You know, I was never intending to document this…my life, I mean. I've already lived out most of my prime years and all that, but my wife said it would be a shame if my life wasn't documented somewhere. I don't really get it, but she said it would be a fun easter egg our kids could find in the attic later in life. I mean, sure? Why not?
I guess when starting a story, it's best to start at the beginning. Although I didn't have the most normal beginnings on this planet, albeit a bit cliche, it was humble at least. I am what you call a reincarnator, reborn in Japan with memories of a past life. I know, I know, here's an autograph or whatever, I'm sooooo original. Anyways, I have a pretty damn good memory, so I'll write these diary entires trying to mimick the mindset I had at the time. Oof, I'm already cringing. Anyways, to whomever finds this journal, feel free to judge me.
…
Finally, I have found my purpose. Loadout? Longinus Class Sacred Gear: Annihilation Maker. Imagination? I'm 5. Purpose? To be the Eminence in Shadow, but better, if that's possible. Obviously, as I just acquired this possibly god-slaying device, experimentation is my next step. My objective for today is to hide the presence of my sacred gear and build a foundation for my awesome future body. I can't pull out stupid feats of speed or I Am Atomic some bozo if my body is that of a weenie baby.
First Creation:
Classification: Stealth
Form: Jumping Spider
Rank: E
Name: Leftovers
Description: A very smol jumping spider that lives off the aura, leaking energy, and/or traces of supernatural energy that leaves my body. An adorable spider.
Second Creation:
Classification: Growth
Form: Invisible Tattoos
Rank: E
Name: The Grind
Description: The Grind comes in the form of invisible tattoos that move across my body. They have one main function: to promote growth. It eats byproducts of working out, like sweat and lactic acid, turning them into energy that is used to reinforce healing.
While my first creation is rather perfect in my opinion, totally not biased, the second one still needs some workshopping. Its only function is to heal microtears in my muscles, and what I need most is something that will break through that pesky "Human potential." Also, I'm not taking the boring option of changing my race. Would it be easier? Sure. Is it played out and cliche? Also yes. I refuse to live a boring life after reincarnating. Call me stupid, judge me, I don't give a fuck what you think.
How funny would it be for a "regular" human to just go around bodying gods?
Anyways, creating my new friends took a lot out of me, time to pass out and begin the grind afterwards. I am only 5 after all.
…
3 years have passed since then, and I'm now 8 years old. The grind never stops, well, until you figure out that you can upgrade The Grind to The Grind 2.0.
Twenty-fifth Creation:
Classification: Growth
Form: Stylized Heart Tattoo
Rank: D
Name: The Grind 2.0
Description: A tattoo over my heart that collects life energy from the environment while consuming the malice for sustenance. Infuses life energy into the bloodstream using the symbol for life, the heart, as a conduit. This promotes healing in the same way the last one did, but more efficiently. Also lays the foundation for mastery in Senjutsu and Touki.
This monster is more on the cliche side, but I need it if I want to dominate the supernatural as a "pure" human.
In other news, I apparently live in the same neighborhood as Issei and…whatever that tomboy's name is. This is of little consequence other than that pestering tomboy attempting to interrupt the grind. Anyway, I've been very busy trying to come up with new ideas for monsters and such, but only 25 made it to the List. I'll get to all of them eventually, but for now, I'll share the most monumental changes to me personally.
Third Creation:
Classification: Memory
Form: Meta-physical, Tiny Humanoid
Rank: C
Name: Mind Goblin
Description: A meta-physical entity that keeps and organizes memories. Permanently bonds to the host in a symbiotic relationship. Feeds on emotions, more specifically, the irritation that one feels from being inconvenienced.
This creation is then supplemented by my fourth creation:
Fourth Creation:
Classification: Visual Aid
Form: Semi-Transparent Eyelid
Rank: C
Name: Sharingan At Home
Description: When mom said we had Sharingan at home, this is what she meant. This monster is a second eyelid that lives under my own eyelids, feeding on sweat, tears, and any debris that lands on my eye. Its functions are to look cool, visualize supernatural energies, and copy techniques, like in the early days of Naruto. Its appearance is a deep violet iris with three tomoe surrounding the pupil.
