(7)
We immediately set off for the next stage, bravely passing the crowd of watchful eyes together, and then descended into the crater the ship had left when it struck the earth. I followed her silently, but my eyes were fixed on the ground, carefully watching the darkness so that one of my feet wouldn't get trapped under a tree trunk buried deep below. Then, I saw the wreckage, and saw how the light of a candle on the white wood highlighted the traces of tears brilliantly, as if they were part of a hidden architectural art that only appears during disasters.
At the end of the path, I stopped for a moment and didn't find her. How did she not notice I had strayed from her? How did she not notice my absence, even though I had the lamp? I took a deep breath, then advanced alone. With every step forward, I saw the ship sinking into the dirt, fading into the darkness as if being slowly swallowed. The scene was strange; when you move at a relatively constant speed amidst similar surroundings, the mind starts to deceive you, making you feel you are stationary while the world is moving away from you. And at this specific time, the night crafted the scene perfectly for me. A strange feeling began to creep inside me, an unjustified fear, but real. This advance would only end when the ship completely vanished from my sight; then, I would have reached my destination.
(8)
The quietness brought my memory back ten pages, where something mentioned in the book had briefly stuck in my mind before disappearing due to the reader overpowering the writer. The title was: Freedom Meets War. If inhibitors have meanings, one must be peace. It isn't always linked to stability; rather, it can be synonymous with powerlessness and submission, as a quiet life is merely a restricted, routine life, granting you the illusion of contentment while you are, in reality, just a being adapting to a fluctuating reality, deceiving its mind to close the valve of truth upon its heart. Many see opportunity gleaming before them, but their fear prevents them from leaving their comfort zone. Governments understand this well and exploit it cleverly, by planting the fear of failure in souls until success seems unattainable, or by cementing the idea that any attempt to change the system is doomed to fail, even if the change is for the better. This isn't a lesson in economics, so let's take a closer example: the American Return Revolution. Everyone today believes that taking to the streets could mean their end; they might be imprisoned, punished, or hunted down. But can they crush everyone? No. If we unite together, this might make breaking the system possible. Breaking the system isn't impossible as you might imagine; on the contrary, it might be closer than we think. Let's bring back democracy, let's bring back freedom.
"I don't really share his opinion. In fact, what was said here is just to encourage the revolutionaries. Let me clarify something for you, Seven, with which we conclude our discussion about the Uprising book. When there are two main opponents in a game, both using the pawns available to them on the table, we can then say they are two armies, and it's an evenly matched war. But when you find yourself without any pieces on the board, then you have no choice but to try and gain control over the pieces discarded off the board, because they are the only ones who might share your goal. And if you can't even do that? You will play yourself. And then, just imagine how the white king alone will face the entire black."
She fell silent for a moment while I tried to absorb her words, but she continued in a low voice, as if stating the truth many refuse to hear: "He sees that revolution might solve his country's problems, and it might indeed be the right way to expel the deep-rooted corruption in the government. But it's also the fastest way to plunge the country into the mire, and this is what some are ignorant of. Revolution, simply put, directs a blow at the government by pressuring it, whether peacefully or aggressively. But the strike's fragments scatter randomly in three directions: Security by destabilizing it, the economy by weakening it, and the law by marginalizing it. How can any rational human being think the repercussions of revolution are easily fixed? When a tree burns randomly, it needs years to rebuild itself, unless the fire kills it completely."
"He wasn't successful in leading the revolution either; the whole thing was a deception. It seems humans really weren't that intelligent. Their randomness, their hastiness, and their chaotic way of doing things—all lead you to that assumption, don't they?"
She looked at me. I didn't know if she shared my conclusion or was just giving me space to think, before whispering with a faint smile: "And they are indeed." She laughed lightly, then added: "I won't spoil our adventure for you. Let's explore their story together."
"I'm sure it will be an extremely enjoyable adventure if this is its beginning..."
