A;N- For those who don't get the setup of Keifer's POV: this is the time when he broke Jay-jay's heart. This is his explanation and his true feelings.
Keifer's POV
I'm going insane. I don't know how much longer I can last like this.
"Seriously? Are you planning to drink everything in your minibar?"
I didn't bother to look. I knew it was Honey.
"None of your business if I finish all of this. I've got money to buy more," I said and took a sip from my glass.
This is the only way I can get through what I did. Every hour that I don't talk to her feels like someone is ripping my heart out of my chest. I need to go numb.
"Whatever. Your girlfriend hasn't been going to school for two days now. And it looks like she still doesn't plan on coming back anytime soon."
I knew this might happen. This is my fault. Looks like she's lost all desire to study because of what happened.
Even our classmates have stopped answering my calls. Rory was the first person I tried to call, but he didn't pick up.
I did the same with the others, but they all either declined or ignored my calls.
Yuri and C-in were the only ones who answered, but they all said the same thing. They kept asking me what my problem was. I couldn't answer them, so I just ended the call every time.
"So what's your plan now? Are you going back to London?" Honey asked me.
I shook my head. "Not yet."
I'm not strong enough yet.
I haven't even fixed my anger management issues. That's the first thing I need to work on before anything else.
But with all the problems piling up right now, I'm confused about what to prioritize.
"Ugh, Keifer... I'm the one suffering because of what you're doing."
"You don't have to stay here if you can't stand seeing me like this."
She let out a short laugh, which made me look at her. She's starting to annoy me.
"You said you'd be strong enough to protect your family and the person you love. But here you are, looking more miserable than your girl." She raised a brow. "...now tell me how this drunk man in front of me can save his family and loved ones."
I dropped the glass I was holding.
She's right.
Sometimes this girl actually makes sense. I thought she was all sass and drama. But how could I fight for and protect Jay-jay and my brothers if I look this pathetic?
I chuckled in disbelief. This is exactly why I pushed her away—to fix myself and make sure she's safe. There are things I need to do instead of just sitting here and drinking.
"So you actually make sense sometimes, huh?" I said and downed the rest of the liquor in my glass.
"We've been together for so long and you're only realizing that now?"
I set down the glass and stood up. I faced her and gave a slight smile.
"I realized a long time ago that you have no brain."
I immediately walked past her after saying that. I knew she'd get mad and start nagging me.
Once I left the lounge, I immediately looked for a maid.
Most of them were avoiding me. They know I don't like having too many people around. What's worse, I don't even know their names.
Only the Head Housemaid and Butler are familiar to me.
I don't want to keep calling on them since they're both old. They deserve to rest. Once I turn eighteen, I'll get full custody of Keiren and Keigan from them so they can finally go on their retirement vacation.
I named them as guardians in the fake last will I had made before, so I could get custody of my brothers from my monstrous father. I owe them a lot.
I kept searching until I saw one of them vacuuming the carpeted floor.
"Hey..." I called her.
She turned off the vacuum and looked at me. "Sir?"
"Can I ask you a favor? Please prepare me something to eat. I want everything ready by the time I finish my shower."
She nodded. "Yes, Sir. I'll take care of it."
I turned away and walked back to my room. I took a shower to wash off the alcohol lingering in my system. I've probably had enough to numb the pain.
I changed quickly afterward. I also grabbed my hoodie. I planned to go jogging after eating. I considered it my warm-up for the day.
I went to the dining area where the food was already prepared. The maid was currently pouring juice into a glass when I sat down.
"Please eat, Sir," the maid said.
"Thank you—hmm... what is your name?" I asked. It only occurred to me now that I didn't even know her name.
"Cass Sandra Eugenio. You can choose between Cass or Sandra," she answered with a smile.
I forced a smile. "Sandra will do. Again, thank you for this."
"You're welcome, Sir."
She had this cheerful attitude, and I couldn't help but remember Jay-jay. I hope I get to see her happy again. Because of what I did, maybe that won't ever happen again.
I chose not to dwell on that for now. I won't be able to move forward if I keep focusing on what ifs. I have to stop imagining things about our situation. It's clearly not helping my mind catch up.
I forced myself to eat. To be honest, my stomach wasn't accepting the food. This might be the result of several days of drinking.
After eating, I stood up and put on my hoodie. I also plugged in my headset and stuffed my phone into my pocket. I was barely aware of myself as I walked out of the house.
I looked up at the sky. It felt like I hadn't been outside in so long, even though it had only been two days since I last stepped out.
I'm getting weirder every day.
I went through with my plan to jog. I kept running at a slow pace while trying to collect my thoughts. It was working, at least a little, because I was starting to think of things I could do.
When I got to the park, I stopped. I had already run quite far from the house. I probably didn't notice because I was so deep in thought.
