Astonishing looked down at her hands, flexing her fingers. It was really her, an umamusume.
She instinctively looked down her left foot. It was no longer bandaged and the pain is gone, completely.
She looked down to her clothes. Surprisingly, she was wearing Tracen standard uniform, the summer version.
'This is... new'
"Yes" A sudden voice coming from behind her caught her off guard.
"It's you again..." She calmed down when she realize who it was.
It was her other self.
"So... how do you feel?"
Astonishing thoughts she was referring to her foot condition. "Oh, well. The doctor said-"
"No. How do you feel after the Satsuki Sho?"
Astonishing's voice died in her throat. She lowered her foot, the soft white floor beneath her absorbing the weight of a realization.
"How do I feel..." Astonishing whispered, her ears slowly pinning back, flat against her hair. "I don't even want to remember how it felt"
"If you don't remember your past, then how are you going to learn from it? "
"I feel furious," Astonishing said, her hands curling into tight fists. "Just a bit more... I could..."
"Why don't we talk while jogging?"
Suddenly, the white floor she has been standing on turned green, or more precisely, turned into grass. The floor has been replaced with a turf track, and her uniform is replaced with a tracksuit.
She looked at Astonishing, she was still wearing her race wear, her race wear.
"While jogging?" Astonishing repeated.
"Yes. It's a bit hard to process complex emotions when you're standing perfectly still," her other self replied smoothly. Without waiting for a response, she turned and slipped into a jog. "Come on."
Astonishing hesitated for a fraction of a second, looking down at the pristine green turf beneath her shoes.
She took a tentative step, testing her ankle. Afraid that the pain might return, but there is none.
With a quiet exhale, she pushed off the ground, picking up her pace until she was matching her other self.
"Felt nice isn't it? Just the two of us running on the turf in a sunny day and nice wind." She said without turning her head.
Astonishing looked around, all she sees is an endless grassy plains. The heat from the sun fells warm on her skin. The wind is not strong either, but it's enough.
She had never been this calm before, not since she entered Tracen.
"So, you said you were furious, but is that really the reason?" Astonishing finally turned her head toward her
"Of course it is," Astonishing said, her pace instinctively hardening as the memory rushed back. "I could see the finish line. It's within my reach. If I had just pushed through the fatigue for five more seconds-"
"You would have broken entirely," her other self interrupted. Her voice wasn't mocking, she was just telling her with a truth. "You're lying to yourself out here"
"You didn't lose because of a sudden stroke of bad luck, or because lack of training" She continued. "It's just... your body has reached its limit"
Astonishing suddenly stopped, her expression clearly shows her confusion. "What do you mean... my limit?"
Astonishing turned, and their eyes met. "Just as I said. These body of ours... of yours... has reached its limit. Your performance in Satsuki Sho might be the very best effort you can pull off, there's a possibility you might not be able to perform like that again"
Astonishing felt her chest tightening. She stared at her other self, searching the for a smirk, a trace of cruelty, or anything that would expose this as a cruel joke.
But there was only an unyielding, mirror-like clarity.
"Unable to perform like that again?" Her voice shook. "What do you mean by that? I didn't even win! You're telling me my peak, the absolute ceiling of my existence, had passed?!"
"I'm sorry, but this is all my body can afford."
"No," Astonishing whispered, her voice become ragged. "No, you don't get to say that. You're me. You're supposed to be the one who wants it more than anyone!"
"I do want it," her other self said softly. "But desiring a victory doesn't magically rebuild the body we were given."
Astonishing stepped back.
"So I'm just supposed to accept it?" Tears of frustration pricked at the corners of Astonishing's eyes. "Then what's the point of all of this?"
"I am an umamusume!" Astonishing shouted, her voice cracking as a single tear finally escaped and rolled down her cheek. "We are born to break boundaries! We are born to run! If my body can't handle the speed it takes to win, then what am I even doing here?!"
"Don't talk like that! Do you even know how much umamusume out there who couldn't chase their dream because their legs simply aren't built for it?!" Astonishing flinched, tt was the first time she ever seen her other self so angry.
"You think you're the only one who faces a wall?!" She closed the distance between them. Her chest was heaving, her fingers trembling with a mix of anger and grief. "Do you have any idea how many girls in Tracen, in the world, would give up everything just to have legs that doesn't shatter under its own weight?"
Astonishing opened her mouth to argue, but the words died in her throat.
"We are born to run, we are born with the same burning desire to break boundaries, the same urge to chase the eclipse. But we aren't born equal!"
"They want it just as much as you do. They sweat just as much as you do. They give everything they have!
