It was the blessing of heaven, it was the curse of hell, it was the sweetest of lands, it was forever darkened.
The time I spent and the time I have; all for nothing and all for everything. I was annoyed, I was excited. I am now an adult, I was a child back then. I went to the woods and now I am between walls. I had somewhere to go, now I have nowhere to go. I was once gleeful with my family; now I feel overwhelmed and try to find the meaning of life.
God has planned everything in this world before humans begin to live here. In life, some changes occur even though no one wants them. Yet, they come with a gust of change and change many lives. Such an event also makes my life, overall, my family's life to seek some new changes. In other words, we adapt to change after some tragic incidents. Before such incidents occurred , my family had been going to my maternal grandfather's house. It was a long story and I have no intention to make it any shorter.
This all happened in my grandparents house. The house I went to with my family when I was a child. I have a brother who is four years older. We loved to go there.
Especially when all the members of the family came together. It was a gathering and I liked it. Of course, my child self could no way differentiate that likeliness. I was only seven years old. But I miss those days. I miss the people, my grandparents' care and all the food. I also miss the smile my mom's put in front of her mother. I miss every part of the gathering. Still,yes.
My parents loved us, and still do. Their love was the love of lost. A loss cannot be replaced. We siblings do everything we could to fill that lost void. Though they are the people we mostly indebted to despite that.
We would have been three siblings had it not been for the first child who died in my mother's womb. After hearing that from my mother, I felt the pain they had gone through before our birth. She was smiling while saying it. Yet I felt her pain since I also came from my mother. I prayed when possible for my deceased brother who could not be able to see the harsh beauty of the world. I am pretty sure I am not the only one who prays though. The deceased child apparently does not know the mother he has been blessed with; I saw her praying, and still does everyday.
My father, on the other hand, and I , we, really do not have an actual bond. Even though sometimes it seems we have, we do everything to make sure to hide it. It is complicated. On top of that, we rarely have a big conversation as a family. He talks with my big brother the most. I know, nevertheless, how much he loves me as well.
The days I spent in the dormitory reminded me of his quavering voice over the phone. He was quite desperate to listen to what I had to say: if I was comfortable enough, if I needed anything else. He had worked hard for our sake all of his life. Hence, I am not strong enough to say anything back to him. Hence, I listen to him even now.
Our family healed from many obstacles that tried to break us apart. The biggest challenge was the incident in my grandparents' house. We went there as usual to meet with my grandparents. They invited everyone in the family to go over to their house.
It was summer. Trees were filled with mangoes.
My aunts were coming one by one. On the other hand, my uncles were living with my grandparents with their family back then. It was an extended family in a sense. Besides, we made this more extended.
" Oh, how are you, Alexia?" My mom met with her little sister after quite a while, and besides her, I was holding her clothes tightly with my hands, shying off. Alexia was the youngest sibling of my mother; this means the fifth of the five children my grandparents have.
" Fine, Sallie. How are you? Oh, my. Look at Arthur. He has grown so well!" She smiled at me.
I ran away to my father and hugged him. He took me with him.
We were going to the west of the house; together with my youngest uncle, Stephen. As we left the main door, I looked at the green water of the pond beside the house. Besides that, I beheld a place full of bamboo.
Whenever this place was mentioned, my mother made sure to warn us, two brothers, that the pond and the bamboo grove were haunted. There was a snake that ruled that area. It ate off human flesh. It was a warning for us to never go near the pond. During my teenage years, I had nightmares chronologically about this pond and other things which followed later in this house.
I tagged along with my father and saw the pond and searched for the snake through my eyes. There was nothing I found there though instead of the gentle wind sometimes touching the bamboo grove far ahead.
We were going to the market to buy food for dinner - after slightly understanding the discourse they were engaged in for a while. They were like friends.
"They were two best friends", my mom said when I asked about them years later.
"Always doing odd things together whenever they met".
"Your uncle, after our marriage, made your father run a whole marathon for the only reason of losing a bet to him."
My uncle asked me if I wanted to go. I just nodded. We sat in a van and went towards the market. We bought many items that day in the market. I was astonished at the substantial amount of food back then. Whenever I went to market with my father and brother, we did not, at once, buy so many vegetables and groceries. I know now that childhood means excitement over irrelevant things that do not matter over a certain age.
