It's cold. Very cold outside right now.
Whsshhh...
"How the hell do people manage to do this daily…?"
Maybe it was just my problem. Everyone in the church woke up before the sun even rose. I had half the responsibilities they did, and somehow I was still the one complaining.
I used to think waking up early to jog was useless. Like, why don't you do it later? In the afternoon or something? But only now do I realize it was never only about exercising.
Whsst!
A familiar silhouette was swinging a sword in the distance.
"Good morning, Angela."
"...Hah... Good morning, Cain."
Come to think of it, she had finally dropped the honorifics a while ago.
"Do you get enough sleep, Cain? You always stay up so late. Shouldn't you rest more?"
"Nah, I'm fine."
No, I'm not fine. I'm exhausted as hell. I barely got any sleep last night. What am I even doing to my body?
"...Do you need a recovery miracle?"
"...Well, if possible."
Angela came closer and held my hand. Then came a faint glow. Warmth followed.
Spine-chillingly so.
The courtyard was pitch black, so her fleeting miracle was surprisingly bright. A bit too bright, even. Only after the light faded could I see her clearly.
Sleeveless white top. Simple shorts.
Small frame. Surprisingly toned.
Sweat glistened along her—
...
And then it was all dark again.
"So... You just come here and learn swordsmanship all by yourself like that? That's incredible."
Angela looked back at the wooden sword in her hands.
"No, this could hardly be called swordsmanship. Calling it mere physical training would be more fitting."
"Oh..."
Right, she was always busy with church duties. It was rare to see her with any time to herself. There was no way she had formal training.
As Angela continued her training, I slowly stepped aside, trying not to disrupt her precious time any further. Somehow, I still couldn't bring myself to leave.
Just as Angela said, her swordsmanship was nothing remarkable. There were no elegant flourishes or extraordinary techniques.
Just the same familiar motions. Simple and straightforward.
And yet...
...this was the same swordsmanship that saved my lives.
Whsst!
...
Whish...
"It is a bit hard to focus when you are staring so intensely like that..."
"Oh! Uhh... um, sorry about that."
"It's fine, but I don't understand why you're so interested in my swordsmanship. Aren't you quite proficient with a sword yourself, Cain?"
"No, not really. I just cut down demonbeasts however I see fit. There's no real skill behind it."
"I think that is a kind of talent in itself."
I think anyone who died a few times would pick up a thing or two.
"If you'd like, I can help you with that."
"?"
"I can teach you about the basics of swordsmanship. Though there would be limits to—"
"Yes, please! Oh, um, I didn't mean to interrupt you. Sorry."
"I understand. Then we should start right away. Time is limited."
Angela stepped closer and placed her wooden sword in my hand. Then her hand settled over mine, gently tightening my grip.
"Hold it steadily forward, like that. Then move your feet up half a step... Are you still listening, Cain?"
"...Yeah! I'm still listening."
And so, Angela's training time had somehow become mine. She showed me just how much I was lacking. How much sharper my blade could have been. I never expected to fully imitate her way of the sword, but I made far more mistakes than I realized.
Fshhk!
It was a bit hard to follow her in the dark. Normally, I'd just move on instinct, but coordinating my body precisely was another matter.
"Lower a bit. There."
Whsshh!
But having another person to guide me made this much easier. I couldn't see her clearly, yet I felt her vividly. What a strange feeling.
I struck, she adjusted, and then I struck again. We repeated the process, refined it, and moved on to the next stance.
My breaths had grown rough and uneven, while hers remained almost inaudible. Almost reflexively, I turned to look at her and was caught off guard.
I could see her clearly now, and before my gaze could wander any further, I snapped my head away, looking elsewhere. And so did she, somehow.
The sun was slowly rising over the courtyard. Winter had stripped most of the color from it, leaving only bare flowerbeds and cold grass. Listening more carefully, I could hear birds chirping in the distance.
"It is quiet today... Oh, today is the Sabbath Day, right?"
"Yes. Today is indeed the Sabbath Day."
"Well... Breakfast?"
"Yes..."
***
Before time existed, there was nothing, not even darkness. In 6 days, God created everything from nothing. And on the final day, they rested. That's why we have the Sabbath Day. Or so I was told.
Angela, now back to her usual white robes, walked right beside me.
Sunlight shone through the quiet hallway. It felt even quieter today, when not even the nearby courtyard stirred with life. The white pillars stood in silence, their shadows stretching across the polished floor.
This was not my first time walking here. Not our first time walking together. Yet somehow, today, I couldn't bring myself to speak. Only our footsteps echoed in rhythms.
This was the first time Angela had walked this far with me. For various reasons. Maybe because of the atmosphere, neither of us spoke, and we simply continued in silence.
I slowly opened the library door. As usual, there were only a few people here.
"Brother Cain! Over here!"
Mara was already waiting for me.
"Hello, Mara. What are you reading today?"
"Hansel and Gretel..."
She paused and looked at Angela beside me.
"Good morning, Sister Angela."
"Good morning, Mara. It's nice to see you have a childlike side as well."
"...Yes, of course, Sister Angela. I'm still a kid."
"..."
Right, Mara didn't get along with Angela, though Angela didn't seem to mind. Still, it wouldn't be right to turn Angela away. I needed to do something about this.
"Oh, well, how about we find something to talk about? What about the doctrines? Despite living in a church for so long, it's quite embarrassing how little I know about the Order, honestly."
Angela and I sat on the opposing side of the table. Mara's gaze lingered on us for a moment, then returned to her book.
Angela turned and asked me.
"So, Cain, what are you still unsure about?"
Everyone has one singular, unforeseeable fate. Yet that one fate has countless paths to it. The Order cannot change fate itself, but they can help people find a better path toward it. At least, that was how I understood the doctrine.
