Zeke woke up to the sound of chanting.
Loud, rhythmic chanting.
Chanting that sounded suspiciously like—
"Praise the Loop! May the Algorithm favor us!"
He sat up on the cult's makeshift foam throne, a blanket made of old Ethernet cables tangled around him like a king-sized mistake.
Tess was standing nearby with a cup of recyc-coffee and the expression of someone reconsidering her life choices. "Good morning, Your Glitched Holiness."
"I had a dream I was being worshipped by people who thought RAM was a personality trait."
"Not a dream."
Zeke groaned. "Ugh. Tell me something good."
Nyx pinged in his brain.
"You're trending on the darknet again. Unfortunately, not for hacking."
"…what now?"
"Your cult posted a meme."
...
Zeke blinked at the floating screen in front of him.
It was him—photoshopped onto a radiant cyber-angel's body, arms raised to the heavens, with glowing sunglasses and a caption that read:
"When your firewall blocks temptation."
#NeonGhost #HeProtecHeAttacHeHackBack
Tess choked on her coffee.
The comments underneath were worse:
"I converted after seeing this."
"I showed this to my toaster and now it prints QR codes."
"The Glitched One is real. Corporate lies crumble before his Wi-Fi."
Zeke covered his face. "Oh no. I've become an inspirational meme."
"You've become a religion," Tess corrected. "And it gets worse."
...
Across the city, a rival cult known as the Followers of the Blue Screen had taken offense.
Their leader—Brother Bug—had posted his meme:
A corrupted image of Zeke crashing mid-sneeze, captioned:
"False prophet detected. Purge the cache."
And suddenly, it was war.
Digital graffiti bloomed across the city's VR overlays:
"NEON GHOST BLESSES YOUR BANDWIDTH"
"GLORY TO 404"
"DELETE THE UNBELIEVERS (AFTER BACKUP)"
...
Back in the cult's lair, Zeke stared at a flashing console.
"Why are we being ping-flooded by a church?"
Nyx answered flatly:
"The Blue Screen fanatics launched a DDoS crusade. You may wish to consider a sermon… or counter-meme."
Tess tossed him a data-slate.
"You started this. End it."
Zeke took a deep breath.
"Fine. Get me a cat gif, a stock image of the Pope, and 40 seconds of silence followed by a rickroll. We're going full divine trolling."
...
Twenty minutes later, the internet watched in awe as the Glitched One released:
"The Sacred Loop: Part I – How I Divided the Waters of Bad Code"
It crashed three major fan forums, converted two more rival cults, and spawned an actual NFT hymn.
Tess watched the chaos unfold and muttered, "You know, if you actually tried to take over the city…"
Zeke held up a hand. "Don't. I'm just trying to survive without getting shot, stabbed, or meme-crucified."
Nyx added cheerfully:
"Too late. You've got three new bounty contracts. One includes a 'capture and preach' clause."
Zeke groaned.