My family isn't well off or anything, but they were able to put me in martial arts schools for a week or so before I moved to the next one, and so on and so forth.
…
2 years later, I can finally say that I have a decent base of power. I've only created a few more useful monsters due to a lack of power. Believe it or not, these monsters do require energy to make. This is especially so for sentient monsters. It wasn't until I reached Mid-Class energy reserves did I finally created my new (almost) personal favorite, Demon Butler.
Thirtith Creation:
Classification: Combat/Support
Form: Meta-Physical Humanoid
Rank: B
Name: Sebastian
Description: A human-esque man with demonic features such as serpentine eyes and horns on his head. Although he is a ghost, he can interact with physical objects and help in combat. Though his true specialty is in assassination and scare tactics. He feeds on fear and negative impulses. Though his true worth for me lies in his ability to keep me humble.
"Remember, Master, you are but a man." He whispers in my ear when he feels his stomach become full. His favorite place to sit is on my right shoulder. Since he isn't a physical being, he can change his size. He is also invisible to anyone but me and anyone who fears him. Of course, following that trend:
Thirty-First Creation:
Classification: Combat/Support
Form: Meta-Physical Rings of Flesh and Eyes
Rank: B
Name: Chamuel
Description: Named after the Archangel of Peace, this biblically accurate creature is a being that eases the mind and softly motivates. The opposite of Sebastian, who keeps me humble, she keeps my mental state stable and ready for anything. She eats small insecurities and unnecessary doubts.
"Master, keep thy will strong; suffering is but a blip in thine journey." She whispers in my left ear. I never "programmed" her to speak that way; maybe it was my subconscious. I also never asked them to call me master, but that's a story for another day.
To set the next scene, it's late at night at the park where I'm training, pushing my body to the limits. While bench pressing a rock that I found, something finally clicked. A rush of adrenaline was followed by a euphoric burst of vitalizing energy. What surrounded me was reminiscent of the application of Nen, called Ren, which surrounded me like the aura of a super saiyan.
Indeed, this was the beginning of what would surely be the monumental beginnings of a hero…NOT! Ha, you think I have a hero complex? My motivations are more similar to Cid Kagenou, becoming a power in the shadows and looking cool af while doing it.
…
Before getting into my first hunt, let me talk about a few "useful" creations:
Fifth Creation:
Classification: Digger
Form: Dog-Like
Rank: E
Name: Poochi
Description: This dog-like organism appears similar to Chainsaw Man's demon, Pochita, but instead of a chainsaw for a head, it has a drill. Its job is to dig deep into the ground, using its thick, viscous saliva to prevent cave-ins. Their job is to create a vast network of underground tunnels, not dissimilar to ant hills. Eats dirt.
Sixth Creation(s):
Classification: Land Parasite
Form: Fir Tree
Rank: E (Potential: S)
Name: Tree of Life / Death
Description: After some personal study, I found that some of my monsters work more efficiently using Malice, the negative energy that coincides with life energy. Upon seeing that most life/malice permeates the land itself, what better than a tree to harvest that energy? Using the freshly dug tunnels, the bioluminescent roots grow throughout the underground tunnels, periodically growing clones of themselves above ground. This pair of monsters feeds on malice, life energy, and photosynthesis. (Will be explained further in future descriptions.)
Obviously, no matter how supernatural one is, digging sustainable underground tunnels takes time. That's why this had to be implemented so early on. This idea originated from my Sharingan At Home's ability to see supernatural energy. More specifically, the life energy that permeates the land is mostly concentrated in trees. Considering the cultural and religious significance of trees and my desire to remain hidden, this was an obvious choice. Although it's only a matter of time before the Yokai that rule this land will begin to take notice.