She reached out, grabbing the collar of Astonishing's tracksuit, forcing her to look directly into her eyes. "You have a trainer who stays up all night to help you as much as he can. You have a body that carried you across the line at the Satsuki Sho, right behind the best of your generation! And you're standing here asking what the point is?!"
"I'm not... I didn't mean..." Astonishing stammered, her voice shaking.
"You're insulting every umamusume who ever had to retire before they even got to wear their own racewear." Her voice lowers, and her grip on Astonishing's collar begins to loosen. Soon enough, she broke into tears.
"You were given a second chance! A second chance to reinvent who you are. A chance... to learn from your mistakes. But now I can see. You never learn, do you?" She finally let go of her collar, just because she no longer have the strength to hold into it.
Astonishing stared, completely paralyzed. The sight of her other self breaking down into tears shattered whatever remaining defenses she had left.
"This body... our body... gave you everything it had in that day. It screamed at you to stop, and it still dragged you within inches of the front. It didn't fail you. You failed to respect it."
The words cut deeper than any physical injury ever could. "Is there really nothing I can do?"
Her other self wiped her eyes aggressively with the back of her gloved hand. "There's only one way"
"You have to bypass the physical bottleneck entirely. You need to break the limit"
"Break the limit?"
"There is a state where the perception of the self completely dissolves. A place where the noise , the fear, and sometimes even the signals of pain from your own muscles are utterly muted. The world slows down. Your body becomes nothing but a perfectly optimized instrument of absolute intent. It is...
The Zone"
"The Zone...?" Astonishing repeated the words.
"Yes." She said. "Some call it the flow state. Others call it absolute concentration. But for an umamusume, it is the threshold where the psychological overrules the biological. It unlocks the hidden reserves your instincts keep locked away."
"But it's a double-edged sword," She warned, "The Zone doesn't magically make our muscles stronger or our bones denser. It just allows you to burn through your resources without the physical bottleneck slowing you down. If you enter it recklessly... you will tear yourself apart"
"How do I reach it?" Astonishing demanded, taking a step forward, completely ignoring the way the ground was disappearing beneath her shoes. "Tell me how!"
"I... I can't tell you..."
"What do you mean you can't?!" Astonishing took another aggressive step forward, but her foot met empty space. The green grass beneath them was actively sloughing away, dissolving into a cascading white void. "You're me! If you know it exists, then you know how to get there! Tell me!"
"I can't!" She cried out. She shrank back, her entire form beginning to blur and pixelate at the edges. "To give you a map to that place is forbidden. Even talking about it is a taboo. The Zone isn't a technique you can memorize from a textbook or copy from a demonstration. It's a closed door within the soul. It must be unlocked by you, and you alone."
"What kind of rule even is this?" Astonishing tried to protest.
"This is the rule of The Three Goddesses! If I could just give it to you, I would!" She raised her voice once more. "The foundation of our existence... the very origin of every umamusume's soul. Even the reason why you can be here is because of them--
--Their blessing gives us the strength to run, but their law governs in fairness. The Zone is their ultimate gift, a sacred domain where a runner is permitted to touch the divine. To hand that key over like a cheap trick, to pass it down as mere data... is unforgivable"
"I am forbidden from guiding you to the threshold. You must bleed for it, you must weep for it, and you must find it in the dark by yourself!"
"But I don't know where to look!" Astonishing screamed back, reaching out as the turf beneath her feet gave way entirely. She was hovering over an abyss of pure light, her fingers straining toward the disappearing image of her other self.
"Then look where you are most afraid to see!" her other self shouted back, her voice echoing from everywhere and nowhere at once.
Her pixelating form was rapidly being consumed by the void. "The Goddesses do not hide the key in your victories! They bury it at the very bottom of your despair! Look into the dark! Look into the--"
The light swallowed her whole.
Astonishing felt herself falling, a weightless plunge into an abyss of pure, blinding white that suddenly, violently, turned pitch-black.
.
.
.
Gasps.
Astonishing sat bolt upright in her bed. Her breathing becomes heavy and her hearts beat uncontrollably. Sweat clung to her hairline, cold and damp.
The morning sun was just beginning to slice through the window blinds, casting long, pale bars of gold across her tangled blankets and the wooden floorboards.
Slowly, and hesitatingly, Astonishing reached down with a trembling hand and pulled her left leg out from beneath the tangled blankets.
She stared at her foot, carefully massaging it.
She had been acting like a spoiled child, throwing a tantrum because a wall had appeared in her path, completely blind to the gift she had actually been given.
She felt ashamed
The hot prickle of tears returned, but this time, they were heavy with the crushing weight of absolute humility.
Astonishing covered her face with her trembling hands, her shoulders shaking as she let out a quiet sob into the empty dorm room.