The Twins, Chapter 12
At night.
Zara walked into the parlour quietly that night, her heart heavy with the lingering tension between her and Lukman. She noticed him seated on the couch, engrossed in the football match on TV. With a deep breath, she made her way toward him and sat down beside him, hoping for a chance to make amends.
However, to her surprise, as soon as she sat close, Lukman shifted farther away, creating an even greater distance between them. Zara's heart sank, but she forced herself to stay calm. She didn't want to let her frustration show like it had the night before.
"Lukman, I want to ask you something," she began, her voice steady, though there was an edge of uncertainty.
But as usual, Lukman cut her off, raising his hand as if to stop her before she could finish.
"I'm watching a match," he said dismissively, his eyes not leaving the screen.
Zara, feeling the familiar sting of his indifference, took a deep breath. She couldn't let herself get angry again. "Okay, fine. I'll wait for you to finish," she replied, trying to keep her voice composed.
But Lukman didn't seem to want to have it that way. His voice turned harsh as he spoke, a hint of annoyance lacing his words. "No, Zara, not anytime soon. Stop trying to be stubborn. Just go back to your room," he ordered, his tone cutting.
Zara stared at him, disbelief settling in. "I'm being stubborn?" she asked, her voice soft, almost as if she couldn't understand where the accusation was coming from.
She looked at him for a moment, the word "stubborn" echoing in her mind, but she remained silent, not wanting to escalate things further.
Before she could respond, Lukman abruptly stood up and walked out of the parlour, leaving her sitting there alone. The silence in the room felt even heavier than before.
___
A Month later
The days seemed to drag on for Zara as the countdown to school resumption brought a mix of anticipation and dread. She desperately wanted Lukman to allow her to go shopping with her twin sister, Zainab.
Over a month had passed, and nothing had improved between her and Lukman. If anything, the distance between them seemed to grow wider. Each passing day only served as a painful reminder that her marriage was far from what she had hoped. She wasn't living the life she had dreamed of as a wife-there was no companionship, no warmth. But despite the growing chasm, Zara refused to give up. She continued to find ways to bridge the gap between them, even though her efforts always seemed to fall flat.
That evening, after preparing dinner with Nafisat's help, Zara set the table. She arranged the dishes neatly, as she did every night, though deep down, she knew there was no guarantee Lukman would eat. Some nights, he would, and on others, he wouldn't even glance at the table. Still, she clung to hope.
Afterward, Zara retreated to her room, she dressed carefully, choosing a stylish ash skirt paired with a crisp white shirt. She tied her scarf neatly, leaving her long, flowing hair cascading down her back. Zara caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and sighed. Not once had Lukman complimented her efforts to look good-not even a passing remark. Yet, she continued.
Zara walked into Lukman's room shortly after he returned from Isha prayer. She found him seated on the edge of his bed, engrossed in his phone.
"What?" Lukman asked as soon as she stepped inside, his tone indifferent, his eyes not leaving the screen.
Zara hesitated for a moment, then said softly, "Nothing. I just came to tell you that I'd like to go shopping tomorrow with Zainab. School is resuming soon, and I need to get a few things."
"No, you're not going," Lukman replied flatly, still not looking at her.
"What? Please, Lukman, don't say this, don't do this to me," Zara pleaded, her voice laced with desperation.
Zara thought to herself how, since their marriage, she had only left the house twice-both times to visit her brother Yusuf, and only because he had personally called Lukman to invite her for family time.
"Lukman, it's just shopping. I wouldn't take long, please allow me to go," Zara asked again, trying to sound friendly despite her growing frustration.
"No, Zara. My decision is final," Lukman replied sternly, his tone unyielding.
Zara took a deep breath, summoning courage. "If I go, how would it affect you? And if I stay, how would it affect you either? It looks like you hate seeing me anyways," she said boldly, her words making Lukman pause mid-motion.
"Why the constant over-restriction? Am I a prisoner in my own marital home? Are we going to keep living like this, in silence and distance, under the same roof but worlds apart?" Zara continued, her voice quivering but resolute. Her words made him glance at her, his expression unreadable.
"What have I done to deserve this? You've never tried to make me happy or give me some freedom in this house. All you do is locked me up, yet push me away from you. Please, tell me, what is my fault? How have I wronged you?" Zara's voice broke slightly, her pain evident in her tone.
Lukman hated arguments, especially ones where emotions ran high. He opened his mouth, ready to dismiss her plea, but his frustration got the better of him.
"You can leave the house, Zara. Go back to your brother's house if that's what it takes for you to gain back your lost happiness and freedom," Lukman said coldly, his bold words cutting through the room like a knife.
