I untie the rope on my leg and dust the snow off my body. I've been too exposed that I feel my body shivering, but even at that, it didn't stop me from smiling when it came to my mind that I could have died today.
"How can you smile right now?" Killian's voice made me raise my eyes to meet his. He is folding the rope and hooking it to his trouser.
I didn't answer right away and I hear him say, "You would have fall to your death, had I not saved you."
That is a fact I already know. I do not need him to remind me again. I've had my six minutes of horror, but what does it matter anyway? I only worry about how Uncle Garett would feel while holding my body in his hands and sending me off to be with my mother. I worry about how he will continue to live in this miserable world by himself.
"How did you find me?" I ask him as I turn and resume to finding Ash. I can't help but think she must have fallen off the cliff. I cannot even begin to imagine looking at her lifeless body with red liquid above her head.
"I saw you rushing out of the house," he answered.
"And you followed me?"
"I thought you could use some company. And besides, Ash is my pal."
"As if," I mutter under my breath.
Before I would lift my leg and dip it into the snow again, Killian pull my hand and before I could say anything, I feel him push something warm into my hand. He took my other hand and I look at the glove he had brought for me. How thoughtful of him!
"I'm surprised," he said. "You rarely come out during winter, not even this far."
"Ash made me," I say. "She must be testing me."
"She must be mad at you," he stated firmly.
"I know," I say sharply, almost snapping at him as if he was at fault for reminding me that I haven't been paying much attention to her. I inhaled. "Yes, it's my fault, and now I'm taking responsibility."
I turn and take a step, my boot going deep into the snow, only for me to hear him say;
"It is this way."
I turn my head to look at him and raise a brow.
"I saw her prints earlier," he said and started to walk.
I grit my teeth inside. I don't know if I should be mad at him for just telling me or be relieved that I finally found a trail that would lead me to Ash. I lift my leg, raising up chunks of snow and I follow him as he led the way.
Killian was busy focusing on the prints in the snow but I guess my ears were busy paying attention to every little movements because what I hear is a faint growl at a distance. I grabbed the torch from him and pointed it westward. There, I see Ash whose body is all covered in snow, staring back at me with those green eyes.
"I found her," I say as I let out a soft laugh and wave my hand at her. "Come here," I say to her but I see her turning away.
The smile on my face dropped immediately seeing Ash walk away and I can't tell if she really is mad at me or doesn't want to come back to me.
"No Ash, please come back," I say as I go after her, Killian right behind me, but all she gave me were faint growls.
Even if she wants to reunite with her pack, I don't think I can let her go just like that. As crazy as it sounds, Ash is like a family to me. I would be hurt to watch her go away and never come back.
The snow slowed me down and she is not in sight anymore, but I can tell where she must have walked because of her prints. After struggling with the snow, we found a cave just right in front of us and all prints say it is where Ash is.
We neared the cave and I can't help but think that what if she was in with her pack? What would happen if I were to go inside and they all come at me? Will she protect me or would she ignore me?
I went inside anyway but halted immediately, making Killian bump into me. I can hardly believe my eyes. My head couldn't process what was in front of me and for two seconds, I think my breath stopped.
"Ash…" my breath shuttered and my heart beats sadly and excitedly at the same time. I mean, how come I never knew that Ash was expecting?
I see her babies next to where she lay, looking at me, and I count seven of them to my surprise. I can't help but to cover my mouth with my glove hands.
"Oh Ash," Killian whispered next to me, also not believing it and I can feel my eyes burn with unshed tears.
There are more than two emotions moving inside of me. I feel so happy that Ash is now a mother and I feel so sorry at the same time for not looking after her these past few weeks. She gave me all the signs. Those times she would sneak up to me and have her fur all over my face and then me locking her up in her cage. I guess she wanted warmth and someone to lean on…I guess she wanted me to know.
"I'm sorry," I whispered to her as I blink back the tears that threatened to fall and I hear her whine.
Killian got woods from outside and I made fire to keep the place warm. I sit in front of it and pull out my gloves before rubbing my palms together. I watch the fire crackle and then look at Ash who is busy tending to her babies whose little cries I hear.
I can't return home this night. I wonder if Uncle Garett already found out that I am out in the woods.
Killian soon got back from gathering more woods which he set down at the side and he came to add more to the fire. When he was done, I feel him sit beside me and then I feel something thick wrap around my body. I tug at it and lowered my eyes to see that it was a blanket. I turn my head to look at him, surprised, but I didn't ask him anything because it occurred to me that he was the one Raven yelled at earlier.
I turn my head back to look at Ash and I couldn't help but smile.
"I don't think she is mad at me," I say.
"Hm-mm," Killian hummed softly.
"You know why?" I ask and continued without waiting for a response from him, "She must have heard me calling her name and she was in the middle of her thing and she came out just for me. I mean, she must have been very weak but still…" I can't think of the right words to use. "It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen," I say with an overwhelmed heart.
"Hush now. I don't think she is comfortable having us here with her. Let's not make it hard for her than it already is," he whispered.
I didn't say a word after that_ not because of what Killian said, but because I didn't feel the need to. Well let me say, for Ash. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable with my talks. I have a habit of talking much whenever I am overwhelmed, but other than Ash, I am overwhelmed that Killian is out here with me in a cave with a fire burning right in front of us to keep us warm while we share a blanket together.
I'm not about to get my feelings worked up, not anytime soon. I've known Killian for eleven years now. That is less than a year I've known Raven. They both are my two close persons after Uncle Garett and Ash. Deep down, I know Killian likes me and he has shown me the signs countless of times, and he knows I know, but I never reciprocated any of them back.
I'm not scared of falling in love. I'm just more concerned about what our future really says about us, more concerned about who I'll eventually become.
I stare at the fire for too long, watching the sparks and woods diminish that my eyes soon became weary. I wanted to stay awake and help Ash in any way I can if she needed my help, but I didn't want to fight the consciousness leaving my body. I can see my vision getting smaller and blurry each second that went by. Eventually, I could no longer count the seconds.
And yet, I hope the fire keeps burning.