It didn't matter how prepared Emma was ready for the talk, she dreaded the question yet to come
"Do you want to keep the baby?" Sandra asked tentatively, eyes fixed on her best friend's pregnancy report in her hand.
Emma glanced down at her belly that was hidden under her maroon hoodie, last week she didn't know there was a bun growing inside her womb depending on her for life. Today after the doctor confirmed that she was twelve weeks pregnant, her world had instantly turned upside down.
"I don't know" she replied, almost whispering. Emma wanted to do so many things in her life, she loved to challenge herself, she was thrilled to try stuffs most people wouldn't and she was open to exploring the morally grey area because she hated to limit herself. Her bucket list ideas about what to do before she died were getting super long but having a baby was never one of them.
"It's not too late if you want to abort it" Sandra mumbled sounding uncertain with her own idea "I mean it was conceived in one drunken night which you don't know who the father is, plus you have been drinking until last week you stopped when you suspected you were pregnant and I'm no expert but I heard that carring a baby in your last year at college is hard, especially when the father isn't in the picture, those are valid reasons right? "
Emma paused her lips, considering her best friend's advice while trying to see all the possibilities " Maybe I can find that mother fucker "
Sandra raised her eyebrows " Ask around how "
Something like, "Hey do you guys know the guy that slept with me three months back in one of your parties?" She scotted
"Do you remember what he looks like? his hair color? his name?
"No not really" Emma sighed before throwing herself backward on Sandra's bed "I do remember his eyes though it's green, emerald green and he has dark hair
" Dark as in dark or black brown hair color? "
" I'm not sure the room was too dark to notice these trivial things "
" Any recollection of his name? nickname maybe?"
Emma knitted her eyebrows, trying to remember anything that might be useful from that night and she shook her head.
" Whose name did you scream? don't tell me you moaned James's name "
Emma shot her friend a glare that would freeze a hot burning volcano "Can we not discuss that now? a more important matter needs to be addressed urgently"
Sandra raised her hands in the air "sorry I was just curious, how would you not remember anything about the guy you fucked all night"
"I was drunk! it was the night James broke up with me. I was lost and in need of it" Emma replied wincing inwardly after listening to her own answer.
"You got one alright and you have got the bonus too there" Sandra pointed at her belly
Emma groaned as she put both hands over her face " I swear we used a damn condom that rubbish" She cursed under her breath
" Are you sure it's not James's? "
" I'm sure as hell, we hadn't had sex for weeks when we broke up. If it was his I would have been four months pregnant.
Sandra nodded her head as she frowned "Seriously though even if you find him what you going to say to him?"
"That we are pregnant? maybe we can figure out what to do together? Emma knew she sounded like the dumbest person ever existed or maybe she could blame it on her pregnancy brain.
" We? seriously? there's no we, you two aren't even a couple and what makes you think he remembers you" Sandra pushed further " if he remembers you and what happened that night he will easily say 'abort it'. if he doesn't recognize you he will think you're a mad girl who is desperately in need of a random guy to father her child"
Emma let out a painful moan she hated it when Sandra was right.
The scene of the wild party flashed in her head she was so pissed and disappointed with James that night because he chose to break up with her instead of working on their damn problems, she begged him to give her a chance to explain but the idiot mind was made up
The next thing she knew she agreed to Millie's offer to go to a frat party and forget about her shitty night
'never go to a frat party and drink after a messy break up' She wished she did listened to this piece of advice but she didn't. As the night wore on she kept dancing her pain away and chugging down any alcohol within her reach. luckily she didn't puke from too much drinking but she did get horny. Her lucky star seemed to shine when she bumped into a hot dark haired guy with a pair of mesmerizing green eyes just what she needed, he was at the same stage as she was.
one thing led to another and in the next few minutes they ended up in one of the empty bedrooms. It was so blissful despite how much she wanted James back that night, this guy helped her numb the stinging pain from the fresh break up for a while. At least until she woke up the next morning naked with a painful hangover and a stranger sleeping next to her also naked.
she got dressed and ran off
Emma groaned again from the memory before rolling herself to the side buring her face in Sandra's fluffy pillow
"What am I going to do? she asked helplessly
" I would think terminating the pregnancy is a wise choice right now "
" I don't know, Sandra I saw it on the ultrasound monitor this morning it already looked like a real baby! " Emma whispered in horror "I can't kill it or that image will keep hunting me for the rest of my life "
" So you want to keep it " Sandra concluded for her but she couldn't confirm it either.
Instead she muttered softly "My parents will kill me"
Sandra who was always on the rational side stared at her with sympathy almost pitying; that look that her best friend always gave her everytime she screwed up and she hated it. Because she always screwed up she didn't need a reminder from anyone else that her life was a mess, a gigantic ball of mess.
"If you want to keep it you need to figure out how to break the news to them sooner or later.
" I know " Emma grunted " They will be livid for sure it will prove to them that im still the girl who never learns and has no reservations for her future "
Sandra stood up from her chair and sat next to her best friend, she ran her fingers through Emma's brown hair that partly covered her face, brushing it gently backward
" You might be little impulsive but what I see from you is a brave, open minded and non judgemental person, and you give a fucking damn about your future, don't let their words gets in your head "
Emma squeezed Sandra hand that was still on her hair and smiled " You always know how to make me feel better "
" And you know that whatever decisions you make, I will support you, if you want to terminate it I will be there during the whole process, if you want to keep it I will however i can until the delivery time comes "
Thinking about the labor was enough to make Emma stomach twist, It felt like her vision of life has ended, she couldn't think of anything else than that because it was too terrifying to picture. Realizing that she would have to deal with it in six months of the baby arriving
She shivered "How will I raise the baby?"
Sandra frowned "Huh? do you want to raise the baby yourself? I thought..."
"I would give it away?" Emma finished Sandra's line
Sandra nodded "I thought you wanted to keep it because you don't have the heart to kill it " she said slightly confused " You don't want it in the first place, right? I mean, after the baby is born you can make another family happy and you can move on with your life "
Emma had to agree that Sandra was right, her life might be put on hold that very moment, but she could move on after making sure the baby was in good and safe hands. Because it deserves a future too, hopefully with James back in the picture.
Emma forced a smile "I guess I can do that".