I walked aimlessly across the block until I caught my breath at a small store, just a few dozen meters from the bar.
I leaned against the cool brick wall, letting it anchor me. My hands still trembled, my fingers stained with anger and shame. My thoughts turned to Qianqian – loyal, dutiful, selfless Qianqian. She wouldn't have approved of my outburst. She would have asked, in that quiet, measured way of hers, why I let myself be provoked. I was glad she wasn't here. I didn't have an answer for her, at least, not one she would've liked.
I thought of her face, lined with worry. What was she doing now? Probably waiting for me, her hands folded in her lap, the way she always did when I came home late.
I only took a few steps until I heard a familiar voice.
"Taihan?"
I turned to see Bella, walking toward the bar, her figure illuminated by the faint glow of the moon. Her coat was buttoned tightly around her slender frame, cheeks flushed from the cold. Her dark hair framed her face in soft curls, catching the light like delicate strands of silk.
"I thought you might be here," she said softly, her voice warm but laced with concern. In her hands, she held a small package"I wanted to give you this."
"This is for you," she said, pressing the gift into my hands. "For helping me out the other day."
The wrapping was plain – brown paper crinkled at the corners, tied with a piece of frayed twine. It reminded me of parcels I'd seen in black-and-white photographs from the war – care packages sent to starving families, or perhaps desperate love letters crossing oceans.
I stared at the box, unsure of what to say. My breath curled in silvery plumes. My anger had faded, leaving behind a familiar ache. The package gleamed under the moonlight, absurdly out of place in my trembling hands, marred by calluses and cuts.
It's nothing much," she added quickly, as if sensing my discomfort. "It's just… you've been so kind to me, Taihan. Thank you."
I felt my throat tighten, my vision blurring as hot tears welled up. I turned away, ashamed of my reaction, but Bella stepped closer, her concern evident. I clutched the box as if it might dissolve into smoke.
I met her eyes, hesitating. "Can… Can I open it?"
She shook her head, smiling gently. "Wait until you get home."
I nodded wordlessly.
"Taihan?" she asked, her hand brushing my arm. "Is there something wrong?"
"I don't deserve you," I said, my voice hoarse. "Not this gift, not your kindness."
"You deserve kindness just as much as anyone else."
"No, you don't understand," I whispered, my voice trembling. "My friends, my family, my… my wife." my voice trailed off. For some odd reason, the words "wife" felt bitter on my tongue. "They think I'm bitter, that I'm ungrateful," I finished quickly, words tumbling out. "They think I can't move on, or that I'm stuck in the past. But they don't know anything. They don't know what I've lost. What it's like to wake up every day and feel like you're running in place, like the world is moving forward – and you're unable to move an inch." my voice broke, and I looked away, ashamed of my weakness. Here I was, whining to some girl I barely knew.
"You're not alone, Taihan," she said, resting her head on my shoulder comfortingly. "I understand more than you might realize."
Before I could stop myself, I began to cry. Loud, ugly tears, shaking my entire body. Bella lifted her head from my shoulders, and I felt my heart twist before she stepped even closer to wrap her arms around me. Her rings dug painfully into my back as she hugged me, but I was too shocked to care. She was soft, incredibly so, and I returned her embrace hesitantly so as not to crush her.
"It's okay," she murmured, her voice soothing. "Don't think about them."
I hesitated. "It's not something I can just talk about. People don't want to hear it. They'd rather I move on, act like it never happened."
"You deserved to be listened to, Taihan," she said, her tone firm but kind.
"I failed," I breathed, my throat tightening. "It's not just about being heard. It's about everything I lost during the war. Years of studying, dreams I had – gone. I had plans, Bella. I was going to finish school, make something of myself. I was going to make it out of all of this." I waved my hand around, at the crumbling walls and dirty streets.
"You didn't fail, Taihan. You survived. That's not nothing."
I let out a bitter laugh. "Survived? That's all I did. And now I'm here, sorting textiles for a living, while people like Kozlovski and Ovshinsky come in with their perfect skills and perfect lives, taking opportunities I'll never have."
I turned away, wiping my face with the sleeve of my coat.
"I was going to buy you some flowers," I blurted out, eager to change the subject. "But the shop was out."
