The hospital smelt of antiseptic and dying flowers.
But he had stopped noticing.Months of staring at the same sterile walls, he had adapted to ignoring the constant beeping of monitors, the shuffling nurses, hushed conversations of visitors saying goodbye.
Kaito thought of the word goodbye.How strange it was to him.How final it sounded.It's said everyday by people without second thought.One the phone, at the end of conversations, when leaving a room.But here, to Kaito, goodbye wasn't such a casual phrase.To Kaito it's a promise of absence.A line drawn between the living and the dead.He had heard it whispered in hospital hallways, followed by sobs , murmured like a prayer.
"When my time comes, who will I say goodbye to?" Kaito thought to himself.He knew his time was coming.This curse he had been burdened with was eating away at his soul this very moment.Would he get the chance to say it , or would he simply slip away , leaving the world with nothing but a hollow silence.
He sat on the windowsill of his hospital room, watching the sky.The outside world carried on as if nothing was wrong.Snow drifted lazily from the sky , engulfing the city in a beautiful white, almost cruelly so.
Kaito turned his gaze downward, watching a lone snowflake melt against the warmth of his palm.
"You look like a tragic novel protagonist."
The voice startled him.He turned to find a girl standing on the doorway , an IV pole trailing behind her.She was wrapped in a thick knitted scarf, her hospital gown barely visible beneath it.Streaks of long jet black hair spilled over her shoulders.He looked at her face.It reminded him of an old photograph - soft , timeless.Something too alive for a place like this.
She grinned. "Let me guess, you're contemplating the meaning of life while staring dramatically out of the window?"
Kaito blinked. "I- what?"
She walked in without invitation, dragging her IV pole beside her as if it was a body part."I was watching you from the hallway,"
"Is that what people say the first time they meet someone nowadays?" Kaito questioned , visibly uncomfortable.
Her smile grew bigger. "You looked like you were about to explode.Like you were having the most series existential crisis.Wouldn't blame you though , you're in a place like this so I would think you're going through some crazy stuff,"
Kaito sighed , rubbing his temples. "I wasn't.I just… like the snow."
"Mm , sure." The girl popped down on the edge of his bed , completely unbothered that they have never met before. "Im Aiko by the way,"
"I didn't ask"
"You didn't have to , I just felt like telling you."
Kaito exhaled slowly , trying to summon the patience to deal with whatever this was. "Look Aiko , i'm not trying to be rude but-"
"Wait, don't tell me.You're the brooding loner type who doesn't like making friends because it hurts too much to lose them."
Kaito stared blankly, "What-"
"Or," she continued, tapping a finger against her chin, "you're one of those people who thinks dying is easier if you convince yourself you're already dead."
The silence that stretched between them was deafening.
Aiko tilted her head, trying to break free from the awkward silence. "Did I get it right?"
Kaito looked away, "Go away."
"Nah , I like this room better than my own one."She kneeled back on her hands, completely at ease in a way that felt impossible in a place like this. "Besides, your room has the best window view."
Kaito rubbed his eyes , already exhausted. "Fine , whatever…"
For a while, neither of them spoke.The sound of footsteps on the snow was the only thing interrupting the vacuum of silence between them.
Then , Aiko spoke. "So , what's your deal?"
Kaito frowned. "What?"
She gestured vaguely at him. "Why are you here? What's killing you?"
Kaito's jaw tightened.It wasn't that he was ashamed- there was no point in shame anymore.Though he hated the way people asked.It wasn't as if other people knowing the details of his trouble would make his fate any better.
"Leukemia."
Aiko nodded. "How long?"
"Does it matter?"
"It does to me."
Kaito hesitated, then let out an exhale. "Six months. That's what they said 8 months ago."
Aiko let out a low whistle. "Overachiever."
He almost laughed at that , despite himself. "What about you?"
Aiko shrugged, adjusting her scarf. "Heart failure.My body is basically a broken clock that ticks whenever it feels like it."
Kaito studied her. "You don't look sick."
"You don't look dead."
He blinked, then snorted. "Fair."
Aiko grinned. "See, We're getting along already."
They fell into silence again.However, this time , it wasn't uncomfortable.Kaito found himself watching her, the way her fingers played with the thick fabric of her scarf,the way her gaze lingered on the snowfall outside.She didn't look afraid.If anything, she looked… determined.
Aiko spoke , "Do you ever think about what you would do if you had more time?"
Kaito frowned. "I don't follow."
She turned to him , eyes impossibly bright . "If you weren't stuck here.If you weren't… you know."
Dying.She didn't say it, but the word hung in the air around them, heavier than it should've been.
Kaito paused to think.He wasn't sure if he had an answer to such a question,even though he spent countless nights thinking about it.
"I don't think about things I know won't happen.Gives me false hope you know."
Aiko hummed. "That's sad."
"We're in a hospital ,everything is sad"He said , almost laughing.
She leaned forward suddenly,her face inches from his. "Then lets make it less sad."
Kaito blinked. "...what?"
Aiko grinned, eyes glinting with mischief. "Let's make a list."
"A list?"
"A final moments list.Stuff we would do if we had more time."
Kaito , shifting against the window. "What's the point?"
"The point is that we should do them anyway.No one wants to spend the last days of their life all miserable and… well , dying."
He stared outside, at the shapes of feet imprinted on the soft snow, itching to feel it for himself.
"We can't just leave the hospital," he said.
"Not all of them have to be big things,"She said. "Just little things.Things that make existing feel less like waiting for death.Like, have you ever had fries dipped in ice cream?"
Kaito let out a chuckle. "No , it sounds disgusting."
"See, just thinking of it made you happy , now imagine actually doing it."
He turned to look at her.For the first time , he really saw her eyes.Hazel , but more than that. The chocolate swirls gave him warmth.Something that felt impossibly alive.They caught the light like autumn leaves in the sun , deep and endless.Giving hope that felt foreign in a place like this.Looking into them , Kaito felt something in his chest loosen, like the grip of inevitability had weakened slightly.
Finally , he sighed, "Fine, but you're writing it."
Aiko beamed and grabbed a napkin from his bedside tray , snatching a pen from his table.
"Alright! Lets see,"
She tapped the pen against her lip, thinking. "Number 1 , watch the sunrise,"
Kaito raised a brow. "That's it?"
"We have to start simple," She scribbled it down. "Number 2: Eat dessert without the nurses knowing."
Kaito smirked. "You're trying to get us in trouble."
Aiko winked. "Number 3: Write letters to our future selves."
Kaito's smile faded. "...Even if we don't have one?"
Aiko's expression softened. "Even then."
He swallowed, looking away. "Fine."
Aiko wrote it down. "Number 4: …" She paused and turned to him "You got one?"
Kaito hesitated. "I don't know"
Aiko studied him , then grinned. "Then I'll pick for you." She leaned over and wrote something down before showing him the napkin.
Number 4: No matter what , we won't disappear from each other's hearts.
Kaito exhaled slowly. "That's pretty dumb."
Aiko only smiled. "Then , it's perfect."
For the first time in a long time , the numb feeling within Kaito had lessened.
Outside, the snow kept falling.But for a fleeting moment, it didn't feel quite so cold.