We stayed, after that, in my grandfather's store. It was a store which generally supplies rice to the people. I heard many years later through my mom that the business was going well. I saw my grandfather there leaning on the chair. He welcomed us. But after a while, we bade farewell with my grandfather after assuring us that he would come early. I had my hands full with chocolates.
" There are so many things. Look at the time. How could we prepare so many things at night?" She asked us. My father gave the food to my grandmother. He went away quickly, leaving me with my uncle.
I know all these years later that my father just wanted not to take any responsibility. He knew back then his fate was sealed as well as my uncle's. He was running towards the back door where he met with mom unfortunately.
"Where have you been Stephen? And why is Arthur crying?" She said, after observing us, she went off to call my uncle's wife, Synthia.
"You had cigarettes, right? And while being with a child no less? She came here pretty quickly.
I saw my parents talking in the distance. They were arguing about something. Later, I knew that my father had his pride beaten up that day by my mother about me eating chocolate at night and while inquiring if he had cigarettes while being with me and no less of the time we took to buy food on the market.
The conversation was heated up over here as well. My uncle rarely states anything and at the end, admitted that he had eaten half the chocolates my grandfather had given to me to fade off the bitter smell.
Both men were seen sighing that night. They were completely broken and beaten up- never dare to utter a single word that night.
I was in the kitchen. My grandmother brought me there after I witnessed two grown up getting their asses off. All the girls were in the kitchen alongside my cousins. I saw them mostly gossiping. It was like a group of friends met after some so many years later. They were laughing, though sometimes the atmosphere became tense enough for me to hear my palpitation. But I was most curious about the beef curry cooked in the pot. It was a natural stove on which the curry was ; made with only mud and it was energized by firewood. Those were chopped from some nearby trees. The house was surrounded by many trees. Hence, no one can know what trees have been chopped unless they are not present in the crime scene. I got the first bite of the beef curry. I remember it was quite delicious. I had told my mother to make that curry but she always fails.
She told me instead, " My big sister has learnt cooking from my mom. I had learnt, on the other hand, it on my own. So there is no way the curry would smell the same."
" You like to cook, don't you? You can ask her the next time she comes here." My mom repeated.
I heard a noise outside. The adults did not make a big deal out of it. But I knew that sound and voice. It was my brother. I ran to the front door. I turned right and saw him playing with my big uncle and aunt's sons. I saw local children as well. They were in a serious discourse about something. I went there and interfered with their round table meeting.
" Arthur, why are you here? And wherever mom is?" My brother asked me. I saw him sweating. It was not for the weather. It was because of mom. His fate was also sealed. She was looking for him for a long time. Here he is; hanging with his group. Someone today destined to get beat - is what I thought back then.
He asked again.
" If you let me join, I will keep mum busy later for you. Fair enough, isn't it?
" Look at this kid. How am I supposed to believe you, when you get me into trouble all the time? Brother replied.
" Let me then get mom instead."
" I hear you." We were in a corner discussing our things. I knew my brother did not want himself to look bad in front of his friends. Therefore, he, with a bit of hesitation in his tiny chest, confronted his weakened self and began to prepare to shout to attract his friends' attention.
" His name's Arthur. He is going to be a special member of our team for today."
" Just today, okay?" He looked at me anxiously.
I then just nodded.
"We are going, right?" One anxiously asked.
" This is going to be a total dope,"another one added.
" Let's go before the adults notice." One of my cousins shouted.
" Let's go then,"my brother became excited.
" Do not tell mom about where we are going," he pleaded.
" If she knew about us going to the graveyard at this time, and on top of that, I made you come along…," he murmured.
"Wait ,you insisted," he gazed at me.
" Mom is never going to know. Relax," I comforted him. But I was pretty nervous. It was my first time going to a graveyard. At night, no less.
I used this opportunity to my benefit. I came with them since I knew my mom would think I would be there with my father who was pretty much insulted, beaten off his pride, and spending his time with uncle near the pond. They were looking at the stars above their head and might be drawing my face connecting the stars with each other. I thought that then. Honestly, I had no idea about their whereabouts.
We needed to come to the opposite side of where we were. So, basically there were two sideways to come to the streets. Every footwalk as well as streets were scorched earth because of the hot summer. The grass in the middle of the street was my favorite. I always walked on them and the feeling I had whenever I set foot on them was otherworldly. I was a kid then and exactly that's why, this little grass made me gleeful in a way I will never feel in the ensuing years. Nevertheless, we chose the opposite side of the pond as our starting point. We were cautious enough to even skip our hearts while going to the streets. The kitchen was nearby; we could hear the sounds mom and other girls were making from there. We could obviously hear them out perfect, the only thing standing between us was an old, uncemented wall. We came across the street, notwithstanding.
