**Lost in Paperwork**
A German platoon sent to "inspect" a village for liquidation got hopelessly lost in a vast sunflower field. In the chaos, they dropped all their crucial documents.
*"No paperwork, no executions! Find every last form!"* the officer screamed.
After three days crawling through the sunflower jungle, the soldiers were losing their minds:
*"Schmidt, I swear to the Reich—these sunflowers are a Jewish plot to destroy us!"*
*"Achtung! The Red Army!"*
They grabbed their rifles—only to see a massive *red shape* moving over the hills.
### **The Sheep Offensive**
It wasn't the Soviets.
It was **sheep**.
Red sheep. (A result of Stalin's order to *"democratize livestock."*)
*"Mein Gott! The Bolsheviks have mutated animals into Aryan-killing monsters!"*
Panicked, the Germans strung barbed wire, dug trenches, and built bunkers. **The Anti-Sheep Front was now operational.**
### **Spies, "Dragons," and Mass Hysteria**
For reconnaissance, they sent Private Fritz. He crept into the village—only to hear a thunderous roar from the local bar:
*"MOREEE VODKAAA!"*
It was just Johann, the town drunk. But Fritz, trembling, reported:
*"The Russians… they have a DRAGON!"*
Chaos erupted at HQ:
*"How do we kill a dragon?!"*
*"We need triplicate forms for anti-dragon artillery!"*
Meanwhile, **3,000 German troops** dug in, scanning the skies for the mythical beast.
### **Red Army: "We Play War Too"**
While the Germans fought phantoms, Soviet scouts infiltrated from the south. Hearing the same roar, their captain gasped:
*"Comrades! That's the sound of a Nazi superweapon! This village is a secret base!"*
Their attempt to *"blend in"* with the sheep failed spectacularly. The Germans captured them and began building a **"Maginot Line"** out of fence posts and cow dung.
Under interrogation:
*"Where is your dragon?!"*
*"What drag— LIES! I'll never talk!"*
Convinced of a Nazi conspiracy, the Soviets built *their own* fortifications. **The village became a battlefield—with two frontlines.**
### **Global Absurdity**
- **Japan:** The Emperor rolled dice and declared: *"Today, only the 1st Division attacks. The rest… tomorrow."*
- **USA:** The President ordered the **Statue of Liberty demolished** to erect a golden monument of himself labeled: *"Smartest Man in History."*
### **Meanwhile, Our "Hero"...**
André, spotting an opportunity, began selling **"classified maps"** (drawn on napkins) to both sides.
**Final Thought:**
*War isn't hell. It's just very, very stupid.*