Chapter 12: There's a Goat Named Kelvin, and It Hates Me
After my pyramid scheme heartbreak, I decided to disappear for a few days to my grandmother's village.
You know—reset my life, touch grass, eat fufu, breathe.
Bad idea.
Day two in the village, I met a goat.
Not just any goat.
His name... was Kelvin.
Grandma said,
"We named him after you because he's stubborn, restless, and always chewing things he shouldn't."
I laughed.
Kelvin the Goat didn't.
From the moment he saw me, it was WAR.
First, he chased me across the compound like I owed him money.
Then he ate my only pair of slippers—while looking me directly in the eye, like it was personal.
At dawn, I caught him standing outside my window, staring at me like he was plotting my downfall.
Grandma said,
"If you fight the goat, you're fighting yourself."
So I tried peace.
I even offered Kelvin-the-Goat some cassava leaves to make friends.
He responded by headbutting my kneecap and pooping near my toothbrush.
I swear on all the sachet water I've ever drunk—this goat has a personal agenda against me.
When it was time to leave the village, guess who stood blocking the road, refusing to move?
Kelvin the Goat.
I think he knew.
I think he won.