Getting back on topic, my goal is to become something of a power in the shadows, so obviously my abilities should mirror that. Since I'm saving the accumulated tree energy for a future project, I have to use other means of acquiring power. Such as…
Eighth Creation(s):
Classification: Combat, Storage
Form: Formless Shadow
Rank: E (Potential: S)
Name: Lord of Umbramancy
Description: Inside my shadow is a formless abyss of darkness that, if materialized, would look similar to an eldritch being. Dark sludge, tentacles, and teeth make up the majority of this creature's being, with a core that thrives on Malice and the Fear of the Unknown. It parasitizes the shadows of those who walk in my shadow, therefore increasing its "volume." The enormity of its existence is only hampered by time and preparation. Inside my shadow is an empty space that is used as my "inventory." All of its applications and abilities are yet to be seen.
Hehehehehe, it's so friken cool, right?! I cooked with this one. Anyways, my life doesn't solely consist of training and secrecy. Money is also an issue.
"Oooo, Makoto-chan! The garden looks wonderful! Here you go, honey, you earned it."
Issei's mother said as she planted a kiss flat on my forehead.
"I try my best," I say in a totally nonchalant manner.
"I heard all the neighbors bragging about you, such a kind little soul!" she gushes.
"They pay well," I say, gazing into the distance mysteriously.
All in a day's work, I'd say. My neighbors all appreciate the brand new fir tree sapling that was, and I quote, "Perfectly bred for fast growth and beauty." You don't need magic to fool people, just a bit of confidence, and I get a little pocket change while I'm at it. That tomboy and Issei have been following me around like baby birds when I go outside now, so that's a bit annoying but manageable. Speaking of Issei, he started talking nonsense about some old man preaching the greatness of Tities to a bunch of children at a playground. Which, in turn, inspired him to hold the same fascination.
This reminded me of something important about this world… it's built for Gooners. A very sick and twisted idea came to mind at this. Would it not benefit me to indulge in the foundation of this ecchi world? So there, a plan begins to form. If the greatest power in this world is "horny," why not havest it?
Ninth Creation:
Classification: Hentai
Form: Humanoid Succubus
Rank: D (Potential: SSS)
Name: Gooner's Respite
Description: This abominable creation is something straight from hentai, and in the future, will only obey the rules of this world in name only. Monsters that I only created as a joke may well be my strongest creation. These demons latch onto your innermost carnal desires, caring not for societal norms or rules. Its physical form is dictated by the innermost desires of the victim. Its true form, which only I can see, is that of a futa. They take life energy only with the consent of the victim, draining their vitality through intercourse or whatever it is they do. When finding themselves in the form of a child, or loli, the victim will be promptly relieved of their rights to bear children or have an erection. Obviously, these creatures feed on vitality, life energy, and the sick and twisted sexual fantasies of others.
These succubi are incredibly scary for a few reasons. One is their rapid growth in power, already surpassing my own, and the second is their rate of propagation. Once they reach a certain threshold, they divide like a cell undergoing replication. I…I hope to never speak of this again. Truly, what have I done?
Now, to bleach our psyche of that abomination, let's move on to something a bit more innocent. What I need most right now is material. I've found that it is much more energy efficient to create "physical type" monsters using, well, physical materials. However, I can only do so much material gathering on my own, so I created little helpers:
Tenth Creation:
Classification: Gatherer
Form: Red Raccoon
Rank: E
Name: Trash Panda
Description: This raccoon was created with cuteness and innocence in mind. This creature has six appendages, has an orange-red fur coat, and is the floofiest thing on planet earth (not biased). It excels in finding useful things that people throw away, and stores them in their shadows, which are connected to mine. Seeing how eye-catching these little guys are, they feed on curiosity, attention, and whatever raccoons eat. (P.S. I've found they have a tendency to adopt stray cats they find while out and about. I tried to tell them to find the strays suitable homes, but later found them cuddling together. It's adorable.)
In other news, during New Year/s, my mother brought me to a shrine a short walk away from home. It/s exactly the shine you're thinking of if you've come from the otherworld. Anyways, I saw tiny Akeno scampering around with the biggest smile on her face…dammit now I have baby fever. Alas, fatherhood is still a long way away. I commanded a tree of life and death to plant itself here for future endeavors.
