humor

A kaiju ate me alive. I felt my ribs go one at a time. Then something in the dark of its gut decided I was not finished. It started my heart with a hand that was not mine, and I walked out of the corpse on my own two feet, the only person who ever has. That was the night she bought the rights to whatever I had become. One screen. One subscriber. The screen is my life, live and uncut. The subscriber is her, and she pays whatever it costs to keep the feed running: every fight, every wound, every hour I lose to the thing growing up the inside of my spine. When I run, the money finds me. When I bleed, the bid climbs. The Defense Force has me filed as a contaminant. The corporations want me as their next headliner. She understood the part both of them missed: the stronger the parasite makes me, the less of me is left. Every night, behind one glowing screen, the woman who calls herself my sponsor watches me turn into the thing that killed me. She has never once looked away.

What do you do when you're out at sea without a ship? Allen: “Steal one.” What do you do when there's no crew on board? Allen: “Dig them from others.” What do you do when you have people but no supplies? Allen: “Rob the Marines.” Treasure? Famous swords? Devil Fruits? Beautiful women? Allen: “Brothers, look! That transport ship up ahead was practically delivered from the heavens—it has everything we need!” Transmigrated into the world of One Piece with the monstrous combat talent and Hanma bloodline from the Baki universe, Allen refuses to play by anyone’s rules. He starts with nothing but his two fists and an unyielding will. In the East Blue, where the weak are prey and dreams are crushed daily, Allen begins his legend by toppling tyrants, poaching elite talents, and building his crew through sheer force and charisma. He steals the Black Cat Pirates’ ship and crew. He recruits the genius chef Sanji before the Straw Hat can. He shatters Arlong’s reign to claim Nami and her village’s future. With a black captain’s coat billowing like a demon’s shadow and a savage lion-skull Jolly Roger flying high, Allen declares war on the entire sea. “I don’t chase the One Piece for glory. I just want the biggest, most dazzling stage where my strength can bloom without limits.” Freedom. Power. Conquest. He will take them all—by stealing ships, stealing people, and stealing destiny itself. My name is Allen. I advocate for absolute freedom. And I will become the most willful, reckless, and unstoppable pirate this world has ever seen. The Demon Lion has set sail.

I wanted nothing more than an ordinary life—free from crushing debt and the endless corporate grind. Instead, I died. And when I opened my eyes, I was in ancient Rome. My father? Gaius Julius Caesar—the man destined to rule, or ruin, the Republic. But history is written in blood. If I do nothing, my new family will be swept away by the coming political firestorm. Power is survival in Rome, and I intend to survive. Armed with modern knowledge, I will reshape the Roman Republic—through banking, insurance, industry, and new political strategies. Rome will never be the same. ============================================== What to Expect: - A grounded story set in the Roman Republic (BCE) - Technological innovation, business, military campaigns, Senate politics, and diplomacy - Based on real history—its religions, places, and historical figures - Smart MC using future knowledge to solve problems - 5 chapters a week, M-F - 20 chapters ahead on patreon (https://www.patreon.com/cw/MinchoNyangi) ============================================== MinchoNyangi here!  This is the official English edition of [카이사르의 아들이 되었다]. This story was a hit in Korea with over 2 million views(Naver Series), and I have personally revised and expanded this definitive edition specifically for English readers. You won't find this version anywhere else—not even in Korea. Note: This is the only official translation provided by the author. Any versions found on other sites except Royal Road, Webnovel are pirated copies. If you enjoy the story, please support the author by reading the official release here. Thank you

Peter Parker is not a guy from another world who woke up in someone else's body and decided to play superhero with a cheat sheet. He is Peter Benjamin Parker — fifteen, Queens, New York, completely and entirely himself. He has always been himself. It's just that sometimes, in the back of his brain, there's an archive that shouldn't be there. Not memories, exactly. More like echoes. Fragments of a life he didn't live in this universe The genre conventions, the recurring tragedies, the cast of characters who are supposed to show up and what they're supposed to do when they get there. The problem is that this universe doesn't follow any blueprint he recognizes. This isn't 616. It's not the MCU. It's not any specific continuity from anything he half-remembers — it's a new creation, running on its own logic, diverging from canon in ways that catch him off-guard when he's already committed to a plan. His foreknowledge is real. It's also fragmented, unreliable, and occasionally catastrophically wrong. He can be surprised. He can miscalculate. He can almost die. more available at : [email protected]/goldengaruda

Jiro was just scrolling through some Naruto clips before bed, unaware that every edit was being simultaneously transmitted across all timelines of the Shinobi World. Sarutobi Hiruzen couldn't bear to watch the replay of his own life. The Uchiha clan discovered their future of annihilation. Madara Uchiha fell silent as he watched "The Truth of the Infinite Tsukuyomi." Namikaze Minato trembled and wept as he read "The Life of Naruto." Naruto Uzumaki learned to form Rasengan ahead of time. Orochimaru, meanwhile, fell into deep contemplation while watching "The Complete Collection of Failed Immortality Experiments." When Jiro finally edited together his own imagined "Perfect Naruto Ending," the history of the entire Shinobi World veered irrevocably toward an unknown point of divergence.