I chose to rest for a while. I sat on a bench. I took my phone out of my pocket and checked for any messages. There was one from Honey, but it wasn't important.
I chose to go back to jogging. I was about to leave when I saw someone wearing an HVIS uniform. My heart started racing. I hadn't even seen their face yet, but I already knew who it was.
Dammit, Jay-jay!
I want so badly to see you, but I'm afraid I won't be able to let you go once I hold your hand. It feels like I'll throw away all the restraint I've worked so hard to keep.
I won't be able to carry out my plan. I need to control myself every time she's around like this. I haven't even started my plan yet, and it's already falling apart.
I put my headset back on and pulled my hoodie up. I started jogging away from the park, pretending not to see her. Even though, to be honest, it felt like my legs didn't want to move.
It didn't take long before I felt someone following me. I already had a clue who it was.
Don't follow me! Please...
If she doesn't stop, I might not be able to hold back anymore. Everything will fall apart.
I picked up my jogging pace subtly, so she wouldn't notice. But she was still following me—or rather, they were.
It was only then I realized I was near the house. I had no choice but to face them. I stopped and caught my breath. I also removed my headset and stuffed it back in my pocket.
"Next time you follow me, make sure I don't notice you," I said without looking at them.
I didn't hear any response from them. I wanted to leave and keep walking. I didn't want to face her. I was scared.
But if I don't face her now, the next time we meet… I might not be able to stop myself anymore.
I slowly turn around and face them. And that's when I realized how hard it is to stand by what I'm doing.
The feelings I numbed with alcohol softened again the moment I saw her.
My Jay-jay…
"What do you want?" I ask them.
"A-aah…" She started, and I almost ran to hug her. "B-because… th-there's—"
She didn't get to finish what she was going to say because Percy suddenly walked past and straight into my house. My jaw dropped in amusement.
"Hey!" I shouted and followed him.
This guy, unbelievable. Just because we used to be friends doesn't mean he has the right to do whatever he wants. Especially not entering someone else's house. My house, to be exact.
He probably didn't even think that I could sue him for trespassing for what he just did.
"I need to use the bathroom!" he replied, then quickly ran into the house.
I stopped in the garage. I wiped my face out of frustration with Percy. Why didn't he leave his shamelessness buried in the grave? Why did he have to carry it with him until now?
I could feel Jay-jay's presence not far from me. Percy had stolen my attention, so we hadn't finished our conversation.
But I had no intention of finishing it anyway. I needed to come up with new plan. I had to stick with my original plan—pushing Jay-jay away from me. It's the only way to save her from me and from my stupid cousin Clyde.
But I have nothing beyond that.
"When your stepbrother comes out, you both leave," I said calmly and was about to walk away.
"Keifer!" She called me. My knees almost gave out hearing her shout my name. "…I-I just want to know something."
Why do I feel like this? My instinct is telling me to stay and listen, but my mind is screaming at me to turn my back and leave.
Without hesitation, I chose to stay. I don't exactly know why.
Maybe because I just want to look at her for a while. Maybe because I miss her so much I want to savor even the tiniest moment we have.
"What is it?"
"I-I just want to know…" She took a deep breath. "…despite what you did… d-did you ever like me?"
FVCK, I DO! And not just like—because I love you so damn much!
I wanted to scream that and hug her. I really, really wanted to… But I couldn't. Everything I started would fall apart, and I'd be back at square one. If I do that, I know she'll find a way to help me. I don't want to put her in danger.
I laugh bitterly. I know I'm about to give both of us more pain. I can't stand seeing her hurt anymore, but I have no choice.
She bit her lower lip. I saw her shaking a little. Maybe she was scared to hear my answer.
I was torn on whether to go through with it. But if I don't do this, how will she stop? She might just keep asking me over and over about how I really feel. And if that happens, I'll be forced to tell the truth.
Damn these what-ifs and possibilities!
"You followed me just to ask that?" I forced a laugh. "…I can't believe this."
I shook my head, smiling like a lunatic. I don't know if I'm any good at acting, but I was trying my best.
"Let me guess… You expected that maybe I developed feelings for you while I was fooling you?"
I know it's a yes. Don't worry, Jay… because you're right. I developed feelings for you without even realizing it. The next thing I knew, I was fooling myself—and not you anymore.
I kept denying the truth between my feelings and my revenge. I kept forcing myself to believe it was impossible… even though it already happened.
I almost laughed at my own stupidity. I faced Jay-jay and looked at her. I could already see the pain.
"What a damn joke," I added and laughed. "…This isn't a TV series or a movie. Falling for you or realizing that I love you in the middle of my revenge will never happen."
She gasped a little. I know I'm hurting her so badly. That's another reason for her to hate me.
"So I'm that good at acting, huh? I made you believe it!" I still smiled and laughed.
I slowly walked toward her. She looked uncomfortable.
