Morning in Goblin Swamp.
I woke up to three goblin kids poking my face.
One had Gringa's eyebrows.
The other two were probably mine.
Or Splorp's.
Honestly, hard to tell with goblins.
I sat up, checked my system.
[Level: 2]
[EXP: 380/800]
[Skills: Bubble Shield Lv.1, Mud Sprint Lv.1]
Still no new skill.
Still no fireball.
Still nothing useful.
I sighed.
Then Ma Grugga barged into my hut.
"FROG PROPHET, WAKE! IT MARRIAGE DAY!"
I blinked.
"…the what now?"
Marriage Melee Explained (Badly)
Apparently, once a season, the unmarried goblinettes held a Marriage Melee.
Rules:
All eligible male goblins fight.
Winner gets to marry whoever's left standing.
Or, if they die, their stuff gets stolen.
Fantastic.
And guess who they entered without asking?
Yours truly.
The Arena (a Muddy Pit)
The entire tribe gathered around the mud pit.
Half cheering.
Half already drunk on fermented swamp juice.
Contestants:
Splorp (rock thrower)
Pibbit (stick boy)
Snagga (bite guy)
And me. The reluctant Frog Prophet.
On the other side:
Five battle-hardened goblinettes.
Including Skragga, carrying a club shaped like a dead rat.
I was so screwed.
System pinged.
[Quest: Win the Marriage Melee]
[Reward: +300 EXP + New Partner (Optional)]
Of course.
Round 1
"BEGIN!" Ma Grugga roared.
Splorp threw a rock.
It hit Pibbit.
Pibbit fell.
One down.
I used Mud Sprint to dodge a flying club.
Snagga bit a goblinette's toe.
She shrieked, yeeted him into a bush.
I kicked a rock into Splorp's face.
Down he went.
It was me vs. Skragga now.
The worst possible outcome.
The Duel
"Come to me, Frog Prophet," she growled, swinging her dead-rat club.
I dodged.
Slipped.
Fell face-first into mud.
Skragga laughed.
Big mistake.
I grabbed a fistful of mud and flung it in her eyes.
Blinded!
Then I used Bubble Shield to make a tiny slippery dome under her feet.
She slipped, flew into the mud, face-planted so hard the ground farted.
Victory.
[Quest Complete: Win the Marriage Melee +300 EXP]
[EXP: 680/800]
So close.
Aftermath
The tribe cheered.
"GOB! GOB! GOB!"
Ma Grugga grabbed my arm and raised it.
"CHAMPION! CHOOSE WIFE NOW!"
I looked around.
Gringa was busy eating boar ribs.
Skragga was still unconscious in the mud.
One goblinette with a lazy eye winked at me.
System pinged.
[New Partner Potential: Borga the Bone Collector]
[Chance of Pregnancy: 5%]
Goddamn it.
I sighed.
"…I'll take… uhh… all of them?"
[Mass Partner Quest Activated]
Me: "Wait, what—"
Too late. The goblinettes cheered.
Ma Grugga threw more fermented swamp juice on me.
I could practically hear the system laughing.
That Night
I lay there in my hut, staring at the ceiling.
Three new goblinettes snoozing nearby.
No new skill yet.
I groaned.
"Just one fireball. That's all I ask."
System pinged.
[Notice: Pregnancy Progress – Confirmed 1 New Pregnancy]
[Skill Unlocked: Swamp Camouflage Lv.1]
I blinked.
"…that's not a fireball."
But fine.
I'd take it.