I said it while adjusting the lamp's position in my hand, but suddenly, I realized I was talking to the void. I stepped back slightly, my eyes searching for her in the darkness, but I found no trace of her. Where could she have gone, when the light is in my possession?
(9)
It seems she reached the destination before me. I saw her there, as soon as I approached, standing beside the black, shattered facade, covered in dirt. Next to her, another shadow stretched from inside; it must belong to Star Four, standing opposite her inside the ship. They were talking, but I couldn't hear what was being discussed between them, only their intertwined, incomprehensible voices sneaking towards me with every step. I can't believe she couldn't wait for me!
When I got closer, and the lamplight became prominent, Star Two raised her hand, gesturing for me to approach. She was continuing a conversation that had started before I arrived, then turned to Four and said: "Regarding this matter, Seven and I have come because we wish to get some answers about what happened tonight. Can you help us with that?"
Four lowered her head slightly, before sighing in frustration and muttering: "But you know my way! I don't like talking about past misfortunes. I believe repeating their events attracts more disasters, and the dead then rise to curse you until the day you die."
I didn't expect this response from her. But Star Two didn't seem surprised, replying with her usual calmness: "You know I don't believe in this type of superstition. And although I can always go along with you in it, I beg you, not today." Then she added, her voice more serious, heavier: "If Seven doesn't find a suitable justification to present by sunrise, I would prefer then for the dead to curse me over the living."
Four raised her eyebrow slightly, as if her words astonished her. She fell silent for moments, before whispering in a hesitant tone: "Their opinion and their word, does this matter truly concern you, Seven?"
"Yes. I don't want the Stars to look at me that way someday. I want to clarify the misunderstanding that occurred and get past the morning's ordeal. A disaster has happened, and its results are fixed. Whoever died, has died. What lessons remain for us, we must learn from them before tomorrow."
Her eyes fell into confusion, and she couldn't stop shifting them right and left. Sweat began to form on her forehead, revealing her overthinking, as if she were drowning in doubt. And this was somewhat funny; Star Four makes no effort to hide her feelings. She's like a cat moving its tail and ears with every slight change in mood, and the dilation of her pupils reveals everything. She didn't remain like this for long, until Two tilted her head with a faint smile that barely showed, and this alone was enough to make Four take a deep breath, raise her head again, then say in a wary tone, while gesturing with her hand towards the ship: "We can't talk standing out in the open. Let's sit inside, under the light."
(10)
Did she really invite us to sit inside? I thought it was a joke, but... if only she were joking. Star Four and Two jumped through the opening in the destroyed wall at her invitation, which compelled me to enter as well. Beneath our feet lay piles of crushed wood, shattered glass, charred parts of some equipment, and many dark stains that were once fresh blood. The place was drowned in ruin. She walked ahead of us, then suddenly, extended her hand and swept all the chaos that was on the table onto the ground, without the slightest concern. I couldn't hide a small tremor that appeared in my fingertips; that action wasn't merely clearing the table, but seemed like a desperate attempt to vent anger, or perhaps pain. No doubt the shards of glass and wood injured her hand, but I didn't have the courage to point it out. She was trying to hold herself together, presenting herself as if she were still strong, but she chose the worst possible way to do it. Afterwards, she began pulling two chairs from among the debris, dusting them off violently as she lifted them, filling the place with clouds of suffocating dust that made breathing harder, but she didn't care. She finally sat down on the table, wearing a strained, pained smile, hiding her arms behind her back, then gestured for us towards the seats, as if preparing for a bitter interrogation session.
"What part do you two want to talk about? Knowing the cause of the explosion, right?"
I hesitated slightly, before intervening to clarify what we really wanted: "Actually, the matter goes a little further than that... much further."
Here Two interjected, seeming precise and logical in her speech as usual: "The wolves smelled the food even though it was stored at the bottom of the ship, most likely because it was eaten up above during dinner. But there's something else; apparently, some of you were not sleeping at the time of the attack, specifically the three squad leaders, and perhaps you too, and of course Seven and I. Why did that happen? What were you doing?"
