Kaien Everflame had only one goal that day: sleep until his depression clock hit midnight, then drink protein powder and vodka until he passed out again.
Instead, a blinding light blasted through his 200-shekel curtains, his laptop exploded in a flash of gold—and the next thing he knew…
He was falling.
"System recognition complete: ERROR – Invalid Hero Type. Deploying 'Calamity Protocol.'""Summoning complete. Fate trajectory adjusted."
Kaien landed face-first on cobblestone.
"...Ow, my spine," he groaned, coughing up dust. "Did I just get isekai'd in my boxers?!"
He looked down.
Yup. Just boxers. Pikachu-themed, no less. Totally not hero material.
The smell of iron, blood, and incense filled the air. Statues of winged goddesses loomed over a circular stone chamber. Knights and nobles stared in shock.
"He's not the one," someone whispered.
"What happened to the Divine Prodigy? This one's a joke."
Kaien stood up, wobbling like a hungover deer. "Yo, you guys got pants or...?"
A bishop-like guy stepped forward, face twisted in disgust. "You are a summoning accident. The Goddess has made a mistake."
Kaien blinked. "Aight. But like... y'all got food or—?"
"Throw him into the Hollow Lands," the bishop snarled. "Let the beasts deal with this filth."
💀 Later That Night – In the Wildlands
Kaien was bruised, hungry, and being chased by a damn goblin with three testicles. He tripped, crawled, swung a stick.
"F**k this world!" he screamed.
Then—
"Crest of Calamity: Activating Survival Instinct""Weapon Manifested: Broken Sealed Sword – [Endfang]"
A dark blade of jagged steel formed in his hands, humming with rage. He swung without thinking, slicing the goblin clean in two.
Panting, sweating, bleeding... and then smirking.
"...Okay. That was badass."
And then—his eyes locked on something in the bushes. Movement.
A girl?
No. Two.
Both wrapped in cloaks, panting, bruised from battle. One had crimson hair and a ripped skirt. The other, blonde, was holding her wand like she was ready to stab someone.
"…Did I just unlock a harem encounter event?" Kaien whispered, eyes sparkling like a degenerate RPG player.
💥 Meanwhile – Back at the Academy
Reinhard Skyeveil was sharpening his sword, watching the academy's "chosen heroes" get praised in the courtyard. His gaze burned with quiet fury.
"They summoned the wrong people," he muttered.
Next to him, Donovan Blackguard grunted, crossing his arms. "Then we find the right ones."
🔥 Elsewhere – In the Crimson Wastes
Aziel Duskborne kicked over a flaming ogre corpse, shirtless, sweaty, and surrounded by flirty elf girls.
"Ladies, I'd love to stay and bask in your adoration," he said, flexing, "but I've got brothers to find and a world to set on fire."
The elf leader leaned in, her chest pressing against his arm. "At least give us a kiss?"
He smirked. "Fine. One kiss... each."
🐒 In a Bar Fight – Monku Ironpelt's Scene
"WHO STOLE MY BANANA BREAD?!" Monku screamed, suplexing a bandit through a table.
A waitress with thick thighs tripped into his arms. "You're so strong…"
Monku winked. "And I'm single, shorty."
📚 Meanwhile, Nikolai
Studying, annoyed. "Idiots. All of them."