And then he died. Selfishly. Foolishly. He would tell you that his choice was right. But he would regret it all the same. This is his retelling. His warped perspective on every bad thing that ever happened to him. In his words: It's the kind of love that only causes pain, the kind of loneliness that pushes people over the edge, and the realization that the pit you've thrown yourself into was bottomless all along. During his descent, the void slowly creeps up on Pax. It latches on to him, corrupting him, and slowly replacing him with a monster. He can't will himself to keep moving, but eternal rest is not an option... So he marches onward, Unliving. Till' he is naught but Sin. ------- Author's notes ------- Warning: This work has strong depictions of suicide and self-harm. Get help if you need it. Originally, I posted this on Honeyfeed (it has the same name over there too), but I decided to make a lot of edits, resulting in this rewrite. In other words, if you want spoilers you can go read ahead over there. Link to RoyalRoad: https://www.royalroad.com/profile/930766/fictions Link to Honeyfeed: (originaler version) https://www.honeyfeed.fm/novels/24530

Story Name: The Only Player in the Bleach World ...BUT I'm calling it BLEACH THE ONLY GAMER Story Summary: The protagonist, Matsushita Yusuke, is a hardcore speedrunner who skips every cutscene, every tutorial, every piece of dialogue -- he just wants to kill things and move on. So when he somehow ends up in what seems to be "Soul Reaper Online," his first instinct is to find the fastest route through. Problem is, this world isn't playing by game rules he recognizes. He can't just bulldoze everything. Then he spots Aizen Sosuke standing at a podium -- and a giant exclamation mark hovering over his head. The System notification reads: [Aizen Sosuke -- future Lord of Hueco Mundo, hair gel enthusiast] [Quest: Join his quirky little team. Become Club Member #003] [Rewards: Hogyoku Power (fragment), Kido Mastery, Kido Chant Omission (50%) Technique]. His response? Say no more.

In the year 1414 CE, the city of Seistain is a sprawling industrial nightmare of steam, soot, and lies. While the flag of the "Democratic Republic" waves over the skyline, the streets are governed by iron-fisted corruption. Kniya and Malesh, two eleven-year-old boys "already ruined" by the world, decide that they won't fight the system—they will master its rot.

I just wanted to keep a low profile, but I accidentally kicked off a brand-new era in the world of Formula 1. First, there was Senna. Then, there was Schumacher. And now, there is— ~~---------------------- all credit goes to original author: 磨砚少年

[OreGairu + a bit of Saekano] Start a small business ❌ (no capital) Become a porn star ❌ (equipment’s fine, age isn’t) Sell the house and slack off forever ❌ (not eighteen yet, and also unrealistic) Get a part-time job? After realizing he was broke with no hope left, Oikawa decided to become a light novelist. _________________________________ You can read 50 chapters ahead, or support me on: patreon.com/_Coreal

A hundred years ago, dimensional rifts shattered the world, bringing monsters and mana into human civilization. Since then, only those who awaken a class can cultivate mana, grow stronger, and survive beyond the safety of humanity's towering outer walls. Rowen dreamed of joining their ranks. On the day that would decide his future, his awakening failed. Labeled a failure and forced to abandon his dreams, Rowen returns home with nothing but despair. There, he discovers a final gift left behind by his late grandfather—a mysterious letter, a legendary Blood Red Mana Stone, an ordinary-looking silver ring, and an unknown breathing technique that was never meant to cultivate mana. ...but to transform the human body itself. As ancient secrets buried within his blood begin to awaken, Rowen steps onto a path unlike any other—a path that could change not only his fate but the fate of the entire world. Some destinies begin with greatness. His begins with failure.

