"I'll pay for the alcohol, so you order the snacks."
On the way to my house, Ji-min entered a convenience store and said that.
"What snacks? Tteokbokki?"
"Tteokbokki my ass. Are you a pussy or something? Order chicken, chicken."
Crazy bitch. Who's calling who a pussy? She's the one with the pussy.
Well, thinking of tteokbokki first when she said "snacks" was a bit pussy-like, I guess.
"Shit."
At this rate, Seong Ji-min with the pussy is more manly, isn't she?
When did I become such a pussy?
This is definitely the influence of my ex-girlfriend.
Since I've crammed the formula "women go crazy for tteokbokki" into my head.
That's why when Seong Ji-min brought up snacks, tteokbokki naturally came to mind first.
Seong Ji-min is a woman. Women like tteokbokki.
But Ji-min wasn't like that.
Chicken? What, are you some kind of dude?
More importantly, are you really a woman?
"Soju? Beer?" She asked.
"Whatever."
"Then I'll buy both. It's hot, so you go wait outside."
"What?"
"Hurry up."
Is there even a girl who kicks someone out of a convenience store because it's hot?
I was really puzzled.
I got kicked in the butt by Ji-min and ended up outside the convenience store.
"Haa."
My head was complicated.
Starting with the fact that Seong Ji-min is a woman, and a bunch of other things.
Life really doesn't go the way you want it to. Sigh.
"Hey. Let's go."
Seong Ji-min came out of the convenience store with an armful of soju and beer.
"How much are you planning to drink to buy that much?"
"Shut up. Did you order the chicken?"
"Ah. Not yet. What should I order?"
"Ugh, come on! Just order something on your own."
"Ah, I'll order it now. I'm ordering it."
It's funny.
When my head is a mess, talking nonsense with her makes me forget everything. It's like being with a really close friend.
"If only you weren't a girl."
"What?"
"Never mind. Nothing."
A friend is a friend, but...
There were times when something would catch in my throat when I was talking.
Probably because she's a girl.
I can't even make sex jokes, and I can't bring myself to swear too much.
Even so, it's just... different in front of a girl, right?
"Ugh. Are we almost there yet?"
"Almost there."
"You live in the sticks."
"Sorry I live in the sticks. Should I carry your alcohol?"
"Nah, it's okay, we're here."
Hmm.
No matter how I think about it, it feels like I'm talking to a male friend.
If I just don't look at her, that is...
"What?"
"Ha."
...Well, if I do look at her, it's amazing.
Those boobs, that ass.
How could I ever consider a woman like her a friend?
"Hey, I can't do this."
"What?"
"Don't come to my place."
"Are you crazy? What are you talking about? Wanna die?"
"Ha."
I really might get arrested today.
I have to be careful not to touch her, even by accident.
***
My place is a tiny studio apartment in a three-story apartment.
It was originally supposed to be the love nest for me and my girlfriend after my discharge from the military.
But she dumped me as soon as I got out.
"Fuck."
I thought she had waited for me until I finished my military service.
But to her, I was already nothing.
She just left me alone because she didn't have to see my face and I didn't bother her.
But once I started showing my face after my discharge, she officially dumped me.
Like an idiot, I started looking for a place for me and my girlfriend to live as soon as I got out of the army, and the studio I signed the lease on was closer to her school than mine.
"Hehehe. What an idiot."
Seong Ji-min laughed as she listened to my story.
I couldn't argue with being called an idiot. Honestly, I would have laughed too if I were her.
I was too embarrassed to talk about this anywhere else, but for some reason, I could talk freely in front of this guy. Was it the alcohol?
"Damn. What about you, do you have a girlfriend?"
"Girlfriend? Do you think I would?"
"No."
I don't know why, but a boyfriend didn't seem to suit the human being in front of me, Seong Ji-min.
She's a beauty who would make any man's head turn. But strangely, it feels like she wouldn't have one.
Why is that? Is it just because I want her not to?
This is a weird thought, too.
"I don't have a boyfriend."
"I knew it."
"But I have a lot of girlfriends."
"Bullshit. I have a lot of male friends, too?"
"Not that. I mean girlfriends, as in lovers."
Gulp.
I downed a full glass of soju in one go.
"Are you talking about those girls from earlier?"
"Yeah."
I thought there was something a little different about that group of girls compared to ordinary girls.
The group itself was flashy, and each person stood out a lot.
They were the kind of people who would be the most noticeable even if they were in different groups.
And those kinds of girls were all together in one group.
But a lesbian group?
Hearing that, it kind of made sense.
Hmm. I thought I was pretty young and modern myself.
The world is changing much faster than my common sense.
