[Chapter 0]
I've always been nothing more than a dog in the street. A pile of miserable existence shoved into the realm of violence. Do I regret it? No. Not really. As long as I can still breathe, even if I hit rock bottom, I'll crawl back to my feet. And now, as I stand here in the vast grassland of a world that isn't mine, I've started to question where life will bring me this time.
Let's go back a bit, okay? To the day I finally tasted freedom after a couple of years rotting away in a cell.
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"Asep Muhammad Ridwan. Kaluar."
The warden called out my name. I stood up and walked to the cell door, which was opened by two of them.
"Cing jadi jelema jujur. Cing eucreug jadi jelema. Ulah ngalakukeun kajahatan deui." One of the wardens looked into my eyes with an intimidating aura while speaking. I just nodded without any unnecessary talk.
After two years, I'd finally regained my freedom. Well, I wasn't exactly happy, though. No more free meals. But at least I was on my own two legs now.
Sadly, I was unable to finish high school. Well, I suspected it would end up like this anyway.
How was Fatimah doing? I hoped she was alright. She had stopped visiting me a year and a half ago. Maybe I should visit her later. But... damn, would her father, Ustadz Toha, even allow me? I was such a disappointment. But I should visit my mom and dad first. Yeah. Their tombs.
After having my head shaved bald, I walked out of the prison. I decided to pay a visit to my parents' grave. If I had to be honest, I didn't really know my parents. I never knew the warmth of a mother's embrace. She died giving birth to me. My father died when I was eight. After that, I'd been on my own.
Well, being orphaned at such a young age was very tough. More than once or twice I had to scrape food from junkyards. But I lived, I went to school, despite fucking up nearing the end. But I think that's what my parents would have wanted.
I arrived at the TPU (Tempat Pemakaman Umum) where my parents were buried. Their simple graves had become overgrown with vines and grass. Of course—while I was imprisoned, nobody looked after their resting place anyway.
"Umi... Abi..." I said. I couldn't hold back my tears. I knew I was such a failure. I was nothing but a misfortune for them. "Hampura Asep, Umi, Abi... Hampura pisan Asep teh ayeuna jadi jelema teu bener. Mugia Umi sareng Abi dipasihan tempat nu endah di sisi Gusti Allah nu Maha Kawasa. Hampura pisan."
I recited some prayers. Despite how I looked, I actually knew how to recite prayers for the dead according to Islamic tradition. After that, I cleaned up their graves before continuing to my next stop.
To my friend's place.
I went to my friend's place, located in a traditional market, "Pasar Gegerkalong." I spotted the guy overlooking a fruit stand. Despite being crippled and in a wheelchair, he still eagerly served customers with care.
"Woy, Agung," I called out.
"Asep? Njir si eta botak ayeuna mah euy!"
"Na ari sia, heeh atuh da kumah deui!" I walked closer and gave him a high five.
"Kumaha cageur maneh? Heeh, alhamdulilah geus bebas mah atuh!"
"Nuhun, dua taun ieu karasa beurat pisan."
"Pastina ge."
We talked about many things. About life after graduation. He was content with his profession now. Not that there were any good options for rejects like us anyway.
Agung was one of my friends from back during our school days. He used to be my right-hand man and the official "Leader" of our little thug club, while I worked from the shadows. Back then, he was still a normal guy, a young man with a fiery temper and great fighting prowess. But after our final fight against hordes of adversaries from other schools on that fateful day, he got shot by the enemy leader while protecting one of our friends. And now he was crippled. That was the day I sacrificed myself as well. I fought to protect our school's name until the very end.
In the end, I got imprisoned. But I had done my job of protecting them.
"Oh, kumaha sakolaan ayeuna? Ari jejegran masih aya keneh?"
"Eweuh ayeuna mah," he waved his hand. "Saenggeus maneh dipenjara kusabab perang eta tea, masa-masa jejegeran geus beres ayeuna mah. Sahenteuna di daerah ieu."
"Oh kitu? Syukur Alhamdulillah atuh ari kitu mah. Najan urang nu babak belur."
"Hehe. Sia gelut siga nu edan basa harita, komo deui pas urang kana beceng si Tajud."
"Heeh kumaha deui atuh. Da urang he eleh jumlah basa harita. Oh heeh, kumaha kabar si Andy jeung si Riska? Geus kawin can si eta?"
"Nggeus. Teu lila, si Andy jeung si Riska pindah ka Jepang."
"Syukur atuh ari kitu mah."
We talked a lot about our past, until Fatimah was mentioned.
"Oh heeh, si Fatimah geus kawin ceunah."
"Hah? Nu bener siateh? Jeung saha?"
Well, that made me quite shocked. No wonder she stopped seeing me in prison. But the thing that made me worried was, who was the person who became her husband? But Agung's answer made my heart somewhat at peace.
"Jeung Habib Hasan, nyaho meureun pas muludan tea?"
"Uhh..." I nodded. I remembered Habib Hasan. He wasn't that much older than us, a young man and also an Islamic preacher. It relieved me that she had married a man with high social standing instead of a failure like me. I was glad.
With that, I bid farewell to him and went back to my place.
Yeah. My place. A rundown shack beneath a bridge. I hoped no one had destroyed it during my absence. But... yeah, just as expected. When I arrived at the location, my home was no more, along with all of my stuff.
I sighed deeply. Man, I wondered what I should do today. I had no place to return to. No parents, no relatives. To be honest, I really wanted to cry. But my pride as a thug held my tears back on my eyelids. I had stopped crying long ago and didn't know how to do it anymore.
Well, for now, I guessed I just needed to keep living, right? And so, I kept walking and kept walking until I felt my toes burning. But I didn't stop. I didn't want to stop.
But somehow, I felt something wasn't right. I had been walking on a paved road, right? At first, the air changed. From the bleached smoke of various vehicles to fresh air like it was in Cianjur. Then slowly, I realized I was walking on a grassy dirt road. Something snapped in me. When and how had I ended up walking in the middle of grassland? Was the ganja at Agung's stall really that good?
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