"It's your fault". Mom's right, it is my fault.
"Darling, don't listen to her. Everyone makes mistakes." You don't get it! This isn't the first time.
"And?" the singsong tone of the rhetorical question does little to relax me. Mom's voice blaring in the background.
"I should have never had you!" She shrikes.
Yes. I'm a vermin of the planet.
"Hun, listen to me, you are a wonderful person. You just made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. That's what makes us human."
"You're obligated to say that. I'm a failure no matter how you look at it." I reply back.
"You father left me to witness such days!" Mother breaks down by the end of the sentence.
"Honey, calm down, don't listen to your mother, focus on my voice, breathe"
I try to listen to the singing voice, but all I can hear are the hurtful things mother is shouting in the background. I know she's right. I hate myself too.
"You worthless piece of shit!"
I wish I could be a bird. Fly far away into the sky. Away from everything.
"Little angel, think of some happy thoughts. What were you're plans again when you grow up?"
"There's no future for you."
Mother repeats. "There's no future for you"
"Do you think Thailand will be the right place for the school?"
Forcing me to think about an obscure future.
"I like the weather there."
"How are you going to design it? Stone furniture is rather hard to build and it's going to be expensive as well, you know?"
I answer each question, while my mother's voice along with her words slowly fade into the background. Like a daily ritual. I fall asleep thinking about a brighter future, while my present condemns me.