The alarm buzzed at 6:30 a.m, sharp and annoying. She didn't hit snooze. She just stayed there staring at the ceiling for a few seconds,listening to it scream. On paper she had it all together, A's on her report card,teachers loved her, and she always turned in her homework. But inside, things were never right.
"Zariah you up?". Her mom called from the kitchen.
"Yeah!" She shouted back,forcing her voice to sound more awake than she was.
She sat up,slowly rubbing her eyes. The usual feeling was there- like a heavy blanket over her chest. Not enough to suffocate her but enough remind her that it was still there. Every day,like clockwork.
After getting ready she headed for school. At school, she slid into her seat just before the bell rang. Her friend Jasmine gave her a smile.
" I thought you were going to be late again. "
"Nope, " Zarish said, managing half a smile. " I'm trying to break that habit. "
Truthfully, she almost didn't come at all. Not because of a test or anything. Just...because. Because sometimes the thought of getting through an entire day felt like trying to walk with bricks tied to her feet.
During lunch, she sat with her friends,Jasmine and Micah. They joked about the math teacher's wild hair and shared chips like everything was fine. And Zariah laughed at all the right times . She always did. But inside, her thoughts swirled.
" You good? " Micah asked,looking at her.
Zurich blinked. " What?"
"you got real quiet just now."
"Oh. Yeah I'm good,"she lied with practiced ease. "Just tired ".
That was always her go to 'tired ' was easier than ' I feel like I'm drowning even when I'm laughing. '
Later, when she got home, she dropped her bag on the floor and sat on her bed. The house was quiet. Her mom wouldn't be back till late. Zurich pulled out her journal-the one nobody knew about. She opened it to a blank page and wrote:
Today I was almost fine.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be better.
Or maybe I'll get better at pretending.
She closed the book,hugged her knees to her chest, and let the silence keep her company.