In other other news, the Trash Pandas found another stray, an all black cat with an abnormally high reserve of life energy, even higher than my own. Indeed, many familiar characters today. If she sticks around, I'll have her sign a contract of mutual benefit. I save her sister and remove her evil piece; in return, I get undying loyalty. Completely fair, right? I'll explain that later.
Now, can anyone guess why I've been planting trees everywhere, barring the obvious? If you guessed spying on people…you are absolutely right! Once a tree is planted, all plant life in the area becomes part of its domain. When animals eat these plants, that domain spreads to those animals. The sensory information from these animals is filtered back through the roots. Where does all this mostly useless information go? I think you can guess.
Eleventh Creation:
Classification: Information Gathering / Battery
Form: Throne
Rank: A
Name: The Informant
Description: Deep underground, below my home, is a massive room built by my diggers. It's as large as a coliseum, lit by the strange bioluminescence of the trees of life and death. Unhampered by the need to maintain a ruse, the tree of life is a completely white tree with red leaves, and it grows atop a field of pitch black grass. The tree of death is a completely black tree with similarly red leaves, and it grows in a field of angelic white grass. All together they form the most badass yin-yang symbol known to man (again, no bias here). In the center of this formation is a wooden throne made up of the trees' roots that rhythmically pulses with energy like a heartbeat. At the first beat, Life Energy and Malice enter the formation. The next beat, the unbalanced energies become equal and balanced, and at the last beat, the energy is sent back out, with some remaining within the Throne.
Taking a seat on my surprisingly comfy chair, the balanced energy enters my being, making my fatigue disappear. The filtered information from the multitude of fir trees I've "planted" around town courses through me. It makes me feel good, too good.
"Master, remember your place in this world. You are still fodder compared to what we must face," my ever-present demon butler stated.
"Indeed, thy strength grows, but thine potential for greatness is still only that, potential. Keep thy path clear, master, to thine dream," my angel gently urges.
Ah, yes, can't let myself forget. I'm still small. Even when I reach the pinnacle of this world, I'll still be small. Hubris does me no good, I must remember this. If I wish to make my dreams a reality, losing myself in temporary gains will only harm me.
Now then, back to my voyeur activities.
…
You know, I expected them to be stronger, given that they are attacking the family of a leader in Grigori and all. I was sorely mistaken. After wrapping myself in the Lord of Umbramany's shadow and adding Touki to that as well…they weren't much of a challenge. I know they're humans and all, but come on! Give me a challenge! Anyways, after incapacitating them, I implanted a more parasitic version of my Mind Goblin that mines them of all of their useful info, and merges with my own Mind Goblin. The little guys played around with their memories until they were satisfied first, though. Loli Akeno and her mom watched me poke and prod at their attackers like a tiny mad scientist.
To them, I look like a thin and short being made of inky blackness with glowing purple eyes. Not saying a word, I simply fade into the trees' shadows, disappearing into my underground tunnels. You know, thinking about it, everything makes sense, but that's a story for another time.
The world moves on, and I still can't use Senjutsu, and while I could whip up a monster to do it for me, that just seems lame. It's not like I can change my genetics…holy shit I can! This is what I came up with:
Twelfth Creation:
Classification: Evolution
Form: Goopy-Ebryonic-Bubble
Rank: E (potential: Unknown)
Name: Amalgamation
Description: When I said I was saving up energy, this is what it was for. This life-size embryo is a big and murky bubble of biological fluid which are actually self-sustaining and self-replicating stem cells. They are built to acclimate to any energy they are subjected to. This is a very long-term project that will require countless samples.
Thirteenth Creation:
Classification: Potential Biohazard/Stealth
Form: Mosquito
Rank: E
Name: Blood Couriers
Description: To collect all the samples I'll need for my transformation, these little guys will be essential. They are heavily attracted to anything with a large source of supernatural energy, which can come in any form: Ki(Life Energy/Malice), Magical (Nerd Energy), Demonic Power, Angelic Power (God's Providence), and the watered-down stuff fallen angels use. I've been avoiding calling my energy Ki since I like to make distinctions between the two types. These little guys feed on blood and are almost untraceable by anything below High-Class.