I found myself adding quickly as I watched her reaction: "Five was already in the corridors when things unfolded. As soon as she heard about the wolves, she likely rushed to protect the Stars. So who was behind the idea of detonating the fuel? Was it your idea or hers?"
She took a deep breath before starting to recount the details, as if pulling them from her heart with difficulty: "There was an urgent call from Five to hold a special meeting at night, prepared by Star One for the squad leaders only. Through it, she wanted to discuss the true situation of this planet and the chances of survival from it, without alarming the rest of the Stars, because of what the report you yourself presented this morning contained. When we gathered in the hall, Five told us she couldn't find you two, so One asked us to search for you inside the ship and in its vicinity, but at that exact moment, the wolves attacked us."
Two interrupted her, asking: "Were you inside then?"
"Yes, I never left the meeting hall; I stayed there with One and Three."
At that point, I found myself quickly asking a question to confirm what I understood: "So Five was only in the corridors because she was looking for us? She didn't leave the ship after the wolves entered?"
She sighed audibly, as if the question brought back a painful memory: "That's partially correct. Actually, Five was outside the ship with Thirteen, specifically near the ramp. She was the one who saw the wolves entering through this chamber where we are sitting now. She immediately rushed inside towards the sleeping quarters, but unfortunately, she only found the bodies of the Stars who were in the corridors. The wolves had surprised them unawares and didn't give them the slightest chance to escape. Luckily for us, she reached the sleeping quarters just in time and managed to save at least some of them."
A short silence fell before Two asked her next question, trying to maintain her usual calmness despite the tension that filled the place: "If that's all that really happened, then why did the explosion occur?"
Four's expression changed suddenly, as if she had received a direct insult. Her forehead contracted sharply, and she replied with anger she couldn't hide: "I can't believe how cold-hearted you are to say it like that! Those who died there were dear sisters to me, and companions of no lesser standing than any other star! And what do I expect from you? It's you, of course. I even doubt my anger will have any meaning to you."
She paused for moments, as if catching her breath which had become very short, before resuming her speech with some bitterness: "After securing the lives of the remaining Stars in the sleeping quarters, we had to get the wolves out by any means possible. After a quick discussion, we decided the best way was to cause an explosion that scares them and forces them out of the ship, while simultaneously opening an exit for them far from the sleeping quarters. This was my plan, and I decided to execute it using the fast-igniting red liquid we found this morning, by exploding the sides of the gear regulation room and the wall leading to the storage area, without damaging the external fin. It was a perfect plan when I devised it."
Here I interjected, in a tone I tried to make as gentle as possible: "It seems it really was a perfect plan, but it didn't go as you expected."
She shook her head slowly and confessed in a low voice, as if the memory pained her more than she showed: "The explosion did succeed, and drove out the wolves as planned, but perhaps the blast was stronger than I anticipated, as it reached what was above the gear room: the engine room. The flames continued to consume the floor rapidly, and within moments reached the fuel stored there. It in turn exploded with tremendous force, setting fire to everything and bringing down most of the ship's lower structure."
Four continued, but she seemed weaker this time: "That's why I realize part of the blame falls on me too. Forgetting about the fuel in the engine room wasn't a simple matter. I thought superficially and ignorantly, and that's unforgivable for the leader of the Engineering Squad."
She didn't really care about showing her remorse; it was clear from her way of speaking that she wasn't trying to apologize so much as trying to place the greater blame on us. She wants us to admit that our sudden and irresponsible departure from the ship is what caused this entire chain of events, which suddenly made me feel the weight of guilt upon my chest. Two intervened at that moment with strict seriousness, directing her words straight at me: "So, now that things are completely clear, can you let me bear this issue alone? I made the mistake, and as an older sister, it's my duty to bear responsibility for what happened before everyone."
