LILY
I lie still on my bed, just breathing.
At first glance, one might actually mistake me for a corpse. That's how still I lie. Too afraid to move and risk spiraling now.
I lie down in this starfish position with my eyes closed, and if you look closely enough, you'd notice the shimmer of tears just threatening to fall...
These tears are a sign of my emotional exhaustion, all just piled up from weeks of going back and forth.
I have tried my best to avoid this issue that has been eating at me, but I think it is time I came out with it and admit this this is an actual problem now-
I'm seriously infatuated with this guy. I might even be in love... And that's a problem.
Now, who's the guy? Well, one I shouldn't be caught dead with in any form of intimate relationship whatsoever.
I flick my eyes open to be met with the plain cream ceiling, looking like a canvas for me to just paint out all my thoughts. Weird, I know.
It is at this moment I make up my mind and I decide to pull out my trusty diary.
I rise up from where I was lying and squat in front of my bed to reach under to grab a box that looked like it had been long forgotten.
Inside the box were a series of old forgotten stuff, like highschool photos, music CDs, novels... And my old diary.
I pull it out and brush the dust off it. I blow on it to get some extra dust off and I nearly choked to death.
"Well *cough* I regret that*cough* *cough*"
I hold this book with tears in my eyes from the coughing, and flip through the pages as all the fond memories of all the days since I entered college started flooding my mind. A small smile plays on my lips as I reminisce on them for a while.
This diary was a gift I gave to myself when I was coming to college for the very first time two years ago. I knew I'd need it since it isn't news that college stress is no joke. It is capable of and even succeeded in driving some people off the edge of the cliff.
She(my baby, bestie, my diary duh) is a simple, old book bound in dark leather cover. The used edges of the pages had been yellowed due to constant use over the years... I was a big writer then.
It was meant to be the one thing that would hold me together when everything was trying to tear me apart. And let's just say it has been doing its job fantastically up until this moment.
I stare at the old book in my hands for a while and just take in its worn appearance.
The last time I made a log in this book was the last day of school last semester, right before I packed my stuff for home to go for summer holidays, and we're nearing the end of this semester. Soo... Let's just say it's been a while and I'm not proud of it! Haha!
I pick up the book and snuggle into my bed, finding the most comfortable position to write and pour out all my frustrations right now, completely disregarding the guilt I just felt a few seconds ago.
" Here goes nothing" I breathe and flip to a fresh page, pick up a pen and begin to write.
"Dear Diary...
Okay, Babe! I know it's been a while and I know it may seem like I've forgotten about you, and I'll admit... Maybe I did for a little bit, but hey! But I've missed you... Hear me out okay?
I thought my life was going great for a time there. I mean, no boyfriend, stable 4.7/5 CGPA, the perfect friend group, and just a smooth life...
Then BAM! Everything just started spiraling when someone new got introduced to our circle. I thought "Oh, great! Someone new" and now I'm crying because I've actually fallen for this guy.
Aahhhh!!!! My life is a crisis!
"How?" You ask?
Heh... I know you like tea, so lemme tell you aaalllll about it babe.
Let's go way back to the beginning now, shall we?..."