Bella's eyes widened with surprise, and then she laughed – a bright, musical sound.
"Flowers?" She repeated, her tone teasing. "Why would you do that? You don't need to get me anything."
"I just wanted to," I mumbled, embarrassed.
Her laughter faded into a playful smile. "Well, you can make it up to me," she said, her brown eyes twinkling mischievously.
"How?" I asked, wary of her tone.
"Take my best friend's test," she said, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper from her pocket.
"Your what?"
"My best friends test," she repeated, grinning. "You answer them, and I'll decide if you pass."
I stared at her, half in disbelief, half in amusement. "You're serious?"
"Completely," she said, her grin widening. "For your first question… What animal do you think I resemble the most?" She scrunched her nose, laughing absurdly.
"Rabbit," I said, confidently.
The questions were ridiculous – I guessed at all of them, offering foolish answers that made her laugh until tears streamed down her face.
"Right again!" She beamed, triumphant. "See? You're not so bad at this."
I offered her my own grin in return. "So did I pass?" I asked.
"Definitely," she said, resting her head on mine again.
For a moment, we stood in silence, the distant sound of the bar the only interruptions.
"Taihan," she began gently, breaking the quiet. "I can tell you've been carrying something heavy for a long time. You don't have to tell me everything, but you don't have to keep it all inside either."
I nodded. "Hey," I said, "You know, it's funny. Talking to you is so easy, like I've known you forever. But now that I think about it, I don't really know much about you." I chuckled softly, trying to keep the question light. "You're this mysterious girl who just appeared out of nowhere. So… what's your story?"
She nodded, a far-off look in her eyes. "Fair enough." She tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear, her eyes glinting with what seemed like a mix of nostalgia and sadness. "My family… we weren't exactly well-off. My dad worked in construction, and my mom was a maid. My parents immigrated from China a few years ago, and they taught me how to speak Mandarin over there."
I leaned in slightly. "But how did you end up here? Philadelphia to China is quite a big leap."
Bella's smile faltered for a brief second before she quickly recovered. "Oh, it's a long story."
"We have time," I laughed.
"They told me there were more opportunities out there if you were brave enough to chase them. So, I saved up, worked odd jobs, and eventually decided to come abroad."
"But why?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow. I had heard of people from China moving to the states – it was a common dream among students and workers alike – but never the other way around.
"I needed a change," Bella said, her tone growing more confident. "I'd always been fascinated by Chinese culture – the history, the art, the language. It just spoke to me. Moving here felt like the right thing to do." She paused, then added, "I'm just a seamstress right now, but it's much more fun than anything I did back in the States."
I hesitated, something not quite adding up. I swore she had told me something different just a few days ago. "I thought you worked at Carver? The AI company."
Bella froze. Then she laughed, the sound light and airy.
"Oh, that," she said, waving a hand dismissively. "I did some contract work for them a while back. Nothing big. Just a temporary position while I was figuring things out. I forgot I mentioned it." Her words tumbled over each other like pebbles in a rushing stream.
"You forgot?"
Bella's smile didn't waver, her fingers tightened around the edge of her coat, gripping the fabric. "Yeah," she said lightly, "It's not exactly a core memory of my life, you know? Honestly, I prefer the work I'm doing now. Sewing might not be glamorous, but it's honest. Why do you ask, Taihan?"
"I was just curious, that's all," I said simply. It made sense, after all. "I believe you."
Bella's shoulders relaxed. "Good," she said, her voice warm again. "Because I'd hate for you to think I wasn't being honest with you."
"What about your family?" I pressed further.
She stiffened almost imperceptibly, her fingers brushing a stray hair from her cheek as she glanced away. "I do," she said slowly, as if weighing her words. "But… we're not very close anymore.
I nodded, though her answer left me unsatisfied. "Parents? Siblings?"
"My parents are still in Philadelphia," she said, her tone a little lighter. "But I was an only child. No siblings to fight with."
"And… no one else?" I asked, pressing just enough to see if there was more to the story.
She let out a soft sigh and crossed her arms, as though shielding herself from an invisible chill. "There was someone," she admitted, her voice quieter now. "I was married for a while."
