Have you ever wondered what its like to be so dissociated from reality , that you start to embrace and kin strange things in this world?
Perhaps even become extremely delusional to the point you get paranoid of reality? You feel lost , trapped like you are in depression and feel like nothing can save you. Constantly seeking others approval and validation to find some worth in yourself? Losing hope in everything once you have lost something that you really wanted or strove for? When you start to realize that you arent special , or perhaps even only existant and of some worth to only people close to you.
When no one supports you and worse , they even make you feel more insecure about yourself , could even be your own family.
Day in , day out , the negativity from your surroundings and you , pushes your mind into a feeling of being alienated from any help that you so desperately yearn for it. Someone , anyone , anybody to save you from your life.
Family , friends are there , but they do not truly understand what you're going through , they just simply do not realize how deeply things are affecting you.
''Im fine'' is the mental state you show to them because otherwise it would be embarrasing for you to express how you truly feel. There's everywhere to run and anywhere to hide.
''Human..?'' you feel so alienated from this term. If anyone were to tell you that you too , are human and allowed to feel and express yourself , you'd cry alot. But what would you do...?
You have run away from therapy , family , friends , humans even... all to just find yourself so crushingly alone you do not have a type anymore.
You'd just fall in love with anyone who could emotionally fulfill you and let you be yourself around them.
Alas , but only if such a convenient human tailored just for you were to exist , and even if they did exist , now that you are alone , you cut off any chances of even finding that said person. Surrounded by loneliness and the weight of your own thoughts , what could occur? That situation is where imagination crosses the boundary and enters reality. What we are about to show you is the tale of a girl who entered that confusing realm.
Enter the life of Fanna Lenz. Born and raised in Wales , The United Kingdom , Fanna was always an enthusiastic girl from young. Often she'd try out alot of different things like carrying out science experiments in her backyard!
Making origami jets , cubes , various other shapes and even a spring. She had various interests in different fields , one of them being space. Going up to the rooftop of the house , her eyes would light up at the sight of stars and constellations. She absolutely adored stars and galaxies alike.
Along with this , she would open up her phone and google several information about this wonderful and beautiful world and learn about them.
''Im interested in astronomy , im interested in science , im interested in medicine and i absolutely love psychology and the study of the human mmind!!!'' spoke Fanna to her parents.
Pick one , why are you interested in so many things , Fanna? Everyone would wonder about this girl. As a student , she was amazing!
With the stroke of her pen and with her sharp but cluttered mind , she did well in school and was generally happy with herself and life. Coming from a well off and established Dansburke family , she was expected to excel in life and thus , her doing well in school fit well with the family's reputation. Her family adored Fanna like the gem of the house.
*but why?*
Because , she was smart , capable and intelligent. They cherished her for her talents and academic achievements.
But what about her connection as a person to them?
*nothing.*
They only saw her as an achiever but not a human.
Yes... ''human''
What did it mean for Fanna to be a human? Was it to please her parents and do well in school? Yes. That's what it meant to her.
To do well in school is what brought meaning and color to Fanna's life , giving her joy and happiness. Nothing fulfilled her more than her parents approval. Even her own siblings were expected to be the same. However , they were less eccentric compared to Fanna. Since she showcased her talent at learning and doing well in school from early on , she was always expected to keep up with her parents expectations. This , she did , with all her effort and might in her mind and heart , worked towards that end.
However...at times when she did not perform well at school , her parents would be really dissapointed in her. This brought on a sense of panic in Fanna's mind and her eyes filled with shaky blinking and fear jolting across her body , making her alert and on her feet when she realized that her parents dissapointment in her meant that her world would be shattered.
Thus , an environment ruled by the fear of not dissapointing her parents embraced her mind and soul , making sure she did perform well. Her parents too , noticed Fanna's highly alertive behaviour and decided not to do anything about it.
*why?*
Because if that meant Fanna would excel , they'd be willing to do it at any cost. What would work?
Guilt tripping , ||mental abuse|| and neglect would do the trick.
Psychologically seeding themselves into Fanna's mind , they made sure every word they uttered was a command to Fanna.
Afterall , her parents were her world. Could she even stand up to them? Could she even face them head on and say ''It..doesnt feel like home anymore , I feel like I'm being forced to just be good in every possible way...but you do not even understand how I feel...What I even like and enjoy....I feel so trapped and suffocated here...!''
