I've had weird dreams before—flying naked, failing exams in clown makeup, making out with my high school math teacher once (don't ask)—but this?
This was new.
When I woke up, the first thing I noticed wasn't the daylight. It was the floating holographic screen hovering directly above me like it belonged in a sci-fi porno.
[System booting...]
[Host brainwaves stabilized. Connection successful.]
[Welcome, Host, to the Harem System.]
My brain did the equivalent of a record scratch.
I sat up in bed, my blanket slipping down my bare chest as I squinted at the glowing words.
"…The what?"
[The Harem System.]
[An intimate progression module designed to reward the Host with material wealth through romantic and sexual partnerships.]
I blinked. "…Are you telling me I get paid to… seduce people?"
[Correction: You must build and maintain an emotionally significant harem. Lust is allowed. Love is required. Rewards are unlocked through milestones.]
I was still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I had a raging case of morning wood and this system was talking about harems like it was part of my to-do list.
"Right," I muttered. "No offense, disembodied voice, but I think you've got the wrong guy. I'm a broke college student whose biggest relationship was two weeks of awkward hand-holding in high school."
[Profile acknowledged. Your compatibility rate with the Harem System is 94.6%. Virginity bonus detected.]
"…Okay, screw you."
[Not yet, Host.]
I groaned and tried to wave the screen away. Nothing happened.
"Alright. Fun joke. You can go now."
[System rejection detected. Initiating Punishment Protocol.]
"…Punishment?"
Before I could process what that meant, my entire body flushed with heat. It was sudden, unnatural—like every inch of my skin had become hypersensitive. Blood surged, fast and heavy, pooling between my legs with ruthless precision.
"…Oh, fuck," I gasped.
My cock was instantly, painfully hard—throbbing beneath the sheets with a stiffness that felt like it could crack porcelain.
"What the hell?!"
[Punishment Protocol: Unrelenting Erection. Duration: Indefinite. Until Host complies with System objectives.]
"You've got to be fucking kidding me—"
[Not yet. But soon, we hope.]
I threw off the blankets and looked down, horrified. My cock was straining against my boxers, the head clearly outlined, angry red and twitching like it had a will of its own. It wasn't like morning wood. This was sharp, insistent. Hungry.
I tried to calm myself. Deep breaths. Think about anything else.
Taxes. Moldy cheese. Dead raccoons.
Nothing worked.
I stood up carefully, biting my lip as even the soft brush of fabric made me twitch.
"This is—fuck—this is harassment," I hissed.
[Incorrect. This is incentive.]
"I'm not joining your goddamn dating game just because you cursed my dick!"
[You are already enrolled. Refusal will only prolong the penalty.]
I stumbled into the bathroom, slammed the door behind me, and turned the cold water to maximum. I stepped under the icy stream, bracing myself as the shock hit.
But the erection didn't go away.
No matter how cold it got, no matter how long I stayed there, I remained rock hard—pulsing, leaking, and slowly losing my goddamn mind.
[Note: Cold showers are ineffective. Punishment overrides biological response.]
"I hate you," I whispered.
[Get used to it.]
---
After ten more minutes of water torture and zero relief, I gave up. I wrapped a towel around my waist and staggered into my room, glaring at the glowing screen.
"So what do I have to do to end this?"
[First Partner Encounter required to lift Punishment Protocol.]
[Must engage in meaningful conversation with a potential harem candidate. Flirting recommended. Intimacy optional.]
"You want me to go flirt with someone like this?" I gestured at the tent in my towel. "You're sending me into the wild with a loaded weapon."
[You are fully equipped.]
"I swear to god, I will find a way to uninstall you."
[You won't.]
I fell back on the bed, one arm covering my eyes, trying to ignore the way every heartbeat sent another pulse straight to my cock. My balls were aching now, the kind of deep, heavy ache that made me squirm unconsciously.
This was absurd. I hadn't even done anything, and I was already halfway to needing a hospital.
[Reminder: First encounter will occur within the next 24 hours. Prepare yourself.]
[Suggest grooming, dressing well, and avoiding obvious signs of desperation.]
"Oh, now you care about my image?"
[Only because your current appearance is a threat to the success rate.]
"Asshole."
[Host.]
---
I eventually managed to get dressed—loose jeans, oversized hoodie, and an internal prayer that no one would notice the obscene bulge I was sporting like a curse. Every step was a cruel reminder. Every brush of fabric was an electric shock. I was on edge, breathing heavy, sweating from nothing but raw tension.
If anyone talked to me today, I was probably going to fail to make eye contact.
And god forbid someone touch me.
I opened the door and stepped outside.
The world was the same as always—birds, breeze, sunshine.
Except I was walking around with a raging boner and a sex-crazed AI stuck in my head.
This was going to be a long, long day.