"Alright, someone tell me—why is this thing still here?"
"Oh, Shana! Don't be so shy," Elsa cooed, clinging to Hachiman's arm and practically purring. "If 'this thing' is too formal, you're more than welcome to call me your 'little piggy' or something equally degrading, you know?"
"Shut up, you freak! We're trying to have a serious conversation here!"
"Yes, sir~"
Elsa ignored the snap, continuing to nuzzle against Hachiman's arm with reckless abandon. Hachiman looked like a man who had long ago run out of energy to resist, simply accepting his fate. Shino, meanwhile, had subtly staked out the other side, sitting just close enough to Hachiman for their shoulders to brush. Watching them all like a hawk was Rosalia, who had positioned herself right next to Elsa, ready to tackle the singer the moment she crossed a line.
"It's for a commercial, Shana," Rosalia explained.
"Huh? A commercial? For who?"
"Me," Elsa chirped.
"For what?"
"Soleil."
Hachiman blinked. "You've got to be kidding me..."
Shino was the first to truly react. "Wait—for real? Like, for real-for real?"
"Yep! Totally real. I mean, come on, look at this face! I'm adorable!"
"I mean... yeah," Shino muttered, suppressing a sigh. "I'm not denying you're pretty, but..." It's the 'total deviant' part that's the problem, she thought, barely catching the words before they escaped.
Futa and Daizen were the next to chime in. They had been squinting at Elsa for a while now, looking back and forth between her and the room's decor with growing suspicion.
"You know, I've been thinking this for a while," Futa said, "but Pito's face looks really familiar."
"Right?" Daizen agreed. "I know I've seen her somewhere, but I can't place it..."
"Hey, morons. Look behind you," Hachiman sighed, pointing a finger.
On the wall hung a sleek, high-end promotional poster for the singer Elza Kanzaki. The two boys looked at the poster, then at the woman currently rubbing her cheek against Hachiman's shoulder, then back at the poster. Their faces went pale.
"Uh... hey, Tarako," Futa stammered, "maybe my eyes are going bad. Because for a second there, I thought this massive pervert looked... kind of radiant."
"Yeah... she's definitely glowing," Daizen whispered.
"Aww, you guys!" Elsa giggled. "Are you seeing that mysterious white light? Don't worry, that usually gets edited out for the Blu-ray release."
"Sometimes the things that stay hidden are what make a scene great, though," Futa mused.
"I'm with you there, Yamikaze!" Daizen gave a thumbs-up. "A little mystery goes a long way!"
Hachiman's voice cut through their delusions like a guillotine. "That's enough out of you two. Snap back to reality."
"But... I mean..."
"Is it really...?"
Hachiman gave them the cold, hard facts. "It's real. This degenerate right here is worshipped by a terrifyingly large percentage of the Japanese population."
Elsa let out a delighted squeal. "Oh, stop! Calling me a degenerate... you'll make a girl blush!"
"I've dealt with your routine long enough that it doesn't work on me anymore, you absolute freak."
"Ahhh~ Shana, more... say it again..."
"God, how did I ever get mixed up with someone like this?" Hachiman groaned.
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