If only she could speak up to her parents like how she truly felt from the depths of her heart. But she could not!
*why?*
Because any form of retaliation to her parents meant seeing them dissapointed and ||triggering a psychological chain of entrapment|| that would constantly ache Fanna's heart and leak with guilt over being the pride of the family and not doing well.
They gave Fanna a good luxurious life. Yet , she couldn't enjoy life.
*why?*
Feeling overwhelmed from her parents expectations and keep up their reputation meant Fanna couldn't be allowed to be herself.
Being herself meant she would complain and retaliate against her parents for raising her only as an academic showpiece.
In all of this scheme of studying and doing well , Fanna did not realize she didnt know how to make friends. What was joy to this girl? Pleasing her parents. What was harm in her life? Dissapointing her parents. Who could Fanna even be herself with? No one. To a girl who only knew to please her family and keep up their name , she did not know how to express herself emotionally.
What do I do when I feel rage? Lash out. Sadness? Lash out. Fear? ||Anxiety?|| Jealousy?
Stay silent and keep to yourself. This was the doctrine that she followed. Throughout the years of her highschool , she wasn't able to make a single friend. Everytime she tried to , she would see the faces of her beloved parents , reminding her that studies is the only thing that ever mattered. Everytime she got back home and studied , her mind would wander to how different her life could have been had she not been born to this family. Striken by an intense feeling of being trapped by her family , she started to hate them.
Slowly but surely , she started to feel light headed and dizzy now and then....being wounded mentally , this was her last straw.
Overwhelmed by an intense feeling of loneliness , Fanna started talking to her mind and they both had a real conversation for the very first time. If she couldn't open up to anyone , atleast she could truly say what she wanted to , to her mind. Finding solace and a venting spot and releif from her usual mundane routine , Fanna found happiness again in her life as she spoke often to her own mind. As she did , she would weep , tears streaming down her face as to how she wants to love her parents but she can't find it in herself to even find them remotely likeable.
''They do not understand me...as a person at all.. they always tell me how I should be , but never ask or even concern themselves with what I want to be....I feel so alone....no..one..to talk to.. no one to even express who I really am...its just me and my parents...me and my parents....my heart doesn't like them...I feel an extreme hatred and rage when I meet them. They always decide everything for me , without my voice. Thats right , I do not even have a voice to them , it simply does not matter to them , I simply feel neglected. Am...I not a person..? Why...when I get tears seeing my classmates having fun...why...can I not have fun like they do? Am I not a good daughter to my parents? If I disapoint them , they threaten to disown me as they have a reputation to uphold...all of this keeping the family reputation stuff and playing a nice person.....has just made me feel so alienated from who I am really...am I not a person with my own views , perspectives , choices and emotions..? why am I being controlled like this? Just to keep up the family name..? So I have to be a slave and live life the way...they desire and not my own..? ||I'd rather not exist!|| than to live like this..!''
Such thoughts seated themselves inside Fanna's mind as she wept into her pillows..with only her mind to comfort her
As days followed by , Fanna ||started losing her appetite|| , resigning more to her bedroom and sleeping longer than usual.
''Let...me...go....from this painful reality...mind'' wept she as she turned and tossed around her bed , feeling restless and disturbed in general.
Waking up to school felt like a chore.
''Ugh...getting up...ugh getting ready.....ugh going to bathe....ugh putting on creams and make up....ugh stupid...why do I even...try....ugh I cant bring myself to care about school anymore....I just want to sleep....and keep dreaming....dreaming about a life where I can actually be happy and not live someone else's life....yes....ohh...yehh...ughh stop....-''
FANNA! WAKE UP!! You're late for school! Came a startling and alarming voice from her mother
''ge-getting ready...m..mom , just a minute...'''
As Fanna said this , she got up and brushed her teeth and dressed up....
''Fanna , why on earth do you look so tired , anything occur at school..? Is something the matter..? Fanna?''
''Im good mom , Im just...uhhh....tired from studying...''
''Oh my beloved Fanna. You work really hard day and night. But remember to take care of yourself.''
Having a hearty conversation , her parents were completely unaware of her crumbling mental state.
Fanna would often sleep in class as well and the teachers would get mad at it. She would then wake up and listen actively...unaware that her classmates caught wind of Fanna's laziness and fatigue , they'd backbite about her.