I looked at her deeply and firmly, and found myself replying with a confidence previously unknown in my voice: "Our departure might be one reason for the catastrophe, but it wasn't the main reason. The wolves would have entered anyway, and perhaps another disaster would have happened even with our presence. Therefore, I will not leave you alone before their anger. I will stand by your side, and defend you and myself, and we will close this case together."
And here, Four smiled with obvious sarcasm, saying with some cruelty: "I don't want to discourage you, but we discussed the matter previously, and your friend knows very well what she has to do before sunrise."
(11)
Truly, I began to realize the real face of this adventure before its first day was over. Remember when I asked her if this journey would become a beautiful adventure? When the sun was setting, making a mind-intoxicating mix of the clouds in the sky, rosy, orange-eyed, alluring to illusions. Was I naive enough to listen to the whispers of the birds passing over my head telling me so? Back then, I was confident that this adventure might hold some hope or light for us, but today I know the answer clearly, and I can write it down here, on this page before the next: No, this journey is the beginning of a nightmare—likely a gentle one compared to others, but the Stars will never be able to adapt to the winds of its misery, however weak their force. Were we really this fragile, such that merely thinking about survival becomes difficult for us? If that were the case, then why did the Mother decide to send us on this journey in the first place? Perhaps death was lurking for us even before we arrived, whispering a harsh truth into our hearts. Or perhaps it crept into my soul ever since I put my pen to the first paper, and its ink began to bleed. No, it wasn't really the birds who suggested that question to me; it was death itself, or perhaps some demon who chose to mock us in its own way. And now you will ask me, laughing sarcastically: And did you think falling into the depths of Jupiter, for example, would have held a better experience for you?
My mind was completely scattered, and I could no longer determine the destination of this journey. Should I sail right, leaving the homeland for which my entire cargo sank, and for whose sake I lost my dearest companions? Or left, leaving my entire boat behind, setting off towards lands the sun was about to bid farewell as we lost hope of returning? I could also choose not to choose at all, thus remaining stuck behind the huge block of ice threatening to split my soul in two: the first cursing me for my forced choice, and the other cursing me for my cowardice and refusal to choose. This thought brought me back slightly, to an old question: Freedom or Homeland? The same two paths life granted them previously. But, after I lived that story and they explained its implications and effects well to me, I could now choose between them without hesitation.
(12)
Here, a testimony declaring my failure as a writer is inserted, because I simply don't know how to describe this specific scene. How can I put words to a scene my eyes couldn't even see in the first place? I wept bitterly below until I thought I had gone blind as I ran away, aimlessly, unconsciously, after none of Two's and Four's attempts to console me succeeded in easing my pain. I felt for a moment that my heart would shatter; only a second separated me from death. Even breathing became a heavy burden, and my hand was still clenched, trembling, feeling through it every pulse pumped outside my body, as if my soul were tearing itself away from me. And the pain resulting from all the collisions in my path was unbearable pain. It seemed to me that hiding the matter from me until the last moment was nothing but a stab in the back, a blatant betrayal. She knew very well I would strongly oppose her action, that I would never accept her choice, indeed I would fight anyone to change the verdict. Yet, she ignored me with a cold, unbearable cruelty. Who does she think she is to decide her fate while ignoring my existence? Does she truly think I am capable of continuing life in her absence?!
My breath caught suddenly; I felt suffocated as if life were leaking out from within me. I rolled on the ground, searching for air between my intermittent sobs. I sneezed and felt a taste in my mouth, perhaps it was blood, but I couldn't even see it amidst my tears. The pain wasn't just physical; it was something deeper, something gnawing at me from the inside without mercy. After moments that felt like eons, I slowly began to regain consciousness. The first thing I felt was the sound of footsteps; someone was passing beside me, ignoring me as if I were just a shadow cast upon the ground. At that moment, the disregard was harsher than the pain itself. I struck the ground with my fist, hard enough to feel something other than helplessness, until the physical pain completely vanished before the weight of the deep wound inside me. My screams meant nothing to anyone; no one turned to look at me.