Zara stood frozen, shocked and heartbroken. Lukman's cold words echoed in her mind. Could he truly ask her to leave so easily? Did this mean he had no feelings left for her? The thought made her chest ache, and tears began to flow freely down her cheeks.
Feeling completely shattered, Zara turned and left his room, sobbing quietly. She had never felt so broken, so hopeless. It was as though every effort she had made to mend their relationship had been in vain. The reality that there might be no future for them weighed heavily on her.
As if sensing Zara's distress, Nafisat appeared in her room moments later. Her face was filled with concern. "Zara, please, calm down," she pleaded gently, pulling Zara into an embrace. Nafisat's comforting presence helped Zara regain some composure, though her heart still felt like it was in pieces.
To Nafisat's surprise, Zara finally broke the silence after several minutes. Her voice was soft but resolute. "I am willing to take a step back from Lukman. I want to give him space. I think he no longer needs me or wants me in his life," Zara said, her eyes fixed on the ground. "If it doesn't work out, then I think I'll ask for my divorce latters from him."
Nafisat's eyes widened in disbelief. She had never expected this from Zara, knowing how deeply Zara cared for Lukman-sometimes more than she cared for herself. For the first time, Zara was considering stepping back-for her own sanity and peace.
"Why divorce?" Nafisat asked gently. "Maybe you should call your family to help resolve this."
"Hmm, I don't know," Zara replied hesitantly.
"Zara, I think it would be better if you told your family and got your issues resolved rather than going back to them as a divorcee," Nafisat reasoned.
"No, not yet," Zara said firmly.
Deep down, Zara still wanted to stay and give Lukman a chance. She clung to the faint hope that he might change his ways. She wasn't ready to involve her family, especially her brother Alamin, because she feared the marriage might end if they stepped in. Instead, she wanted to see if Lukman truly had the courage to divorce her. To Zara, only that would prove that he no longer wanted or needed her in his life. Until then, she would wait, torn between hope and heartbreak.
_____
Zara picked up her phone to call Zainab, knowing her sister was still waiting for a response. She hesitated for a moment, took a deep breath, and finally dialed the number.
"Hello, Zainab," Zara said softly.
"Zara, what's the plan for tomorrow? Are we going shopping?" Zainab asked eagerly.
Zara bit her lip, feeling a pang of guilt. "I'm sorry, Zainab. I can't go shopping with you tomorrow," she said.
Zainab's voice immediately shifted, tinged with concern. "Why? Is everything okay?"
"I would be going with Lukman... we'll go together another time," Zara lied, trying to sound casual.
Zainab's tone turned sharp. "So, you and Lukman can't be apart for even a few minutes? Just one hour of shopping, and you can't manage without him?!"
Zara tried to interject, "Zainab, it's not like that-"
But Zainab wasn't done. "I've come to your house more than five times, Zara! Yet you can't even come to mine or step out with me for a short shopping trip. What kind of life are you living?" she snapped.
"Zainab, please listen to me-" Zara began, her voice trembling.
"No, Zara. Stay with Lukman until the end of time for all I care. By the way, I have someone that would take me, so don't bother," Zainab said curtly and ended the call abruptly.
Zara tried calling Zainab several times, but each call went unanswered. She sent multiple messages, but there was no response. Feeling defeated, she sank onto her bed, the weight of the situation pressing heavily on her chest.
Zainab wouldn't understand, Zara thought bitterly. Zainab was living what seemed like her best life with Mubarak, while Zara was stuck in a reality where everything with Lukman felt like an endless struggle. Zainab would never comprehend how hard things were for her, how lonely and confined she felt.
Zara decided to step away from the overwhelming emotions. She went to the bathroom to perform ablution, calming her mind as she focused on her spiritual routine. Afterward, she returned to her room and began to pray Nafila, asking Allah to ease her affairs, to grant her patience and clarity, and to guide her in these difficult moments.
With each word of her prayer, Zara sought solace, hoping for some relief from the turmoil that had been clouding her heart.
Tomorrow was a new day, and Zara knew it was time to take a step back. She realized she could no longer keep pushing for something that seemed so distant. Her heart was heavy with the thought of giving Lukman the space he had clearly asked for, but Zara knew it was necessary for her peace of mind and her own emotional well-being.
As hard as it was, Zara decided that from now on, she would focus on herself. She couldn't keep chasing after someone who wasn't ready to meet her halfway. She needed to find her own strength and clarity, even if it meant stepping away for a while.
With a deep breath, she mentally prepared herself for the coming days. She knew this wasn't the end, but rather a step toward understanding what was best for her, no matter how difficult it felt in the moment.