What cause them to backbite about her was incidents that made her a classroom sensation. Like when she accidentally went to the guys bathroom instead of the girl's one , she did not notice the sign and entered. Later , it caused an uproar and jokes about ''Fanny the faulty'' especially cementing this title when Fanna accidentally drank from the tap water instead of the water cooler that provided drinkable water. Many such incidents like these where Fanna was generally unaware of her surroundings and ended up embarrasing herself made her a clown of sorts.
Even at home , Fanna would do similar things. She would stare into space and look blankly at her mother then think about things like space , cosmos , galaxies and the purpose of life.
''FANNA!! Are you with me??!'' shook her mother to Fanna as she seemed so zoned out most of the time.
''Why are you like this. Fanna? Can't you be normal? What is going on? Stop being so absent minded. Fanna. Come to reality. I'm your mother...right? You can tell me anything , what is troubling you lately? You ||do not eat much|| , you sleep alot , you cannot focus on anything but you say you're fine..? why wont you open up to me my beloved...I'm here for you.''
''Im fine mom...like I said , I was just studying alot that's why...'' responded to her mother
*but this was a lie..!*
Fanna didn't study as much as she needed to. She immersed herself into other hobbies like drawing , reading manga and sleeping.
''Heh , *you can open up to me , im your mother* yeah right! like as if I could ever even do that when all you do is just support me educationally and not actually be there for me. How would I even be comfortable opening up to you at all...! I'd feel ashamed and embarrassed to do it.'' spoke Fanna to her mind as she went to bed and read manga as usual.
''I do not want to go to school anymore..! I do not want to live life like this anymore...! let me just be here...in my safe haven..and not be bothered'' thought to herself as she closed her manga and went to sleep.
As days rolled by , Fanna just felt...bored and tired of everything. Nothing really even mattered to her anymore. All she wanted to do was enjoy at home and continue on it. As her senior year of highschool came by , life rolled by just like that as well. Sleeping , ||either eating very less or randomly too much|| gaming on her phone and enjoying shows was her daily routine.
22 missed assignments did not matter to her at all. Any awakening to the reality of her falling academic situation sent her into a deep panic and fear in her soul that caused her ||anguish|| and so she completely shut out the responsibility she had and immersed herself into what she found enjoyable.
*But how long could this continue?*
Even an aging tortoise eventually leaves it's shell. How much can you hope to escape reality Fanna? What will you even do? How will you face your parents the way you are...? If they were to ever know your current academic situation , you'd be done for! her mind reminded her time and again...
but at this point , Fanna was already too late to be saved. She pretty much associated any form of schooling or studying to her ||parental trauma|| causing her to feel ||intense shakiness and heart palpitations feeling the heat of anxiety attacks making her sweat|| and thus...she shut all of reality for her own safety.
Finally after months and months of enjoyment fueled by wanting to feel safe from her current predicament , came her final exams of her senior year.
When they did come , she unfortunately did not study for them at all. Her pen could not even move beyond a few words. Her tiredness gleamed through her personality and her eyebags giving a clue that she lost all hope in this world was evident. Striken by ||a feeling of faint and giddiness|| and a looming panic over how she did not write the exams well this time at all and them being her final senior year exams ||crushingly haunted her soul|| But alas..! how long could she hope to hide her performance from her parents?
Such thoughts gripped her like a tie and made her worry.
||hands shaky , body shivering and eye pupils dilated , she rushed to the bathroom in her house and started to vomiit||
*why?*
what caused such a reaction from Fanna?
The moment she realized that by her performance , she would definetely fail highschool , ||panic attacks and anxiety soared through her nerves like lightning||
''oh god...oh god...I....I messed up....what am I going to do...? I did not think I would live in a time and reality where I would actually fail highschool...okay...okay....calm...down...me...breathe in...breathe out...deeply....easy...just like...that...oh god...I...no...this..this can't be actually happening...I'm...I'm in a dream...right....right? please... please NO! this...isnt real...! I didnt actually fail....! I'm a good s-s-student...how could this happen...I...no...no...way...I might as well ||not live at this point...|| why..why..me..someone...anyone...please save me....let me live in another world...I hate school...I hate everyone...I hate everything!''
