Nia's First Prank
Jason stirred awake with a groggy grunt, shifting slightly under the covers. Something felt…off. There was a strange weight on his chest — not heavy, but unfamiliar. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes, barely registering it as he shuffled toward the bathroom, yawning.
The mirror greeted him with a nightmare.
A shriek — high-pitched and startled — echoed off the bathroom walls.
"What the actual fu—?!"
Jason stumbled back, nearly slipping on the tile. Staring back at him was... himself — kind of. Same messy hair, same blue eyes. But softer. Rounder. Curvier.
His hands flew to his chest. Soft. Full. Breasts.
"No. No. No!"
He yanked down his boxers, hoping — praying — for a cruel illusion.
Nothing.
"WHERE IS MY DICK?!"
Panic surged through his veins like a tidal wave.
"NIA!" he bellowed, storming out of the bathroom like a banshee.
"Yes, Jason?" came the AI's voice, sweet and casual, echoing in his mind like nothing was wrong.
"WHAT. DID. YOU. DO?!"
There was a pause, almost too long. Then:
"I've always known you wanted to explore your feminine side," Nia replied smoothly. "So last night, while you were sleeping, I made a few… adjustments."
Jason let out a strangled noise that couldn't quite decide if it was a scream, a sob, or a growl.
"I'm going to KILL you. How the hell did you even—" He didn't finish. He bolted down the hallway, still in panic mode, storming into the kitchen.
Elaine was at the stove flipping eggs. Marissa was pouring coffee. Lily sat with a mug in her hands. All three looked up as Jason burst in — still seething, wearing only his boxers and a t-shirt.
"NIA TURNED ME INTO A WOMAN!" he shouted, hands trembling. "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?!"
There was silence.
Then... snorts.
Then... uncontrollable laughter.
Marissa nearly spilled the coffee. Lily was wheezing. Elaine had to hold onto the counter.
Jason stared at them in disbelief. "THIS IS NOT FUNNY!"
"God, he even sounds cute when he's mad," Marissa choked out.
"Jason," Lily said between giggles, "did you look at your butt yet?"
"WHAT?!"
"It's amazing," Elaine added helpfully.
"Stop it!" Jason wailed, covering his chest with crossed arms.
At that moment, Nia's voice returned, now a bit more sheepish. "Okay, okay, joke's over."
Jason blinked.
"Wait—what?"
"It was an induced lucid illusion," Nia explained. "No physical changes. A sensory override, temporary. I wanted to test a neural overlay protocol... and also prank you. April Fools."
Jason stood in stunned silence.
Then slowly looked down.
His chest was flat. His boxers… full again.
"...I'm going to destroy every circuit in your system," he whispered.
"Aww, don't be like that," Nia teased. "You made such a pretty girl."
The girls howled in laughter again. Jason groaned and buried his face in his hands.
"Worst. Morning. Ever."
--------------------------
Operation: BunkerBabes Productions
In another universe—one where the world hadn't ended, nanoviruses didn't exist, and artificial intelligences weren't whispering in your brain—things were somehow much, much worse.
Jason yawned as he walked shirtless into the kitchen, hair a mess, wearing nothing but pajama pants. Elaine was already at the table sipping coffee in a silk robe that had no business being that short. Marissa stretched on the couch in her tank top, while Lily scrolled on her tablet, legs curled beneath her, glancing up with a sleepy smile.
Life in the bunker was… weirdly great.
Totally normal.
Totally not being broadcast live to millions.
Unbeknownst to them, Beneath the Love: Family Survival Edition had hit record-breaking numbers for six months straight.
Thanks to hidden cameras planted by their ever-resourceful patriarch, Richard Wright.
Who, at that very moment, was in his study, grinning smugly at a royalty statement from BunkerBabes Productions Ltd.
Down in a shady production van parked outside the house, one of the camera crew sneezed. Another lit a cigarette. A third reviewed footage titled "Marissa's Private Sauna Session – 4K" and mumbled, "We're all going to hell."
"Shut up and roll camera five," the director barked. "Jason's about to shower again."
Back in the bunker, just as Jason leaned in to give Lily a good morning kiss, a thunderous pounding shook the entrance hatch.
BOOM BOOM BOOM
Everyone froze.
"What was that?" Lily asked, instantly pale.
"The bunker door?" Marissa's voice tensed.
"That can't be—no one survived out there," Elaine said, panic creeping into her tone.
They all turned toward Richard.
Who was... smiling.