Laia Hayes is just the broke orphan scholarship kid of Aetheris Academy, scraping by on night shifts and skipped meals. All she wants for her 18th realm awakening is a tiny pocket domain, a handful of casual worshippers, and just enough faith tax to cover her tuition. No power games, no fanatic batteries, just a quiet, normal life. Too bad the refugees she picked up from the Chaos Sea aren't what they seem. That ragtag bunch of runaways? They're actually the most powerful overlords of every race—dragon lords, elven archmages, demon princes, even the queen of the rakkasra swarm. They're on the run from a tyrant Greater God, and they're convinced Laia is a hidden Overgod, slumming it among mortals to hide from the world. Now Laia's accidentally built a realm where her "fake refugee believers" are building starships, forging legendary weapons, and revolutionizing industry, turning her tiny pocket realm into the most powerful domain in existence. Everyone at the academy thinks she's the strongest god in the world. And Laia? She's just trying to figure out why her refugees are paying her so much tax that she can afford a hundred new awakening crystals. Who knew the quiet life would turn her into the most powerful god alive?

[100 PS = 1 bonus chapter!] [50 GT = 2 bonus chapter!] [Super Gifts = 3 bonus chapters!] Join the Discord Community. [discord.gg/cnpHXTfxR] *** WARNING!!! 18+ Contents Included! (skippable) *** Reiji, an ordinary high school student, was truck-kuned into a parallel timeline where the world had fallen into chaos. Dungeon gates appeared everywhere across the globe, and humans awakened mysterious powers. But that wasn't the worst of it. A strange phenomenon wiped out all the men in the world. Thinking he had hit the ultimate jackpot as the only male left on Earth, he quickly realizes that his nightmare has only just begun when he discovered that his cheerful female friend from his original world, Morikawa Hina, is no longer the same. She is now his obsessive, unhinged yandere girlfriend and worse... She was the one who brutally murdered the previous Reiji to keep him all to herself. As if that wasn't bad enough, Reiji awakens a ridiculous system – The Dominion Bond System. *** Ding! [Host has successfully awakened the Dominion Bond System.] [A system that allows the host to grow stronger through emotional bonds and intimate connections with many spouse ;) ] *** Ding! [Host must mate with his two female partner to gain 7 Silver Tier Mystery Gifts and bonus rewards!] [The longer and more satisfied they are, the greater the rewards!] *** Trapped in a world with no men, a yandere girlfriend who would kill for love, and a system that forces him into intimate relationships just to survive. Reiji realizes one thing: This wasn't a fantasy he had expected when he was hit by Truck-kun. This was hell. And in this world, love might be more dangerous than death.

[—Would you rather—] 1: Upgrade your affinity to the SSS-rank Thunder Dragon's lightning affinity. 2: Replace your affinity with the SSS-rank Leviathan's water affinity. In a world where your affinity decides practically everything, Theo only awakened a D-rank lightning affinity. Just as he had prepared himself to live a normal life as a low-rank hunter, a nameless system appeared and gave him two choices. Follow along his journey as he faces challenges and gains overpowered abilities from his system.

Saving the girl cop by chance, the Little Daoist descending from the mountain begins his career as a bodyguard. He fights monsters, occasionally steps on wealthy and handsome men, and enjoys an endless life of fun!

A wealthy orphan with nothing left to want suddenly hears a System awaken inside his mind — calm, simple, and determined to make him a singer.

Su Qing, who has just graduated and works as a video blogger, mistakenly consumes poisonous mushrooms sent by a fan and awakens an unusual ability: Her life is full of continuous prompts from a narration. Morning: [Morning has arrived, all things are reviving, and it is the season for animals to mate again.] Eating: [High-quality ingredients only need the simplest cooking methods. The meal before you has gone bad after fermenting overnight, and consuming it will allow you to experience hospital internet speed in thirty minutes.] Driving: [Of the millions of roads, safety is the first. If driving is not standardized, relatives will weep.] [Continue driving, the vehicle will be subjected to a severe impact in three seconds, good luck.]

What is it like to be a university doctor? University doctor Chen Mu was arranged by the school to participate in a variety show "Each Month Takes You into a Profession". On the first day of recording, because he was sleeping in the office and playing games during the day, he was criticized by netizens. But as night fell. "Doctor, can you come to the dormitory to pick us up? My roommate fainted from anger because she didn't get to eat rice with pig trotter !" "Doctor, I sneezed, and now I can't move."

After rage-quitting his corrupt guild, veteran player Gabryell wakes up in 2004—the day WoW launches. No guides, no strategies, no one ahead: 15 years of future knowledge, he knows every raid, mechanic, and legendary item. Raids and Dungeons . This time, he won’t follow history, he’ll rewrite it. This is a fan translation of 重生之再战魔兽世界 by 提布的炽炎. Please consider supporting the original author if you can.

When a failed archivist dies and wakes up in a Philadelphia hallway holding a laminator, he thinks it’s a mistake. The "Awkward Savior Protocol" thinks differently. Now, Aldric Chase must use borrowed skills to survive a third-grade classroom that has already broken three teachers this week.