"How do they find a better path, exactly?"
"Our Lodestar, Polaris, knows it all and sees it all. Through the Prophets, those who heard the Lodestar's words, the true path is revealed. And this is all recorded in the Book of Prophets—"
"Nevi'im."
We both turned to Mara. She was still reading her fairy tale book, her eyes never leaving the page. For someone who hadn't said a word since we sat down, she had clearly been listening.
"Yes. That's right. The Book of Prophets, Nevi'im, is how we have recorded the sacred revelations from the Prophets since the foundation of the Order. Some revelations are small, others far-reaching, but all of them can help people find their own paths."
"Oh..."
"Still, many are vague and require a dedicated follower of the Order to shine light on them. That's one of the duties of us followers."
"So that's how it is."
There's much more to being a follower of the Order than I thought. Now I get why Angela is always so busy.
"What about Miracles? I know they have to do the Ten Commandments and the Lodestar and stuff. But how, like, exactly do you acquire or improve it?"
"They are given by the Lodestar and empowered by the Lodestar. The Lodestar sees all fates and bestows Miracles according to Their providence."
"..?"
"...Personally, I woke up one day and found myself able to use Miracles. After that, I just gradually got better at handling it."
So no one really understands them either, huh? "Miracles" really was a fitting name.
"But you can't use Miracles on the Sabbath, right? Is that why you learn medication also?"
"Yes, we cannot rely on the Lodestar's power for everything."
"No one could use Miracles every week or so, huh? That must be inconvenient."
"Not really, our schedules are arranged so that it won't be—"
"That's not true. Someone can still use Miracles on the Sabbath Day, though."
Again, she cut Angela off. Was it intentional?
I asked her regardless.
"Who is that?"
"The Saintess."
I glanced back at Angela. She let out a soft sigh.
"Yes, she might be capable of it. But the Sabbath is sacred, and no one—least of all the Saintess—should violate the Ten Commandments."
I paused and thought for a moment, then asked again.
"Wait, then how did we know she was capable of it? Has it happened before?"
"...Yes. Though it's only a myth from ages ago. Personally, I find it difficult to believe."
"So, what is the myth about?"
"It is said that a Saintess violated the Ten Commandments for reasons unknown and was excommunicated for it. In the end, she died a martyr, remaining faithful until the end."
"I see..."
"But isn't it meaningless, then?"
Mara spoke up again.
"Despite being so faithful, she still met such a pitiful end. Is that really the 'better' path the Lodestar promised?"
"Mara. That's—"
"I suppose it is true."
I was about to scold Mara, but Angela answered first.
She continued.
"Ultimately, we mortals cannot understand the Lodestar's intention. We follow their guidance in the hope of a better future, even if it may not seem desirable to us."
"..."
Mara finally looked at her, without saying anything.
"Even so, by choosing that path, we lay bare our own intentions for everyone to see. At the very least, I hope we can connect, all in the hope of that undetermined future."
"Sister Angela..."
"I know you hate abstract words and teachings, Mara. Even then, I'd like to believe that everything is not meaningless. I think just walking the same path is enough, even if we don't go hand in hand."
"..."
"But that's simply what I believe. If you don't trust the Order, then I hope you can trust me, Mara."
Angela slowly stood up and walked away.
"Pardon me. I still need to check on the hospital, so I'll take my leave."
"Oh, yeah, see you later, Angela."
"You too, Cain."
Thunk
The doors eased shut. The library settled into silence once more.
I turned back to Mara.
"Was that even necessary, Mara?"
"...I was just curious. Sorry, Brother Cain."
"No, there's no need to be sorry..."
I didn't want her to misunderstand. If I took the Order's side now, she'd only feel more isolated. She had been through enough already.
"...But Angela is right. We only want good things for you, Mara."
"..."
"I couldn't care less about whether you agree with the Order or not. Keeping you safe is what matters to me, and that's all I care about. I swear."
"..."
"Still, the church is a good place. Better than the streets, so I hope you can put up with it for now, Mara."
"I understand..."
After that, neither of us spoke. We simply turned our pages as quietly as we could.
...I guess I still had things to say.
"...Mara, remember that I said that day?"
"...The day mother died?"
"...Yes, that day. I did say I would take care of you, right? I want you to know I'm fully serious about that, regardless of how much time I spent with you."
"..."
Only recently did I actually spend time reading books with Mara. In a way, I kind of throw her into the orphanage and just hope things work out for her.
Clearly, it didn't go well.
Maybe my resolve was half-hearted, and I only helped her out of pity.
But I really did care about her. All this mess of learning Aura and self-improvement, all because I want to have enough power to protect her.
And clearly, it wasn't right.
Awkwardly, I looked straight into her eyes. Our eyes finally met.
"I know I've neglected you. I'm sorry. I should have prioritized you more."
"..."
"I want to get stronger, so you and I can have a better life. That's what I believe in, so please, trust me when I say this. I really want the best for us."
"..."
"I will take care of you. I promise."
Mara looked down at her book, while my gaze remained, waiting for an answer.
"..."
"..."
Sniff
"..?"
"...That's not reassuring at all."
"I know. Sorry for that."
"But I'm happy you said that, brother Cain."
"Thanks..."
Looking more closely, she was crying. Had I really neglected her that much!?
"No, it's not your fault, brother Cain... Sorry for creating so many problems for you, too. It was childish of me..."
"No, no. It's alright, you are still just a kid. No need to act so tough..."
"...You're kind, brother Cain."
"...Is that so?"
Somehow, it felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. From then on, we chatted about fairy tales again, as though nothing had happened.
I didn't know anything about this world yet. Not the war of humankind, nor the path I would take. But if we could go hand in hand, then surely the path itself wasn't all that important, right?