I began to walk on the grassy mold beside the street. Everyone was nervous as I observed them; I was no exception. Besides, my heart was beating pretty fast; I felt that much beating for the first time, mixture with the sheer excitement, and guilt, and a mystery of a night when a young kid just began to explore since his birth.
The silence was broken by none other than my brother. After a few houses, there was a rice mill. This rice mill has been deserted recently. They stopped there to know if they were really going to the graveyard tonight. I was an outcast. They took votes excluding me. No one really wanted to go home. I suppose now as I think over it, they were trying to look tough in front of each other back then. Nonetheless, some went inside the rice mill to my surprise.
"We need rice in case of an emergency, to get rid of evil spirits", one local kid added.
I know the meaning of rice now and why he recommended such nonsense then. We had to go inside. I was pretty curious to see the inside of a rice mill. I was familiar with the streets here and came with my mum pretty often but never was I able to come near the rice mill instead of wondering what it would look like in my head.
The two local kids, Hamim and Tamim, guided us to the pocket gate. It was off hour; so the main gate was closed. They, however, knew of the secret passage and guided us thoroughly into the rice mill. It was dark and the smell of uncooked rice was intense enough to make me vomit. I saw rats there and in one corner, a corpse of a rat from where this foul smell was coming from. From the moment I saw that, I instantly had a negative attitude towards rice. Hence, that commenced my abhorrence towards rice until now. Nevertheless, everyone picked up rice and put it in a bag the local kid had brought with them. I was freezed and never moved one inch after I saw the dead rat. It was not out of fear but I was disgusted.
Everyone left and I was the only one left behind. I looked around and there was a creepy feeling I felt then. As an adult now, I believe I am overthinking, but even now a doubt lingers within me regarding that matter. But a kid who was unable to detect good to bad, evil to angel never should have felt like someone was watching from those darkness. I hurriedly had my senses back and looked for the exit.
Everyone was looking for me outside. My brother began to enter through the pocket gate and saw the rays of the torchlight coming towards him.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"Duh", I replied.
I was frightened so much that I was glad I did not pee there. Many thanks to my mom who never bows to my dad and to dad who always bows no matter the reason. I picked up some lines and attitudes from them. Lastly, thanks to me who was mature enough to apply this in real life. No one knew about this except my brother, for he was the first person I applied to in the first place.
We came across a tree which mom said was haunted. Only then did I realize my foolish actions until now. A fear had come unto me. My heart began to put pressure on my chest and my mind… it became normal after we walked past the nightmarish tree. After a while, we finally saw a glimpse of the graveyard.
It was dark and we found no single soul in the street going towards the graveyard. There were actually houses beside the graveyard. Though it felt like all of them were desolate. No sound, no existence. Only us - in the middle of nowhere.
" Let's go inside the graveyard," one of my cousins shouted.
We went inside the graveyard. I saw many destroyed graves here and there. The environs were full of thick air. I really struggled to breathe there. Besides, our torchlights were all off : they just wanted to brag about how brave they were.
I was left behind again. They began to soar the tiny hill up ahead. As I was just going to follow them, a noise made me look behind.
"What are you even doing? Close the grave and for god's sake, grab those bamboo quickly", someone whispered in a distance.
I saw light and peeped in there. Some people were robbing graves and it was happening before my eyes. I saw a skull, specifically, the skull which was covered with blood and flesh. My body was cowering and shaking. I could not believe what I just saw there. I witnessed something a kid my age never should have watched in the first place. My heart was racing like a bullet train. The zombie-like blood was perpetually going everywhere in my body and making me sweat. I was sweating in my mind as well.
I was so focused on the skull that I missed the whole body which was laid in the ground beside the people. The body was half visible. The scene before me took my breath. It was like a child like me could not even describe to the adults.
Even now I do not intend to tell the horror I witnessed that day. Nevertheless, I lost consciousness.
The sound I heard before I lost consciousness was my own, gradually falling and letting the grave robbers know of my existence.
I do not remember what they did to me, or even if they looked back when they were in such a hurry, I cannot tell.
However, what followed thereafter was a pure drama. I discovered myself in a house.
IN A GRAVEYARD HOUSE!