The more deeper she got into these thoughts , ||an intense feeling of suffocation held her as she started to puke more and more with tears streaming down her face...||
''is this it for me...is this the end..how could everything end like this...?'' she spoke to herself as she felt ||her chest tighten with anxiety and fear of her life and her parents.||
A few days later and continuing the same routine....however after her final exams there was no school so she resigned herself to her bedroom and slept day in..day out... shake her head and comfort herself from ||the attack of reality every now and then||
''there...there is no escape for me... I'm doomed..'' as she hid herself inside her blanket and cried for hours on end
''why..why didnt I put in effort to pass..even at the last moment..'' I cant even imagine I put myself in such a situation right now...''
shaking here and there , rocking her chair , such thoughts haunted Fanna throughout the day....
||forgetting to even eat food sometimes..all she would think about was ways to escape life and reality. Looking through the window , she took slow steps and leaned forward... ''this..this is it for me..without any future..there is no way for me.. and then she looked down from the window and felt a chill down her spine. ''yes..I'm afraid of heights..what am I even thinking|| besides , there's still days left for the results to come.. I'm just going to enjoy life until then... yes...I feel...alot better now..!!'' Fanna started gaming and binged shows one after another and calmed herself down. Feeling an intense sense of happiness and fulfillment , she even sang in her own room after being depressed for a while. Getting tired , ||the blues of panic took over , making her vomit again and then return to normal.|| As such , her days passed by and finally came the day of Fanna's results...
The day of her results arrived. Both of her parents were overjoyed.
mother- ''My daughter is graduating high school...oh my god , this is a great moment in our lives , wouldnt you agree so.., darling?''
father - ''Yes...I have been waiting to congratulate Fanna for all her hardwork and effort. My heart is trembling with joy to my beloved and lovely and smart daughter''
Mother - ''Oh dear...I'm getting teary just thinking how our little girl has grown so much and has come so far in life..''
Both her mom and dad , in the day of Fanna's results , set up a banquet and a huge meal in the house for her. They set up everything neatly for their beloved daughter and even polished all of the furniture to celebrate the grand occasion. Today is a really happy day...isnt it? The entire house is beaming with the shine of joy of twelve years of continous effort and hardwork from Fanna. Both the parents were bustling with cheer and were sharply dressed in their best outfits for the grand occasion. Everything and everyone except Fanna was happy about today.
Fanna as usual , woke up late and... ''ugh results day...well...this life is an illusion..right , mind? who even cares what happens today.. im tired of ||being depressed|| im just going to *yawn* tired...I wanna eat ice cream and go to bed..'' she wondered to herself as she conumed alot of energy in getting up from bed , bathing , getting ready and leaving to school.
''I'll just pretend I'm not real and get through today'' is what she mentally prepared herself for.
Fanna after getting ready , greeting both her dad and mom and then all three of them got into the car and visited Pillsbury High , a prestigious school in Wales that Fanna was studying in.
Collecting her report card from school. They did not open it. They in the eagerness of their joy decided to open her results during tonight's feast to celebrate and congratulate Fanna's highschool journey.
''Fanna. Ohh my sweet Fanna. I know just how hard you worked in school. You studied well. Your results will be marvelous I'm sure'' - father
''Yes , Fanna. You know , you kept our family's reputation all this time. You see , our relatives are jealous that we are well off , as such you cannot afford to lose in front of them. Right dear?'' - Mother
''y-yes mom. I understand.'' - Fanna
As the conversation went on in the car ride back home , Fanna was once again reminded of how fake her parents were. All they cared about was maintaining their image to their relatives because they're well off? Is their daughter just a showpiece of academic achievements to prove their high and elite class of living? Even Fanna got really annoyed at it all.
Finally , upon the car reaching home , all three of them entered the house and went to the main hall where an entire buffet was arranged just to celebrate the grand occasion. So as they entered the hall , each of them took their seats at the table with a bright golden chandelier above them. After being seated , the father took Fanna's report card and smiled at Fanna and her mom.
''Well well well , today is your day Fanna , the fruits of your labor will be immensely rewarded. Look around you Fanna , so much delicacies and food. They're all yours tonight. Enjoy my dear.'' said the father happily
the mother then replied ''I wonder what is today's special , hmm , I want a barbeque - hahah! like as if...anyways dear , lets start tonights ceremony by opening her report card and then we will feast together as a family.''
''Ofcourse dear. Let's begin.''
As the father said this , Fanna felt mortified and shaken , her hands felt shaky and sweaty...her breathing faster and an intense feeling of doom enveloped her , she knew what was going to happen in tonight's dinner feast. Suddenly , the father opened the report card and scanned it for a while.
