Chapter 24: The Online Date That Turned Into a Debt Collection Meeting
After my accidental YouTube fame, I thought:
"Kelvin, now that you're kind of a celebrity, it's time to find true love."
Naturally, I downloaded an online dating app.
I created a profile:
Bio: "Funny. Caring. Can cook (sometimes without fire incidents)."
Interests: "Meat pies, WiFi, and breathing."
Within days, I matched with a beautiful girl named Sandra.
She had a dazzling smile and the kind of eyes that could convince you to sign away your last plantain.
We chatted for two days.
She suggested we meet at a nice café in town.
I wore my best shirt (the one without ketchup stains) and sprayed enough perfume to confuse a dog.
When I arrived, Sandra was already waiting — and she was even prettier in person.
I was about to introduce myself when she tilted her head, squinted, and said:
> "Wait... aren't you Kelvin?"
I smiled proudly:
> "Yes, the funny guy from YouTube!"
She frowned deeper.
Then she said:
> "You're also Kelvin... the guy who borrowed 150 cedis from me LAST YEAR and vanished?"
Thunder. Lightning. Earthquake.
I choked on my own saliva.
It turned out Sandra was the same lady I bought meat pies from back when I was "between blessings" — and I had promised to "pay her by Friday."
Friday never came.
Now, here we were:
Me, sweating bullets.
Sandra, arms crossed, ready for judgment day.
Instead of a romantic date, it turned into a debt recovery operation.
I had to pay her cash plus "interest for emotional damages" —
and needless to say, there was no second date.
Online dating: 0
Kelvin: -150 cedis.