I have to say something, I thought, my heart hammering against my ribs. I can't just leave him standing in this silence.
I looked at him, searching his face. I didn't doubt him anymore. I could feel the truth of his sincerity in his words, in the way his eyes held mine without wavering.
"Luca," I said, my voice soft but steady, "I know you're sincere. I can feel it in every word you've said to me today. I believe you—I believe that you really do care about me. But this is all so... unbelievable."
"And," I continued, gesturing vaguely at the air around us, "my life isn't simple. It's a series of complicated knots that I'm still trying to untangle. There are so many things happening behind the scenes, so many situations that you don't know about, things I've never told a soul. I'm drowning in them, and I don't even know which way is up right now."
"Before today, I didn't even have the time to figure out what you thought of me. I didn't have any idea. And even now, I'm so confused. I don't feel like I deserve your kindness. I don't feel like I deserve your time."
I took a shuddering breath, looking up at him with pleading eyes. " But my life... it isn't just about me. I have so many goals in my mind, so many promises I've made to everyone—most of all, to my mother."
My voice broke as I mentioned her. "She's not here anymore, but I can't break my promise to her. I can't betray her trust. I have to fulfill it, no matter how hard the path is. It's the only way I can honor her."
"So, please... I know this sounds like an excuse, but I don't have any other choice. I don't want to hurt your heart, Luca. I really don't. Can you please not hate me for this? I'm just trying to survive the weight of everything I've promised to be."
The silence stretched thin, vibrating with the confession I had just made. I wanted to look up—I wanted to see the impact of my words on his face, to gauge whether I had caused him pain or if he understood the desperation behind my hesitation. But I couldn't. I kept my gaze fixed on the concrete, my heart hammering against my ribs, terrified that if I looked at him, I would see the disappointment I was so sure was coming.
"I know this is hard for you, Luca," I continued, my voice barely a tremor in the cool night air. "But please, you have to understand my situation. You've faced your own darkness, your own losses—you've been where I am. You know what it's like to have the weight of the world resting on your shoulders."
I took a shaky breath, trying to keep my voice from breaking. " I've lost many things in my life... I can't handle any more scars. It's too much. I want to keep things simple, the way they were before. I don't want any more complications—no more confusion, no more added weight."
I finally risked a glance upward, but I quickly averted my eyes, unable to hold his steady, searching gaze. "I'm not asking you to wait. That wouldn't be fair to you. I value the friendship we had, but if that's all I can give right now, I need you to know it's because I'm just trying to survive."
My chest tightened as I prepared to say the words I feared most. "It's your decision, Luca. You get to decide if you want to stay in my life as a friend, or if this is where we part ways. I just... I hope you don't feel too hurt. I'm not rejecting you, I'm just trying to hold myself together. I need more time—so much more time—just to learn how to exist without the world falling apart."
The honesty in my own voice felt like a confession of a crime. I knew how I must sound to him—cold, calculating, and painfully selfish.
"I know," I said, my voice barely holding together. "I know how this sounds. It's a selfish request, isn't it? I'm rejecting your sincerity, and I'm asking you to just… stay as a friend or go. Maybe I'll regret this for the rest of my life. Maybe one day I'll look back and realize I turned away the only hand that was ever truly offered to me."
"But for now, Luca, I can't. I just can't handle anything else. I can't handle more scars. I've already lost so much—so many people I loved, so many people I believed in. The holes they left behind… they're still open. They're still bleeding."
I looked at him then, really looked at him, my expression desperate. "I don't want to lose anyone else. And I don't want to be the reason someone else gets hurt because I didn't know how to carry the weight of a relationship on top of everything else. I don't want to love anyone more than I love myself right now, because if I lose them, I don't think there will be anything left of me to survive."
I tried to stay clam and not to break down before him. "That's why I'm here. That's why I'm fighting. I'm not here to build a new life with someone else; I'm here to build a life for me. I need a job. I need a future I can call my own. I don't want a new relationship. I want a purpose. I want to be someone who can stand on her own two feet before I even think about holding someone else's hand."
I took a final, jagged breath. "I hope you can forgive me for being a selfish person. I'm not saying I don't care. I'm saying that right now, my survival has to come before my heart."
"Iris has laid bare the absolute truth: she is not choosing against Luca; she is choosing to survive. The weight of her past losses has made the risk of love feel like a death sentence.By putting her ambitions and her healing first, she has pushed him to the edge of their connection.
How does Luca process the sting of this rejection? Does his ego suffer, or does his empathy for her broken past override his own pain? Will he choose to respect her request for a "simple" friendship, even if it feels like he's losing the chance to be closer to her? What will he do now? Will he walk away to protect his own heart, or will he stand by her as a silent, unwavering support, even when she pushes him away?
The next chapter will hold the answers."