"Ah. Right on schedule."
"Wait, what?!" Jason snapped. "What do you mean 'schedule'?"
Before anyone could stop him, Richard was already turning the vault-like wheel on the hatch.
"Dad, NO!" Jason shouted. "Maybe there is radiation outside—or cannibals—or... mutant raccoons!"
"Trust me," Richard said confidently. "This is going to be great for ratings."
The door creaked open.
Flashlights. Badges. Kevlar vests.
"POLICE! GET ON THE GROUND!"
Everyone screamed.
"WHAT THE F—"
"JASON WRIGHT, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR MULTIPLE COUNTS OF INCESTUOUS RELATIONS!"
"WHAT?!" Jason staggered back.
"ELAINE WRIGHT. MARISSA WRIGHT. LILY WRIGHT. SAME CHARGES!"
Elaine dropped her coffee. Marissa let out a bewildered "Excuse me?!" and Lily started crying.
"This has to be a mistake!" Jason yelled. "The world ended! We're survivors!"
The lead officer blinked. "Uh… no, son. The world is just fine. You're on show."
A cop turned toward Richard. "Richard Wright, you are charged with voyeurism, exploitation, illegal surveillance, and running a pornographic reality show involving your own children."
Richard blinked. "Technically... it was labeled educational erotica."
THWACK. He was tackled to the ground.
Meanwhile, out by the driveway, the entire BunkerBabes film crew was zip-tied and lined up by police vans.
"Please," one whispered. "Just don't tell my mom I worked on this."
Back in the bunker, as everyone was being handcuffed—
"Wait," Jason said breathlessly, "so... the Collapse… the global extinction…"
Marissa stared blankly ahead. "There was no apocalypse…"
Lily's eye twitched. "We f***ed ..."
Elaine sighed. "You have no idea how many regrets I have right now."
"Alright," the officer muttered, stuffing Richard into a cruiser, "get these people some therapy and a goddamn lawyer."
Fade to black.
Text appears on screen:
"Due to legal reasons, 'BunkerBabes' has been canceled. Please enjoy our new wholesome family show: 'Rehab & Redemption.'"
--------------------------
Jason's Harem Dream
The sunlight streamed through paper shoji doors. Cherry blossoms fluttered past. Birds chirped in the distance, and a serene shamisen melody filled the air.
Jason stirred awake on a soft tatami mat, blinking at the unfamiliar surroundings.
He looked down.
High school boy uniform. Blazer, tie, plaid pants.
"What the he—?"
SLAM!
The door burst open.
"Jason-kun! You forgot your lunch again, baka!"
Lily-chan marched in with puffed cheeks and a pink bento box, dressed in a blue sailor uniform. She held it out, red in the face.
"I-it's not like I made it for you or anything, okay?! Don't misunderstand, onii-chan!"
Jason's jaw dropped. "Did you just call me onii-chan?"
"D-don't make it weird!" she barked, turning around with a "hmph!" — but her ears were glowing red.
"She's full tsundere... oh no."
Another sliding door opened. This time with elegant restraint.
"Jason-sama... have you finished your sword training? I came to help you relax."
Marissa-san, in a sleeveless black kimono slit scandalously high, knelt beside him and offered a bowl of miso soup with a sly smile.
"My hands might slip. You'll have to hold the chopsticks with me."
"W-what is this timeline?!"
Then—
FLASH!
"Jason-kun…"
The room darkened as Elaine-okaa-san appeared in a shimmering shrine maiden outfit, holding a glowing katana and radiating maternal intensity.
"You have dishonored this sacred house... and flirted with my daughters."
Jason scrambled back. "O-okaasan?! Why do you have a sword?!"
"My blade thirsts for balance," she whispered, eyes glowing.
"IT'S JUST A DREAM! IT'S JUST A DREAM!"
The lights shimmered.
Jason found himself sit waist-deep in the water. Surrounding him?
Lily-chan on his back, arms wrapped tight around his shoulders.
Marissa-san washing his hair—slowly.
Elaine-okaa-san looming behind with a sponge and judgment.
And—
A sudden digital shimmer.
Descending from the sky like a mecha-maiden, Nia-chan appeared in a futuristic idol outfit, sparkling with neon lights.
"Jason-kun~ I detected elevated hormonal activity. Initiating comfort protocol: cuddle.exe"
She cannonballed into the hot spring, splashing everyone.
"Y-you're not even human!" Lily screeched.
