Bao stood with arms crossed, glaring at Fengye like he'd just confessed to eating his pet dragon.
> "You got expelled?! EXPELLED?! Because you flirted with the Queen?!"
Fengye, now dramatically lounging on a stolen picnic table, smirked.
> "Technically, it was courageous romantic outreach. The system made me do it."
> "Oh, so now it's the system's fault?! You climbed the palace wall using a mop and screamed, 'Your Majesty, catch my heart!' while the guards aimed crossbows!"
Fengye waved it off.
> "And yet, here I am. Not dead. Mountain owner. Professional charmer."
> "You IDIOT! Now we can't go to school anymore! You ruined our futures!"
> "Correction: your future was algebra homework. My future is adventuring with a literal god."
Suddenly—
[System Notification]
New Quest: Apologize to your angry best friend.
Time Limit: 15 minutes
Reward: Chocolate Bar
Failure Penalty: Slap (Guaranteed)
Fengye's eyes widened.
> "Oh come on... even you, Loki?!"
Inside his head, Loki cackled.
> "This drama is better than heaven's soap operas. Apologize, peasant."
Fengye sighed dramatically.
> "Bao, I was wrong to follow my heart... but I was right to follow my destiny. And also, the Queen has really nice–"
SLAP.
Bao stormed off.
Loki whispered in his ear:
> "Worth it."
As Fengye rubbed his freshly slapped cheek, Bao didn't just storm off. He marched back with purpose—and a donkey cart.
> "Get in."
> "What?"
> "You're not going anywhere, Casanova. You're staying here, apologizing properly, and maybe becoming slightly less YOU."
Fengye blinked. Then laughed.
> "Oh, I would—but I own a cursed mountain now, and I have to go claim it before ghosts squat on my property."
> "You're twelve. Stop talking like a real estate agent."
Before Fengye could jump off the table, Bao tackled him, tied him up with his own cloak, and dumped him into the cart like a sack of potatoes.
Suddenly:
[SYSTEM NOTIFICATION]
WARNING! Quest Alert: Reach Mount Baka in 2 hours
If you fail… the mountain will explode and turn into a giant bathhouse for retired ogres.
(Also, your title 'Royal Menace' will be changed to 'Public Jester')
> "WHAT?!"
> "Who are you yelling at now?" Bao grumbled, flicking the donkey's reins.
> "The system says my mountain will be taken over by sweaty ogres if I don't reach it in time!"
> "Sounds peaceful."
> "PEACEFUL?! You think I can live with a bunch of ogres soaking in my living room?!"
Loki chimed in, laughing:
> "They have a jacuzzi and karaoke nights. I might join them if you're late."
Fengye struggled in his ropes.
> "Let me go, Bao! This is serious!"
> "You're serious when you eat ramen with a fork, don't lecture me!"
Fengye wriggled like a possessed worm in the back of the donkey cart while Bao whistled, completely unfazed.
> "You're not going anywhere, lover boy."
> "This is donkey-napping!"
> "This is brotherly justice."
[SYSTEM NOTIFICATION]
Time Remaining: 1 hr 43 mins
Reminder: Failing this quest will result in public title being changed to "Pudding Prince."
> "PUDDING PRINCE?! I'LL NEVER RECOVER SOCIALLY!"
> "Oh relax," Bao yawned. "You never had a social life to begin with."
Just then, a miracle—Fengye's spork, the sacred weapon he'd stolen from the mess hall, slipped out of his boot. He used it to saw through the ropes while Bao hummed a tune.
> "What are you doing back there?"
> "Totally not freeing myself to avoid becoming pudding royalty!"
With a dramatic snap, the ropes fell off. Fengye did a ninja roll out of the cart, landed face-first in a turnip stall, then sprang to his feet like a sugar-crazed acrobat.
> "THE WIND IS MY ALLY!"
> "YOU OWE ME TWENTY COPPERS FOR THAT DONKEY!"
Fengye darted through the market like a flying chicken, knocking over stalls, getting chased by angry vendors, and yelling:
> "Outta the way! I've got a date with destiny—and possibly ogres!"
Loki appeared as a floating chibi hologram above his head, sipping a coconut drink.
> "Ten bonus points for style. Minus five for the turnip-faceplant."
[SYSTEM BOOST ACTIVATED]
Speed Buff: Chicken Legs Mode (Duration: 10 minutes)
Side Effect: You will cluck involuntarily.
Fengye's legs blurred like lightning—but now he was yelling:
> "CLUCK YOU, DESTINY!"
He clucked and dashed past stunned civilians.
Meanwhile, Bao stared from afar.
> "Why do I even try."
After chilling, sprinting, tripping, cartwheeling, and accidentally stealing a roasted duck mid-run, Fengye finally reached the foot of Mount Baka—panting, bruised, and proudly wearing someone else's underpants on his head.
> "I… I made it... Did I win?"
[SYSTEM NOTIFICATION]
Time Left: 3 minutes 17 seconds.
Status: Arrival confirmed. Quest success. Eunuch status: Cancelled.
> "YES! Take that, fate and testosterone thieves!"
He looked up at the looming peak—and instantly regretted it.
Right in front of him, a sheep and a wolf were… clearly breaking several laws of nature.
The sheep winked at Feng.
> "Nope. Nope. I'm going blind. I need soap. For my soul."
Mount Baka was the kind of place cartographers refused to draw, poets cried trying to rhyme, and even birds used GPS to avoid. Once a glorious, magical, fertile paradise—now it was just 93% rock, 6% rumors, and 1% trauma.
Locals called it "the mountain where dreams go to get hit with a shovel."
Legend says magical plants once grew here: trees that bore fried chicken, rivers of cola, and flowers that whispered dirty jokes. But now?
> "It smells like old shoes and regret."
A creaky wooden sign stood at the entrance:
"Welcome to Mount Baka – If You're Here, You've Already Lost."
Suddenly, a BAM echoed through the sky. A blinding beam of light descended, followed by Loki riding down a majestic llama with a cape and glitter falling behind him.
> "Behold! Your reward, your realm, your... beautiful disaster!"
> "This is barren! There's a goat using a skull as a pillow!"
> "Exactly. A blank canvas!"
Feng groaned.
> "I was expecting at least a volcano. Or a pond. Or a pond in a volcano."
Loki chuckled, floating beside him.
> "Fix it. Build something. Or just turn it into a llama-racing arena. I don't care. You've got a mountain now, King of Chaos."
Just then, a puff of wind carried a royal announcement scroll right into Feng's face.
[SYSTEM QUEST UPDATE]
Royal guards are on the way. The Queen found the glitter. It got everywhere.
> "WHY DID I USE LAVENDER-SCENTED GLITTER?!"
> "Because deep down," Loki said, sipping boba, "you're a romantic moron."
And as the sun set behind the twisted landscape of Mount Baka, Feng stood tall on a rock, hands on hips, staring at the mess he now owned.
> "Bring it on, world. I've got a cursed mountain, a sarcastic god, and no shame left. Let's make history… or at least memes."