But when I finally opened my eyes, my voice suddenly died down, leaving space for my turbulent breaths to settle. There, before me, a scene unfolded that made the whole world fall silent for a moment. The sky mingled with shades of gray and red, a sea of clouds began to form with the first threads of sunlight sneaking slowly from the horizon. And between them, the stars still twinkled, as if trying to cling to the last darkness of night, suspended in a void between death and rebirth. How could this journey carry all these contradictory meanings? How could I, in one moment, be on the verge of death, and then in the next, desire life so intensely? This question occupied my mind for a moment, before I closed my eyes again.
But they didn't stay closed for long. It was that instinctive sense of danger, like the one animals possess when they feel an unseen threat, that suddenly woke me. I sat up hastily, caring only about looking out onto the plain. And indeed, I saw them there, as if I had sensed their departure even before seeing them with my own eyes. I took two steps back, slowly, then took off running again. I no longer cared about the walls I collided with time after time, and perhaps I knocked down a star in my path without giving it a thought; there was no time to stop. I grabbed my bag from the sleeping quarters and rushed back to the destroyed lab again, as I still couldn't believe what my eyes had seen and wanted to make sure they had truly left. I had no time to waste returning via the usual path. I threw the bag directly from the gap onto the surface, pushed the table until it pressed against the glass-covered mud wall, and jumped across it without hesitation. I picked up my bag and took off running with all my might, head held high, my feet barely touching the ground from my momentum. I didn't allow myself to stop or slow down no matter the cost, until I reached them.
Is this the farewell? Will this be the last time I see the ship, my last encounter with the Stars? Must I forget everything we lived through, all the memories that brought us together, as I run now, away from everything? Must I be reborn as a writer star who knows only how to write stories for Star Two, the one who will read my words and mock them as she always used to, even if it means leaving everything else behind, content just to stay with her alone? Our days, our lessons, our ranks we carried proudly for so long—will they all truly be consigned to oblivion now?
(13)
I reached them with great difficulty after minutes. I was barely able to stand, but my arrival at that moment saved me a lot of argument. I knew very well what they would say, and I had prepared my answer in advance. So before either of them could open her mouth, I interrupted sharply, still catching my breath: "Were you two really thinking of leaving and abandoning me back there?! You've really lost your minds!"
Four addressed me first, her tone worried: "What are you doing here?! You have to go back; someone must lead the Engineering Squad, and you would be great at it, Seven. I trust your abilities!"
Two added in a quiet voice, which seemed to be trying to suppress sadness: "You can be the new White Chrysanthemum and create your first masterpieces to return them home. I want to depend on you for this. The Sun herself depends on you for this!"
But I didn't hesitate for a single moment in my answer. I looked directly at her with eyes full of determination and said firmly: "You know what? I prefer to die exploring this world with you, rather than trying to escape it. I thought about it for a long time: this world is too wondrous and doesn't deserve to be left by us easily. That's why I won't leave this place before I live at least one day with every story in it. Our fall here was a miracle that shouldn't be wasted!"
I paused to catch my breath again, then added as tears began to fill my eyes: "I want to stay with you. I am afraid of returning there. If I don't leave with you, I will have no future. But if I stay by your side, perhaps I'll live an exciting tale written and immortalized someday in a book exceeding three hundred pages!"
Two looked at me with a reproachful tone, saying: "But the Stars need you! Indeed, every individual who can help!"
I shook my head, rejecting her words insistently: "We could have changed this fate if you hadn't ignored me. I lost trust in you after you decided for me without my permission, so I won't grant you the right to choose whether I stay with you or not, and I will never forgive you for what you did!"
Four suddenly smiled sympathetically, then looked at Two and said with gentle firmness: "Didn't I tell you your plan would never succeed? She would have insisted on accompanying us from the start. As for you, Seven, you will never change your decision, right? Then let's go, a long day awaits the three of us!"
But we didn't move immediately. We sat for a little while where we were, as I felt for a moment that I was on the verge of death from exhaustion.