"Was?" I echoed, unable to hide the surprise in my tone. I didn't realize people could simply split from their spouse so easily. Perhaps it was different in America. The thought had never crossed my mind before.
She nodded, the motion slow and deliberate. "His name was Valen. We met when I was in college. He was charming, in his own way." Her lips quivered before twisting in a faint, bittersweet smile. "At least, I thought so at the time."
"I'm sorry," I said, not knowing what else to say.
"Don't be," she replied. "It's in the past. And besides," she added, her tone lightening, "It's not all bad. If things hadn't ended with Valen, I wouldn't be here now, would I? When it ended, I realized I needed to start over somewhere new. That's part of why I moved here."
Her words caught me off guard. I blinked, unable to hide my surprise. I chastised myself for feeling a hint of satisfaction at her response. It was absurd – it wasn't a competition. Yet although I knew it wasn't a choice of hers – she knew him long before me, and there was nothing even slightly romantic between the two of us – the idea of someone like Bella choosing to stay in my world rather than Valen felt strangely validating.
But there was something in her tone, in the way she dismissed her past so neatly, that didn't sit right with me. "You talk about him like he was just an acquaintance," I said, watching her reaction.
"He was important to me, once," she said. "But people change, Taihan. Sometimes, love isn't enough to keep two people together."
"What was he like?" I asked, unable to keep my curiosity down.
Her dark eyes locked on a streetlight, unable to look at me. "He was ambitious," she said slowly. "Driven. The kind of man who knew exactly what he wanted and how to get it. He could be intense, but he had this way of making you feel like you were the center of his world."
"Then why did you leave?" I probed gently.
Bella hesitated, her fingers toying with the hem of her coat. "It was mutual," she said finally. "We wanted different things, and eventually, it became clear that we couldn't give each other what we needed. We ended it before things could get worse."
"Was it bad?" I asked cautiously, unsure if I was treading into dangerous territory.
Bella tilted her head, considering the question. "Not bad, exactly," she said.
I waited for her to elaborate, but she stayed quiet. Her answer left me unsatisfied. There were too many gaps in her story, but as much as I wanted to dig deeper, I held back.
"Well, I'm glad you're here," I said, my voice softer than I intended.
"Me too." Bella whispers, adoring in a way that felt far too personal. She pauses, before tracing her hand down to my wrist.
"That's jade right?" She asks suddenly, eyes scanning the length of my arm. I froze.
Qianqian had scavenged enough money, when we first got married, to buy us a set of matching jade bracelets.
"It's not much." She whispered, throwing her gaze downcast. "But I hope you like it."
It was rudimentary. Carved with sloppy craftsmanship and jade that dulled and yellowed, but I had loved it back then. It was beautiful to me, especially since I knew that she had worked several shifts overtime, morning and night, just to afford the extra price.
When I wore it, Yi Shaan would sneer at me, telling me that I didn't know what true fine quality was. And I had never cared, wearing the jade every day through every night, regardless of the weather or the occasion. Qianqian had gotten it for me, that was what mattered. I saw the way her face lit up when she saw me wearing it, every single day, and back then, her happiness was the most priceless thing I could ever witness.
But when Bella came, suddenly, everything I had paled in comparison. Her wealth. Her luxury. Her eyes had caught on the bracelet a week after I met her, nose wrinkling in poorly-concealed disdain.
"Is that even real?" She asked, voice turning at the last word, as if she could barely believe her own words.
I'm sure she didn't mean to come off as anything bad, I mean, I looked at her. The jacket she wore looked like it cost more than a half-year's worth of my salary. The green studded earrings she wore shone brightly in the bar light, glistening like stars. No wonder.
My bracelet seemed dull in comparison.
"This is so…" Bella couldn't finish her sentence, her fingers gingerly picking at my wrist like it was a kind of disease. "I can get you a much better bracelet, if you're the superstitious kind of man."
"No – don't get me anything." I forced out, feeling a newfound sense of shame crawl up my spine. I don't know why I cared now, not a clue why I wished suddenly to break the bracelet off and throw it far, far away from me.
"You deserve much more than that, Taihan." Bella replied, tsking. She shook her head minutely, before standing up. "Come with me, I have a friend around these parts that actually specializes in jewelry."