He then spoke
''Hmmm , Fanna. I think there is some sort of mistake here , all of the subjects here , including english have an 'F grade''
to this , Fanna hurriedly replied ''o-oh yes , I think so as well dad.''
Father - ''You..you think so? what is the meaning of this Fanna? Why do you look so tense and shaken..? Is something wrong sweetheart? Your dad understands if they accidentally gave you an F grade on all subjects. I have connections to your principal Margaroth Nelson , I'll ask him about this. Don't worry dear.''
As he said this , the father got up from his seat and contacted her principal.
''Hello , Mr Nelson. How is it going? Ah , thats good to hear. By the way , I..err...all of my daughter , Fanna's subjects here have an F on them in her report card? Could you kindly check the issue and let me know what the problem is here?
Nelson - ''Uhh...sir..our school does not make any mistakes regarding report cards. But nonetheless , I'll check and let you know. Give me an hour sir.''
''sure thing''
As the phone call ended , all three of them sat silently in the hall. Anxiousness of what could happen filled the atmosphere and the air grew think as lead.
*Just what was going to happen?*
We know for sure that Fanna did indeed fail all of her exams.
An hour later came a phone call from Principal Nelson.
''Err...sir. I checked with all of the senior year teachers and marksheet collection council and I am really really sorry to inform you that none of those grades were false. Fanna did indeed fail all of her subjects and unfortunately , she will have to repeat senior year again. I have additionally mailed you the marksheet showing her exact marks as well. Again sir , we have been good friends , but...your daughter's performance is...quite shocking to say the least. If there is any council or help needed again , we will surely help her pass the exams next year sir. Thank you.'' The phone line got cut.
The father in his disbeleif hurriedly checked his mail and did indeed see her marksheet with the exact scores of each subject.
''Fanna...what is this..? What is going on..? I don't understand Fanna..how could you just fail in every subject..? I'm having a hard time beleiving this , Fanna. You did study , how did you end up failing every goddamn subject in this year?''
The enraged father then turned to the mother
''Honey , what is going on in this house? You were with her the entire damn time and did not even care to check if she studied??? What result is this?? Whom are you fooling , whom are you kidding??? Is this the same Fanna who is a genius in school..? Tell me now dear?''
The mother responded
''Listen honey , I too have no idea what is going on. As far as I know , she did study , I have no clu-''
''No clue???? What no clue?? Do you have a clue about anything in life?? How will we face the relatives now? Have you even considered the demise our own daughter has bought to the family?? said the father
Mother - ''Calm down...there's got to be a mistake. Our daughter could never fail any subje-''
''Fail any subject??? Fanna has failed all of them! I even have her marksheet here! Do you even realize what the fuck this means you piece of shit!" suddenly he smashed a glass on the floor.
''Our daughter will not graduate highschool this year , this is what it means , you are a failure of a mother , you couldn't even look after our daughter properly , much less even see that she passes school , yet she failed.''
Mother - ''Oh how dare you mock me..?? You are away every week and only come around on weekends. I'm the one taking care of things here! and you dare make fun of me?? She is a grown child not a toddler , she should know better , dont blame me for it. You dont even know how this house runs!"
''Oh really? great so you knew how things run and yet you let Fanna fail and bring shame upon us didn't you? You knew this was coming and yet you stayed silent?? What are you even worth for??'' - father
mother - ''Dont you dare speak about my worth. I'm always trying to keep a balance on things. She's your daughter too..? Why do you not talk to her as much?? Oh right , because you're always busy in your affairs and meetings. Does family even matter to you? I had no clue about her study habits and did not fucking know she failed horribly. Maybe if you weren't a scumbag of a father you wouldn't have raised a scumbag of a daughter too in this house.''
''what did you just call me?? You think it's so easy to handle everything here. If I ever got any time off , I always spend it with you and her! Don't even get me started bitch. You're a worthless trash t-r-a-s-h mother who can't even look after her own daughter.'' - father
mother - ''You swine. You pig. You filthy ingrate. Don't even dare to try to name call me after twenty years of our marriage. You're the one having all the shit about other women in your head refusing to spend time with your wife!''
