath but the carriage window was cracked open to keep air flowing while she was wearing so much fabric. "A damned child. What sort of man do they think I am?"
Louise couldn't see the man he was talking to, but he heard him just as easily as Duke Calvani.
"This is commonplace, Your Grace," he attempted, trying to persuade the duke. "You are far from the first nobleman to have a young bride. I will give you the advice given to others. You ought to wait until she's eighteen to—"
"I can't have any more of this conversation," the Duke interrupted him. "The age difference between us will never lessen."
There was a pause and Louise held her breath.
"Well, Your Grace, it isn't too late to call off this whole arrangement," Rodrigo explained. "You understand the repercussions of every decision you make. I can no longer protect you from the King's pressure. He wants this marriage with his niece to go through. After all, securing your duchy secures—"
"You know that I will not participate in the ridiculous politicking any longer, Rodrigo," the Duke responded, his voice taking on a sharper tone.
"It is your duty as the Duke…"
"He will not let me simply be a knight," Duke Calvani spat in frustration, seemingly finished with that topic. "I wasn't the one meant for this. Antonio was."
"I understand," Rodrigo spoke firmly, which Louise found dismissive of his master's concerns.
There was another pause and the Duke audibly sighed.
"How am I supposed to leave her behind after she flinched in such a way at the mildest of gestures?" he asked. "You've heard the rumors." He then started speaking as if it was someone else's voice he was using. "The Count's jewel. Publicly humiliated because her father beats her even when there are others present. Dark bruises spotted underneath the fine lace she adorns herself with but not the face, never the face—"
Even if it was unbecoming of a young woman to behave so rashly and emotionally, Louise couldn't help herself. Since no one was going to help her get out and she didn't want to know the rest of what he had to say, she decided she couldn't hide any longer and threw open the carriage's door.
Stumbling down the two steps to the ground, she rushed out of the carriage and to the church where she was meant to be wed that day. The men certainly saw her, but she couldn't bring herself to look back.
Tears stung the corners of her eyes and she knew she must look haughty and upset.
Louise didn't know if she was crying because she was mortified by the men's words, or if she was embarrassed at how she was behaving. All she knew was that things came to a head and she was no longer able to contain herself.
Her only respite was knowing her father wasn't in front of her to poke and prod at the fact that she was crying over something and to tell her she looked ugly when she cried.
The heavy church door was opened for her, and she found Alice who helped her get to the room she would wait in until all the guests had arrived and were settled.
As usual, Alice took great care to ensure Louise didn't look like she had shed a single tear. It wasn't the first time she had cleaned up the girl after she had had an emotional break. Despite how much Louise liked to pretend she didn't have any emotions at all, she was full of them.
She wondered if, after everything that had transpired since meeting the Duke, the wedding was still going to go forth.