I wanted to refuse again, I wanted to tell her that I was happy with my bracelet and that she shouldn't spend her time with me…but I couldn't. The lies were sticky through my teeth, dripping across my enamel until my mouth clamped shut and I was led away once again.
The bartender quickly became used to seeing me and Bella alone, although I knew that he knew Qianqian too.
At the moment, I was worried, feeling the weight of his stare on my back. I brought it up to Bella once, and she laughed as if I was a child worried about the tooth fairy.
"Oh, Taihan, you needn't worry yourself about these matters. The bartender won't say anything to anyone." Bella sounded so sure of herself back then, a note of carefree joy in her shoulders that I itched to have.
"Why?" I had asked, genuinely curious. I'm sure whatever friendship she and I had looked quite suspicious from the outside.
"These kinds of things are far more common than you believe, Taihan." Bella informs me primly, raising an eyebrow as if she had just passed an inside joke between the two of us.
I didn't quite know what she met. What thing was she referring to? When I pushed her, she refused to say anything, only playfully petting the side of my shoulder in a mock-comforting manner. I decided to let the matter slide, only because I didn't care at all, at that moment. All I cared about was that there was warm beer in my stomach, and a warm hand looped around my arm.
That night, she had hailed a taxi-cab, and it was the first time I had ever been in one as a passenger. Once, I applied to be a driver, but I guess there were a hundred other men with the same desperation as me, because I never heard back from them.
The seats were fake leather, the smell of something pungent and chemical being blanketed by the false sweetness of air freshener. To my surprise, I recognized the driver, if only briefly.
He was an older man, with a face carved by canyons and eyes hooded and shielded. Back when I was younger, I would see his hunched over back pacing back and forth in front of the apartment building we shared, where he would hack and cough and spit phlegm on the road. No one quite knew what he was angry about, but my mother once told me that he had worked as a medic on the final fields of war, that he had seen indescribable horrors, and the best thing we could do for him was ignore him as he cursed the heavens above. He was the definition of a hardened man, with a raspy voice that screamed terror and submission from the younger children, and a cane that he would use to bat at any stray cats or dogs that dare limp too close to him.
Now, he is an entirely different man. I watch as his eyes see Bella, and he transforms anew.
"Ah, hello miss!" He greets, his voice only now barely-coarse. His eyes curve upwards in invitation as Bella delicately climbs to the seat by the window.
"I hope you're having a good day today." Dressed in a proper taximan uniform, I could barely recognize him. "Where shall you go today?"
"Just by the East side of the river." Bella replies, voice just as polite.
The taximan came to the same realization as I did. The eastside – the wealthy side. The side with buildings that didn't have paint and bricks crumbling apart at the edges, the side where every house had their own toilet, where the roads weren't littered with potholes. The side that I could only hear rumors of.
It was quite a drive away, a fact that must have made him quite pleased, for he nodded and grinned as if he had just won the lottery.
"Of course, anything for you, miss. Is there a particular store you wish to drop you off by?" If he recognized me, or if he didn't, there was no indication. He ignored me completely, the only thing he could see being her.
I couldn't blame him. That's how I felt too, sometimes, seeing her in this place. She was a diamond amongst coal, a representative of everything our hands reached for but could never know the touch of.
"Oh, yes. The store at the corner of 3rd street, please."
The driver made a noise of affirmation, waited for us to buckle our seatbelts, and set off.
The entire experience was stranger, the feeling of cushion beneath me, the feeling of leather under my fingers. I had only ever ridden in a car one or two times, both of them a side effect of being Yi Shaan's plus-one to a few events.
Compared to the strenuous labor of riding a bike everywhere, this was…luxurious. And I guess that's what wealth was about in the end – more than just flashy rings and stacks of money, but being able to afford to spend money on careless, stupid things. Never having to know the bumpiness of a bike wheel over gravel, never worrying about sewing up holes in your shirts; it must've been nice, to live this kind of life.
The taxi ride took almost an hour, the steady tick-tick of the driver's meter serving as rhythmic background noise. Bella sat right next to me, back angled rod-straight and her hands placed on her lap gracefully. She stared out the window quietly, not making conversation with the driver, lost in her own world.