''Oh how dare you! You are a pile of shit with such thick arrogant skin nothing penetrates and even hurts you. Our daughter has failed school and you call me a womanizer? What do you even think of yourself? Who the fuck are you? Without this marriage , you'd still be a chef in the alleys of London living on meagre wage. Don't take what I have given you for granted.'' - father
mother- ''So all of these years that is what you thought of me? not as your partner who completes you but just someone who gives you a family and works like a dog day in day out in this house just so you have a good place to sleep and good food to eat? I'm just someone who serves your needs and not someone who 's equal to you?? You look down on me because I left my job to marry you and be there for you and this is how you thank me?? Were it not for you , Fanna would not have been born to me and I would have been happy because I wouldn't get to witness this day. I regret marrying you and I regret giving birth to Fanna.''
As the ongoing back and forth quarrel between the parents continued , chaos ensued and all hell broke lose when both of them started swearing and screaming at each other. The dining table vibrated every now and then due to the heat of their argument as they both went for each other's throats saying things and bringing up past memories that they hated about each other.
''You are worthless.'' ''I utterly despise you'' ''If she wasn't born I'd be happier'' ''your livelihood depends on me''
Such sentences were all Fanna could hear from this ongoing argument. ||It mentally disturbed her. She covered her ears and bit her teeth getting overstimulated and overwhelmed by everything that was going on.||
Not even being ||able to eat a morsel of food , she sat like a statue for a while.|| That is , until her father spoke to her.
''Fanna. How dare you tarnish our family's reputation like this?? How is it possible that you caused such a disaster Fanna?? Tell me , what on earth went wrong here..? Who is to blame?? ||Shall I bash my head on this table? I feel furious Fanna. || Explain everything.
So , she had no choice but to finally speak.
''d..dad...I..I...did fail highschool...sorry...I tried my bes..-''
''tried...your best..? what? so these grades.. are your best? Do you not care about us Fanna? Do you even think how badly how destroyed me and your mother??"
''I...dad....I|| was depressed|| and I didnt...know what to..do..''
''what?? For something as miniscule as that , you're not going to graduate this year? Is this your reasoning??'' Suddenly he threw food off the table and yelled at Fanna.
''Everything is a joke to you Fanna. For all of your life , we have given you everything you wanted and gave you luxury upon luxury. What sin did we commit to see our own daughter fail highschool entirely? You are ungrateful you Varlet. All of these years of our money , amenities and everything and this is how you repay your parents back?? You are nothing without us. Remember that. Everything that you have ; your phone , your food and even the clothes on your back came from us. Do you even realize?? Or are you still going to blame everything on your ||mental state|| of an excuse? If I knew you were going to turn out like this , I would have sent you out of this house. Does it even cross your mind about your own blood family's reputation. How will we face the relatives? You cow. Answer me. Even a bottle of rum has more value than you right now. A daughter of the Welsh Dansburke family would never falter like this. You shit. You are not my daughter. You are a liar. A two faced neanderthal. Are you even human? How could you be so calm at everything?" he then threw a plate of food which missed her.
''dad...please...stop...I'm sorry...I'm really sorry...I was battling a lot of struggles...and I didnt know who to even talk to...I know that's...not an excuse but...please...dad...I'm really sorry....''
''The nerve of you to just be still like that. If you knew before why did you never tell us?? We are your family not some strangers. Whatever you do it has consequences for the family and yet you acted so selfishly. What do you think of us? Do you take us for fools? You ruined your future and you did not realize. What would you realize? Being glued to that screen till me and your mother end up under the earth. That's what you want right? Clearly you do not care enough for us , neither do you trust us and neither can you do anything. You good for nothing. You eat food not goat dung. You can't even think for a second of how your family suffers because of you. I invested thousands upon thousands just for your education and you fail highschool? Do you know what that says about you? It means that you are not even worth the dirt under my feet. ||I'd rather you die than to live like this.|| - father
Fanna- ''no please..dad..I'm sorry , I didnt mean to dissappoint you at all...please forgive me dad. I promise I'll surely study well this time. I really will. I'll prove myself this time-''
Just as she said this , her mother ||slapped her||.
''What behaviour is this Fanna? I'd rather spit on you than to see you plead like this. You were the gold of our family. How could you dissapoint us? So what if you had ||mental health issues?|| Alot of students do and yet they perform well. You utterly disgust me when you use such excuses. You're vile and pathetic. You know your career and future is important? Has that gotten across your thick skull? Your father will work like a madman and I will serve you daily day in day out and all you'd do is sleep like a ||deceased person|| effortlessly because your parents will take the brunt of your actions? How could you be so insensitive to our pains and struggles?''
