In the warm, firelit room, as Athena calmly recounted an "Olympian Prime-Time Soap" disguised and repackaged as a "Mortals' Annual Family Melodrama," Lorne, who was secretly matching the pieces in his head, found himself breaking into a cold sweat the more he listened.
To be honest, this whole mess really was partly his fault.
Several months ago, with help from the Dice of Contingency, Lorne had stolen a portion of Ares' divine authority, causing the god of war to go from "great man" to "limp man" almost overnight.
As a result, his unsatisfied lover, the goddess of beauty Aphrodite, kicked him out of bed, causing quite a scandal.
Well... Ares later regained his "prowess" and rekindled his affair with Aphrodite, once again regaining the goddess's favor, their ongoing fling was eventually discovered by the ever-suspicious Hephaestus, the god of the forge and long-suffering husband.
Furious at being cuckolded yet again, he poured all his rage and skill into forging a golden net, and just as Ares and Aphrodite were once more fucking themselves like rabbits in bed, he sprung the trap, capturing the adulterous pair red-handed.
Still not satisfied, he even summoned the gods of Olympus to witness the scene, demanding judgment and justice for this blatant betrayal.
But in the end, it was the classic tale of the honest man snapping, only to be the one who backed down.
Of course, what else could be done about it?
On the one hand, most of the gods who came to watch the excitement were male gods, and were easily swayed by Aphrodite's unmatched charm.
Even the ever-proud Apollo couldn't help but feel stirred when he saw her feigning shyness.
Hermes, ever eager to curry favor and stir the pot, even loudly swore he'd gladly have his head chained up three times over if it meant being bound to such a goddess, and pleaded on her behalf to Hephaestus.
Finally, Poseidon, the god of the sea who had long coveted the goddess of beauty Aphrodite, also came out to stand in line.
Keep in mind: with Hestia living quietly among mortals for a long time, there were only eleven main gods on Olympus at the time.
Facing the couple Ares and Aphrodite, backed by Hermes and Poseidon, and with Hera clearly biased in favor of her son, Hephaestus was up against five gods.
Apollo, who was aroused by lust, abstained, the goddess of agriculture, Demeter stayed out of mortal drama, and Zeus, well, he had his own mountain of infidelities to keep quiet about, so he conveniently played deaf and dumb.
Only Athena and Artemis, both virgin goddesses disgusted by the affair, stood up for Hephaestus, but facing the opposition with such an obvious advantage, it still left the vote at 3 to 5.
To make matters worse, Hephaestus's foster mother, the sea goddess Thetis, lived firmly within Poseidon's domain, and it had been Hermes who brought Hephaestus back to Olympus in the first place, meaning he owed him too.
Under so much pressure from all sides, Hephaestus, the very victim, had no choice but to pinch his nose and let the adulterous pair go free.
Of course, with the scandal so public and no fair judgment delivered, the matter wasn't going to die down anytime soon.
And with Hephaestus being notoriously stubborn, Athena said he still clashes with that "macho" Ares every few days, keeping Olympus in a constant state of chaos.
Precisely because of this mess, Athena simply decided to spare herself the sight and the headache and descended early to the mortal world to visit her reclusive aunt on Crete—the goddess of the hearth, Hestia.
At this moment, having heard the entire ridiculous drama from start to finish, Lorne felt a mix of shock and helpless amusement.
On one hand, he was stunned that he had unknowingly orchestrated a family soap opera of Olympian proportions.
On the other, he was left reflecting on the utterly chaotic web of Olympus's divine relationships.
In a certain sense, it seemed he'd accidentally screwed over his nominal great-grandfather and great-grandmother…
"Wait a minute..."
Just as Lorne was trying to sort through the mess of information in his mind, Hestia, who was sitting on a small stool with a clay dish in hand, leisurely munching on sunflower seeds, suddenly looked puzzled.
"The guy from the sea... cough, he's really that kind? And the Maia boy, he's not exactly known for doing favors unless there's something in it for him, is he?"
Since even Hestia could see through it, Athena didn't bother hiding the truth.
With a sigh of annoyance, she nodded and dropped an even spicier bombshell.
Nothing comes without a price.
If Poseidon and Hermes were willing to speak up for Aphrodite, of course they had something to gain.
And that slut, what else could others be after, if not that beautiful body of hers?
Naturally, Aphrodite herself was well aware of this.
So, while Hephaestus was busy butting heads with Ares, the lonely and unfulfilled Aphrodite snuck back to Paphos in Cyprus, bathed in the local seawater, had the three Graces anoint her with fragrant oils to "purify" her body and restore her virginity, and then headed off to the Oceanus to roll in the sheets with Poseidon, who had stepped in to mediate.
Then, to thank Hermes for speaking up on her behalf, she went and hooked up with him too.
As Athena recounted this, a look of pure disgust crossed her face.
Even Hestia, after hearing the massive scandal, couldn't help but gape in stunned silence, a flicker of pity flashing in her eyes for her poor, cuckolded nephew.
And as for Lorne, when he heard of his great-grandmother's impressive "battle record," he was secretly floored.
Damn, a three-for-one? Granny, you really out here like that?
And divine authority of beauty can be used this way? With a built-in reset button? Fuck!
Given everything that had happened, it was no wonder Athena fled in the middle of the night to seek refuge with Hestia, hoping for a bit of peace and quiet.
After all, witnessing such a sordid mess unfold before her eyes, yet being powerless to stop it, even if she told poor Hephaestus the truth, it would only rub salt in his wounds and deepen his humiliation.
So in the end, the wise goddess chose to preserve her own sanity and stepped away from the chaos, out of sight, out of mind.
After finishing her story, Athena glanced at a certain someone who had been listening intently and let out a faint hum.
"Speaking of which, you are quite in line with the aesthetic taste of my relative. Want me to introduce you two?"
"Cough, no thanks—I prefer to stick with one partner!"
Startled, Lorne snapped out of his daze and quickly shook his head with an awkward laugh.
Are you kidding?
Aphrodite's wide "field" had seen and experienced every kind of plow imaginable.
Even if the Bull Demon King came to till it, he'd be drained dry. A frail little half-blood like him had no business joining the party.
Moreover, the birth of this goddess was somewhat related to Uranus, the father of the sky. Perhaps there were some unknown secrets and taboos hidden in it.
After all, even Zeus, the king of gods, and the walking humanoid seed-spreader, rarely dared to mess with her, and tabloid gossip about the two was practically nonexistent.
How could a half-blood like him possibly handle it?
What's more, if memory served him right, Aphrodite had indeed had half-blood lovers before, but their fates were all the same: barely any fun before they met an early end.
'Tch, now that I think about it, maybe she really was the hidden curse Uranus left behind.'
As Lorne muttered internally about his dangerously well-connected great-grandmother, he straightened his posture and wore a solemn expression, presenting himself as someone with impeccable morals who refused to be dragged into depravity.
Seeing his upright attitude, the virgin goddess Athena nodded in satisfaction.
Of course, what she didn't realize was that Lorne's idea of "loyalty to one"… could still apply to many, at once.
(End of chapter.)