In the heart of New London—a city rebuilt from the ruins of Sokovia, Diagon Alley, and Backlund—chaos was just a Tuesday.
Our hero? His name was Rick Wyllis.
No one knew where Rick came from. Not even Rick. He just sort of... woke up in Knockturn Alley one day, holding a flaming sword in one hand, a wand in the other, and muttering something about "punching reality in the face."
He stood six-foot-four, muscles like they were chiseled by a drunk Michelangelo, and a smile that said, "I am too stupid to fear you, and that makes me dangerous."
He wasn't actually stupid. He just didn't bother with unnecessary thoughts like "Is this a good idea?" or "Should I ask questions before I deck this guy in the jaw?"
Rick was a Knight of the Evernight Pathway—though he mostly called it "the spooky punch path." He wielded chaos like a conductor with a lightning rod, and that was before you gave him coffee.
"Alright," Rick muttered, walking into the Ministry of Sorcery and Interdimensional Affairs. "Someone summoned a Sefirot-class entity again. Why is it always a Sefirot? Can't we just get a ghost or a rabid house elf?"
He kicked open the door.
It exploded.
"Oops," he said cheerfully. "Forgot I enchanted my boots with kinetic burst again."
Inside, panicked Aurors, confused SHIELD agents, and a few Tarot-vested Seers looked up from their war table.
"Rick!" shouted Agent Wanda Maximoff, who'd become both the acting Headmistress of Hogwarts and Supreme Arcane Overwatch Coordinator. "What the hell are you doing?"
Rick blinked. "You said 'urgent.' I thought you meant punch-urgent."
"We're dealing with a rogue Beyonder—someone stole a part of the Fool's Pathway. They're fusing it with mutant DNA and old blood curses."
Rick scratched his head. "Okay, okay… sounds bad. Do we punch it?"
"No! We need a plan—"
Too late.
Rick was already halfway through the teleport circle.
As he vanished in a flash of violet fire, his voice echoed behind him:
"Violence is a plan!"
Rick landed in the ruins of Old Camden, where the ley lines bent like tangled wires and reality had a drinking problem.
The sky was green. The grass was purple. A giant octopus wearing a monocle floated by, sipping tea.
"Yup," Rick said, cracking his knuckles. "Definitely a rogue Beyonder thing. Maybe a Class 2 spatial collapse. Or someone cast 'Multiversal Weirdify' again."
He sniffed the air.
"Yep. Definitely smells like mutant-blood-and-eldritch-juice stew. Classic."
Before he could charge forward and uppercut the sky (a totally reasonable thing to do, in his opinion), a figure appeared in the distance, cloaked in black, floating a foot above the cobblestones.
"You are too late, Rick Wyllis," the figure hissed. "The Convergence has begun. The Fool's Legacy is mine. The cosmos shall tremble—"
"Boring!" Rick yelled, and threw a car at him.
The figure exploded into a cloud of shadowy bats, who screeched indignantly and fled toward the Old Church of the Evernight.
Rick dusted off his hands. "Monologue too long. Zero out of ten."
From the shadows, a slow clap echoed.
Rick turned—and grinned. "Hey, I know that smug voice."
Loki Laufeyson stepped forward, looking very amused in a shimmering emerald robe that blended traditional Asgardian flair with a Hogwarts Slytherin Prefect badge.
"Really, Rick? Throwing a car? Again?"
Rick shrugged. "It's efficient. You try punching someone with an entire Prius and not smiling."
Loki rolled his eyes but smiled despite himself. "Well, you certainly disrupted the ritual. Unfortunately, the rogue Beyonder—some upstart calling himself 'Lord Moth'—escaped with a chunk of the Fool's Sequence 5. He's halfway to becoming a True Sequence-level deity."
Rick cracked his neck. "So we chase him, rip out the Fool part, and punch him in the soul."
"Subtle as ever."
"I am subtle," Rick protested. "Last time I wore a cape. That's infiltration."
Loki opened a shimmering portal. "Come on then, Infiltration Boy. Next stop: Backlund-616."
Before they stepped through, a voice chimed in Rick's ear—his enchanted comm-crystal.
"Rick? This is Harry. You left the bathroom door exploded again. And the Gryffindor first-years are crying."
Rick blinked. "Tell them it was a tactical explosion. Builds character."
He clicked off before Harry could argue.
Loki sighed. "How are you even allowed near Hogwarts again?"
Rick grinned. "I taught Defense Against the Dark Arts last semester."
"You threw the Defense book at a student."
"He dodged! Growth mindset!"
The portal shimmered shut behind them.
Meanwhile, in Backlund-616...
Lord Moth stood in a circle of glyphs drawn in mutant blood, Beyonder ink, and glitter. Yes—actual glitter. The man had a flair for drama.
His body was shifting, flickering between forms—tall, short, insectoid, divine. His eyes were endless voids. His voice was ten voices in one.
"The Fool's legacy... mine... soon I shall see all... become all... punch nothing shall... wait."
He paused.
Because from the sky, descending like an angry meteor with poor impulse control, was Rick Wyllis.
"LORD MOTH!" Rick bellowed mid-air. "YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR BEING CREEPY AND HAVING BAD AESTHETICS!"
Lord Moth raised a hand and summoned a swarm of glass-winged locusts charged with Sequence 6 madness.
Rick responded by punching the swarm with a spell-enhanced fist wrapped in shimmering scarlet runes.
The explosion sent shockwaves for miles.
Half an hour later...
The dust settled. Lord Moth was in a crater, dazed, muttering nonsense about "hands being faster than causality."
Rick stood victorious, cape fluttering, slightly on fire.
Loki finally caught up, sipping a latte.
"You couldn't wait five minutes?"
"Nope," Rick said cheerfully. "He said 'soon I shall see all' and that's how you know they're going to monologue again. I had to shut that down fast."
"You know we needed to question him."
Rick pulled a shimmering card from the unconscious villain's robes. It radiated Fool-path energy.
"He dropped this. Shiny loot. Plot progression. You're welcome."
Loki facepalmed. "You are the most effective disaster I've ever met."
Rick smiled. "I aim to please. And destroy."
Back at Hogwarts Tower of Arcane Defense™
Harry Potter looked up from a pile of magical detentions as Rick walked in, still smoking slightly.
Harry sighed. "Please tell me you didn't break time again."
"Not this time. Just space."
"Oh, that's so much better," Harry muttered.
Rick clapped him on the back. "Don't worry, mate. I got the artifact thingy, beat the villain, and only demolished, like, two districts."
"You're lucky people love you."
"I'm strong, charming, and I punch the bad guys first. What's not to love?"
Harry didn't respond, but the twinkle in his eye said he was almost impressed.
Almost.