"— Aaah... Much better..."
Goku pulled his pants back up and stretched toward the sky.
"— But now I'm twice as hungry. Hahaha! I think that was the biggest dump I've ever taken!"
He laughed.
"— Welp… Time to head back to Bulma!"
Energized, he started running down the trail he'd followed to the car, dodging roots and rocks like it was second nature.
But when he reached the spot where Bulma should've been, something was off. Way off.
"— Huh? Where's Bulma?"
He looked around and spotted Bulma's blazer on the ground, like it had been tossed aside in a rush.
He crouched, picked it up, and held it like it might tell him what happened.
"— …Bulma?"
Then, the silence of the forest shattered with a scream.
"— GAAAAAAAAH!"
It tore through the air—sharp, panicked. Definitely a woman's voice.
Goku's eyes narrowed as he looked in the direction the scream came from.
"— Where are you?" — he shouted back. No answer.
But he didn't have to wait long.
Something massive flew overhead, momentarily blocking the stars.
He looked up—and what he saw wasn't normal.
A giant owl, its wings as wide as Bulma's car, glided across the night sky. Each flap kicked up gusts of wind that shook the trees. And in its claws...
"— Bulma!"
Her small, flailing form was trapped in its talons, her voice echoing through the night as she thrashed helplessly.
"— HELP! GOKU, GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!"
Goku's brain kicked into high gear. That owl wasn't just some bird—it was monstrous, like something straight out of a nightmare. And Bulma? Totally defenseless.
He grabbed his Power Pole tight, eyes locked on the creature.
"— Hang in there, Bulma! I got you!"
Without wasting a second, Goku planted his feet, aimed the pole at the owl, and yelled:
"— Power Pole, extend!"
The staff shot out instantly, launching him like a rocket straight toward the beast.
Bulma looked down and saw something completely insane.
The owl, majestic and deadly just moments before, froze mid-air as Goku—still riding his expanding staff—reached its height.
"— Mhhmmm… WHAAAT?!"
The owl spoke. Its voice was deep, oddly refined.
"— Who are you? How did you get up here?!"
Goku clung to the pole, eyes wide.
"— Whoa! You can talk?! That's so cool!"
The owl flapped its wings impatiently.
"— Answer me, you bouncing primate!"
"— I'm Goku! Hey, what are you doing with my friend?"
The owl tilted its head like the answer was obvious.
"— Your friend? The human? I'm taking her to my nest. Where else?"
"— And is that gonna take long? I'm riding with her."
"— Oh, don't worry. It'll be quick. Very quick."
"— Ah, okay, guess I'll just wai—"
"— ARE YOU CRAZY?! HE'S GONNA EAT ME! GET ME DOWN NOW!"
Goku blinked, finally catching on.
"— Ohhh, so you don't wanna go with him?"
"— OF COURSE NOT, YOU IDIOT!"
"— Then I guess I gotta hit him, right?"
The owl's patience was gone.
"— Look, kid, you don't seem very bright, so let me spell it out: she's my dinner now. Buzz off before I decide to eat you too."
"— Hmm… no deal. I promised I'd protect Bulma. If you want her, you'll have to beat me first!"
The owl narrowed its eyes.
"— I tried to be nice. Big mistake."
With a sudden twist, the creature lunged at Goku.
"— LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN FLY, MONKEY BOY!"
"— Whoa, whoa, WHOA!"
Goku spun the Power Pole and cracked the owl square in the forehead.
WHOOOM!
The impact was brutal. The owl's eyes bulged like it had just seen its own soul leave its body.
"— HOOOO-KHHH—"
Its wings stopped flapping. The massive body dropped like a stone.
And that meant Bulma was falling too.
"— AAAAAAAH, GOKUUUUUUU!"
"— OH NO! BULMA!" — Goku yelled, but it was already too late.
She was plummeting fast, a blur against the treetops.
Crap. Crap. CRAP!
Is this how I die? What a stupid way to go...
But fate had other plans.
Bulma crashed through the treetops, branches ripping her clothes and scratching her skin like nature's brakes.
"— WAAAAAHHH!"
Her fall ended in a massive bush that cushioned the impact.
She lay there, dazed, caught between relief and disbelief.
"— ...I'm alive?"
From somewhere above, Goku called out, still way too chipper.
"— WOW, BULMA! YOU MADE IT!"
Still flat on her back, she lifted her head slowly. Her face twisted in rage.
"— MADE IT?! YOU DROPPED ME, YOU MORON!"
Before Goku could say anything, she hurled a rock at him. He dodged it easily, laughing.
"— Hahaha! Sorry, Bulma! My bad! But hey, you're okay, right? That's what matters!"
Fuming, Bulma got up, brushing twigs off herself like she was trying to reclaim a shred of dignity.
"— What matters?! You almost killed me, Goku! I swear, when I get my hands on you—"
But her rant was cut off by something unexpected.
Grrrrrhhh…
Goku's stomach growled so loud it echoed through the clearing like a wild beast.
He looked down, hand on his belly, puzzled.
"— Uh… Can we eat before we go?"
For a beat, silence.
Then came the laugh.
At first low, shaky—then full-blown, unhinged.