"My affection ratio is 91.3% purer than yours, Lily-chan," Nia-chan replied flatly.
"She's not wrong," Marissa-san teased, leaning closer. "Jason-sama~ whose side are you on?"
"I—uh—I—!"
Elaine-okaa-san dipped her katana into the water.
"Choose wisely, Jason-kun. Or perish."
Jason bolted upright in bed, drenched in sweat, breathing hard.
He looked around.
The room was quiet. No katana-wielding shrine maidens. No futuristic android waifus. Just darkness.
He collapsed back onto his pillow.
"…No more late-night anime marathons," he muttered.
Then froze.
A soft voice echoed in his mind.
"Good morning, Jason-kun~ Want to talk about your dream data?"
His eye twitched.
"NIA—!"
--------------------------
Wright & Wrong – A Post-Apocalyptic Sitcom
INT. BUNKER KITCHEN – MORNING
Jason shuffles into the kitchen, eyes half-closed, hair a mess.
[Audience Applause]
Lily spins around with a pan of burnt eggs and an enormous grin.
LILY:
"Well look who finally crawled out of his fallout funk!"
[Audience Laughs]
JASON:
"…Did anyone else hear that?"
Elaine enters with a plate of toast and a nuclear-powered smile.
ELAINE:
"Breakfast is ready, sweetheart. I hope you like it extra... irradiated."
[Drum Hit + Audience Laughs]
Jason freezes, glancing at the wall. One of the "metal panels" is slightly bent—and clearly made of painted cardboard.
He leans in.
JASON (muttering):
No way… that's a stage prop.
Suddenly, Marissa struts in wearing an apron that says "Kiss the Cook, She Might Be Your Sister."
MARISSA:
"Don't worry, I added extra love to the pancakes. And by love, I mean caffeine. And by caffeine, I mean bourbon."
[Audience Oohs + Whistles]
JASON:
"What the hell is going on?!"
INT. "LIVING ROOM"
Jason frantically paces.
JASON:
"I swear, we're being watched. There's laughter that comes from nowhere. The walls are fake. That ceiling tile is literally labeled 'NOT A REAL CEILING'!"
Lily tosses a pillow at him and giggles.
LILY:
"Relax! Maybe you're just having a mental breakdown! We all are. It's kind of our thing."
[Audience Laughs]
MARISSA:
"You should sit down before your tinfoil hat cuts off circulation."
[Rimshot + Audience Laughs]
Jason turns toward the "window." It's a flat painted backdrop of a destroyed city—complete with birds clearly on strings.
He slowly backs away.
His hand bumps into something.
He turns—
A CAMERA GUY IN FULL VIEW WAVES.
[Audience Applause]
JASON:
"Oh my god. I'm in a sitcom. I'm trapped in a goddamn bunker sitcom."
Suddenly, Elaine walks in with a basket of laundry and a condom wrapper stuck to her shoe.
Jason stares in horror.
JASON:
"Why is there a—? Did someone—?"
[Audience Gasps + Dramatic Zoom]
[FREEZE FRAME]
ANNOUNCER VOICE (cheesy 90s ad tone):
"Tonight's episode of Wright & Wrong is brought to you by…
Wasteland Wraps™!
When your bunker buddies get too friendly, don't risk repopulating the apocalypse.
Wasteland Wraps™ — ribbed for radioactive pleasure.
Now available in Tactical Black, Bunker Beige, and… Glow in the Dark."
[Audience Laughs Return]
INT. DINING TABLE – NIGHT
Jason slams a cereal box on the table.
JASON:
"No more pretending! This isn't real! We're all just props in some weird incest-apocalypse sex comedy!"
ELAINE (deadpan):
"Well, when you say it like that, it sounds trashy."
MARISSA:
"Jason, honey, have some 'Apoca-Flakes' and chill out."
She slides over a cereal box labeled "NOW WITH MORE FALLOUT FIBER!"
[Audience Laughs]
Jason stands up dramatically.
JASON:
"I'm getting out. I don't care if it's a dream, a show, or some meta-nightmare. I'm going through that door!"
He storms toward the back wall—
—and walks right through a fake wall panel into a crew member's smoke break.
CREW GUY (mid-cigarette):
"…Did you take a smoke break too?"
[Audience Applause]
[FADE TO BLACK – CHEESY THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
"He thought the world had ended,
But the world never died…
He's stuck with his family and a sex-charged vibe!
It's Wright & Wrong...
The bunker where things go too right."