I, too, decided to keep quiet. I'm sure the driver wasn't in the mood to talk to me, given his vehement attempts to ignore my entire presence. Instead, I enjoyed the awe of getting to see a part of the city I never saw before. The change was gradual, yet sudden, all the same.
The roads slowly changed from bumpy and dusty, to sleek and black. Gravel slowly disappeared as we drove further and further away. Yet, everything else as if a switch had been flicked.
Walls that were torn and crumbling, covered in crude graffiti, were replaced with even brick walls. They had the vibrancy of something new – something expensive, and each one was carefully aligned and luminated with the dim glow of white street lamps, stark against charcoal black poles. On our side, the lamps were barely functional, yellowing and flickering weakly with poles that were rusted and decades-old.
"Ah, get off here with me." Bella instructs when the driver stops at the location, climbing out first.
Instantly, I am surrounded by chattering crowds, girls dressed in pretty skirts with bows in their hair, boys running around laughing and chasing one another; the entire street bustled with something akin to life.
It was never like this on the west side. Not even close. Nighttime was dangerous, the darkness providing the perfect cover to thieves and individuals who plotted something heinous. Children were quiet whenever they were out, sticking to the hems of their mothers dresses and hiding behind their father. No one spoke to one another.
Our village was still the same as it was since the war. Ruined. Tattered. Ugly. The weeds that matted the garden, while the eastside flourished in the light that we never had.
"Follow me." And I did as Bella said, trying my best to avoid making eye contact with anyone.
At first, I was scared that they would all be judging me, judging my poorness. Yet, I found that they simply…didn't see me. They looked past my direction, as if I was invisible. When I bumped into someone, they never paused, never apologized, never even waited for my apology – they just left, picking up their things without another word. It's like I was never even there to them.
It took quite a bit of effort to avoid getting lost in the chaos, especially since Bella was home, and I was the outsider. Her richness was no longer an outlier, but the standard, and if I didn't try hard enough, I would've gotten lost in the wave of people.
The store she brought me to was innocuous. Glass windows and a wooden door outlined with gold– it boasted a silent sort of luxury.
"Hi!" Bella greeted the moment she stepped inside, and the shopkeeper looked up at her and grinned, his gold tooth glinting in the shop.
"Isabelle! My favorite client, how are you?" He asked jovially, opening his arms for a friendly hug that Bella gladly took.
Ignoring the pang of jealousy that I knew had no place to settle in my stomach, I didn't speak a word, not sure what to say. He too, like every other person, paid no heed to my presence.
"I'm doing great, uncle!" Bella chirped, before gesturing to me. "This is my…friend, Taihan. He's here to get a new jade bracelet!"
Before I could say that I didn't want one, the protest died again in my throat, and I let my arm get dragged up yet again.
Finally, the shopkeeper looked at me again, and it was as if I was the vermin that lived in the corners of the street. Any traces of warmth vanished from his eyes, but he still kept the polite smile on his face as he tracked me over. His eyes were piercing, as if they were ripping the rags on my back apart, as if he knew the way the soles of my shoes were wearing a hole.
"Ah. Taihan, nice to meet you as well. You had a jade bracelet?" He asked slowly, as if he even doubted the fact.
"Yes, and it's quite shabby. I was hoping you could…" Bella's voice trailed off, before she looked at the shopkeeper with eyes wide and full of hope. "Get him a new one? On me? You're my favorite jeweler, so I had to come to you with this dilemma."
"Yes…this bracelet is quite…trashy. Very poorly made. Quite ugly as well." The shopkeeper frowned in disapproval. "It must have been very cheap. But…if you insist, Bella."
"Thank you uncle!" Bella replies with another hug, pulling out her credit card. "Here, it'll all be on me. Charge as much as you need, I don't care."
With that, I was whisked into the back room. It's quiet, save for the rhythmic ticking of a clock on the wall. The shopkeeper moves with methodical precision, unlocking a wooden display case lined with jade bangles of all shades – soft milky greens, deep emerald hues, even ones that shimmer with a translucent glow under the dim light.
Bella steps beside me, her hand warm against my wrist. "Go on," she says, nudging me toward the table. "Let's get rid of that old thing."
I hesitate.