''youre lethargic , irresponsible , useless , a cheat , a fraud , liar , rubbish and a lowlife. ||I'd rather jump from the rooftop than to see your face cry like this.|| Dont play the victim and dont put on this pitiful act. It was a mistake that we gave birth to you and raised you for eighteen years. Eighteen years and you live like a swine. Everything comes to you so easily so why would you even bother? You do not even realize what we go through to feed you , clothe you , shelter you and on top of all that , give you a good life. I feel ashamed just to see how you have turned out.''
Fanna- ''I-im...sorry mom...please forgive me , I..I..dont know , day in day out I'd feel really scared of everything.. I was so paranoid that I'm going to fall because I'm not good enough for this world..I didnt understand... ||my mind would feel hazy and I couldnt breathe and it would make me vomit...I didnt mean to hurt anyone..please mom and dad...I...I'd suddenly feel chills..and dizzy alot...I..just did not know what to even do..when I try to talk to anybody besides you...it doesnt work..suddenly my chest tightens and my mind goes blank and I feel scared and frightened to even talk to anyone.|| I couldnt focus on anything....I'm so sorry for not being the daughter you wanted..''
''You have dishonored us. You are an animal. You never think with your mind and let your emotions and hormones control you? ||what depression? instability? puking? shortness of breath? feeling hopeless? what sort of lame and lowly excuses are these?|| if you were homeless would you even give the time to priortize your ||mental state|| rather than how you would physically survive? You cant even pass highschool how will you handle the adult life? Will you start to ||breakdown and cry each time something bad happens? will you start vomiting anytime something occurs? Do you think depression fixes anything? If I were depressed and|| decided to run away from work , how would this family survive? How dare you use your ||mental state|| as an excuse? Do you think you're the only one going through all of this? Your family does not matter to you at all? You're nothing but a kid and you are so ||''traumatized..?"|| by life and school? What about your parents? Did you even stop to think about us? You did not. Because at the end of the day you are a bastard.'' - father
''mom...and dad...I'm so sorry for everything. It's my fault , I'm sorry for being ungrateful to you both and not taking life seriously.''
''enough is enough. You zeroed all of our efforts?'' -father
he then flipped the table over making all the utensils and cutlery along with the food smash and break on the floor. His scoldings reverberated through the dining hall making Fanna weep... ''I never..intended for this...why..? cried Fanna to herself as her nightmare unfolded before her very eyes.
The father went beserk and stomped the floor , crushing the plates even further. While the mother did try to stop him ''You too. Failure upon failure. Both mother and daughter.'' He pushed the mother away and started crashing out , throwing plates all over the dining hall. ''You have ruined our prestigious family name.'' He then threw a chair and it smashed the window pane. He then came close to the window. ''Let everybody in the neighbourhood hear this''
''My daughter. People. People around listen to me. My daughter! My daughter is a failure! she is a piece of rubbish! everyone hear me!''
He yelled across the window to let people around hear.
''Dad stop. Please stop. Ill do anything please dont do this dad , I'm folding my hands and begging you please stop'' As she said this , she cried and grabbed her father's arm to pull him away from the window.
''Honey please stop. You're going insane. Come back inside.'' Pleaded the mother as she grabbed his other arm trying to pull him away from the window.
He pushed back both mother and daughter away and started throwing cutlery that was spread out on the floor , everywhere. ''You are not my daughter. You are a devil. A demon. A liar. How dare you. How dare you mock me like this Fanna. How dare you??'' yelled the father
broken and smashed plates and cutlery with food all across the floor and dining table flipped , the breeze through the smashed window came in and calmed Fanna a bit.
She then , seeing the sight of her father going rogue before her eyes made her ||chest tighten and desperate to catch a breath of air.||
''please dont hurt me. Please dont fight like this im begging you. I can take this anymore ||Im sorry for existing."||
''Oh if you're really sorry for ||existing|| , then leave. Leave this house. You are no more my daughter. I do not care if you live like a dog on the streets or face troubles. I am formally disowning you. Filth like you will not be my daughter. From this moment , me and your mother are strangers to you. Leave now. ||Or else I'll smash this plate and jam the pieces into my own head so that you will watch me die.|| I do not want to see your wretched face in my house anymore.'' - father
As this unfolded , the mother sat by the ground and broke into tears. But alas , the damage was done and everything occured. And so , a little while later in that rainy night , Fanna with tears in her eyes packed all her belongings and stood by the door....