Bulma laughed like she'd finally snapped.
"— Hahaha… You... you're insane, you know that? Easily the weirdest guy I've ever met!"
She doubled over, clutching her knees.
Goku tilted his head, unsure if this was good or bad.
"— Bulma? You okay? You're laughing kinda weird..."
She straightened up, wiped away a tear, and sighed.
"— No, Goku. Nothing's okay."
Her voice still had a sarcastic edge, but her eyes said: I give up trying to make sense of this.
"— But y'know what? No point fighting it anymore."
Goku beamed, totally missing the deeper meaning.
"— So… we can eat?"
Bulma rolled her eyes, pulling a capsule from her pocket.
"— Yeah, yeah. We can eat."
♦♦♦
After a quick meal—which Goku devoured like it was his last—they hit the road again.
The forest gave way to open plains and tall mountains, looming like stone giants under a star-splattered sky.
Bulma scanned the landscape like a strategist sizing up her next move.
She eased off the gas.
"— This spot's perfect."
She parked on a flat patch of land.
"— What are we doing here?" — Goku asked, hopping out and looking around.
Bulma didn't answer right away.
Instead, she pulled out another capsule, eyes gleaming with that mix of pride and precision.
"— I'm setting up a capsule house."
"— A capsule what?"
Without another word, she pressed the button and tossed it.
BANG
The capsule exploded in a hiss of smoke—and in its place stood a full-blown house.
Goku blinked.
"….."
"— What's your problem now?"
"— Are you sure you're not a witch?"
Bulma sighed, deeply.
"— Just get inside before I leave you out here."
"— Hah, okay, okay!" — Goku said, running after her.
♦♦♦
The house was small, but cozy. Bulma got to work organizing her gear, while Goku wandered around like he'd just stepped into another universe.
"— Whoa… It's daytime in here!"
He stared at the lights.
"— It's called electricity, you cave-boy. Way better than your campfire."
"— Cool..."
In the living room, he froze.
His eyes went wide at the big black rectangle on the wall.
"— What's that?!"
Bulma smirked. She grabbed the remote and clicked it on.
"— WAAAH!"
Goku jumped back, pointing.
"— There's a little guy trapped in that box!"
It was just a news anchor—but to Goku, it looked like some poor soul imprisoned behind glass.
He leaned in, tilting his head side to side.
Bulma cracked up.
"— No, Goku. No one's trapped. It's a TV. It just shows moving pictures."
He looked at her, then back at the screen, then at her again.
"— Huh?"
She nearly fell over laughing.
"— Never mind. You'll get it someday."
As Goku searched for the "best viewing angle," Bulma passed by—and almost gagged.
"— Ugh... Hey, Goku…"
She paused, nose wrinkled.
"— When was the last time you took a bath?"
"— Bath?"
"— Oh no. No. Don't tell me you don't even know what a bath is!"
"— Of course I know! I just never needed one."
She stared at him, dead inside.
"— You mean... you've gone your whole life without a single bath?!"
"— I mean, I sweat, and the wind dries it off. Grandpa said that's just nature doing its thing."
Nature?! You reek from ten feet away!
She stepped back, waving her hand in front of her face.
"— You're getting in that tub. Right now. I will bathe you myself!"
"— What?! Why?! I feel fine!"
Goku backed away like a cat from water.
"— Not a chance you're sleeping in here stinking like that!"
She was already pushing him toward the bathroom.
Goku looked at the door like it was a portal to another world.
As he finally stepped inside, she leaned against the wall with a sigh.
Seriously… how did I end up in this mess?
♦♦♦
"— Alright, sit down and don't move."
Bulma adjusted the water temp.
Foam filled the tub as Goku sat on the tile like he was about to be tortured.
"— This is weird... Feels like I'm being cooked alive."
"— Oh, shut up."
With a sigh, he finally got in. Still stiff as a board.
"— Okay… this isn't so bad."
Bulma scrubbed like she was chiseling off years of dirt.
Then she paused.
"— Wait a sec."
"— Why do you have a... monkey tail stuck to your butt? Is it, like, a costume?"
"— Stuck? It's not stuck. It's mine."
"— Yours?
No way. This had to be cosplay. Some character she didn't know.
"— Yeah. It's real."
Bulma crossed her arms, unconvinced.
"— Real, huh? Suuure. Tell me another one."
Before he could respond, the tail moved.
It grabbed the bath brush from her hand and started scrubbing his back like it had a mind of its own.
"— AAAAAAAAAAH!"
Bulma recoiled so fast she nearly fell.
"— What? My tail always does that. It's easier than twisting my arm back there."
Bulma just pointed, mouth open, eyes wide.
She finally managed:
"— That's... that's impossible. Tails don't do that!"
"— Mine does. Grandpa said I'm special."
Bulma rubbed her face.
"— Special?! That doesn't even begin to cover it! I've never met a guy with a... thing like that on his back!"
She stopped, muttering:
"— And I thought guys only had things that grew in front."
"— Huh? Like a beard?"
She shook her head violently.
"— Forget it. I'm not even going there!"
She backed into the corner, watching the tail like it broke every law of biology.
Yup. This is officially the weirdest day of my life.