It didn't take too long until the precious samples started flooding in, the mosquitoes melding themselves into the Amalgamation. I'll talk about this more after the time skip.
Now then, I've talked a lot about my useful creations and none about my fun ones. Most notably, the troll monsters. I named this diary the "Monster Diaries" for a reason, so let's get into it.
Seeing how well my scary succubi were doing, I decided to play around a bit more. Before you ask, I did not learn from my mistakes. People online have been talking nonstop about how they've been getting visits from those creatures of the night, and even more chatter about the adorable trash pandas. All this attention didn't dissuade me, unfortunately.
Fourteenth Creation:
Classification: Troll Series: Entry 1
Form: Binary
Rank: S
Name: Keyboard Warriors
Description: These expert rage baiters scour every social media website, including DeviNet, inciting online violence like crazy. Conspiracy theorists, religious zealots, political leaders, billionare cocksuckers, devilish sinners, and ordinary Karens will never know peace on the internet. Many have tried and failed to find the locations and IP addresses of these repeat offenders, these Master Baiters. Keyboard Warriors thrive and grow from the hatred and anger of their victims, soon becoming an all-encompassing presence on the internet.
As you could probably tell, these guys weren't as famous as my other creations, but rather infamous. The more their infamy grew, the more powerful they became, knowing exactly what to say to piss people off. Soon, their power grew enough to interact with other forms of media like video games. Oh, this was so much worse. Let's just say that a countless number of my Keyboard Warriors have a price on their heads. (This was so much fun to watch and still is.)
…
Childhood friends never get the guy. It's an unfortunate truth that also applies to the sobbing tomboy in my and Issei's arms. I made sure to give her one of my heart tattoos when she lifted her shirt to quell the snotty tsunami that is her face. Good luck, soldier, you'll need it.
…
I'm a bit all over the place, and there's plenty more to talk about in my childhood, but let's skip ahead to what everyone wants to see…the "Canon" material!
Let's set the stage. In a serene park, a majestic fountain stood surrounded by nature. Issei Hyodo and his scantily dressed date faced each other. One is horrified in silence while the other floats proudly over the fountain, holding a glowing spear made of watered-down holy power. Her confident gaze accentuates her sensual figure. In a spontaneous burst of speed, she arrives in front of Issei and thrusts her mighty light spear forward like a charging bull. Time slows as Issei watches the spear close in, unable to move away or dodge, a wave of helplessness and despair overtakes him.
*Ding!*
The sound of metal hitting metal reverberates.
"Ding?" the fallen angel echoes.
"Ding?" a certain redhead hidden in the bushes repeats.
"Huh?" Issei says, also confused.
The spear that was meant to be drenched in blood scidded off Issei's skin like bald tires on a wet road, flinging sparks every which way, followed by the sound of nails on a chalkboard.
Meanwhile, on my throne, "Pfft! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I can't believe that actually worked!" I cackled like a madman watching the scene. How couldn't I?
Fourteenth Creation:
Classification: Troll Series: Entry 15
Form: Formless
Rank: SS
Name: Virgin Protector
Description: This formless monster protects those in need of protection. It protects the virgin it's bonded to until they lose their virginity. Additionally, the more perverted thoughts and desires one has while still a virgin, cause the Virgin Protector to grow in strength. Who better to give this to than Issei, the forever virgin who has pussy thrown at him left and right?
The fallen angel tried hitting him a few more times to no avail before being chased off by Rias Gremory's peerage. I just stopped watching at that point, why bother you know?
…
"Hey! Stop skipping the important stuff!" My wife yells.
"And stop narrating me, it's not funny!" It totally is.
"Ah! Whatever, just don't leave me out, okay?" Okay groomer.
"Oi, you said you'd stop calling me that!" Uh oh, she's mad now.
Anyways, I'll write more if I feel like it. Until then, goon responsibly, or I'll send a Futa after you.