Nine was asleep.
Finally.
He lay curled on the mat, one hand resting near his cheek, the other loosely fisted near my knee where I had been sitting with him for the past hour. His breathing had evened out a while ago, soft and rhythmic. The tension in his shoulders had drained beneath my fingertips when I stroked his hair, slow and steady, until his eyes finally fluttered closed.
He had clung to me at first—softly, instinctively. Not with desperation, but with something more fragile. Trust.
And that made it worse.
Because I didn't know how to keep him safe anymore.
I stood quietly, untangling myself from his side with careful precision. He didn't stir. Not even when I brushed the backs of my fingers across his temple one last time.
Then I started to pace.
Back and forth, across the smooth floor of his quarters. Silent. Slow.
He's going to ruin him, I thought. The boss is going to tear him apart from the inside out and call it a success.
Nyx stirred.
Then let's kill him.
"No."
Why not? What are we waiting for? Permission? A note from the gods? We're watching our mate get carved up day by day and you want to be strategic?
"I want to get us out of this alive."
Alive is useless if he's hollow.
I paced harder.
The session was in less than two days. The boss would be there in person. Not watching from a mirrored wall or hidden behind a control panel. No buffer. No delay.
He'd want to test Nine.
Push him.
Break him, if only to see if I could put the pieces back together.
And if I couldn't?
I didn't want to think about it.
Nine shifted in his sleep, a soft sound escaping his lips. I froze.
But he didn't wake.
Didn't even frown.
Just breathed.
I ran both hands through my hair and pressed my knuckles into my eyes.
We need a plan, I thought.
Nyx growled softly.
A plan that doesn't involve waiting around while they touch what's ours.
My throat tightened.
But what could I do?
I didn't have allies here. I didn't have power. I was barely clinging to the role they gave me—just enough trust to be allowed into Nine's room, just enough leeway to be considered useful. I was not strong enough to take down the whole damn system.
Not yet.
And if I moved too soon, we'd both be erased.
So I did what I always did.
I paced. I panicked. I planned.
Tried to weigh survival against morality.
Tried to calculate how much I could afford to lose while still being a good mate.
Because that was the war inside me.
The part of me that clung to safety fought the part that ached to do more. To be more. To be brave enough for both of us.
Cowardice wrapped in logic. Loyalty tangled with fear.
The part of me that wanted to disappear into the walls of this place and not draw attention. And the part of me that wanted to burn the building down around them just to keep Nine from flinching the next time someone touched him.
You're scared, Nyx said softly.
"Yes."
But you're still here.
"I don't know if that's brave or stupid."
It's both.
I looked at Nine again.
He had shifted onto his side now, curled tighter, as if chasing the remnants of warmth I'd left behind. His lips parted slightly with sleep.
He trusted me.
He trusted me.
And I was terrified I would fail him.
Not because I didn't want to protect him—but because I didn't know if I could.
Because in this place, even love felt like a weapon waiting to be turned against you.
And the boss? He was the kind of man who would do it with a smile.
I crossed the room and knelt beside Nine again.
Watched him breathe.
And promised myself that no matter what it cost me—I wouldn't let him be alone in that room with the boss.
Not in the ways that mattered.
Not if I could help it.