The bracelet on my wrist is chipped in places, the once-polished jade now dulled with time. Qianqian had saved for months to buy it for me – pressed it into my palm when she gave it to me, told me it was a symbol of good fortune, that it would keep me safe.
Now, standing here in this gleaming room full of beautiful, perfect jade, it looks pathetic. A reminder of who I was, not who I could become.
Bella's voice is soft, persuasive. "You can't wear something like that anymore, Taihan." She taps a finger against the old bracelet. "It's barely even jade. It's brittle. See?"
The shopkeeper picks up a small metal chisel from his workbench. "Here, I'll remove it."
There's a tightness in my chest. A part of me wants to say no, to keep it, to at least hold onto something, but Bella's gaze is on me, expectant. And I know what she wants me to do.
I nod once.
The shopkeeper hums in approval and positions the chisel carefully against the bracelet. "It's already weak," he says. "This won't take much."
With a sharp press, the jade cracks.
A thin fissure runs down the surface, splitting it in two. Another press, and the bracelet shatters completely, pieces clattering onto the table.
I stare at the broken shards, something heavy settling in my stomach.
Bella lets out a small, pleased sigh. "There. That's better."
The shopkeeper sweeps the fragments away, as if they were nothing more than dust. The sight of it makes my hands curl into fists, but before I can dwell on it, Bella slips something cool onto my wrist.
The new bracelet is smooth, flawless. A deep green, richer than anything I've ever owned. The weight of it feels…different. Foreign.
I swallow.
The bracelet fits perfectly, but something about it feels too tight. Like a shackle. Like something I can't take off.
Still, I don't say a word.
Bella gives my wrist a gentle squeeze, her smile as dazzling as the lights overhead.
"It suits you," she says.
I try to believe her.
By the time I return home, the night has settled into an eerie stillness. The air smells of damp earth, and the dim glow of the oil lamp flickers through the cracks in the door. I stand outside for a moment, pressing a hand against my pocket where the new jade bracelet lies, cool and smooth against my fingers.
It's ridiculous how small it is, yet it feels so heavy.
I exhale sharply and push open the door.
Qianqian is sitting at the rickety wooden table, her fingers busy mending an old shirt, needle slipping through fabric with practiced ease. She looks up when I enter, her dark eyes instantly scanning me, a habit she picked up after too many long nights of waiting.
She hums, setting down the shirt. The candlelight catches the soft curve of her face, the familiar warmth in her expression. "Did you eat?"
I shake my head. "I wasn't hungry." A lie. My stomach has been aching since afternoon, but I don't want to sit down and eat with her. Not tonight. Not when I still feel the ghost of Bella's touch against my wrist.
Qianqian wipes her hands on her apron and walks over to me. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I say too quickly.
She frowns, gaze settling on my arm. "Your bracelet–"
I stiffen. Her fingers reach for my bare wrist, touching the pale skin where the old jade used to sit. I can feel her breath hitch, her thumb brushing the emptiness.
"What happened to it?"
I pull back before she can ask again, turning slightly so she can't see my hands curling into fists. "It broke."
A pause.
Then: "Broke?"
The disbelief in her voice cuts deeper than I expect. Of course she doesn't believe me. She was the one who picked it out, who spent weeks finding the perfect jade, who whispered to me on the night she gave it to me, Jade is strong. It protects. It never breaks.
I swallow and nod. "It was old."
She doesn't respond right away. Instead, she presses her lips together and nods, but there's something hollow about it, something that makes my chest ache.
Her hands drop to her sides. "I'll get you another one," she murmurs.
I force a chuckle, shaking my head. "No need. It wasn't that important."
"Oh." Is all she says. She stares at me for the briefest of seconds, before something unrecognizable shutters in her gaze.
"Yeah, you're right. It's not that important." With a hollow laugh, she turns away, shaking her head. "It's okay."
I nod, not sure what to say.
She turns away first, back to her sewing, her hands steady but her shoulders tense.
I don't move for a long time. Just stand there, watching her, feeling the weight of the new jade bracelet pressing against my palm.
I was filled with guilt as I remembered the events that unraveled earlier today. Isabelle. I miserably wanted to forget her. I nearly confessed there. The truth surged to the surface before I crushed it back down.