"I'm getting old, you know."
"So? Which one of them? Was it someone I had a problem with?"
"All of them."
I couldn't believe it, but it was true.
"All of them? You're dating them all at the same time?"
"It's not like that. They're each my girlfriend."
"All of them are your girlfriends?"
"Yeah. You jealous?"
"Hell yeah, I'm jealous, you son of a bitch!"
Wow. Is this even possible?
Some guys are whining because they got dumped by their girlfriends, and others are walking around with a dozen women hanging off them?
If this bastard was a guy, it'd be justifiable to punch him. Wow, damn it.
"Hehehe. You're jealous, huh?"
Seong Ji-min smiled, looking like he was experiencing some kind of existential crisis.
"Hey, think about your ex-girlfriend."
"I don't want to think about her."
"Just think about her. And imagine there are ten of her."
"..."
Selfish, emotional, self-centered, illogical, and impossible to communicate with, beasts in human form.
There are ten of those?
"Imagine dating those ten girlfriends at the same time."
"Stop."
I cut off Seong Ji-min, feeling like I was about to fall into an inescapable abyss.
"Do you get it now? The situation I'm in."
Then Seong Ji-min downed his drink in one gulp.
I watched the whole spectacle, mesmerized.
So this is it. The reason women fall for her.
The way she lifts her glass, her lips touching the rim, the sound of the liquor going down her throat.
Every movement was art. So much so that I unconsciously stared, captivated.
Add to that a gloomy expression and a few cynical words, and Ji-min herself became a work of art.
"...I get it now, more or less. Your Situation."
"Right?"
I felt like dying from how shitty I felt.
Yeah, right. What do I even get?
If only I were born with that kind of presence...
And a chest, and ass, and figure, and head size, and skin, and voice...
Fuck. So much to change.
"I'll just live like this. Pathetically."
"Yeah. That's what the Juji King should do. Hehehe."
"Hey. Stop calling me that. I'm not in elementary school."
"What's wrong with it? You're the Juji King because your dick is king-sized, right?"
"Sigh..."
I felt the alcohol rushing to my head at Seong Ji-min's words, mocking me with giggles.
"Are you still going around bragging about your dick size?"
"Shut up. Do you think I'm an elementary schooler?"
"Why? Since you're not, you should brag about it even more."
"Ah, seriously."
It was a difficult question. How to treat this person.
As a woman, or as a best friend I've shared my childhood with.
Probably, she knows it herself.
That I'm still confused.
So, She keeps giving signals like this.
Signals to treat her the same as before.
"Yeah, fuck. I'm still bragging about it. Happy now? Swinging around like this! Huh?"
I got up from my seat and shook my hips.
Twerking.
Usually, you turn around and shake your butt, but I faced forward and shook my dick.
Swinging around! Enough to see the thing inside swinging even through the clothes.
"Keuheuhehaha!"
And seeing that, Ji-min cracked up.
Encouraged by that, I shook my pelvis even more fiercely.
"Swinging around! You bastard! Huh? Swinging around!"
"Peuheuheuhak! Stop! Stop it! Heuhahahat?!"
What kind of stupid thing is this in the middle of the night?
Even elementary school kids these days wouldn't do such a stupid thing.
But maybe because it's been a while since I've done something so stupid, it's stupid but still fun.
"Haa, haa. My stomach hurts."
"Your stomach hurts? Are you on your period?"
"Bullshit. It's because you're funny."
After laughing for a while, Seong Ji-min grabs her boobs and strikes a pose.
"Should I try it too? Boobs swinging around?"
"Hold back."
"Tsk."
I stopped her immediately.
I didn't want to see her that way... in many senses of the word.
"Hey. Instead of that, show me properly."
"Show you what?"
"Your dick, what else? I need to see how big the Juji King's dick really is."
"You son of a bitch. Are you drunk?"
"I am drunk. But I'm not just saying this because I'm drunk."
Seong Ji-min took another heavy shot.
"Pah. I've been having some worries lately, you know."
"What worries?"
"What kind of worries would guys like us have? Woman trouble, of course."
"You ridiculous son of a bitch."
If this bastard was a man, I would have really hit him.
"Guys like us, my ass. You can just sit there drinking water and women will flock to you."
"Huh? How did you know?"
"Ha. Is that true?"
This world was truly fucked.
"Shit. Then what's the problem? If women flocked to me like they do to you, I wouldn't have any worries in the world."
"You wouldn't. But I do."
"So. What's the worry?"
"Something you have that I don't."
With the conversation flowing this way, even if I was a moron, I could figure it out.
"What? My dick?"
"Yeah."
With a gloomy expression, Seong Ji-min stared at my crotch.