''Sorry , mom and dad. I will always love you. I'm..I'm grateful...'' she had no choice but to leave since her father sternly demanded so.
Truly heartbroken , the mother watched as her youngest daughter slowly walked out of the house and took a few steps and turned to face the mansion she once lived in.
'''Im..not ready for this...did I just lose my family..? As she realized this , her clothes and arms were drenched in her tears.
Regretabbly , she walked away and out of the gate too.
The cold and harsh streets of Cardiff at night did not treat her well. But alas...she had no choice but to continue walking. At an hour after walking , she finally felt tired again and rested on a bench.
''I guess I'll just rest here tonight..'' she wrapped herself in a blanket and dozed off to sleep.
The next morning , she kept walking until she stumbled upon a cafe.
''Hmm...well...I guess I'll just drink some coffee'' she decided as she headed in.
As she did , she saw a poster on the wall.
''Looking to hire waiter. Full time/part time.''
As she read this poster , she decided she might as well work since she was broke and had no much money on her.
She approached the cashier
''excuse me miss , I'm looking to work here as a waitress. Can I apply?''
''Sure. Just a minute. Fill out this form please.''
And so she started working there.
Daily , serving customers wasnt the thing she was good at , but nonetheless , she needed to survive and hence she did try her best. Without her parents around , her ||mental state|| gradually improved but she still felt sad by everything that happened. So she would sometimes daydream about how life could have been had things gone right , or perhaps-
''Hello? Hello miss , my Latte Machiato. Miss? Can you hear me?''
''Huh! o-oh sorry! right im so sorry , here's your caramel machiato sir.''
She did not pay attention and went to dream land again. One of the customers found it funny and cute..?
''Miss , I ordered a Latte Machiato. Not a Caramel one.'' he laughed.
''O-oh. sorry sir. Right , this is a latte not a caramel one.'' She hurriedly corrected him.
''Miss , everything good? It's kind of funny what you did there.''
''o-oh. hahah. I , uhh well sorry yeah I forgot-'' she smiled and served him his Latte
''Heres a tip kind miss. I'll see you again''
''T-thank you sir!! I highly appreciate it!!''
As the days went on , the customer stopped by more often and talked to her more.
''H-hi sir! happy to see you again! what would you like today?'' she smiled.
But he did not actually come this time. She realized she mistook her regular customer with someone else and laughed ''Oh..silly me. Well I hope he does come today.''
Just as she said that , he came after a while.
''Ah , hello. Good to see you again.''
''Good to see you too! I'm happy you came to visit the cafe- I- I mean thank you'' she blushed.
'Ahah , it is fine. The last time we spoke we did spend alot of time didnt we? Well I guess it was pretty fun.''
''yes...I..I..enjoyed it...''
''So , I'll have my usual today"
"Sure! Just give me five minutes!''
She happily served him his ''usual'' here.
He made sure to be the last customer to drop by so that he could spend time chatting with her.
''Come sit down , Fanna. Have a seat.''
''O-oh! s-sure!''
Then they started talking and conversations went about , in the midst of it all , she slowly but surely opened up about her past to him.
He did comfort her and even gave her such kind supportive words. How could one , so emotionally and mentally troubled who did not make friends , not grow attached to this 'strange' person?
She gradually got attached to him.
As a result , he became her reason to work there due to the positive environment provided amidst her current sitation and then they-
"Fanna. Fanna Lenz. It's time to close the Cafe. For goodness sake , who on earth do you keep talking?" Said the manager
"O-oh manager Delores. I'm just helping a customer here with things."
"Customer..? But there is no one there and I can't see them , Fanna." Said the manager
"Huh?? He's right here sir. Hey Galax! Say hi to my manager!"
"Fanna. There.is.no.one.named.Galax.here. Stop this nonsense and go home. Shift is over."
"But manager, he is right here!" I can see him!"
"No Fanna , there is nobody here. Are you trying to waste my time?"
"Sorry manager. It's a real pity that you can't see him. But I can. I will heal this man from his loneliness and depression and make him visible to everyone."
loneliness.. depression..what? Who is this stranger and why do you want to heal or fix him? I don't get it.. anyways I'm closing the Cafe now. Goodbye." Said manager
"Goodbye manager. Don't worry Galax, I'm here for you. I shall save you. Let's have one more Caramel Machiato together!"