I'm sorry, Jay-jay. I'm sorry for what I'm about to say… and do.
" Just so you don't hope anymore, let me make it clear." I stop in front of her. "...I will never fall for you. You are just a stupid-little-shit to me, just like your brother Aries."
Her tears started to fall. She was even trying to stop them but obviously failed. Seeing her like this is breaking me into pieces. I wanted to punch myself. I'm already holding back way too much.
You're a fvcking evil, Keifer!
I can't believe I am treating her like this. But I have to continue.
I smirked at her. "If only you gave in to me on that New Year's… you would've known the truth earlier. If only you had given yourself to me back then, the plan would've been complete." I cross my arms and look at her from head to toe. "...Too bad, half of Section E would've won the bet."
Fvck! I slipped!
I shouldn't have mentioned that. I'm only making her feel worse about our friends. She was supposed to turn to them after I leave. What now?
She was shocked by what she heard. It's clear she still didn't know. Right! The bet!
I smile widely.
"Come to think of it... the bet isn't over yet." I hug her by the waist. "...Why don't we continue what got interrupted on New Year's?"
Being this close to her makes me want to kiss her. I badly want to taste her lips—but not like this.
Every time I kissed her before, I made sure she felt my love. But now, she has to feel the pain.
I held her jaw. She closed her eyes in pain.
"L-let me go." She begged.
Just kill me after this!
"I know you want it."
I crashed my lips into hers. It was a deep kiss meant to make her feel disrespected. The kind of kiss that showed dominance. I could feel her tears sliding down her cheeks.
I want to stop, but I can't.
Stop me, please…
And she did. It was like she heard my mind. She pushed me with all her strength. I stumbled away from her, but what I didn't expect was what she did next.
She punched me in the jaw. I immediately felt dizzy and couldn't stop myself from collapsing. I hadn't even recovered when I felt her climb on top of me and throw another punch.
She kept hitting me while her tears continued to fall. I deserve this. I deserve every punch from her. Keep punching me if that will help ease your pain.
Each blow from her hurt, but I chose not to fight back. I was starting to feel the blood from my nose and taste it in my mouth. I thought she really meant to destroy my face—but then she stopped.
She stopped and looked at me. For some reason, she cried again—but this time with so much pain.
I didn't look away from her. I couldn't, even though I could clearly see how she was breaking from the pain. I wanted to touch her cheek and wipe her tears. I wanted to apologize and take back everything I said. I wanted to hug her tightly. So tightly that I'd never let her go again.
But I can't…
I couldn't stop the lump forming in my throat. I was breaking every time I think about our situation. She has to get away from me. She needed to get hurt. She has to… she has to…
I couldn't stop my tears anymore, especially when I saw how intensely she was staring at me.
It's like she was really trying to make me feel the pain she carried.
You don't have to do that... I know exactly what you feel.
Suddenly, she got off of me. I slowly sat up. My face was wet with her blood and tears. And now, it's mixed with my own tears.
I wipe my face using my hand. I don't want her to see me suffer. She shouldn't know.
She looked at me with such pain in her eyes. I could feel it. I'm hurting too, and I hope I can carry it just like you're doing, Jay-jay.
She started to walk away from me but stopped just before reaching the house gate.
"Mark my words, carve it in stone, engrave it on your forehead, and on a dog's butt! Karma will come for you! Son of a--!" She sighs heavily. "...And when that happens! I'll be the first one laughing right at your face!"
She immediately ran off, out the gate. I wanted to laugh at what she said. Karma came for me a long time ago.
And it was a good kind of karma.
"Jay-jay!" It was Percy. "What did you do, Keifer?"
I looked at him threateningly. "Protect Jay-jay. If anything bad happens to her, I will kill you—and it will be for real."
He didn't respond and quickly followed after Jay-jay. I really hope Percy protects her.
I must've been sitting there, staring blankly, for several minutes. The whole scene kept replaying in my head.
I fvcking don't understand. Why does this have to happen to us? Why do I have to suffer? Why do I have to hurt her? Why... Why can't we just be normal students?
I touched my face as tears began to fall again. I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. I was struggling so much, and I desperately wanted to take back everything I said and did.
I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! I can't live without Jay-jay in my life. I need her.
I forced myself to stand up even though my face and head throbbed with pain.
"Keifer! What happened?" Honey shouted as she ran toward me.
"I have to follow Jay-jay. I have to talk to her." I said while trying my best to walk.
Honey stopped me and helped me stay on my feet.
"You need to get those wounds treated! Who hurt you?"
She tried dragging me back into the house, but my body was walking the other way.
" Jay-jay… I-I can't lose her!"
"Can you hear yourself? I thought you said you'd fix things first?"
I no longer cared about my situation. Jay-jay was the only thing that mattered to me.
"Jay-jay… Jay—"
I didn't get to finish what I was saying because darkness completely took over my vision.